Good stuff, tough stuff
I don't post here nearly enough. I guess it's more comfortable being a lurker. I also don't want to say too much on FB, because so many co-workers and family are there. And when I have a lot to say, I tend to clam up, paradoxically.
Let's get through the tough stuff first:
Anyhow, so for those of you who don't know, this has been a really tough year. It kind of started last year, when James and I decided to end our marriage. So far, it hasn't meant more than just a change in how we view ourselves, but we will be doing something more formal soonish. I guess it's hard to get moving on something like that, but it's necessary. We've been having tough times for a while and it needed to happen. It's been amicable, but it does have challenging days. I haven't really felt like talking about it too much but it's been weighing on me for a while. I'm not sure what our future holds, but it will be different, that's for sure.
It's been especially hard in the wake of my parents' own divorce, which has gotten pretty ugly and my mom is now having to sell the house after dad lost his job. I worry about mom a lot, and what she and my sister will do for housing. I wish I was in a position to help them, but I'm not. My dad, whom I've always been closer to, has also pulled away and has changed a lot with this new relationship. I feel like he's gone for good, though he's still in the area and sends cards to Hunter. He's gotten really religious, which is totally out of character with the person I grew up with.
I also lost my grandmother (January) and grandfather (April) this year. I was fortunate enough to be able to be there with them when they passed, helping let them know how much they were loved. That part was a privilege. I feel like I've been tempered by experiencing some of this "life and death" stuff. Their memorials were lovely and filled with people who cared about them. We told some good stories and sent them off in a way they would have appreciated, I think. I miss them so much already. I can't believe they're gone.
Through all this, I think the hardest part has been how *alone* I've felt. I feel like I've lost my best friend and unless I host a party, I don't see my other friends (with a couple notable exceptions). Which is part of the reason for posting this. I'd hope people would understand that these transitions have been rough and maybe send me a line, call me or invite me out to do something. It would mean a lot. I know people have their own lives, and they are busy, too. I guess I feel like I've gotten "forgotten" in all this, and that's hard to handle.
Work is bleh. And more furloughs! Yay ...
And on the brighter side:
Hunter continues to be an amazing kid. He makes me happy no matter what. He's bright, and fun, and caring. I've been so proud to be his mom and see how he's developed. I can't wait to see what he does next. He's in Tae Kwon Do now and may do swimming this summer. He's a fish!
I have started up an exercise program and am in week 3 of my top-secret project! I have a goal and I'll let you know when I get closer to achieving it.
I've also been doing more photography stuff, some of which can be seen at www.shuttercal.com/calendar/jodymhcollins/2011/5/, which is in need of an update, but the vacation, memorial planning delayed. Soon! It's been fun trying to think of things to shoot and new places to go.
I've gotten to see rustedsigns welcome her new baby girl and see her continue to be an awesome mommy! <3
Hopefully, I will get back up to Toronto to see professor_booty and Karen (and possibly some other folks like epi_lj and okoshun for his 40th next month. I have evil plans! It will be fun to see them again in the Great White North if it all works out.
And I just returned from a long weekend in Arizona, where I got to see my cousin graduate from high school with honors, spend time with some extended family (including long-estranged grandparents), relax and visit Sedona for the first time. It was spectacular, to say the least. I wish we had more time to spend there! I love the Arizona landscape, crazy though that may seem. It was hot and dry of course, but my aunt spoiled us and staying there was like spending time at a resort. :) They may be moving, so who knows if we'll get back there again before that happens.
I'm sure there's more, but I've spilled my guts enough for one session. Hope all is well with you, gentle reader, wherever you are.
Let's get through the tough stuff first:
Anyhow, so for those of you who don't know, this has been a really tough year. It kind of started last year, when James and I decided to end our marriage. So far, it hasn't meant more than just a change in how we view ourselves, but we will be doing something more formal soonish. I guess it's hard to get moving on something like that, but it's necessary. We've been having tough times for a while and it needed to happen. It's been amicable, but it does have challenging days. I haven't really felt like talking about it too much but it's been weighing on me for a while. I'm not sure what our future holds, but it will be different, that's for sure.
It's been especially hard in the wake of my parents' own divorce, which has gotten pretty ugly and my mom is now having to sell the house after dad lost his job. I worry about mom a lot, and what she and my sister will do for housing. I wish I was in a position to help them, but I'm not. My dad, whom I've always been closer to, has also pulled away and has changed a lot with this new relationship. I feel like he's gone for good, though he's still in the area and sends cards to Hunter. He's gotten really religious, which is totally out of character with the person I grew up with.
I also lost my grandmother (January) and grandfather (April) this year. I was fortunate enough to be able to be there with them when they passed, helping let them know how much they were loved. That part was a privilege. I feel like I've been tempered by experiencing some of this "life and death" stuff. Their memorials were lovely and filled with people who cared about them. We told some good stories and sent them off in a way they would have appreciated, I think. I miss them so much already. I can't believe they're gone.
Through all this, I think the hardest part has been how *alone* I've felt. I feel like I've lost my best friend and unless I host a party, I don't see my other friends (with a couple notable exceptions). Which is part of the reason for posting this. I'd hope people would understand that these transitions have been rough and maybe send me a line, call me or invite me out to do something. It would mean a lot. I know people have their own lives, and they are busy, too. I guess I feel like I've gotten "forgotten" in all this, and that's hard to handle.
Work is bleh. And more furloughs! Yay ...
And on the brighter side:
Hunter continues to be an amazing kid. He makes me happy no matter what. He's bright, and fun, and caring. I've been so proud to be his mom and see how he's developed. I can't wait to see what he does next. He's in Tae Kwon Do now and may do swimming this summer. He's a fish!
I have started up an exercise program and am in week 3 of my top-secret project! I have a goal and I'll let you know when I get closer to achieving it.
I've also been doing more photography stuff, some of which can be seen at www.shuttercal.com/calendar/jodymhcollins/2011/5/, which is in need of an update, but the vacation, memorial planning delayed. Soon! It's been fun trying to think of things to shoot and new places to go.
I've gotten to see rustedsigns welcome her new baby girl and see her continue to be an awesome mommy! <3
Hopefully, I will get back up to Toronto to see professor_booty and Karen (and possibly some other folks like epi_lj and okoshun for his 40th next month. I have evil plans! It will be fun to see them again in the Great White North if it all works out.
And I just returned from a long weekend in Arizona, where I got to see my cousin graduate from high school with honors, spend time with some extended family (including long-estranged grandparents), relax and visit Sedona for the first time. It was spectacular, to say the least. I wish we had more time to spend there! I love the Arizona landscape, crazy though that may seem. It was hot and dry of course, but my aunt spoiled us and staying there was like spending time at a resort. :) They may be moving, so who knows if we'll get back there again before that happens.
I'm sure there's more, but I've spilled my guts enough for one session. Hope all is well with you, gentle reader, wherever you are.