Nefret and Azyra, the end (entirely subjective
For marcus_felix and herecosyouare. Entirely speculative, but the ideal ending for Nefret and Azyra.
TRIGGER WARNING: violence, self hate, death, grief
Content warning: sex
Azyra’s beautiful. Radiant. Perfect. The sari’s white against the yellow of her fur, her smile, the earrings and the necklace. ‘Fret’s made it perfect. He had to.
They’ve been married for months, but he wanted it to be Eid. And in front of the community she cares about so much. And real. He knows that some people laugh it him- her, he doesn’t think they do. They’re frightened. No one’s ever really thought of being afraid of Nefret, or Nefreti. They think he fell into bad company, and is easily corrupted, and now maybe they think he might be slightly dangerous because the world’s ending and they’ve actually seen a glimpse of the amount that it hurts.
A thing that he’s pretty sure no-one’s noticed, and he would be proud of it although another thing that no-one’s ever noticed is Fret doesn’t get proud of things he does. Ptolemy yes, and ‘Zyra and sometimes he lets himself feel proud that people might actually love and care, but it hasn’t occurred to them that someone who’d devoted their entire adult life to looking after and caring about and lets face it… devoting himself to Ptolemy (who, however much Fret adored him, was something of a laughable old drunk to other people, and also to Fret someone who was dealing with almost as much self loathing and hate as he was) might not actually like himself (or herself) that much. That a wemic who hadn’t slept alone for… a very long time, and was still a virgin at 35, and was so sweet and obliging might be doing it because he knew quite how horrible, and evil and wicked he was. That he couldn’t really believe he was blessed by the Soldier, and that the quiet seething resentment he felt at all times towards almost everyone he knows. And of course the other thing, is that ‘Fret isn’t actually very nice. Ptolemy was, he was lovely and it made up for everything else and ‘Fret would do pretty much anything to have him back and maybe people are starting to notice that.
But also, this has nothing to do with that. Because ‘Zyra’s doesn’t just look lovely, she is lovely as well. She mightn’t know it (because she enjoys the fear and unease), but she’s sweet and kind and good. And she’s the Soldier’s in a way that Nefret will never be, she’s Amusar to the bone and now the world is ending and people are possibly noticing that ‘Fret is not as sweet as they might think. But they probably aren’t expecting this.
Because he loves Azyra, loves her in a way he didn’t think possible. She’s good and kind and sweet and lovely, and the Soldiers. And he’s terrified of what might happen to her (he’s not terrified of what will happen to him. The worst has already, and hell can’t be the same as Ptolemy being gone and being a joke without him and being scared that lovely, perfect Azyra might be lost. Not to him, but to the soldier.
So she’s beautiful, and he’s just kissed her in front of everyone and married her in the name of the soldier and in front of the Bastet.(and also the Keys) and Havocstan, and she’s his wife and he’s spent several downtimes worth of money on a proper tent for both of them, in the camp, and she’s lovely and his wife.
So he kisses her. He’s terrified of speaking, because this is different. She’s good and perfect and he strokes her fur and hair and breasts, and moves her hand further down and starts to move her skirt up her legs and slip his hand between them. And he kisses her, again, and again until she’s both lovely and abandoned, far away.
“I love you, ‘Zyra” he says, and he’s scared of it. “I love you and your perfect and my wife now. There can’t be any doubt of it”
And he loves her but he’ll never be hers, not the way he was Ptolemys.
“But your not mine. You’re the Soldiers”
And with the other hand, that had been in her hair but now wasn’t. he plunged the bone dagger she loved so much into her heart. With love. Because now she was the Soldiers and his love wouldn’t be hurt by the end of the world. She was part of the community for ever, and with the Soldier.
And he doesn’t cry, because he suspects this has been the one truly good thing he’s ever done. Because she was lovely, and perfect.
And good.
TRIGGER WARNING: violence, self hate, death, grief
Content warning: sex
Azyra’s beautiful. Radiant. Perfect. The sari’s white against the yellow of her fur, her smile, the earrings and the necklace. ‘Fret’s made it perfect. He had to.
They’ve been married for months, but he wanted it to be Eid. And in front of the community she cares about so much. And real. He knows that some people laugh it him- her, he doesn’t think they do. They’re frightened. No one’s ever really thought of being afraid of Nefret, or Nefreti. They think he fell into bad company, and is easily corrupted, and now maybe they think he might be slightly dangerous because the world’s ending and they’ve actually seen a glimpse of the amount that it hurts.
A thing that he’s pretty sure no-one’s noticed, and he would be proud of it although another thing that no-one’s ever noticed is Fret doesn’t get proud of things he does. Ptolemy yes, and ‘Zyra and sometimes he lets himself feel proud that people might actually love and care, but it hasn’t occurred to them that someone who’d devoted their entire adult life to looking after and caring about and lets face it… devoting himself to Ptolemy (who, however much Fret adored him, was something of a laughable old drunk to other people, and also to Fret someone who was dealing with almost as much self loathing and hate as he was) might not actually like himself (or herself) that much. That a wemic who hadn’t slept alone for… a very long time, and was still a virgin at 35, and was so sweet and obliging might be doing it because he knew quite how horrible, and evil and wicked he was. That he couldn’t really believe he was blessed by the Soldier, and that the quiet seething resentment he felt at all times towards almost everyone he knows. And of course the other thing, is that ‘Fret isn’t actually very nice. Ptolemy was, he was lovely and it made up for everything else and ‘Fret would do pretty much anything to have him back and maybe people are starting to notice that.
But also, this has nothing to do with that. Because ‘Zyra’s doesn’t just look lovely, she is lovely as well. She mightn’t know it (because she enjoys the fear and unease), but she’s sweet and kind and good. And she’s the Soldier’s in a way that Nefret will never be, she’s Amusar to the bone and now the world is ending and people are possibly noticing that ‘Fret is not as sweet as they might think. But they probably aren’t expecting this.
Because he loves Azyra, loves her in a way he didn’t think possible. She’s good and kind and sweet and lovely, and the Soldiers. And he’s terrified of what might happen to her (he’s not terrified of what will happen to him. The worst has already, and hell can’t be the same as Ptolemy being gone and being a joke without him and being scared that lovely, perfect Azyra might be lost. Not to him, but to the soldier.
So she’s beautiful, and he’s just kissed her in front of everyone and married her in the name of the soldier and in front of the Bastet.(and also the Keys) and Havocstan, and she’s his wife and he’s spent several downtimes worth of money on a proper tent for both of them, in the camp, and she’s lovely and his wife.
So he kisses her. He’s terrified of speaking, because this is different. She’s good and perfect and he strokes her fur and hair and breasts, and moves her hand further down and starts to move her skirt up her legs and slip his hand between them. And he kisses her, again, and again until she’s both lovely and abandoned, far away.
“I love you, ‘Zyra” he says, and he’s scared of it. “I love you and your perfect and my wife now. There can’t be any doubt of it”
And he loves her but he’ll never be hers, not the way he was Ptolemys.
“But your not mine. You’re the Soldiers”
And with the other hand, that had been in her hair but now wasn’t. he plunged the bone dagger she loved so much into her heart. With love. Because now she was the Soldiers and his love wouldn’t be hurt by the end of the world. She was part of the community for ever, and with the Soldier.
And he doesn’t cry, because he suspects this has been the one truly good thing he’s ever done. Because she was lovely, and perfect.
And good.