(no subject)
So, It’s been a very long time since I have done an update. I’m not good at this whole journaling thing, but here goes:
Family stuff:
Raz and I spent 5 days with my mother and her husband after Dragoncon. I knew it would be difficult but I thought the time with my mother would be worth it. I could not have been more wrong.
Her husband used the word “fag” to replace other words that started with “f” at least twice in my presence. (Raz heard more). And then he would laugh about it. I was stunned, because my mother said nothing. My mother, for all her faults, has always been an outspoken critic of prejudice. If anything like that had come out of my mouth, or my father’s, we would have been instructed to clean our mouths. But to this, she said nothing…. Now, there are some more personal reasons that this is insulting, reasons that my mother’s husband is well aware of. So, now I am stunned and insulted.
While he is rough around the edges and I knew this, that sort of behavior is unacceptable. Not only would I not subject myself to it, but I certainly would never let any child we might have be forced to deal with it.
So, I called my mother and was forced to tell her that Raz and I will not be spending any extended period of time with them, until things changed and that her grandchildren, should there be any, would NEVER be left alone in with them.
And she made excuses for him. As in “You have to understand that where he comes from homosexuality is simply not accepted. They would prefer them dead.” This is a professed adult, a Christian man, and because he’s not threatening to kill someone for their sexual preference, I should be happy?
And this excuse is my favorite. “It would be better if he wasn’t always being hit on.” WTF? The fact that some person was attracted to him gives him the excuse to be a total jerk, to say inappropriate things about a general group? Where was this excuse before? I’ll tell you what, such an excuse would have earned me soap in the mouth, that’s where.
So yeah, estranged from the mom, AGAIN! Worse, I have no reason at all to like the man she has married. My mother is now a materialistic supporter of a bigot. Oh Joy, Oh Rapture.
Add to this, the fact that Raz’s dad has got it into his head, that I am taking all of Raz’s money and spending it on myself…. 1) Most of what I do is pay bills. 2) Until this year, I made more than double what Raz makes. 3) Getting the man to spend money on anything (aside from computer stuff) is like pulling teeth… Worse, getting him to let me spend the budgeted clothes money on him is like shooting myself in the foot. That hurt a lot.
Mostly, family sucks atm. I am really angry and depressed over the thing with my mom. It hurts to think that she would marry such a person. Worse, that she would allow herself to accept such behavior. It makes me question everything that I was taught as a child. Were all the values I learned from my parents, merely a product of my father? Is my mother that morally weak that she will allow her husband to steer her life. I’m feeling really betrayed, because I have lost my mother and since my dad died 5 years ago, she was all I had.
I should mention that there were other things. My mother sent me a number of personal things when she moved from Florida. Among them was my baby book. She didn’t want it anymore. Also, lots of things I had given her as a child. How do I deal with that? So, yeah. Feeling odd about all this.
New term at school started. So now I am taking the Prereqs for all the classes I took years ago. This is both interesting and boring.
Also, Cell Biology is being taught by the new professor on the block. He was in lab last night (I have the last lab of the day from 5 to 8) He stayed all night. Helped people, spent time with every table. He was awesome and I have warmed up to him. Overall, I am looking forward to this term and next term, after which, I will have my first degree.
So that’s it…..
Family stuff:
Raz and I spent 5 days with my mother and her husband after Dragoncon. I knew it would be difficult but I thought the time with my mother would be worth it. I could not have been more wrong.
Her husband used the word “fag” to replace other words that started with “f” at least twice in my presence. (Raz heard more). And then he would laugh about it. I was stunned, because my mother said nothing. My mother, for all her faults, has always been an outspoken critic of prejudice. If anything like that had come out of my mouth, or my father’s, we would have been instructed to clean our mouths. But to this, she said nothing…. Now, there are some more personal reasons that this is insulting, reasons that my mother’s husband is well aware of. So, now I am stunned and insulted.
While he is rough around the edges and I knew this, that sort of behavior is unacceptable. Not only would I not subject myself to it, but I certainly would never let any child we might have be forced to deal with it.
So, I called my mother and was forced to tell her that Raz and I will not be spending any extended period of time with them, until things changed and that her grandchildren, should there be any, would NEVER be left alone in with them.
And she made excuses for him. As in “You have to understand that where he comes from homosexuality is simply not accepted. They would prefer them dead.” This is a professed adult, a Christian man, and because he’s not threatening to kill someone for their sexual preference, I should be happy?
And this excuse is my favorite. “It would be better if he wasn’t always being hit on.” WTF? The fact that some person was attracted to him gives him the excuse to be a total jerk, to say inappropriate things about a general group? Where was this excuse before? I’ll tell you what, such an excuse would have earned me soap in the mouth, that’s where.
So yeah, estranged from the mom, AGAIN! Worse, I have no reason at all to like the man she has married. My mother is now a materialistic supporter of a bigot. Oh Joy, Oh Rapture.
Add to this, the fact that Raz’s dad has got it into his head, that I am taking all of Raz’s money and spending it on myself…. 1) Most of what I do is pay bills. 2) Until this year, I made more than double what Raz makes. 3) Getting the man to spend money on anything (aside from computer stuff) is like pulling teeth… Worse, getting him to let me spend the budgeted clothes money on him is like shooting myself in the foot. That hurt a lot.
Mostly, family sucks atm. I am really angry and depressed over the thing with my mom. It hurts to think that she would marry such a person. Worse, that she would allow herself to accept such behavior. It makes me question everything that I was taught as a child. Were all the values I learned from my parents, merely a product of my father? Is my mother that morally weak that she will allow her husband to steer her life. I’m feeling really betrayed, because I have lost my mother and since my dad died 5 years ago, she was all I had.
I should mention that there were other things. My mother sent me a number of personal things when she moved from Florida. Among them was my baby book. She didn’t want it anymore. Also, lots of things I had given her as a child. How do I deal with that? So, yeah. Feeling odd about all this.
New term at school started. So now I am taking the Prereqs for all the classes I took years ago. This is both interesting and boring.
Also, Cell Biology is being taught by the new professor on the block. He was in lab last night (I have the last lab of the day from 5 to 8) He stayed all night. Helped people, spent time with every table. He was awesome and I have warmed up to him. Overall, I am looking forward to this term and next term, after which, I will have my first degree.
So that’s it…..