sometimes i think that self-absorption rules my life. not in the arrogant sense of the word, but in being constantly consumed by everything that's happening INSIDE. in this way, i'm blessed to never be bored but also perched behind a lot of walls.
"to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong relationship"
Sometimes it depresses me, the thought that no one, myself included, can ever think or do anything without some thought given to ourselves. Others, it seems like that's just what being human is, and it's true that you'll never know anyone as completely as you know yourself.
Of course, when one feels that she does not know herself, this becomes troublesome. Most of the time I feel as though I'm made of seperate parts: the original me who does or think something, and then all the rest of the parts who look on, and judge. Letting go and just being becomes an absurdity. And when I assume that people are watching me as closely as I watch myself, that's where some of the anxiety comes from.
Sometimes I wish my (spoken) words could come more easily, with less pausing to think, and less suspicion for the ears listening. To write feels so sly, since when the eyes light on the page, I won't really be there.
But I met a boy (or a man? when are we at the age where our contemporaries are men and women?) today, who is on his way to hollywood for acting, and I admired how comfortably he talked. He also had beautiful teeth and attractive cornrows, and maybe things like that help people to be at ease.
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not in the arrogant sense of the word, but in being constantly consumed by everything that's happening INSIDE.
in this way, i'm blessed to never be bored
but also perched behind a lot of walls.
Reply
Sometimes it depresses me, the thought that no one, myself included, can ever think or do anything without some thought given to ourselves. Others, it seems like that's just what being human is, and it's true that you'll never know anyone as completely as you know yourself.
Of course, when one feels that she does not know herself, this becomes troublesome. Most of the time I feel as though I'm made of seperate parts: the original me who does or think something, and then all the rest of the parts who look on, and judge. Letting go and just being becomes an absurdity. And when I assume that people are watching me as closely as I watch myself, that's where some of the anxiety comes from.
Reply
Reply
But I met a boy (or a man? when are we at the age where our contemporaries are men and women?) today, who is on his way to hollywood for acting, and I admired how comfortably he talked. He also had beautiful teeth and attractive cornrows, and maybe things like that help people to be at ease.
Reply
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