There's More Than One Way To Die - Dean/Cas Big Bang Part II of VI
Onwards...
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...Ω...
"I'm just saying that there's a lot of eye-fucking going on when you two are on the same page. Do you know how many fanfics there are of you two? Gotta be something there for people to be writing about it." Smiling as she dug through the cupboards of the kitchen for a can of soup to make for Sam's lunch Charlie adjusted her ear buds before bursting out laughing at Dean's grumbled response. "Yeah well that's cause they just don't know you and Sam like I do. Also I gotta say that the books don't do your angel justice. You'd think blue eyes like that would get their own chapter devoted to them."
Well that was interesting, she thought as Dean's growl rumbled through the line, wonder if he knows he's doing that.
"Don't worry bro. Soooo not my type. On account of the twigs and berries you know?" Keeping her voice light and teasing, she pulled open drawer after drawer looking for a can opener. "Aha! Geez do you guys try to hide things from me? Like is this an initiation? Am I being hazed?" Staring blankly down at the can as she fit the can opener on it her hand slipped and the opener fell to the floor. "I was talking about the can opener but please do continue telling me about your not so secret love for the dreamy one." Letting out a put upon sigh she bent down to pick up the can opener and, "I'm here if you wanna talk you know. But if you're not gonna tell me that then you could at least tell me where you are just in case you get kidnapped by fairies or something again."
Wrinkling her nose at the smell of the now opened can of soup she hurriedly dumped it into the waiting saucepan on the stove. "But what if you need someone there to hold your hand? You sure you don't need me there to hold your hand? Cause you don't have Cas there to hold your hand and give you cuddles-you know if you had more cuddles from Cas you might be in a better mood. Kind of like how sex relaxes you. Oooh I wonder what Cas sex would do for you!" Laughing at Dean's sputtered protests she sobered quickly at the reminder of the level of trust Dean was placing in her. Swallowing nervously against the urge to start babbling in an attempt to lighten the conversation she took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah I know. Don't worry so much bro. I am totally capable."
Ending the call she sighed and leaned forward with her hands on the edge of the stove. Drumming her fingers absently she hissed as she caught her fingertip on the edge of the burner and hurriedly stuck it into her mouth. Turning to get a spoon from one of the still open drawers she jumped and flailed with a startled squeak that she would deny to her dying day at the sight of Cas not two feet from her. Taking a step back with her hand pressing against her chest she sank back against the stove only to jump forward again as the heat reminded her that it was on. "Geez give a little warning man!" She wheezed before her eyes widened and she turned to grab a spoon to stir the soup before it burned. "I know I was waxing poetic about your eyes but Dean'll kill me if I try to get all up close and personal like you know. Not that I'd want to-I mean, not that you're not hot because you are but totally not my type and I'm just gonna stop talking now."
"You spoke with Dean?"
"Yeah I just got off the phone with him." Pulling the ear buds from her ears and stuffing them in her pocket she leaned back as the angel moved forward to look into the saucepan with an inquisitive look on his face. "Sam needs to eat something and Kevin said solids aren't going too well soooo soup ala Campbell can of something smells really funny it is." She explained as she watched him pick up the spoon and bring it to his nose to sniff at it. "Can I-can I ask you a question?"
"There is no one to prevent you from doing so."
"What's your deal?"
"My deal?" Cas repeated his head tilting to one side as he turned to look at Charlie. "I don't believe that I have made any deals as of late."
"Not like that! Like-like how Sheldon supposedly didn't have a deal but everyone knows his deal was Penny and not Amy?" Sighing as he continued to look at her blankly she looked down to see the soup bubbling and picked up the saucepan before setting it on another burner and turning the stove off. "This is so cliché and not in a good way." She muttered before turning to face Cas with a determined look as she reminded herself that it was too late to turn back now because Dean needed someone to do this for him. "What are your intentions towards Dean?"
"My intentions?"
And there it was! Just the faintest hint of red creeping up along his cheeks as he avoided her gaze. Oh no, you don't get to play clueless she decided. "I think that if it ever came down to a choice between you and Sam that Dean would freak. Like totally and completely freak man because I don't know if you've noticed but he cares. A lot. About you cause like he was totally ready to stay in Purgatory if you did. And I'm not just gonna stand back and let you hurt him because you like to play clueless angel of The Lord."
"I wouldn't-."
"Ah! I wasn't done yet!" Holding her hand up as she spoke Charlie waited for him to fall silent before continuing on hoping that her nervous shaking wasn't too noticeable. "This is like probably the only time I'm ever gonna get to say this so I need you to listen cause I've been waiting for awhile to say this. He's so whipped over you that it stopped being funny last year and if you're never going to do anything then you need to back off."
"I don't think that we should be having this discussion as I hold no intentions towards Dean. At least not in the manner in which you are implying." Leaning back against the wall of the kitchen Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "As there is nothing untoward happening I fail to understand why you are requesting that I 'back off'. Dean hasn't said that he would like for me to leave."
"Do you know that Dean and I talk?"
"I'm aware of it yes."
"Okay then did you know that sometimes people-humans have an easier time writing something than they have saying it? Especially when it's not face to face?"
"I'm afraid that I don't understand the point to this."
"Yeah I'm sure you don't." Charlie scoffed as she pulled down the hem of the gray Henley that she'd liberated from Dean's room while looking for clothes that Cas could wear while his own were washed. "Sometimes you gotta talk to someone who wasn't there when everything went down. Talk to someone who'll listen-just listen and offer you a shoulder. I do that for him y'know? Just let him talk about everything before it makes him snap which seriously? I don't know why he hasn't yet but then he says things and I think I kinda understand why but then it makes me think about things that I won't ever ask him about. I can't ask him because he gets enough shit from Sam and I won't do that to him. You on the other hand? I can totally ask you without hurting him so how's about we start with why you didn't ask him for help instead of going to Crowley asshat king of Hell?"
"This is not a conversation I am comfortable having with you." Turning to leave the kitchen Cas stopped as Charlie made a sound of disgust low in her throat and turned back around to face the redhead. "You feel differently?"
"You can't keep running like this cause all you're doing is making Dean think that he's not worth it." Voice low and waspish as she pushed the sleeves of her shirt up she began opening cabinets before slamming them shut as she pulled a bowl down and set it on the counter by the stove. "You've made him think that for whatever reason he's not good enough for you-."
"I have never-."
"I didn't say you did it intentionally and please to stop with the interruptions yeah? You made him feel like that even if he won't admit it because that'd be like making it real and everyone knows that Dean can't do that." Trailing off into a mutter at the end Charlie flushed and straightened as she picked the saucepan up off of the stove and tipped it over the bowl on the counter. Soup splashing as it landed she set the saucepan in the sink and turned the water on to rinse the pan out and took a paper towel to clean up the mess on the counter. "He wanted you to say that you'd stay. After Sam and... well after everything went down with the Apocalypse that wasn't... he wanted you to stay. To give him a reason to not go to Lisa's."
"Heaven needed my assistance as it was in chaos and I needed to be there so that another attempt at the Apocalypse could be avoided." Cas said his voice rough as he tried to avoid Charlie's gaze as she stepped away from the counter and closer to him. "Dean had expressed a desire to have what he calls an 'apple pie life' and I couldn't take that opportunity from him."
"Dean needed you. He needed you to stay with him and show him that you were willing to fight for him. That you wanted him. If you'd have done that then he never would have gone to Lisa's because he loved the kid but..." Twisting the paper towel she'd used to clean the counter in her hands, Charlie's face was downcast as she spoke; her voice quavering with emotion. "You're his deal Cas. I think that maybe you were meant to be his deal because the shit the two of you do for each other? That's the kind of shit they write stories, poems and songs about. Stuff that people remember hundreds of years later and then gossip with their friends about how they wish someone would love them that much. How they wish someone would look at them the way you guys look at each other when you think no one's looking and I know you guys do because I've read the books okay? That's the kinda deal that everyone wants and you have it but you're running from it. Running from him. And what I don't get is why. Why wouldn't you want it?"
"I believe that I am done with this conversation."
Watching as he pushed off of the kitchen wall and turned to leave Charlie took a deep breath before calling out to him. "Hey Cas? He'd pick you. If you let him know that you'd let him? He'd pick you because at the end of it all? You're his deal but if you want it then you need to fight for it. Fight for him." Face falling as he left the kitchen without a word Charlie threw the paper towel into the trash before leaning her elbows against the counter and rubbing her wet eyes with the heels of her hands. "God why didn't you just tell him everything while you were at it? He's so gonna kill me for this if this doesn't turn out alright." Turning the kitchen faucet on she splashed her face with cold water before drying it with a paper towel. Holding onto the edge of the sink and tilting her head back she closed her eyes and prayed. "Dean says you're an ass but I'm hoping-like really, really hoping that you're not. Please don't let them screw this up. Please."
...Ω...
He couldn't stop thinking about it.
Logically there was no reason for him to think about it because his feelings were an aberration. Yet another thing that set him apart from his brothers and sisters. Feelings that he knew needed to be kept quiet and hidden away because nothing good could ever come from them. Nothing good had ever come from an angel falling in love with a human.
Nothing.
And yet...
He wanted it. He wanted to tell Dean that he'd fallen in love with him somewhere between fighting to pull his soul from Hell and the night he'd gone to him to tell him of Heaven's plan. Fallen in love with the human who refused to bow to Heaven's will and fought against Hell with the knowledge that there would be no rewards for his struggle. He would receive no accolades outside of the Winchester Gospels and for all of his vices, sins, and-and everything that should darken his soul; it still shone so brightly. Bright enough that even with the darkened filth of Hell clinging to him, he had still shone with a brilliance that he'd seen only in the Grace of the archangels because in spite of everything (or maybe because of it) he was a good man.
Dean was a good man.
One of the best he'd ever watched over and far too good for one such as he. He had betrayed Dean, nearly killed him and he was covered in the blood of those that had lost their lives to his madness. Standing in the library with his hand still lifted and hovering above one of the dozens of books that lined the shelf he was in front of, Cas sighed before pulling down a large leather bound tome. Moving away from the bookshelf he took a seat in one of the armchairs, his mouth twisted into a moue at the uncomfortable feeling of the jeans that Charlie had appropriated for him from Dean's bedroom. The fabric was rough, heavy and far from the smooth linen that he had grown accustomed to wearing. Although the blue shirt that Charlie had thrust at him was surprisingly comfortable but that was most likely due to the age of the garment more than anything else. Propping his elbow up on the arm of the chair he rested his temple against his closed fist and with his other hand turned the pages of the book in his lap. It was odd to be presented with the opportunity to do nothing but sit and read for leisure.
Reading through the book and musing idly on the oddities of human nature he was startled when the quiet peace of the library was broken by the shrill ring of the cell phone he'd tucked into the pocket of his jeans. Taking note of the page number he was on, he closed the book and set it to the side before pulling his phone out and with his heart thudding wildly as he realized that the screen was displaying Dean's name he answered it. "Dean? Yes-why do you-please wait just a moment," color draining from his face Cas felt his skin prickling with anxiety as he fought to remember how to breathe and wondered for a moment just when he'd stood up from the chair. Frowning as he couldn’t remember how to adjust the volume he pulled the phone away from his ear and struggled for a moment before remembering how to put it on speakerphone. "Please continue."
"We have been having dreams from Our Lord that He would send His Chosen to our humble church so that he could begin the rites. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He was-he was fine when we left him to go to the sacristy."
Looking up as he heard Charlie gasp he watched as she clasped her hands over her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound while her hand grasped hold of the doorway to the library. "What happened to him?" He asked his voice rough as he listened to the man's breathing quicken with panic. "Where is he?"
"Chimayo. We are in Chimayo and he is asking for you. He won't allow us to take him to the hospital! I swear to you that he was fine! We heard a scream and when we came back into the church he was lying on the ground with his face covered in blood. Please you must come for him."
"What's the quickest way to get there?" Cas asked, his voice harsh with worry as the sounds of Dean's voice tight with pain echoed through the phone.
"Please he is asking for you. Please."
"You need to calm down." Charlie said in a calm voice that belied the panic building in her eyes as she reached out to pull the phone from Cas and pushed at him until he sat down in the armchair he'd been seated in before.
"Okay? Just breathe with me, can you do that for me?" Voice low and soothing as she talked the man on the phone down from his impending panic attack Cas dug his fingers into the arm of the chair until his fingers were white and hurting from the strain. "Alright now, what's wrong with Dean?"
"His eyes...," he could hear the man over the phone swallow heavily before continuing. "His eyes are bleeding but we can't find any cuts or anything to explain the bleeding. We've looked at his eyes but they are fine as well!"
"Okay, okay you said he was asking for someone. Who is he asking for?"
"Cas. He asked for us to call Cas."
Meeting Charlie's stricken gaze Cas felt his mouth go dry at the man's answer. Dean was hurt. He was hurt and instead of asking for Sam or Charlie or anyone else; he was requesting his presence. The happiness he felt at such a simple thing was tempered by the knowledge that Dean was hurt and he leaned forward his arms dangling over his knees as he listened to Charlie getting the necessary information from the man before ending the call.
"Dean needs you." It was a simple statement. A fact that she gave to voice to without a trace of bitterness as Charlie collapsed into the armchair opposite of his own and raked a pale, trembling hand through her hair. "I've got enough cash to get you on a flight out and I can finish setting you up with the credentials you'll need to board. But can you act human enough to get through security without making them think you're a terrorist or something?"
"Yes. Is there anything that I should be taking with me?"
Shaking her head Charlie cradled her head in her hands with a distraught sigh. "Dean prolly went out there as Uri Vonnegut. It's the name he uses when he doesn't want anyone to find him. I'm gonna set you up as his spouse just in case he does need to go to the hospital cause they won't give you any kind of information if you're not family and if he's asking for you then it's because he wants you there with him." Offering a weak smile as she looked up Charlie's face softened at whatever it was she saw in his expression. Leaning forward she wrapped his hands in her own and, "I'm trusting you with him, okay?"
"Will you tell Samuel where it is that I have gone?" Will you tell him that I've gone to his brother? Shoulders slumping with a relief he didn’t understand as she shook her head Cas pulled his hands away and stood. "I think that I should gather some clothing and other essentials while you make preparations."
Picking up the book from the floor he tucked it under his arm and moved to leave the library when Charlie spoke.
"I really do like you, y'know? I mean, I read the books and even in the newer ones that came out I still liked-like you. I don't want you thinking that because I said what I said earlier that I don't cause I do. I just... I think that you and Dean need each other. More than you need anyone else and it doesn't matter what happened because it happened and you can't change it. And I think that even if he could-if someone offered... I don't think he'd change anything either because everything that's happened all led him to you."
"Thank you."
He wondered if maybe he shouldn't try to say something more but he believed that she understood what he left unsaid because she rose from the armchair and walked over to him before pulling him into a tight embrace. Her cheek resting neatly on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around his waist, his own arms hovered in the air for seconds before he wrapped them gingerly about her slight frame careful of the book still in his hands. "For what it's worth I think you're a good guy and I know that he thinks the same thing." Staring at her in shock as she lifted her face to kiss his cheek he blinked as she laughed at him before leaving him to stare at her retreating form as she left the library. "Better hurry and get your clothes together cause it’s not gonna take me long to get everything ready for you to leave."
...Ω...
Holding tightly to the duffel bag in his hands Cas walked briskly through the airport; following the signs to the pickup area. Walking through the sliding doors he stepped out and began craning his head to look for the man that according to Charlie would be waiting to take him to Dean. Finding a blond man holding up a cardboard sign with an almost illegible Cas scrawled across it he made his way to the man before stopping a few feet away. "Father James? My name is Cas and I believe that you are caring for my companion Dean."
"Praise The Lord that you were able to come so quickly." The priest said as he turned and opened the door of the small grey Honda behind him. "I am afraid that he's still quite sick and he refuses to let us take him to Santa Fe so that the doctors can look after him. Hopefully you will have better luck in convincing him that it's needed."
Setting his duffel bag on his lap after getting into the car and putting on his seatbelt Cas' grip on the bag tightened as what the priest was saying registered. "He is blind?"
"He woke briefly before I left," the priest answered his eyes darting to the side as he licked his lips nervously before pulling away from the curb and into traffic. "He opened his eyes but he-he couldn't see the glass of water Brother Jose was trying to hand him."
He didn't reply. He didn't know what could be said in response because he knew all too well what Dean's deepest fears were rooted in. Dean feared being perceived as useless or helpless, so to become blinded would only be the realization of those fears. An hour passed in silence before the priest spoke up again to tell him that they were nearly to their destination and he realized that he'd neglected something very important. "What types of wards do you have protecting the church?"
"Wards?"
"There are beings in several realms that would think nothing of attacking him whilst he is essentially defenseless." Sliding cold blue eyes over the priest Cas noted how the man's breathing grew panicked and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Do you know if he placed any wards prior to the incident?"
"I-if there were any that he did then he did it when Brother Jose and I weren't there."
"Had he placed any wards they would have been in blood and easily recognizable to one with your training. Enochian sigils are not easily hidden and he would have placed them within easy reach had he completed them."
"Enochian? He knows Enochian?"
"He is quite fluent in the language and even more so with the warding sigils although he is still a novice because of the vast amount of wards that there are to learn and he hasn't learned to etch the wards without painting them in blood yet." Cas tilted his head to one side in bemusement as the priest let out a strangled noise in response to his statement. "Is there something wrong because I can assure you that he proved himself to be quite adept at learning while I was teaching him."
"Please tell me if this is none of my business but I have to ask how it is that you know Enochian well enough to teach it."
"It is the language of my Father and was for a time the only language I knew." Fingers loosening and then tightening their grip on the bag still in his lap Cas gave the priest a startled look as the car swerved to a stop on the side of the road. "Is something wrong?"
"You said it was the language of your father," The priest whispered with awe as he turned the hazard lights on and bowed his head. "You are--Our Lord has seen fit to bless us with a visitation from one of his own?"
"I came because Dean needs me and I will answer any questions that you have later but if he has been left without warding to protect him then we really should try to get there as soon as possible." Cas said gently his mind focused on getting to Dean so that he could see with his own eyes that the man was still alive. "In doing what was right he has made many enemies that would not hesitate to strike him down if he were to be found in a weakened state."
"O-of course!"
Turning his head to look out the window at the passing scenery as the car began to move again Cas lost himself in thought again. Charlie had said that if Dean was hurt then it'd be safer for them to travel under Dean's alias of Uri Vonnegut which meant that he'd needed to memorize the history that Dean had so painstakingly crafted for that name. It was, she'd said an alias that had been kept hidden from even Samuel and John Winchester because of the life that Dean had made for himself using the name but she said he'd given her permission to tell him if they ever needed to use it. It was something that had occupied his mind while at the airport and even on the airplane because he had not thought it possible for Dean to have hidden something of such significance from his brother.
It was...
It meant...
It...
It gave him hope.
Hope that their relationship could be mended. That they could move past all of the wrongs and get back to the ease they'd shared while in each other’s company. Frowning as he laid his head against the rattling window Cas wondered when it had been that they'd lost that ease. When they'd lost the ability to trust without reservation. When everything had become so... wrong. He thinks that maybe it started when he began to Fall as punishment for choosing Dean over his brothers and sisters. When Dean would look at him with fear and loathing flickering in his green eyes as it became more and more evident that he was Falling. Removed as he was now from the situation he wondered if he'd perhaps misjudged the reason for the emotions; that perhaps the emotions were not due to the fact that he was slowly becoming a liability.
A burden.
Exhaling slowly as he tilted his head up to squint at the sunlight Cas wondered if it was too late. Too late to fix the broken trust by talking instead of assuming. To give voice to the fears that still lingered. Looking out the windshield as the car squeaked to a halt he gave the church a cursory glance before opening the car door and stepping out. Without waiting for the priest he crossed the simple bridge that had been placed over a stream and stopped beneath the adobe archway to crouch and look at a simple engraving that had caught his eye. "Do you have a knife?" He asked without looking up as he traced the weathered carving with his thumb his eyes already scanning the parts of the archway he could see for other carvings and ignoring the priest as he ran to the church and back.
"This is the only knife we had available. I found it with-."
"It's Dean's," Cas finished as he turned the knife he'd been given over in his hands before using the sharp edge to cut his fingertip. Pressing down on the skin below the cut so that the blood welled up and began to drip to the ground below he pressed the bleeding finger to the engraving. Watching with satisfaction as the carving lit up as it was activated he stood up to move to the next carving until he'd managed to activate them all leaving him with the sense of protection that he'd been missing since leaving the bunker. "These are crude but they'll serve to provide warning should anyone attempt to breach them. Will you take me to see him now?"
"Please follow me and I'll take you to him." Walking behind the priest as they entered the church Cas listened absently as the man continued to speak. "We thought it best to keep him in the church proper so we have him settled on a cot near the back of the church."
Pushing past the man as the cot came into view and he caught his first glimpse of Dean's pale face twisted with pain; Cas sank to his knees beside the cot with his hands hovering above Dean before he gently cupped Dean's cheek with his hand. He could hear the priests shuffling behind him but his attention remained focused on Dean and not for the first time he wondered what the man had done to himself. Frowning at the heat of his skin he turned his attention back to the priests, "when he awoke was he aware of what had happened?"
"I don't think he does because when he woke before I left he was calling for you."
Hmm-ing in response his frown deepened as he noted the flush in Dean's cheeks that stood in stark contrast to the general pallor of his skin. Staring down at him, he remembered that the last time Dean had looked so unwell was after a run in with a demon that had managed to stab him before being dispatched. They'd cleaned and bandaged the wound but infection had set in quickly leaving Dean ill and bedridden until the medicines procured by Samuel, had begun to kill the infection. Closing his eyes tightly he wondered if he could use the medical supplies in the car to help Dean or if it would not be in Dean's best interest to take him to a hospital for assistance.
"Cas?"
Eyes flying open as he heard Dean's sleep roughened voice he leaned forward to press his hands against his shoulders to keep him from sitting up when it seemed that he was attempting to do so. "Dean? What happened?" Worry sharpened his voice when he realized that Dean was blinking up at him with unfocused, dimmed green eyes.
"Not dreamin'?"
"No, no you're not dreaming."
"Can't see you. Jus' dreamin' 'gain."
"You should have more faith." He chided gently as he brushed the palm of his hand over Dean's forehead. "You asked for me to come to New Mexico."
"No!"
Eyes widening as the man began to struggle against his grip Cas whispered softly in Enochian until he stopped thrashing and calmed enough to listen to the words that were being spoken. "Cas?" Closing his eyes at the weak hope threading through Dean's voice he slid his left hand down until he reached the spot where he knew his handprint was still etched into the man’s skin and then he tightened his grip until Dean gasped softly in pain before letting go.
"I'm here Dean. You're not dreaming. I promise you that I am here with you."
"Didn't want you t'know. Had to fix Sammy. Save you."
"What have you done?" He whispered while his stomach twisted uncomfortably and the first glimmers of suspicion began to take root in his mind.
"'e said you'd get your Grace back." Words slurring together as Dean's hand lifted in the air and swiped around blindly until Cas clasped it within his own and brought it back down to rest on the bed. "Jus' had to do Trials. Can't tell Cas. Or Sammy. Gotta do it. Gotta fix 'em..."
Watching as his eyes slid shut and his voice trailed off Cas twisted Dean's hand to press his fingers against the pulse point before bending forward and resting his head on the edge of the cot. Panic coursing through his veins he listened as Dean's breathing evened out as he fell deeper into sleep and used the thready pulse beating against his fingertips to bring himself back down. "Why must you do this?" He asked the sleeping man in a ragged voice that was muffled by the bedding his face was still pressed against. "How many times must I Fall before you understand that I will always choose to Fall if it means that you are safe?"
"Is he your charge?" Bolting upright to turn and look at the priests standing behind him Cas pushed himself back to his feet.
"He is... he is Dean." Cas answered simply after looking at Dean with an unreadable expression coming over his face. "But that isn't what you wanted to ask. Is it?"
"No but those questions can wait until he is better." The older priest gave the younger a quelling glance when it looked as though he might argue. "I have placed your companions belongings in the sacristy would you like for me to bring them?"
"If you would do so there are some items that I need to recover from his vehicle in order to assist him."
"Brother James will bring his belongings shortly."
"Thank you," Cas said as he turned back to look at Dean as the man shifted in his sleep. "I believe that he is safest here. If my Father sent him here alone then He wouldn't have sent him without making some sort of allowances for his protection." Voice bitter at the end Cas looked up as the older priest shuffled closer. "Thank you for all that you've done."
"I do not wish to presume or to interfere but... You seem angry." Eyes wary the priest moved to the other side of the cot before bending to press his wrist against Dean's forehead as he checked for fever. "It will not help him any if you are still upset when he awakens. If you would care to speak then I will listen."
"Your offer is generous but I believe that I will be fine."
“He has not been awake for long but he has been most insistent on calling out to you while he was. I find that when one is as ill as he is that we often call out for the ones who make us feel safest and with whom we hold our deepest bonds.” Hands pressed together in front of him the priest gave a short bow before leaving him to join his younger companion in the sacristy. “We will be gathering his belongings together so that you might be able to gather the items you need from his vehicle. We should not be long in returning.”
Nodding absently Cas stared down at Dean in consternation and sank down to his knees beside the cot before he reached out to absently rub his thumb against Dean’s cheekbone. Dean shouldn’t trust him. “You shouldn’t place such faith in me,” he said roughly as he pulled his hand away and cradled his head in his hands. “I’m not one that you should trust as any of my brothers or sisters still living could tell you. I’ve given you no reason to trust me as you have and yet… I don’t understand you. You are the most infuriating human that I’ve ever known and there are times where you leave me wishing to strike you whilst at the same time I want nothing more than to protect you from anything that means you harm. I don’t deserve your trust but if you’ve given it to me then I swear to you Dean that I will not betray it. Not again. I swear on my Name and all it means that I won’t fail you again.”
...Ω...
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...Ω...
"I'm just saying that there's a lot of eye-fucking going on when you two are on the same page. Do you know how many fanfics there are of you two? Gotta be something there for people to be writing about it." Smiling as she dug through the cupboards of the kitchen for a can of soup to make for Sam's lunch Charlie adjusted her ear buds before bursting out laughing at Dean's grumbled response. "Yeah well that's cause they just don't know you and Sam like I do. Also I gotta say that the books don't do your angel justice. You'd think blue eyes like that would get their own chapter devoted to them."
Well that was interesting, she thought as Dean's growl rumbled through the line, wonder if he knows he's doing that.
"Don't worry bro. Soooo not my type. On account of the twigs and berries you know?" Keeping her voice light and teasing, she pulled open drawer after drawer looking for a can opener. "Aha! Geez do you guys try to hide things from me? Like is this an initiation? Am I being hazed?" Staring blankly down at the can as she fit the can opener on it her hand slipped and the opener fell to the floor. "I was talking about the can opener but please do continue telling me about your not so secret love for the dreamy one." Letting out a put upon sigh she bent down to pick up the can opener and, "I'm here if you wanna talk you know. But if you're not gonna tell me that then you could at least tell me where you are just in case you get kidnapped by fairies or something again."
Wrinkling her nose at the smell of the now opened can of soup she hurriedly dumped it into the waiting saucepan on the stove. "But what if you need someone there to hold your hand? You sure you don't need me there to hold your hand? Cause you don't have Cas there to hold your hand and give you cuddles-you know if you had more cuddles from Cas you might be in a better mood. Kind of like how sex relaxes you. Oooh I wonder what Cas sex would do for you!" Laughing at Dean's sputtered protests she sobered quickly at the reminder of the level of trust Dean was placing in her. Swallowing nervously against the urge to start babbling in an attempt to lighten the conversation she took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah I know. Don't worry so much bro. I am totally capable."
Ending the call she sighed and leaned forward with her hands on the edge of the stove. Drumming her fingers absently she hissed as she caught her fingertip on the edge of the burner and hurriedly stuck it into her mouth. Turning to get a spoon from one of the still open drawers she jumped and flailed with a startled squeak that she would deny to her dying day at the sight of Cas not two feet from her. Taking a step back with her hand pressing against her chest she sank back against the stove only to jump forward again as the heat reminded her that it was on. "Geez give a little warning man!" She wheezed before her eyes widened and she turned to grab a spoon to stir the soup before it burned. "I know I was waxing poetic about your eyes but Dean'll kill me if I try to get all up close and personal like you know. Not that I'd want to-I mean, not that you're not hot because you are but totally not my type and I'm just gonna stop talking now."
"You spoke with Dean?"
"Yeah I just got off the phone with him." Pulling the ear buds from her ears and stuffing them in her pocket she leaned back as the angel moved forward to look into the saucepan with an inquisitive look on his face. "Sam needs to eat something and Kevin said solids aren't going too well soooo soup ala Campbell can of something smells really funny it is." She explained as she watched him pick up the spoon and bring it to his nose to sniff at it. "Can I-can I ask you a question?"
"There is no one to prevent you from doing so."
"What's your deal?"
"My deal?" Cas repeated his head tilting to one side as he turned to look at Charlie. "I don't believe that I have made any deals as of late."
"Not like that! Like-like how Sheldon supposedly didn't have a deal but everyone knows his deal was Penny and not Amy?" Sighing as he continued to look at her blankly she looked down to see the soup bubbling and picked up the saucepan before setting it on another burner and turning the stove off. "This is so cliché and not in a good way." She muttered before turning to face Cas with a determined look as she reminded herself that it was too late to turn back now because Dean needed someone to do this for him. "What are your intentions towards Dean?"
"My intentions?"
And there it was! Just the faintest hint of red creeping up along his cheeks as he avoided her gaze. Oh no, you don't get to play clueless she decided. "I think that if it ever came down to a choice between you and Sam that Dean would freak. Like totally and completely freak man because I don't know if you've noticed but he cares. A lot. About you cause like he was totally ready to stay in Purgatory if you did. And I'm not just gonna stand back and let you hurt him because you like to play clueless angel of The Lord."
"I wouldn't-."
"Ah! I wasn't done yet!" Holding her hand up as she spoke Charlie waited for him to fall silent before continuing on hoping that her nervous shaking wasn't too noticeable. "This is like probably the only time I'm ever gonna get to say this so I need you to listen cause I've been waiting for awhile to say this. He's so whipped over you that it stopped being funny last year and if you're never going to do anything then you need to back off."
"I don't think that we should be having this discussion as I hold no intentions towards Dean. At least not in the manner in which you are implying." Leaning back against the wall of the kitchen Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "As there is nothing untoward happening I fail to understand why you are requesting that I 'back off'. Dean hasn't said that he would like for me to leave."
"Do you know that Dean and I talk?"
"I'm aware of it yes."
"Okay then did you know that sometimes people-humans have an easier time writing something than they have saying it? Especially when it's not face to face?"
"I'm afraid that I don't understand the point to this."
"Yeah I'm sure you don't." Charlie scoffed as she pulled down the hem of the gray Henley that she'd liberated from Dean's room while looking for clothes that Cas could wear while his own were washed. "Sometimes you gotta talk to someone who wasn't there when everything went down. Talk to someone who'll listen-just listen and offer you a shoulder. I do that for him y'know? Just let him talk about everything before it makes him snap which seriously? I don't know why he hasn't yet but then he says things and I think I kinda understand why but then it makes me think about things that I won't ever ask him about. I can't ask him because he gets enough shit from Sam and I won't do that to him. You on the other hand? I can totally ask you without hurting him so how's about we start with why you didn't ask him for help instead of going to Crowley asshat king of Hell?"
"This is not a conversation I am comfortable having with you." Turning to leave the kitchen Cas stopped as Charlie made a sound of disgust low in her throat and turned back around to face the redhead. "You feel differently?"
"You can't keep running like this cause all you're doing is making Dean think that he's not worth it." Voice low and waspish as she pushed the sleeves of her shirt up she began opening cabinets before slamming them shut as she pulled a bowl down and set it on the counter by the stove. "You've made him think that for whatever reason he's not good enough for you-."
"I have never-."
"I didn't say you did it intentionally and please to stop with the interruptions yeah? You made him feel like that even if he won't admit it because that'd be like making it real and everyone knows that Dean can't do that." Trailing off into a mutter at the end Charlie flushed and straightened as she picked the saucepan up off of the stove and tipped it over the bowl on the counter. Soup splashing as it landed she set the saucepan in the sink and turned the water on to rinse the pan out and took a paper towel to clean up the mess on the counter. "He wanted you to say that you'd stay. After Sam and... well after everything went down with the Apocalypse that wasn't... he wanted you to stay. To give him a reason to not go to Lisa's."
"Heaven needed my assistance as it was in chaos and I needed to be there so that another attempt at the Apocalypse could be avoided." Cas said his voice rough as he tried to avoid Charlie's gaze as she stepped away from the counter and closer to him. "Dean had expressed a desire to have what he calls an 'apple pie life' and I couldn't take that opportunity from him."
"Dean needed you. He needed you to stay with him and show him that you were willing to fight for him. That you wanted him. If you'd have done that then he never would have gone to Lisa's because he loved the kid but..." Twisting the paper towel she'd used to clean the counter in her hands, Charlie's face was downcast as she spoke; her voice quavering with emotion. "You're his deal Cas. I think that maybe you were meant to be his deal because the shit the two of you do for each other? That's the kind of shit they write stories, poems and songs about. Stuff that people remember hundreds of years later and then gossip with their friends about how they wish someone would love them that much. How they wish someone would look at them the way you guys look at each other when you think no one's looking and I know you guys do because I've read the books okay? That's the kinda deal that everyone wants and you have it but you're running from it. Running from him. And what I don't get is why. Why wouldn't you want it?"
"I believe that I am done with this conversation."
Watching as he pushed off of the kitchen wall and turned to leave Charlie took a deep breath before calling out to him. "Hey Cas? He'd pick you. If you let him know that you'd let him? He'd pick you because at the end of it all? You're his deal but if you want it then you need to fight for it. Fight for him." Face falling as he left the kitchen without a word Charlie threw the paper towel into the trash before leaning her elbows against the counter and rubbing her wet eyes with the heels of her hands. "God why didn't you just tell him everything while you were at it? He's so gonna kill me for this if this doesn't turn out alright." Turning the kitchen faucet on she splashed her face with cold water before drying it with a paper towel. Holding onto the edge of the sink and tilting her head back she closed her eyes and prayed. "Dean says you're an ass but I'm hoping-like really, really hoping that you're not. Please don't let them screw this up. Please."
...Ω...
He couldn't stop thinking about it.
Logically there was no reason for him to think about it because his feelings were an aberration. Yet another thing that set him apart from his brothers and sisters. Feelings that he knew needed to be kept quiet and hidden away because nothing good could ever come from them. Nothing good had ever come from an angel falling in love with a human.
Nothing.
And yet...
He wanted it. He wanted to tell Dean that he'd fallen in love with him somewhere between fighting to pull his soul from Hell and the night he'd gone to him to tell him of Heaven's plan. Fallen in love with the human who refused to bow to Heaven's will and fought against Hell with the knowledge that there would be no rewards for his struggle. He would receive no accolades outside of the Winchester Gospels and for all of his vices, sins, and-and everything that should darken his soul; it still shone so brightly. Bright enough that even with the darkened filth of Hell clinging to him, he had still shone with a brilliance that he'd seen only in the Grace of the archangels because in spite of everything (or maybe because of it) he was a good man.
Dean was a good man.
One of the best he'd ever watched over and far too good for one such as he. He had betrayed Dean, nearly killed him and he was covered in the blood of those that had lost their lives to his madness. Standing in the library with his hand still lifted and hovering above one of the dozens of books that lined the shelf he was in front of, Cas sighed before pulling down a large leather bound tome. Moving away from the bookshelf he took a seat in one of the armchairs, his mouth twisted into a moue at the uncomfortable feeling of the jeans that Charlie had appropriated for him from Dean's bedroom. The fabric was rough, heavy and far from the smooth linen that he had grown accustomed to wearing. Although the blue shirt that Charlie had thrust at him was surprisingly comfortable but that was most likely due to the age of the garment more than anything else. Propping his elbow up on the arm of the chair he rested his temple against his closed fist and with his other hand turned the pages of the book in his lap. It was odd to be presented with the opportunity to do nothing but sit and read for leisure.
Reading through the book and musing idly on the oddities of human nature he was startled when the quiet peace of the library was broken by the shrill ring of the cell phone he'd tucked into the pocket of his jeans. Taking note of the page number he was on, he closed the book and set it to the side before pulling his phone out and with his heart thudding wildly as he realized that the screen was displaying Dean's name he answered it. "Dean? Yes-why do you-please wait just a moment," color draining from his face Cas felt his skin prickling with anxiety as he fought to remember how to breathe and wondered for a moment just when he'd stood up from the chair. Frowning as he couldn’t remember how to adjust the volume he pulled the phone away from his ear and struggled for a moment before remembering how to put it on speakerphone. "Please continue."
"We have been having dreams from Our Lord that He would send His Chosen to our humble church so that he could begin the rites. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He was-he was fine when we left him to go to the sacristy."
Looking up as he heard Charlie gasp he watched as she clasped her hands over her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound while her hand grasped hold of the doorway to the library. "What happened to him?" He asked his voice rough as he listened to the man's breathing quicken with panic. "Where is he?"
"Chimayo. We are in Chimayo and he is asking for you. He won't allow us to take him to the hospital! I swear to you that he was fine! We heard a scream and when we came back into the church he was lying on the ground with his face covered in blood. Please you must come for him."
"What's the quickest way to get there?" Cas asked, his voice harsh with worry as the sounds of Dean's voice tight with pain echoed through the phone.
"Please he is asking for you. Please."
"You need to calm down." Charlie said in a calm voice that belied the panic building in her eyes as she reached out to pull the phone from Cas and pushed at him until he sat down in the armchair he'd been seated in before.
"Okay? Just breathe with me, can you do that for me?" Voice low and soothing as she talked the man on the phone down from his impending panic attack Cas dug his fingers into the arm of the chair until his fingers were white and hurting from the strain. "Alright now, what's wrong with Dean?"
"His eyes...," he could hear the man over the phone swallow heavily before continuing. "His eyes are bleeding but we can't find any cuts or anything to explain the bleeding. We've looked at his eyes but they are fine as well!"
"Okay, okay you said he was asking for someone. Who is he asking for?"
"Cas. He asked for us to call Cas."
Meeting Charlie's stricken gaze Cas felt his mouth go dry at the man's answer. Dean was hurt. He was hurt and instead of asking for Sam or Charlie or anyone else; he was requesting his presence. The happiness he felt at such a simple thing was tempered by the knowledge that Dean was hurt and he leaned forward his arms dangling over his knees as he listened to Charlie getting the necessary information from the man before ending the call.
"Dean needs you." It was a simple statement. A fact that she gave to voice to without a trace of bitterness as Charlie collapsed into the armchair opposite of his own and raked a pale, trembling hand through her hair. "I've got enough cash to get you on a flight out and I can finish setting you up with the credentials you'll need to board. But can you act human enough to get through security without making them think you're a terrorist or something?"
"Yes. Is there anything that I should be taking with me?"
Shaking her head Charlie cradled her head in her hands with a distraught sigh. "Dean prolly went out there as Uri Vonnegut. It's the name he uses when he doesn't want anyone to find him. I'm gonna set you up as his spouse just in case he does need to go to the hospital cause they won't give you any kind of information if you're not family and if he's asking for you then it's because he wants you there with him." Offering a weak smile as she looked up Charlie's face softened at whatever it was she saw in his expression. Leaning forward she wrapped his hands in her own and, "I'm trusting you with him, okay?"
"Will you tell Samuel where it is that I have gone?" Will you tell him that I've gone to his brother? Shoulders slumping with a relief he didn’t understand as she shook her head Cas pulled his hands away and stood. "I think that I should gather some clothing and other essentials while you make preparations."
Picking up the book from the floor he tucked it under his arm and moved to leave the library when Charlie spoke.
"I really do like you, y'know? I mean, I read the books and even in the newer ones that came out I still liked-like you. I don't want you thinking that because I said what I said earlier that I don't cause I do. I just... I think that you and Dean need each other. More than you need anyone else and it doesn't matter what happened because it happened and you can't change it. And I think that even if he could-if someone offered... I don't think he'd change anything either because everything that's happened all led him to you."
"Thank you."
He wondered if maybe he shouldn't try to say something more but he believed that she understood what he left unsaid because she rose from the armchair and walked over to him before pulling him into a tight embrace. Her cheek resting neatly on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around his waist, his own arms hovered in the air for seconds before he wrapped them gingerly about her slight frame careful of the book still in his hands. "For what it's worth I think you're a good guy and I know that he thinks the same thing." Staring at her in shock as she lifted her face to kiss his cheek he blinked as she laughed at him before leaving him to stare at her retreating form as she left the library. "Better hurry and get your clothes together cause it’s not gonna take me long to get everything ready for you to leave."
...Ω...
Holding tightly to the duffel bag in his hands Cas walked briskly through the airport; following the signs to the pickup area. Walking through the sliding doors he stepped out and began craning his head to look for the man that according to Charlie would be waiting to take him to Dean. Finding a blond man holding up a cardboard sign with an almost illegible Cas scrawled across it he made his way to the man before stopping a few feet away. "Father James? My name is Cas and I believe that you are caring for my companion Dean."
"Praise The Lord that you were able to come so quickly." The priest said as he turned and opened the door of the small grey Honda behind him. "I am afraid that he's still quite sick and he refuses to let us take him to Santa Fe so that the doctors can look after him. Hopefully you will have better luck in convincing him that it's needed."
Setting his duffel bag on his lap after getting into the car and putting on his seatbelt Cas' grip on the bag tightened as what the priest was saying registered. "He is blind?"
"He woke briefly before I left," the priest answered his eyes darting to the side as he licked his lips nervously before pulling away from the curb and into traffic. "He opened his eyes but he-he couldn't see the glass of water Brother Jose was trying to hand him."
He didn't reply. He didn't know what could be said in response because he knew all too well what Dean's deepest fears were rooted in. Dean feared being perceived as useless or helpless, so to become blinded would only be the realization of those fears. An hour passed in silence before the priest spoke up again to tell him that they were nearly to their destination and he realized that he'd neglected something very important. "What types of wards do you have protecting the church?"
"Wards?"
"There are beings in several realms that would think nothing of attacking him whilst he is essentially defenseless." Sliding cold blue eyes over the priest Cas noted how the man's breathing grew panicked and his hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Do you know if he placed any wards prior to the incident?"
"I-if there were any that he did then he did it when Brother Jose and I weren't there."
"Had he placed any wards they would have been in blood and easily recognizable to one with your training. Enochian sigils are not easily hidden and he would have placed them within easy reach had he completed them."
"Enochian? He knows Enochian?"
"He is quite fluent in the language and even more so with the warding sigils although he is still a novice because of the vast amount of wards that there are to learn and he hasn't learned to etch the wards without painting them in blood yet." Cas tilted his head to one side in bemusement as the priest let out a strangled noise in response to his statement. "Is there something wrong because I can assure you that he proved himself to be quite adept at learning while I was teaching him."
"Please tell me if this is none of my business but I have to ask how it is that you know Enochian well enough to teach it."
"It is the language of my Father and was for a time the only language I knew." Fingers loosening and then tightening their grip on the bag still in his lap Cas gave the priest a startled look as the car swerved to a stop on the side of the road. "Is something wrong?"
"You said it was the language of your father," The priest whispered with awe as he turned the hazard lights on and bowed his head. "You are--Our Lord has seen fit to bless us with a visitation from one of his own?"
"I came because Dean needs me and I will answer any questions that you have later but if he has been left without warding to protect him then we really should try to get there as soon as possible." Cas said gently his mind focused on getting to Dean so that he could see with his own eyes that the man was still alive. "In doing what was right he has made many enemies that would not hesitate to strike him down if he were to be found in a weakened state."
"O-of course!"
Turning his head to look out the window at the passing scenery as the car began to move again Cas lost himself in thought again. Charlie had said that if Dean was hurt then it'd be safer for them to travel under Dean's alias of Uri Vonnegut which meant that he'd needed to memorize the history that Dean had so painstakingly crafted for that name. It was, she'd said an alias that had been kept hidden from even Samuel and John Winchester because of the life that Dean had made for himself using the name but she said he'd given her permission to tell him if they ever needed to use it. It was something that had occupied his mind while at the airport and even on the airplane because he had not thought it possible for Dean to have hidden something of such significance from his brother.
It was...
It meant...
It...
It gave him hope.
Hope that their relationship could be mended. That they could move past all of the wrongs and get back to the ease they'd shared while in each other’s company. Frowning as he laid his head against the rattling window Cas wondered when it had been that they'd lost that ease. When they'd lost the ability to trust without reservation. When everything had become so... wrong. He thinks that maybe it started when he began to Fall as punishment for choosing Dean over his brothers and sisters. When Dean would look at him with fear and loathing flickering in his green eyes as it became more and more evident that he was Falling. Removed as he was now from the situation he wondered if he'd perhaps misjudged the reason for the emotions; that perhaps the emotions were not due to the fact that he was slowly becoming a liability.
A burden.
Exhaling slowly as he tilted his head up to squint at the sunlight Cas wondered if it was too late. Too late to fix the broken trust by talking instead of assuming. To give voice to the fears that still lingered. Looking out the windshield as the car squeaked to a halt he gave the church a cursory glance before opening the car door and stepping out. Without waiting for the priest he crossed the simple bridge that had been placed over a stream and stopped beneath the adobe archway to crouch and look at a simple engraving that had caught his eye. "Do you have a knife?" He asked without looking up as he traced the weathered carving with his thumb his eyes already scanning the parts of the archway he could see for other carvings and ignoring the priest as he ran to the church and back.
"This is the only knife we had available. I found it with-."
"It's Dean's," Cas finished as he turned the knife he'd been given over in his hands before using the sharp edge to cut his fingertip. Pressing down on the skin below the cut so that the blood welled up and began to drip to the ground below he pressed the bleeding finger to the engraving. Watching with satisfaction as the carving lit up as it was activated he stood up to move to the next carving until he'd managed to activate them all leaving him with the sense of protection that he'd been missing since leaving the bunker. "These are crude but they'll serve to provide warning should anyone attempt to breach them. Will you take me to see him now?"
"Please follow me and I'll take you to him." Walking behind the priest as they entered the church Cas listened absently as the man continued to speak. "We thought it best to keep him in the church proper so we have him settled on a cot near the back of the church."
Pushing past the man as the cot came into view and he caught his first glimpse of Dean's pale face twisted with pain; Cas sank to his knees beside the cot with his hands hovering above Dean before he gently cupped Dean's cheek with his hand. He could hear the priests shuffling behind him but his attention remained focused on Dean and not for the first time he wondered what the man had done to himself. Frowning at the heat of his skin he turned his attention back to the priests, "when he awoke was he aware of what had happened?"
"I don't think he does because when he woke before I left he was calling for you."
Hmm-ing in response his frown deepened as he noted the flush in Dean's cheeks that stood in stark contrast to the general pallor of his skin. Staring down at him, he remembered that the last time Dean had looked so unwell was after a run in with a demon that had managed to stab him before being dispatched. They'd cleaned and bandaged the wound but infection had set in quickly leaving Dean ill and bedridden until the medicines procured by Samuel, had begun to kill the infection. Closing his eyes tightly he wondered if he could use the medical supplies in the car to help Dean or if it would not be in Dean's best interest to take him to a hospital for assistance.
"Cas?"
Eyes flying open as he heard Dean's sleep roughened voice he leaned forward to press his hands against his shoulders to keep him from sitting up when it seemed that he was attempting to do so. "Dean? What happened?" Worry sharpened his voice when he realized that Dean was blinking up at him with unfocused, dimmed green eyes.
"Not dreamin'?"
"No, no you're not dreaming."
"Can't see you. Jus' dreamin' 'gain."
"You should have more faith." He chided gently as he brushed the palm of his hand over Dean's forehead. "You asked for me to come to New Mexico."
"No!"
Eyes widening as the man began to struggle against his grip Cas whispered softly in Enochian until he stopped thrashing and calmed enough to listen to the words that were being spoken. "Cas?" Closing his eyes at the weak hope threading through Dean's voice he slid his left hand down until he reached the spot where he knew his handprint was still etched into the man’s skin and then he tightened his grip until Dean gasped softly in pain before letting go.
"I'm here Dean. You're not dreaming. I promise you that I am here with you."
"Didn't want you t'know. Had to fix Sammy. Save you."
"What have you done?" He whispered while his stomach twisted uncomfortably and the first glimmers of suspicion began to take root in his mind.
"'e said you'd get your Grace back." Words slurring together as Dean's hand lifted in the air and swiped around blindly until Cas clasped it within his own and brought it back down to rest on the bed. "Jus' had to do Trials. Can't tell Cas. Or Sammy. Gotta do it. Gotta fix 'em..."
Watching as his eyes slid shut and his voice trailed off Cas twisted Dean's hand to press his fingers against the pulse point before bending forward and resting his head on the edge of the cot. Panic coursing through his veins he listened as Dean's breathing evened out as he fell deeper into sleep and used the thready pulse beating against his fingertips to bring himself back down. "Why must you do this?" He asked the sleeping man in a ragged voice that was muffled by the bedding his face was still pressed against. "How many times must I Fall before you understand that I will always choose to Fall if it means that you are safe?"
"Is he your charge?" Bolting upright to turn and look at the priests standing behind him Cas pushed himself back to his feet.
"He is... he is Dean." Cas answered simply after looking at Dean with an unreadable expression coming over his face. "But that isn't what you wanted to ask. Is it?"
"No but those questions can wait until he is better." The older priest gave the younger a quelling glance when it looked as though he might argue. "I have placed your companions belongings in the sacristy would you like for me to bring them?"
"If you would do so there are some items that I need to recover from his vehicle in order to assist him."
"Brother James will bring his belongings shortly."
"Thank you," Cas said as he turned back to look at Dean as the man shifted in his sleep. "I believe that he is safest here. If my Father sent him here alone then He wouldn't have sent him without making some sort of allowances for his protection." Voice bitter at the end Cas looked up as the older priest shuffled closer. "Thank you for all that you've done."
"I do not wish to presume or to interfere but... You seem angry." Eyes wary the priest moved to the other side of the cot before bending to press his wrist against Dean's forehead as he checked for fever. "It will not help him any if you are still upset when he awakens. If you would care to speak then I will listen."
"Your offer is generous but I believe that I will be fine."
“He has not been awake for long but he has been most insistent on calling out to you while he was. I find that when one is as ill as he is that we often call out for the ones who make us feel safest and with whom we hold our deepest bonds.” Hands pressed together in front of him the priest gave a short bow before leaving him to join his younger companion in the sacristy. “We will be gathering his belongings together so that you might be able to gather the items you need from his vehicle. We should not be long in returning.”
Nodding absently Cas stared down at Dean in consternation and sank down to his knees beside the cot before he reached out to absently rub his thumb against Dean’s cheekbone. Dean shouldn’t trust him. “You shouldn’t place such faith in me,” he said roughly as he pulled his hand away and cradled his head in his hands. “I’m not one that you should trust as any of my brothers or sisters still living could tell you. I’ve given you no reason to trust me as you have and yet… I don’t understand you. You are the most infuriating human that I’ve ever known and there are times where you leave me wishing to strike you whilst at the same time I want nothing more than to protect you from anything that means you harm. I don’t deserve your trust but if you’ve given it to me then I swear to you Dean that I will not betray it. Not again. I swear on my Name and all it means that I won’t fail you again.”
...Ω...
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