so let's talk bondage and struggle play...
So I was invited by my semi-regular rope top (here called "N") to go to this 2-day bondage workshop, working on fundamentals for suspension. The first day was today. Here is what happened.
ONE: Basic single-rope "establishing a connection with your partner" exercises! These can often be really fun, really sensual. I have gotten spacey just watching people do this kind of thing. It was alright.
TWO: Messy chest harnesses for quick and dirty floor work. N was a bit preoccupied with not tying too sloppy of a harness. hahaa.
THREE: Extremely technically correct chest harnesses for suspension! First on the back, then again inverted on the front. N is really good at these and they were very comfy. But he would often go back and fix things, which meant we ended up not getting to do a lot of partial suspension practice even though plenty of time was allotted for it? IDK.
LUNCH.
FOUR: More chest harness practice, and also a leg tie that he does pretty often and knows really well. People were all doing the partials and playing a bit while he was tying these on me and untying and tying them on again. It wasn't bad but I was getting a bit frustrated at the lack of connection I was feeling. Technically good, mostly very comfy, but lacking all the spaaark. Also, I was not in a sexy mood so having my boobs touched started to get really annoying.
The instructor came over and made some suggestions and hauled my leg up the line and rolled me around a bit and bam, suddenly everything was beautiful and stretchy and spinny. So that part was nice. N untied me from that quite slowly and nicely but then pulled me off the ground really suddenly, and got a headache from the blood pressure. (ahhh.) I ate a snack and drank some water and then I was fine (but ahh).
FIVE: We ended with more single-rope connection exercises, but here the point was to unleash ~primal feelings~. I watched the demo (top getting all in the bottom's space and pushing them around and pinning them and breathing and smelling and being quite rough and omnomnom), and so I was feeling increasingly restless. Like, I was preparing myself for expressing that primalness, only, I was supposed to be the bottom. And I was still angry. So basically it was like I wanted to switch and be the top, but poor N was still operating under the mode of "oh poor Itachi is so tiny and has a headache, I'll be super gentle", so instead of touching skin and making his presence known and really getting rough up in my space he just kind of started tying various limbs and fiddling around. Like, it might have worked if he'd come on strong from the get-go and really dominated me but that's not really the way he works. And I knew that. But this made me suuuper upset. Because. PAYING ATTENTION TO ME. The whole point of the exercise is to have an awesome connection, and it was totally not there! It really felt like he was tying ropes rather than tying me. He'd be fiddling around tying my ankles and I'd just be staring back at him, waiting for him to notice how bored I was. I would sort of put myself in a challenging position just for something interesting to do and he'd think "oh! I should tie her like that, that would be fun," but basically that was me doing all the work.
The instructor was like, "You guys are going to have to start making noise sometime, because that's the connection," and I sort of took that as a challenge. To NOT make noise. Or something. Unless N could do something to really EARN it. I was just thinking, "if you're not going to bring the aggression, then I'll do it." Because I had quite a lot pent up, and we were supposed to be letting it out.
So basically I just started slipping my limbs out before/after/while he was tying them. And then, whatever I could reach with my fingers and my mouth, I started pinching and biting a little, to like... egg him on. He laughed a bit and was like, "you're just making it harder on yourself!" but he still wasn't getting rough. And when I bit him really hard he finally stopped tying and just pulled and twist-gripped the rope around my foot to make it painful, only it really wasn't painful at all. It was too light. So I just laughed back and kept eeling out. And then RAAAHHH. It got SERIOUS. Like an all-out struggle fight, where I was getting out of the ropes before he could get me in them, and trying to leverage around so I was on top. I started trying to pin him, almost without realizing it, and I started using every tool at my disposal to do it: legs, pinching, biting, grabbing another end of the rope and trying to catch him. I almost got him, but then he got me, and I was too tired to get away, but then I rested a bit as he tied me up (catching crucial points with my hands so they weren't too tight) and was biting him and he tried to get me in predicaments so that I couldn't get out without hurting myself, but I mostly still could. IT WAS AN AWESOME FIGHT.
Finally he got my elbows together behind my back (my wrists were too slippery, haha) and then put in a crotch rope so I couldn't lever my legs or torso without serious ouch. BUT I had caught the line and put in some slack before he tied it off. He pinned me down and started touching me and I was like NO NO ARRRHGHGHHHDJF screaming at him (because I was not feeling sexual that day and also now I was angry as fuck and full of adrenaline), and managed to lever away, and I had enough slack to get an arm out to pinch and get him off. I got my legs free too and then I had him with a knee to the crotch and he was like "SHIT", and I'm not sure if I was trying to injure him more or pin him, but my one arm was still stuck and I was on the ground so I couldn't, but I did eventually manage to kick him off and pull the rope with me so he couldn't grab me back.
A draw.
And then everyone around us clapped and started complimenting us, because they had all finished at least five minutes prior, probs more, and were just watching us go at it (with all the screaming and raging and biting etc). We were both a mess and checked to make sure we were both okay and decided that we needed to do that again sometime. It was SO FUN. I was so happy that A) I could incite that kind of aggression from him, B) TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM, and C) that I got to be in touch with my own aggression! YAY AGGRESSIVE ME. I've noticed that I really do get angry a lot, and then deny that I'm angry. Because angry is not a nice, pleasant emotion. But... I do get angry at things, so I'm trying to own that a little more, haha.
My next goal when we do it again is to manage to bite his feet. I nearly had one and was sure I could have won if I'd gotten it. Yay. :DDD
So it all ended well! My arms are now covered in rope burns and bruises. Oops. :D
Day 2 tomorrow!
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ONE: Basic single-rope "establishing a connection with your partner" exercises! These can often be really fun, really sensual. I have gotten spacey just watching people do this kind of thing. It was alright.
TWO: Messy chest harnesses for quick and dirty floor work. N was a bit preoccupied with not tying too sloppy of a harness. hahaa.
THREE: Extremely technically correct chest harnesses for suspension! First on the back, then again inverted on the front. N is really good at these and they were very comfy. But he would often go back and fix things, which meant we ended up not getting to do a lot of partial suspension practice even though plenty of time was allotted for it? IDK.
LUNCH.
FOUR: More chest harness practice, and also a leg tie that he does pretty often and knows really well. People were all doing the partials and playing a bit while he was tying these on me and untying and tying them on again. It wasn't bad but I was getting a bit frustrated at the lack of connection I was feeling. Technically good, mostly very comfy, but lacking all the spaaark. Also, I was not in a sexy mood so having my boobs touched started to get really annoying.
The instructor came over and made some suggestions and hauled my leg up the line and rolled me around a bit and bam, suddenly everything was beautiful and stretchy and spinny. So that part was nice. N untied me from that quite slowly and nicely but then pulled me off the ground really suddenly, and got a headache from the blood pressure. (ahhh.) I ate a snack and drank some water and then I was fine (but ahh).
FIVE: We ended with more single-rope connection exercises, but here the point was to unleash ~primal feelings~. I watched the demo (top getting all in the bottom's space and pushing them around and pinning them and breathing and smelling and being quite rough and omnomnom), and so I was feeling increasingly restless. Like, I was preparing myself for expressing that primalness, only, I was supposed to be the bottom. And I was still angry. So basically it was like I wanted to switch and be the top, but poor N was still operating under the mode of "oh poor Itachi is so tiny and has a headache, I'll be super gentle", so instead of touching skin and making his presence known and really getting rough up in my space he just kind of started tying various limbs and fiddling around. Like, it might have worked if he'd come on strong from the get-go and really dominated me but that's not really the way he works. And I knew that. But this made me suuuper upset. Because. PAYING ATTENTION TO ME. The whole point of the exercise is to have an awesome connection, and it was totally not there! It really felt like he was tying ropes rather than tying me. He'd be fiddling around tying my ankles and I'd just be staring back at him, waiting for him to notice how bored I was. I would sort of put myself in a challenging position just for something interesting to do and he'd think "oh! I should tie her like that, that would be fun," but basically that was me doing all the work.
The instructor was like, "You guys are going to have to start making noise sometime, because that's the connection," and I sort of took that as a challenge. To NOT make noise. Or something. Unless N could do something to really EARN it. I was just thinking, "if you're not going to bring the aggression, then I'll do it." Because I had quite a lot pent up, and we were supposed to be letting it out.
So basically I just started slipping my limbs out before/after/while he was tying them. And then, whatever I could reach with my fingers and my mouth, I started pinching and biting a little, to like... egg him on. He laughed a bit and was like, "you're just making it harder on yourself!" but he still wasn't getting rough. And when I bit him really hard he finally stopped tying and just pulled and twist-gripped the rope around my foot to make it painful, only it really wasn't painful at all. It was too light. So I just laughed back and kept eeling out. And then RAAAHHH. It got SERIOUS. Like an all-out struggle fight, where I was getting out of the ropes before he could get me in them, and trying to leverage around so I was on top. I started trying to pin him, almost without realizing it, and I started using every tool at my disposal to do it: legs, pinching, biting, grabbing another end of the rope and trying to catch him. I almost got him, but then he got me, and I was too tired to get away, but then I rested a bit as he tied me up (catching crucial points with my hands so they weren't too tight) and was biting him and he tried to get me in predicaments so that I couldn't get out without hurting myself, but I mostly still could. IT WAS AN AWESOME FIGHT.
Finally he got my elbows together behind my back (my wrists were too slippery, haha) and then put in a crotch rope so I couldn't lever my legs or torso without serious ouch. BUT I had caught the line and put in some slack before he tied it off. He pinned me down and started touching me and I was like NO NO ARRRHGHGHHHDJF screaming at him (because I was not feeling sexual that day and also now I was angry as fuck and full of adrenaline), and managed to lever away, and I had enough slack to get an arm out to pinch and get him off. I got my legs free too and then I had him with a knee to the crotch and he was like "SHIT", and I'm not sure if I was trying to injure him more or pin him, but my one arm was still stuck and I was on the ground so I couldn't, but I did eventually manage to kick him off and pull the rope with me so he couldn't grab me back.
A draw.
And then everyone around us clapped and started complimenting us, because they had all finished at least five minutes prior, probs more, and were just watching us go at it (with all the screaming and raging and biting etc). We were both a mess and checked to make sure we were both okay and decided that we needed to do that again sometime. It was SO FUN. I was so happy that A) I could incite that kind of aggression from him, B) TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM, and C) that I got to be in touch with my own aggression! YAY AGGRESSIVE ME. I've noticed that I really do get angry a lot, and then deny that I'm angry. Because angry is not a nice, pleasant emotion. But... I do get angry at things, so I'm trying to own that a little more, haha.
My next goal when we do it again is to manage to bite his feet. I nearly had one and was sure I could have won if I'd gotten it. Yay. :DDD
So it all ended well! My arms are now covered in rope burns and bruises. Oops. :D
Day 2 tomorrow!
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) comments on Dreamwidth.