the other entry... duhhhh
here's some shit i wrote while riding in the car from town to town... some of it is pretty random, but i didn't feel like adding in other things around it to make 100% sense.. but you should get the meanings.
4/20
the glass left there is half empty
and I feel more than it
here with my pain and regrets
im forever your terrible mess
she's just a girl who went under a spell
stuck on love, lived with heartbreak
no telling how far she fell
when she there wasn't enough pills to take
she tried to be him
she had anything worth giving
although it really meant shit
looking down a path, ignorning the rest
taking the one to suit her best
too bad for her that she didn't see
she wasn't perfect for him, but perfect for me
my eyes are feeling heavy
no telling when it'll give
why use all you've got
when there's no reason to live
keeping my head down
rather I dragged it on the ground
too deaf to hear you call my name
im marked with guilt and blame
drunk off my dreams
more empty it seems
do you know what love it?
i doubt it.
having a lot to live for
but having nothing what I need
i just purposely cut myself
watching the wound bleed
you're bluer than your eyes
that hair lights up the night skies
i gave up trying to be something
when i amount to nothing
they're right because i'm worthless
with a tumor in my chest
stuck inside of my heart
scars can heal but i'll know they exist
i wear worthless like a name tag
i'll try to nurse you back
wait for your wings to heal
before i know it, you've flown away
use me one again
i can't help myself
when i'm always giving to others
take a piece of me
i won't be needing it
like i said, pretty random shit.. it just jumps from one thing to another, i didn't really bother proof reading this while i was typing it up.
4/21 ... this is when i started to try and make more sense.
every night i've been up extra late
jut so i could think of you more
dreams don't cut it for me
they're imaginary and i want memories
although i want to sleep
my mind goes on without stopping
should I keep on like this?
or leave what happiness I have left
I get right back to think
letting depression sink in
the ugly face in the mirror
with scars looking clearer
as empty as my dreams come true
my heart shatters fast
remenence of the broken glass
and it's see-through
living off of a broken limb
with a pride paper thin
nothing's worth the pain im in
do i look like im dying?
that's because i stopped trying
when i feel this worthless
after every single kiss
but i'm used to feeling like this
i'm used to feeling like this
im used to ignorance instead of bliss
build me back into one
soon i'll be apart of the sun
yeah.
4/22
emotionally imbalanced
one day its going to end
every part of me is calloused
this is a new suicide trend
forever doesnt come with your face
heartbreaks and letdowns become friendly
tighten with every woven lace
and you wont come down to get me
continue to lie to my eyes
say "I couldn't make it"
but with the longest sigh
I said "I can't take it"
everything's a familiar failure
expectations never come true
here's a rock to leave me under
treating me like the way you do
too weak on the inside
not much better on the out
i silently bruise myself what's left of my skin
to take my mind off with what hurts within
and that's basically all i had out of those 3 days.
with the lack of people who live in berlin and read this.. i'm still wondering if i should post the rap i made about berlin.. i did show it to sarah and drew.. but there's a lot of other people who haven't.. and im still deciding if i should.
as for the rest of the vaca... we went from bonita springs/ft myers up to orlando on tuesday.. going to universal and epcot.. going on as many rides as could, and spending our whole day at both, on seperate days of course. the beachers were great and only one out of 3-4 times i went to the beach, did i use suntan lotion.. so that's why im so dark :P wave runners were awesome and i wanted to do em again but by the end of the week, i wasn't in the mood and my cousin was messed up because the skin underneath the skin that peeled off his body, had gotten sunburned. he ended up getting some kind of blisters or whatever, and it was pussing and oozing.. REAL fun :O, but it wasn't for too long and he's ok now ;p
and for today, the only interesting thing was the squirt gun i brought to school.. i got it from this minigolf place i went on saturday. i was getting a lot of people in the hallway and some teachers (who didnt know it was me) threatened detentions and what not... sore losers. some of my friends got into the action and got other people.. it was something to really brighten up the day because no one wanted to be back at school after vacation.
AND THATS ALL LOL.. picture entry is right under this one, yo.
edit: Listen to 3 new songs from Earshot.. they're fucking awesome and the lead singer can sometimes be mixed up with Maynard from Tool, but the bands are different musically. GO LISTEN PLEASE<3
4/20
the glass left there is half empty
and I feel more than it
here with my pain and regrets
im forever your terrible mess
she's just a girl who went under a spell
stuck on love, lived with heartbreak
no telling how far she fell
when she there wasn't enough pills to take
she tried to be him
she had anything worth giving
although it really meant shit
looking down a path, ignorning the rest
taking the one to suit her best
too bad for her that she didn't see
she wasn't perfect for him, but perfect for me
my eyes are feeling heavy
no telling when it'll give
why use all you've got
when there's no reason to live
keeping my head down
rather I dragged it on the ground
too deaf to hear you call my name
im marked with guilt and blame
drunk off my dreams
more empty it seems
do you know what love it?
i doubt it.
having a lot to live for
but having nothing what I need
i just purposely cut myself
watching the wound bleed
you're bluer than your eyes
that hair lights up the night skies
i gave up trying to be something
when i amount to nothing
they're right because i'm worthless
with a tumor in my chest
stuck inside of my heart
scars can heal but i'll know they exist
i wear worthless like a name tag
i'll try to nurse you back
wait for your wings to heal
before i know it, you've flown away
use me one again
i can't help myself
when i'm always giving to others
take a piece of me
i won't be needing it
like i said, pretty random shit.. it just jumps from one thing to another, i didn't really bother proof reading this while i was typing it up.
4/21 ... this is when i started to try and make more sense.
every night i've been up extra late
jut so i could think of you more
dreams don't cut it for me
they're imaginary and i want memories
although i want to sleep
my mind goes on without stopping
should I keep on like this?
or leave what happiness I have left
I get right back to think
letting depression sink in
the ugly face in the mirror
with scars looking clearer
as empty as my dreams come true
my heart shatters fast
remenence of the broken glass
and it's see-through
living off of a broken limb
with a pride paper thin
nothing's worth the pain im in
do i look like im dying?
that's because i stopped trying
when i feel this worthless
after every single kiss
but i'm used to feeling like this
i'm used to feeling like this
im used to ignorance instead of bliss
build me back into one
soon i'll be apart of the sun
yeah.
4/22
emotionally imbalanced
one day its going to end
every part of me is calloused
this is a new suicide trend
forever doesnt come with your face
heartbreaks and letdowns become friendly
tighten with every woven lace
and you wont come down to get me
continue to lie to my eyes
say "I couldn't make it"
but with the longest sigh
I said "I can't take it"
everything's a familiar failure
expectations never come true
here's a rock to leave me under
treating me like the way you do
too weak on the inside
not much better on the out
i silently bruise myself what's left of my skin
to take my mind off with what hurts within
and that's basically all i had out of those 3 days.
with the lack of people who live in berlin and read this.. i'm still wondering if i should post the rap i made about berlin.. i did show it to sarah and drew.. but there's a lot of other people who haven't.. and im still deciding if i should.
as for the rest of the vaca... we went from bonita springs/ft myers up to orlando on tuesday.. going to universal and epcot.. going on as many rides as could, and spending our whole day at both, on seperate days of course. the beachers were great and only one out of 3-4 times i went to the beach, did i use suntan lotion.. so that's why im so dark :P wave runners were awesome and i wanted to do em again but by the end of the week, i wasn't in the mood and my cousin was messed up because the skin underneath the skin that peeled off his body, had gotten sunburned. he ended up getting some kind of blisters or whatever, and it was pussing and oozing.. REAL fun :O, but it wasn't for too long and he's ok now ;p
and for today, the only interesting thing was the squirt gun i brought to school.. i got it from this minigolf place i went on saturday. i was getting a lot of people in the hallway and some teachers (who didnt know it was me) threatened detentions and what not... sore losers. some of my friends got into the action and got other people.. it was something to really brighten up the day because no one wanted to be back at school after vacation.
AND THATS ALL LOL.. picture entry is right under this one, yo.
edit: Listen to 3 new songs from Earshot.. they're fucking awesome and the lead singer can sometimes be mixed up with Maynard from Tool, but the bands are different musically. GO LISTEN PLEASE<3