If the children don't grow up,our bodies get bigger but our hearst get torn up
Theres this feeling I get sometimes, and I'm sure it can only be described in French because those are the only people morbid enough to sit around and come up with a name for it. I wish I knew what it was. Right now, this very second I am absolutely terrified to come out of my room. I've spent the last two hours trying to come up with something interesting to say, and I came up with a couple things, but I won't use them because they never sound as good committed to paper as they do in my head. I stutter when I'm nervous. Its been a very nervous couple days, then interlude, then followed by a couple more nervous days.
There comes a point when you realize that life is just a series of interconnected 5 second instances of joy. Then there comes a point when those instances don't add up to the whole that they used to. Then there comes a point when you close your eyes and see the world exactly like you knew it always could be. Then you sit down in your chair and you're done.
I really don't think we'll ever grow up. We'll always be the neurotic little kids we've always been. No amount of counseling or over priced group therapy will have the slightest effect. Sure, it can suppress it, but suppression and containment are exactly the same thing. And I saw the USSR fall, but its still there, and its still fucked up, and its never going to grow up because people can't do that and neither can world super powers, even if they are imaginary. Its just kind of odd to me that we're so afraid of the things we want the most. Growing up is something you do last minute, when you absolutely have to. When the kid is born, and the bills are late, and the surgery didn't work. And I think its better that way, but its hard when we still operate on the assumption that people will do what they should or behave in a manner befitting the little ladies and gentlemen we supposed to be.
Then there comes a point when you decide to forget about all of this, reach up and grab the star out of the sky. The one you've been watching all those years. The one that looks blue from here, but pink from over there. And when you arms are longer and you legs are taller you can finally just tickle it with your fingers enough to nudge it off it hanging wire and let it fall in a flaming ball of unidentifiable gasses.
Its so romantic to believe that I could sit in a lab and mix food coloring together and change the world. Make some miracle compound that will let me live until I'm 125. I wish things were like that. If you couldn't see something you just had to put it under the microscope and every little detail would be relayed into you irises and everything would be better. Wouldn't that be nice. It would be nice to be able to say exactly everything you wanted to, with perfect syntax and never ending sentences with prepositions. But I think, well, I don't think that would work at all. Because I know as scared as I am of everything, everyone else is equal or more scared of something/everything else. And I think if I blurted it our, I would have broken the balance.
For just a few seconds Friday I felt like I was glowing, actually glowing. Like I ran through a field of fire flies at 100 miles per hour and hit them all. I wish I could suppress that because like science dictates, all things have an equal but opposite reaction.
I really don't know what to make of anything right now (x4) (or x 10) (or xSomeother number larger than the previously stated numbers because more so than usual I don't know what the fuck is going and and for once thats starting to bother me.)
For just a few minutes lets pretend we're grownups in suit and tie and black dress.
Its a beautiful feeling to have between 4 and 56,000,000 friends. It is an equally beautiful feeling to be completely alone. Each have their benefits, I can't explain.
I thought there would be more metaphor, smilie, alliteration, assonance, and less hyperbole. I wish I could inject what I'm thinking in your spine. Thats really the only way I see anything working ever. I wish no one had to be scared, and could speak what ever made up language I've taken up speaking. Maybe a little time... I hope so.
Terrified. I wish I could fix everything, but only so everything would be better for me. I'm a horrible person.
There comes a point when you realize that life is just a series of interconnected 5 second instances of joy. Then there comes a point when those instances don't add up to the whole that they used to. Then there comes a point when you close your eyes and see the world exactly like you knew it always could be. Then you sit down in your chair and you're done.
I really don't think we'll ever grow up. We'll always be the neurotic little kids we've always been. No amount of counseling or over priced group therapy will have the slightest effect. Sure, it can suppress it, but suppression and containment are exactly the same thing. And I saw the USSR fall, but its still there, and its still fucked up, and its never going to grow up because people can't do that and neither can world super powers, even if they are imaginary. Its just kind of odd to me that we're so afraid of the things we want the most. Growing up is something you do last minute, when you absolutely have to. When the kid is born, and the bills are late, and the surgery didn't work. And I think its better that way, but its hard when we still operate on the assumption that people will do what they should or behave in a manner befitting the little ladies and gentlemen we supposed to be.
Then there comes a point when you decide to forget about all of this, reach up and grab the star out of the sky. The one you've been watching all those years. The one that looks blue from here, but pink from over there. And when you arms are longer and you legs are taller you can finally just tickle it with your fingers enough to nudge it off it hanging wire and let it fall in a flaming ball of unidentifiable gasses.
Its so romantic to believe that I could sit in a lab and mix food coloring together and change the world. Make some miracle compound that will let me live until I'm 125. I wish things were like that. If you couldn't see something you just had to put it under the microscope and every little detail would be relayed into you irises and everything would be better. Wouldn't that be nice. It would be nice to be able to say exactly everything you wanted to, with perfect syntax and never ending sentences with prepositions. But I think, well, I don't think that would work at all. Because I know as scared as I am of everything, everyone else is equal or more scared of something/everything else. And I think if I blurted it our, I would have broken the balance.
For just a few seconds Friday I felt like I was glowing, actually glowing. Like I ran through a field of fire flies at 100 miles per hour and hit them all. I wish I could suppress that because like science dictates, all things have an equal but opposite reaction.
I really don't know what to make of anything right now (x4) (or x 10) (or xSomeother number larger than the previously stated numbers because more so than usual I don't know what the fuck is going and and for once thats starting to bother me.)
For just a few minutes lets pretend we're grownups in suit and tie and black dress.
Its a beautiful feeling to have between 4 and 56,000,000 friends. It is an equally beautiful feeling to be completely alone. Each have their benefits, I can't explain.
I thought there would be more metaphor, smilie, alliteration, assonance, and less hyperbole. I wish I could inject what I'm thinking in your spine. Thats really the only way I see anything working ever. I wish no one had to be scared, and could speak what ever made up language I've taken up speaking. Maybe a little time... I hope so.
Terrified. I wish I could fix everything, but only so everything would be better for me. I'm a horrible person.