[Two-Shot] Dreaming of You [2/2]
I'm so nervous about this second part it's not even funny. I hope it makes sense, hope it's not rushed. Gosh, I hope that you like it *prays*
Title: Dreaming of You
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin
Genre: Slight Angst, Drama, General, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Yoochun dreams of him.
Yoochun lies in bed, he can't seem to sleep.
He doesn't know why.
He wants nothing more but to sleep. To meet him again. To be with him.
He's happy that way. He's happy with him.
If he had it his way, he'd never leave.
And he knows that can't be completely healthy.
It makes him think about work and Junsu.
Junsu trying to set him up.
Yoochun can remember a time when he'd never turn down a date.
But thing's have changed.
He doesn't want to meet other people.
He wants him.
He doesn't want to go to work, it gives him less time to sleep.
He only wants to be with him.
With him.
Someone who's not real.
He's in a forest and he can't see him. The sky is mauve and enormous clusters of birds circle around the tree tops like they're preying. The sound of crackling branches below his feet sing out to the heavens and Yoochun breathes in the fresh air.
As he walks, enjoying the peace of nature, he hears voices and they sound familiar.
His feet move as if pulled and there's a break in the trees.
He sees him.
And Junsu.
They're talking and he's laughing at something Junsu's says.
It looks intimate.
Yoochun feels a fast and fiery surge of jealously as he approaches them.
"What's this?" he asks, glaring at Junsu who turns around and looks surprised to see him.
"Yoochun."
Junsu takes a step back when he can tell he's angry. "I was just-"
He falls beside him and takes his hand, when he smiles, like nothing is wrong and kisses his mouth, Yoochun feels the anger trickle, leaving him with warmth. "Hi," he whispers when his mouth pulls away and his eyes are gold and smiling.
Yoochun almost forgets Junsu is there. "Hi," he touches his face and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Um-" Junsu coughs.
Yoochun narrows his eyes and whips around. "You," he points. "Disappear."
And he does.
When he turns back around he's laughing but Yoochun's not.
"Do you know him?" he asks Yoochun, laughter on his words.
And for one horrifying moment, Yoochun thinks, maybe he's not the only one who can see him.
"He's my friend," Yoochun answers letting his hand go. "Do you know him?"
He looks at him with eyes filled with secrets and nods. "He's my friend," he answers with a smile.
Yoochun thinks he hears his heart shattering in his chest and he can't breathe.
"Does he know your name?" Yoochun moves away slowly, the leaves turning brown, dying around him as the discomfort percolates into a tight knot in his stomach, the sky turning grey.
He laughs again, "Of course, he's my friend."
He feels sick. "Tell me your name," Yoochun asks.
He steps forward, slowly, like a ghost, haunting and intoxicating. "You know my name," he reaches for him and his touch slithers against his cheek, around his neck, curling intimately around his breaking heart. He can feel him pasting the parts together again.
He whimpers when his kisses him. "Please," he pleads softly, his hands finding the warmth of his body. "Tell me."
He kisses him again in answer.
Yoochun glares at Junsu from his desk.
"It looks like you want to kill him," Jaejoong comments from his side of the cubical.
Yoochun ignores him.
And his work.
"Did he do something?"
Yoochun curls his hand into a fist.
"Did you forget how to speak today?"
Yoochun turns to Jaejoong without a word and gets up to leave.
It's not like he can confront him.
He was dreaming. He shouldn't even be angry, it was just a dream.
But Junsu knows his name and knows who he is.
And that pisses him off and breaks his heart just a little.
And he's perfectly aware of how crazy that sounds.
"So, I told my friend about you," Junsu sets a sandwich in front of Yoochun as he pulls a chair up between him and Jaejoong. "He's pretty interested, showed him your picture and everything."
Yoochun ignores him and tries to finish out the final kinks of the game he's testing.
"I think you should stop being so stubborn and just agree to a date with him. You'll like him."
Yoochun's eyes focus on the demon he's trying to kill and he can hear Junsu sip from his cup. He wants him to choke.
"Ok, what's your problem?" Junsu asks with a full mouth and Yoochun sees movement from Jaejoong's direction.
"He hasn't said a word all day," he can hear Jaejoong speaking. "And it looks like he wants to do very bad things to you and not the good kind of bad."
Yoochun's fingers tighten around the controller as he attacks the character who has slowly transformed into Junsu and he's almost got him.
"What did I do?" he asks in the direction of Jaejoong, before whipping around and Yoochun can feel his eyes on him, like bugs crawling across his cheek, "What did I do?"
"It's no use, I've tried all day. He's suddenly gone mute," Jaejoong laughs and Junsu grabs his cup sucking loudly at the straw.
"Well, when you decide to talk again, come talk to me. We've got a date to plan," he squeezes his shoulder as he stands and it feels like his skin is burning.
Yoochun whips his sword and kills Junsu.
It takes a while before he shows up, he's been walking down deserted cobblestone streets and the stores and houses look like the ones in his history text books.
He can smell fresh bread and rich coffee, but the shops are closed and no one is around.
He's leaning against an old fashion light pole, dressed in old fashioned clothes and he looks so handsome his heart feels like it's glowing inside his chest. Yoochun's pace quickens until they're standing right in front of each other and his fingers itch to touch him. His mouth craves for his taste.
When Yoochun reaches for him, his hand slides in delicately and everything feels right.
"Do you miss me?" he asks and Yoochun nods, pulling him against his body, savoring the warmth against his chest.
"I miss you all the time," Yoochun whispers and kisses his mouth, he's delicious.
He hums when they part and his eyes are bright. "Let's do something fun," he smiles and grabs his hand.
Yoochun breaks through the surface, the rushing water of the river carrying him along. He appears, his hair matted to his head, drops on his eye lashes.
He wades to him and Yoochun laughs when his legs wrap around his waist.
"Don't let me go," he kisses his neck and Yoochun shivers. His arms curl around his neck and Yoochun feels himself slipping into the depth of the water world.
"Let's go out," Jaejoong calls Yoochun as he lies in bed stirred from sleep, it's the middle of the night and the sound of his phone rouses him to consciousness.
He remembers the rushing music of the waterfall, the magnificent surrounds of trees and blue sky. He remembers the sound of his laughter.
"I was sleeping," Yoochun groans rolling to his side, his phone tucked evenly between his shoulder and pillow. He just wants to go back.
"You're always sleeping. Come out for once, you loser."
Yoochun, eyes the clock, it's almost 1 in the morning. He wonders how drunk Jaejoong is, though he can't tell from his voice. "It's late, everything's closing soon." He hopes it's an adequate reason but there's bite to Jaejoong's words.
"I'm on my way to get you so get your ass out of bed. You're spending time in the real world tonight." And he hangs up.
They're in a park. It's dark and the wind is icy against their cheeks. Jaejoong is being pushed by Yunho, who he failed to mention would be joining them.
"Wake up!" Jaejoong yells as he swings by and Yoochun jerks in his own swing.
He rubs his eyes. "I'm tired," he mutters and starts kicking himself from the sand, moving into the air.
It feels like he's flying.
"Ok stop. Stop, I'm getting dizzy," Jaejoong calls out and Yoochun sees Yunho prepare to slow him down.
It doesn't surprise Yoochun that Jaejoong would choose a deserted park to hang out in the middle of the night, but it does make him question Yunho's sanity. Yunho, who wears expensive suits at work, despite the laid-back environment of game testers; who drives a fancy car neither he nor Jaejoong could afford, who hardly smiles and manages his department with an iron fist.
Never would he expect Yunho to be trolling in a park, with Jaejoong barking childish orders and drinking a beer from a brown paper bag.
But he's known Jaejoong for years, Jaejoong who loves his job, who never wants to grow up. Who still calls him on stormy nights and asks him to come over and hold him when the thunder gets too loud. He's always been the same carefree spirit who endlessly seeks the joys of living.
Yoochun has seen many men and women change for Jaejoong, even when he thinks it's impossible.
"Maybe we should take him back," Yunho holds Jaejoong's hand as he stands from the swing. "He looks tired."
Yoochun would not object to that but Jaejoong glares at him. "No," he shakes his head and pulls Yoochun from the swing with a strong tug of his arm that has him tripping over the uneven sand. "Let's go on the slide."
Yoochun eyes it wearily, it's old; some of the bolts are missing and looks about two slides away from collapsing. "Are you sure this is safe?"
Jaejoong grins and gives him a shove. "Yes, go on," he waits while Yunho's running back like an excited child for another go.
Yoochun sees him puffing, his eyes sparkling. "Weird," he mutters and shakes his head.
"You're weird. 123 go!"
Yoochun cries out as Jaejoong shoves him down and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before landing on his butt in the cold sand. He can hear Jaejoong and Yunho laughing from above.
"Let's go together!" Jaejoong suggests and Yoochun gets to his feet, standing back as he watches Yunho sit backwards as Jaejoong slithers to his lap. He kisses him before they push away from the walls with a kick of Yunho's long legs.
Despite how awkward it looks, by their ringing amusement, it looks like fun.
Yoochun frowns as the sadness envelopes him.
He's not jealous of Jaejoong. He's happy that he's found someone, even if it is Yunho.
Who, honestly, isn't so bad.
He just wishes he could have the same thing. Someone not in his dreams.
Someone he could hold on to, someone he could introduce to Jaejoong.
He knows Jaejoong would love him.
"I think we should go now," Yunho says and Yoochun feels his eyes burning. "Come on, you look like you just want to sleep," he wraps an arm around Yoochun's shoulders and leads away.
He isn't so bad after all.
It feels like it takes longer to see him.
But after walking past countless buildings that fade to fields of marigold he sees him lying in the grass looking up at the sky.
"You found me," he shields his eyes from the sun and looks at him, his hair scattered like a halo around his head. "Lay with me," he reaches up and Yoochun takes his hand.
He rests his head on his chest and his fingers weave through his hair.
"I want you to meet my friend, Jaejoong," Yoochun draws circles over his stomach sleepily. "I want to go out with you," he yawns and closes his eyes. "I want you to be real."
"I'm sorry," he answers softly and Yoochun thinks he's crying.
"Changmin thinks you're cute."
Yoochun glances up from his salad. "Who's that?" he asks him picking through the lettuce for more chicken.
"My friend," Junsu plops down beside him and sets his lunch bag on the table. Jaejoong snorts.
"Yoochun doesn't want to date," he comments with a smirk and Yoochun kicks him under the table. "He only wants to sleep," he kicks him back. "Right, Yoochun?"
Yoochun feels sick and slides the rest of his lunch away from him. "That's right," he stands up and pushes back his chair, "Wish I was asleep now," he grabs his water bottle and walks away.
He's running through a world of bright colors, 2 dimensional puffy clouds in the distance of a cerulean sky.
He leaps through trees, swinging from vines onto flat branches.
When he soars through the sky he falls through a tunnel and lands on his feet into darkness.
Torches flash and in the redness of light he sees him sitting on a rock.
He's dressed like a prince.
"You're here to save me," he holds up his wrists and they're cuffed in chains.
Yoochun rushes over and tries to pry them off.
"I can't," he breathes, trying to catch his breath.
"Yes you can," he looks into his tired eyes and smiles.
Yoochun cries out as he pulls, but they don't break. He looks around for something to use, to set him free. He can see the glint of blade and runs to it, taking it in his hands.
"Who did this?" he tightens his grip around the solid metal, heavy in his palms.
"They're trying to take me away from you," he whispers and for the first time, he looks sad. "I feel like I'm being pulled away," he whispers and his eyes are shining through his cautious smile. "Save me," he begs.
Yoochun yells as he slams down the axe and hears the crush and break of metal.
When he looks up, he's gone.
No matter where he looks, through the dungeon, the hidden hallways of the castle, he can't find him.
Jaejoong and Yunho force him to go out drinking with them.
Respectfully, they keep their hands off one another and focus their attention on him.
"Did someone break your heart?" Yunho asks gently.
Yoochun doesn't think it's so weird anymore.
He actually likes him.
A little more anyway, when they're not at work and he's normal. And Human.
"Tell me who the son-of-a-bitch is and I'll fucking kick his ass," Jaejoong finishes the rest of his beer and Yoochun thinks he loves Jaejoong even more.
He shakes his head, picking at the label of his beer bottle. "Thanks but," he takes a drink and it tastes terrible, "it's not like that," he mutters and looks at his watch.
He wonders if he were asleep, if he'll see him again, like before, when he wasn't disappearing.
"Drink more," Jaejoong slides a shot in front of him and Yoochun attempts a smile. "Maybe we can find someone for you here," he winks as Yoochun takes the shot.
Yunho's carrying him out of the club. He's too drunk to walk on his own and too tired to keep his eyes open.
It feels like he's on an amusement park ride with all the turns and the swivels, the loud music and people screaming and laughing. His arms tighten around Yunho's neck and he opens his eyes for a moment, Jaejoong is laughing with Junsu who is talking about someone named Changmin.
"He was here but I didn't see you guys until after he left. Too bad, they finally could've met."
"Not like this," Yoochun, Jaejoong and Yunho all say together, which Junsu finds absolutely hilarious.
"I want to sleep," Yoochun mutters and hiccups, covering his mouth when he can smell the reek of beer on his breath. "Sorry, Yunho," he apologizes.
Yunho laughs and hoists him up as he walks in steady strides pulling him in when people rush past.
"All you do is sleep, Yoochun, it's not healthy," Jaejoong brushes hair from his eyes and Yoochun can only anticipate seeing him.
"Changmin likes to sleep too," Junsu pipes up.
Yoochun opens his eyes long enough to see him moving and shaking to the music as they stand outside. "Who's Changmin?"
Yoochun calls into work, telling them he's sick.
He stays in bed, doesn't answer the phone when it rings. After Jaejoong calls him the fifth time he turns it off and rolls on his stomach.
He just wants to sleep.
The air is hot and the wind feels dry as it smoothes through his hair. He's surrounded in sand with a white sky.
He feels thirsty and miserable.
All he wants is to see him.
In the distance he can see a dark cloud moving towards him, the wind picking up.
He falls to his knees and waits for him.
"It feels like I'm losing you," he whispers, throat sore and dry.
He's lying in the desert.
When he opens his eyes the sun is blocked.
"I'm right here," he stands over him, his shadow looming and stealing the light from his sight.
Yoochun sits up and feels worn and tired. Starved of energy in the heat.
"You're slipping away," he croaks as he gets to his feet and feels strong arms wrap around him, holding him up.
Yoochun opens the door, eyes too tired, feeling exhausted.
"You're alive." He hears Junsu's concerned voice first.
"Fuck you, Yoochun," Jaejoong marches through the door shoving him aside as he walks in, Junsu and Yunho follow in after him, all of them look worried.
He closes the door slowly and locks it, leaning against it with a sigh. "What are you doing?" he mutters, scrubbing his hands over his face.
"It's been three fucking days," Jaejoong walks to him, checks him out, presses his hand to his forehead, looks into his eyes. He checks his arms and lifts his shirt, examining his chest.
"What are you doing?" Junsu asks, taking a seat on the couch. Yunho walks around the apartment.
"Checking to see if he's fucking killing himself," Jaejoong drops the edge of his shirt and steps back, looking at him like he's crazy. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" he questions his sanity.
Yoochun yawns, his head hurting from too much sleep. "I'm fine," he walks around Jaejoong and collapses on the couch, Junsu moves in and wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls him against his body.
It feels comfortable and nice.
"You've called in twice," Yunho's strong voice makes him open his eyes and reminds him he's there too. "Jaejoong's been going crazy. We thought we should make sure you were ok," he moves towards Jaejoong who walks into his arms and takes deep breaths.
Yoochun feels pain in his chest when he watches them kiss. "I'm fine," he says brokenly and moves away from Junsu, pulling him to his feet. "I just need to sleep, I'm tired," he grabs Jaejoong's wrist with his other hand and walks them to the door.
"Yoochun," he frowns worriedly and touches his face. "You don't need to sleep. You need to eat. You're wasting away."
It feels different from his touch and Yoochun feels the tears.
"I need to sleep," he wipes at the weakness in his eyes. "Please, just let me sleep."
Jaejoong doesn't want to leave him. He can see it in his eyes, read it on his face. But Yunho ushers him out the door and Yoochun closes it with a click.
The first time he doesn't come to him, Yoochun wakes up and watches the sun rise, morning glory ice cold on his face.
If he can't find him in his dreams, what's the point of sleeping?
Junsu watches him carefully, worried and like he's going to collapse at any moment.
"Stop it," Yoochun orders, setting his controller down. When he turns his eyes to him, Junsu smiles helplessly in his boyish charm.
"You've been acting weird," he admits taking a seat on the corner of his desk. "Just making sure you're not going to crack or anything," he crosses his arms protectively over his chest. "Are you ok?" he asks him.
Yoochun thinks.
He's in love with something that isn't real.
That's not ok.
"I'm fine," he lies and tries to smile but he knows Junsu can see through it.
This time it's only for a moment, enough for him to hug him, to kiss him to tell him he loves him.
"I love you too, Yoochun," he whispers into his ear and Yoochun can feel his own tears.
"Then why are you disappearing?" he asks, burying his face in his neck, holding on as long as he can. "Why are you leaving me?"
He presses their hearts together. "I'm not leaving you, Yoochun. Just this place," he pulls back and catches his tears. "Not you, just this," he mummers and kisses him passionately.
"He's the man of your dreams," Junsu tells him when they're going to an off-site meeting.
Jaejoong is kissing ass and walking with Yunho so that leaves Yoochun with Junsu who can't seem to shut up.
What has he done to deserve this?
"Excuse me?" he pulls him back before a man on a bicycle runs him down.
Junsu holds his heart in fright and thanks him profusely until Yoochun leaves him standing in the middle of the street.
On his way to the meeting site, Yoochun thinks about the real man of his dreams.
And how much he misses him.
He doesn't come and Yoochun keeps walking along the dark deserted streets.
All the color is gone and the sky is black, starless with no moon.
He wants to wake up.
"You look like shit," Jaejoong places a cup of coffee in front of Yoochun's face. "Didn't sleep well again?" he asks and turns on his computer.
Yoochun shakes his head as he drinks and lets the warmth of the liquid calm his anxious nerves. "I think I've lost him," he murmurs taking another drink.
"Who?" Jaejoong grabs his controller as he settles in and starts the new game.
Yoochun remembers the laughing eyes.
The laughter, that reminds him of sweet snowfall.
"Him," he answers sadly.
"Who are you talking about?" Jaejoong pauses the game, concern drawn beautifully across his face.
Yoochun remembers the touch of his lips.
"No one," he frowns and finishes his coffee.
Yoochun screams for him at the edge of a cliff, the waves crashing miles below.
He doesn't come.
If he could only see him again. It would mean the world.
But he doesn't come anymore.
And he knows his heart is breaking.
He didn't even get to say goodbye.
And Yoochun hates the feeling.
"It's time for an intervention," he can hear Jaejoong talking but he's too busy trying to catch up on the work he's let pile on his desk.
"He's not a drug addict," Yunho reminds him.
"I don't care, he's addicted to something, maybe not drugs, but something," Jaejoong protests. "Am I the only one who fucking sees it?" he demands and slams his hands on the desk before marching away.
Yoochun's eyes follow him until he disappears.
He's shrouded in darkness.
And he's alone.
"Come back," he whispers and a spotlight appears in the distance.
Yoochun runs to it through the black.
It gets further and further away.
He stops and tries to breathe.
The spot light disappears.
And he screams.
Darkness falls once again.
He's a terrible artist, but on his day off he tries to draw his face.
He can't get the eyes right.
And he always looks sad.
"Jaejoong's concerned," Yunho pulls him into his office and Yoochun looks at him blankly.
"Is this why you've called me in here, to talk about Jaejoong?" he asks him leaning back in his chair unhappily.
Yunho wipes his eyes with patience and sighs. "Ok, if it's business you want to discuss then listen to me, your work performance has dropped tremendously. All your notes are completely incoherent and riddled with mistakes forcing me to push back production times on the games you are responsible for. I now have someone reviewing your work before presenting it to me. Whatever is happening-"
Yoochun glares. "I apologize, I'll strive to do better for you," he stands up abruptly.
"Yoochun-"
He turns to him before leaving. "Is there anything else?" he asks him flatly.
Yunho's face softens, "I care about Jaejoong and Jaejoong cares about you, so I care too. You're one of my best employees and if-"
"I understand," he bows his head and leaves.
Yoochun sits against the wall and waits for Jaejoong to come home. He's been waiting for an hour and his back is starting to hurt.
"What are you doing?" Jaejoong turns the corner and stops in the hallway, his keys in his hand.
"You sent your boyfriend after me?" he stands up looking at him in mistrust.
Jaejoong sighs loudly as he moves to his door and opens it. "I didn't tell him to do that. He wants to help," he grabs the front of Yoochun's shirt and pulls him through, locking the door behind them. "Sit down," he orders and walks to the refrigerator. "Want something to drink?"
"I want to-"
Jaejoong glares at him through the light of the door, "I swear to god, Yoochun, if you say sleep, I'll fucking punch your face."
Yoochun closes his mouth and takes a seat on the couch. He wasn't going to say sleep. He doesn't want to sleep if he can't be with him.
"I think I'm going crazy," Yoochun finally says when Jaejoong hands him a beer. "I miss someone who doesn't exist," he confesses and Jaejoong keeps his eyes on him while he takes a drink.
"What do you mean?" he asks and Yoochun bites his lip.
He hasn't ever told anyone about him.
But he thinks maybe he should. Maybe it will make things better.
Before it makes things so much worse.
"Have you ever had a dream so good, you've never wanted to wake up?" he asks him, setting the bottle on the table as he rests his elbows on his knees.
Jaejoong shakes his head.
With his heart beats erratic and his stomach twisted in terrible knots, he begins to explain and hopes by the end of the night he won't be admitted into a hospital.
Jaejoong's expression is hard to read once Yoochun finishes talking about him. Yoochun wipes at his eyes, realizing at some point he started crying.
Probably around the time his heart was breaking again.
"I'm not crazy," he sits back and grabs the bottle, still full and takes an overdue drink.
Jaejoong just looks at him and doesn't say anything, it's unnerving.
It's making him start to think Jaejoong really does think he's crazy. "Jae-"
"You're in love with someone from your dreams?" he speaks slowly, considering his words, "and now he's not in your dreams anymore?"
Yoochun nods helplessly.
"Yoochun, that does sound crazy," he stands up and walks back into the kitchen.
It takes him a while to get back. He makes coffee and brings Yoochun a cup just in case before taking a seat again.
Yoochun fingers the rim of the mug, looking through the steam. "I know I-"
"You need to start living in the real world, Yoochun," Jaejoong's voice is hard and direct, completely intentional. "I'm not going to try and take away the emotions you're feeling because obviously they're real, but," he shakes his head incredulously, "but he's not real so this. This has to stop now. He's gone now."
It hurts to hear the finality of it.
He is gone.
And he is not real.
Yoochun nods as more tears escape his eyes, he turns his head down and wipes at his face.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong slides on his knees and kneels at his lap, taking his hands in his, holding them tight. He forces their eyes to meet and he looks ready to cry himself. "I know you miss him," he touches his cheek and runs his thumb under his wet eyelashes, "but I miss you. I miss my friend, so please," his voice breaks as he wraps his arms around him and Yoochun collapses in his embrace. "Please come back," he begs and Yoochun cries.
Jaejoong makes him stay the night with him.
He doesn't dream.
And in the morning Jaejoong lets him borrow clothes for work.
"Did he come?" he asks cautiously as they walk to work.
Yoochun drinks from the paper coffee cup and shakes his head, "I told you, he doesn't come anymore," he hands it over to Jaejoong who blows before drinking. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and tries not to think about it. "I'm sorry," he tells him.
Jaejoong hands the cup back. "It's ok," he smiles and wraps his arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry too," he pats the spot right over his heart and Yoochun tries to smile. "You'll be ok," he squeezes him close.
The rest of the way they laugh about nothing and talk about everything.
"I told Yunho I loved him," Jaejoong grins shyly and Yoochun feels his happiness.
"That's really good," he nods through the tightness of his throat and blinks his eyes.
He didn't even know it was so serious.
Yoochun hates that he's missed so much and he thinks telling Jaejoong was important, possibly the best thing he's done in a long time. He knows help him come back, even if that means forgetting him for good.
"Changmin's still interested in meeting you," Junsu tells him a few days later as they're waiting for the meeting to start. He twists in his chair with a smile. "Come on, one date. If you hate him, which you won't, I'll shut up," he proposes.
"Who?" Yoochun inquires, reviewing the bullet points he scribbled to bring up during the discussion.
Junsu looks mortified. "Who? You son of a bitch, it's the friend I keep telling you about." He actually looks angry this time and Yoochun finds it somewhat amusing. "What's the matter with you?"
Yoochun sets his legal pad down and looks at him. "I'm sorry, what?"
Junsu huffs in annoyance as Jaejoong sits down on the other side of Yoochun and hands over bottles of water for them. "What did I miss?"
Junsu looks disgruntled and Yoochun laughs. "He doesn't know who Changmin is," he squawks and takes a long drink from his water glaring at Yoochun, "I've been trying to get you two together for weeks now and he can't stay awake long enough to remember who he is," he slams the bottle down and widens his eyes when he realizes he's being obscenely loud.
Jaejoong smiles, "Yoochun's been in his own world, but he's back now, right?" he elbows him with a grin and Yoochun nods, although hesitantly, "so I think it's a good idea."
Yoochun looks at Jaejoong. "Jaejoong don't you think-" he begins but is cut off almost immediately.
"I think it's a good idea, Yoochun," he gives him those eyes that are a mixture of warning and pleading. Yoochun hates those eyes.
But it will make Jaejoong happy and maybe he could have fun.
He hasn't been on a date in a long time.
He spends his days doing everything he can to not think of him. Perhaps, this could help.
And he knows, it's time to join the real world again.
"One date," Yoochun says and Junsu whoops in victory, shaking him by the arm in excitement. Yoochun tries his hardest not to smile and when Jaejoong brightens, Yoochun punches him and looks at Junsu. "But you're paying."
And Junsu laughs as Yunho walks in.
Yoochun doesn't want his number and the only other stipulation is that he be the liaison between them. He doesn't want this Changmin to have his number either.
"You set it up."
Junsu rolls his eyes as he eats, "This is ridiculous it will be easier if-"
"I said, you set it up."
"This is the last time," Yoochun lies in the bed nestled between the flowers. He looks up into the sky.
Since he's left, the stars have disappeared.
Yoochun glances over and sees the empty space on the bed; he turns and reaches a hand out. If he closes his eyes, he wonders if he can still feel him.
But he doesn't and his hand sweeps over soft cotton.
"Why are you doing this?" Yoochun screams and feels tears in his eyes. "Why are you doing this?" he whispers as they fall.
The water stops flowing and the cool breeze disappears.
When he opens his eyes he's standing, and there's nothing around him.
All of it gone.
"I'm going to forget you now."
He closes his eyes.
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you… now."
"You have to be nice to him," Jaejoong smoothes down the shoulders of his jacket anxiously.
Yoochun's reflection glares at him. "Shut up, Jaejoong."
He's nervous and he knows Jaejoong can see it too.
He flips him around and eyes him carefully. "You look good," he smiles at his work and steps back. "You have to be nice to him," he repeats and laughs when Yoochun punches him.
Junsu looks terribly apologetic when Yoochun sees him at work. He knows it's not his fault Changmin was a no show, but there's a part of him that really wants to hurt him. "Don't say it," he warns.
"I'm so sorry!" he rushes and Yoochun bites back the slew of obscenities that want to stream out. "His mother got food poisoning. He's really sorry."
Yoochun heaves a sigh and leans back in his chair. Junsu offers him a drink of his water. He finishes it and hands it back. "It's ok," he mutters and wipes at his eyes, he's sleeping better, but the dreams are different, abstract and nightmarish.
When he realizes he won't be getting punched, Junsu brightens. "He still wants to go out though," he informs Yoochun.
"I don't think so," he says wearily and Junsu hits him.
"Don't be like that, he's a good guy. He took care of his poisoned mother!"
He thinks about it.
If it is true, Yoochun thinks it's very nice of him.
It's the kind of thing he would do.
"One more try and this time, I promise, he'll be there," he smiles and Yoochun glances at him.
It would be nice to have something real for once.
"One more try," Yoochun agrees and turns on his computer.
He thinks he sees him again and he runs.
When he turns him around he's looking into his own eyes.
And there's a hole in his chest where his heart used to be.
He stops dreaming after that.
Yoochun has his date with Changmin tonight.
According to Junsu, they're going to dinner and then the theater.
He doesn't want to admit it but, he's almost excited.
He hasn't been on a date in a long time and he's trying his best to start living again.
Yoochun decides to walk to the market instead of taking his car. It's not far and the sun is out and it's a beautiful day, he hasn't walked around his neighborhood in months, which is a shame, he lives in a very nice, friendly neighborhood.
The cold air of winter is trickling away into a cool spring and the flowers are blooming.
"Wear the black jacket. It looks great on you."
Yoochun shifts the weight of his groceries onto his other hand as he waits at a corner for the light to turn green and Jaejoong continues to drone on through the phone.
"And don't wear jeans, you want to dress appropriately."
"I know how to dress, Jaejoong," he bows his head in respect as an old couple walks by and smile at him.
He can hear Jaejoong snickering. "If you need me to crash your date just send me a blank text and I'll be there in a second."
Yoochun laughs and crosses the street when it clears. "I'll be fine. I should go, I think my bags are about to break," he grips the plastic bag tighter and lets him go, but not before hearing another ear full of appropriate date etiquette guidelines to follow.
He slides his phone in his pocket before taking the other bag into his free hand and continues on his way down the street.
As he passes a park he sees kids playing on the jungle gym and there's a basketball game on the court.
He can see his apartment in the distance and he remembers he's on the wrong side of the street. If he walks to the light he'll have to back track.
He sighs when he hears his phone ring again.
It's Junsu by the happy ringtone Junsu managed to set while he wasn't paying attention and stole his phone.
He sets a bag down and reaches for the cell.
"7:30 sharp, Yoochun. Your dinner reservation is for 7:30. Don't be late, Changmin is big on punctuality."
"This coming from the guy who didn't even bother to show up the last time," Yoochun bites and watches the cars zoom by, loudly. He can hardly hear him, and that isn't really a bad thing.
"That was an emergency," Junsu huffs, "And wear the black jacket and oh, no jeans. They're tacky."
Sometimes Yoochun thinks Jaejoong and Junsu share a brain, which is a clear insult to Jaejoong. "Black jacket, no jeans, check. Look I've got to go, my ice cream's melting and I need to find a break in traffic or I may kill myself running across. Bye, Junsu."
"Ok, I'll talk to you later. You have to tell me everything."
Yoochun smiles as he pinches the bridge of his nose to ease the growing headache away. "I will," and hangs up.
It's when he's walking closer to his apartment that he sees him.
And he stops.
It's him.
Walking on the other side of the street, tall and handsome, dark hair the color of raven's wings.
"I'm dreaming." Yoochun's bags fall to the cement. "I'm dreaming," he whispers and watches as he walks slowly, dressed in a black jacket and jeans. He looks lost.
He looks amazing.
Amazing and alive.
Yoochun runs.
"It's him," he can hear his voice behind the screeching sounds of horns and tires skidding.
He can think about how he didn't just kill himself later and keeps running, pushing past walking pedestrians until he's behind him and grabs his shoulders with shaky fingers.
"Hey! What the fuck?"
Yoochun flips him around and he's strong and solid under his hands.
He's real.
"Its you," he looks at him, "You're real," Yoochun breathes, his heart pounding, his eyes shining.
It feels like the rest of the world is melting away, no noise, nobody.
Just them.
"I'm not crazy," Yoochun's bites his lips, his head pounding.
He looks at him completely surprised and a little scared and after a few moments he speaks, "Excuse me?"
His voice is the same. Exactly the same as he remembers.
He wants to do something other than stare, but it's hard because it's really him.
And he's not asleep.
"Yoochun?" speaks and looks down at the photograph and Yoochun can see his address in Junsu's handwriting.
He was looking for him.
Coming to find him.
"I'm Changmin."
Changmin.
Changmin.
Changmin
Memories flash through his mind.
The man in the lobby. The dream in the forest. Junsu trying to set him up. Him. Slowly disappearing.
"Changmin thinks your cute."
"I told my friend about you… He's pretty interested."
He was talking about him.
Yoochun laughs, throwing his arms around him, holding him tight, feeling his heart beat against his chest, listening to the sudden rush of air that escapes Changmin's lungs. He thinks he really might be crying. "You're Changmin?"
He started disappearing once Junsu talked about him. About the guy, the friend, the man of your dreams.
It can't really be happening.
Changmin pulls him away gently, a bit hesitant. "Junsu gave me a picture," he takes a step back to put proper distance between them and extends his hand, "I've been waiting a long time to meet you in person," he smiles and it's the same.
Exactly as he remembers.
And he thinks his heart may explode.
"I know what you mean," Yoochun slides his hand in, blinking back tears.
He's not dreaming.
He is really standing right here, right in front of him.
And he's real.
Yoochun wipes his eyes and feels a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry, please excuse me," he laughs.
Changmin smiles at him and the world turns to the color, vibrant and full of life. He can hear the cars, the people. He can feel the wind on his face, the sun in his hair and he can feel his skin.
Yoochun tightens his fingers and pulls him in closer, reaches up and touches his face affectionately.
Like Silk.
Changmin looks uneasy but doesn't stop him. "What are you doing?" He searches his eyes as Yoochun leans in even closer and he can taste the air the escapes his lips.
His lips hover over his mouth for a moment and he gazes into his eyes. "Making sure you're real," Yoochun whispers and swallows the surprised gasp when he kisses him.
His mouth tastes like a dream.
| 01 |
[Master Fic List]
Title: Dreaming of You
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin
Genre: Slight Angst, Drama, General, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Yoochun dreams of him.
Yoochun lies in bed, he can't seem to sleep.
He doesn't know why.
He wants nothing more but to sleep. To meet him again. To be with him.
He's happy that way. He's happy with him.
If he had it his way, he'd never leave.
And he knows that can't be completely healthy.
It makes him think about work and Junsu.
Junsu trying to set him up.
Yoochun can remember a time when he'd never turn down a date.
But thing's have changed.
He doesn't want to meet other people.
He wants him.
He doesn't want to go to work, it gives him less time to sleep.
He only wants to be with him.
With him.
Someone who's not real.
He's in a forest and he can't see him. The sky is mauve and enormous clusters of birds circle around the tree tops like they're preying. The sound of crackling branches below his feet sing out to the heavens and Yoochun breathes in the fresh air.
As he walks, enjoying the peace of nature, he hears voices and they sound familiar.
His feet move as if pulled and there's a break in the trees.
He sees him.
And Junsu.
They're talking and he's laughing at something Junsu's says.
It looks intimate.
Yoochun feels a fast and fiery surge of jealously as he approaches them.
"What's this?" he asks, glaring at Junsu who turns around and looks surprised to see him.
"Yoochun."
Junsu takes a step back when he can tell he's angry. "I was just-"
He falls beside him and takes his hand, when he smiles, like nothing is wrong and kisses his mouth, Yoochun feels the anger trickle, leaving him with warmth. "Hi," he whispers when his mouth pulls away and his eyes are gold and smiling.
Yoochun almost forgets Junsu is there. "Hi," he touches his face and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Um-" Junsu coughs.
Yoochun narrows his eyes and whips around. "You," he points. "Disappear."
And he does.
When he turns back around he's laughing but Yoochun's not.
"Do you know him?" he asks Yoochun, laughter on his words.
And for one horrifying moment, Yoochun thinks, maybe he's not the only one who can see him.
"He's my friend," Yoochun answers letting his hand go. "Do you know him?"
He looks at him with eyes filled with secrets and nods. "He's my friend," he answers with a smile.
Yoochun thinks he hears his heart shattering in his chest and he can't breathe.
"Does he know your name?" Yoochun moves away slowly, the leaves turning brown, dying around him as the discomfort percolates into a tight knot in his stomach, the sky turning grey.
He laughs again, "Of course, he's my friend."
He feels sick. "Tell me your name," Yoochun asks.
He steps forward, slowly, like a ghost, haunting and intoxicating. "You know my name," he reaches for him and his touch slithers against his cheek, around his neck, curling intimately around his breaking heart. He can feel him pasting the parts together again.
He whimpers when his kisses him. "Please," he pleads softly, his hands finding the warmth of his body. "Tell me."
He kisses him again in answer.
Yoochun glares at Junsu from his desk.
"It looks like you want to kill him," Jaejoong comments from his side of the cubical.
Yoochun ignores him.
And his work.
"Did he do something?"
Yoochun curls his hand into a fist.
"Did you forget how to speak today?"
Yoochun turns to Jaejoong without a word and gets up to leave.
It's not like he can confront him.
He was dreaming. He shouldn't even be angry, it was just a dream.
But Junsu knows his name and knows who he is.
And that pisses him off and breaks his heart just a little.
And he's perfectly aware of how crazy that sounds.
"So, I told my friend about you," Junsu sets a sandwich in front of Yoochun as he pulls a chair up between him and Jaejoong. "He's pretty interested, showed him your picture and everything."
Yoochun ignores him and tries to finish out the final kinks of the game he's testing.
"I think you should stop being so stubborn and just agree to a date with him. You'll like him."
Yoochun's eyes focus on the demon he's trying to kill and he can hear Junsu sip from his cup. He wants him to choke.
"Ok, what's your problem?" Junsu asks with a full mouth and Yoochun sees movement from Jaejoong's direction.
"He hasn't said a word all day," he can hear Jaejoong speaking. "And it looks like he wants to do very bad things to you and not the good kind of bad."
Yoochun's fingers tighten around the controller as he attacks the character who has slowly transformed into Junsu and he's almost got him.
"What did I do?" he asks in the direction of Jaejoong, before whipping around and Yoochun can feel his eyes on him, like bugs crawling across his cheek, "What did I do?"
"It's no use, I've tried all day. He's suddenly gone mute," Jaejoong laughs and Junsu grabs his cup sucking loudly at the straw.
"Well, when you decide to talk again, come talk to me. We've got a date to plan," he squeezes his shoulder as he stands and it feels like his skin is burning.
Yoochun whips his sword and kills Junsu.
It takes a while before he shows up, he's been walking down deserted cobblestone streets and the stores and houses look like the ones in his history text books.
He can smell fresh bread and rich coffee, but the shops are closed and no one is around.
He's leaning against an old fashion light pole, dressed in old fashioned clothes and he looks so handsome his heart feels like it's glowing inside his chest. Yoochun's pace quickens until they're standing right in front of each other and his fingers itch to touch him. His mouth craves for his taste.
When Yoochun reaches for him, his hand slides in delicately and everything feels right.
"Do you miss me?" he asks and Yoochun nods, pulling him against his body, savoring the warmth against his chest.
"I miss you all the time," Yoochun whispers and kisses his mouth, he's delicious.
He hums when they part and his eyes are bright. "Let's do something fun," he smiles and grabs his hand.
Yoochun breaks through the surface, the rushing water of the river carrying him along. He appears, his hair matted to his head, drops on his eye lashes.
He wades to him and Yoochun laughs when his legs wrap around his waist.
"Don't let me go," he kisses his neck and Yoochun shivers. His arms curl around his neck and Yoochun feels himself slipping into the depth of the water world.
"Let's go out," Jaejoong calls Yoochun as he lies in bed stirred from sleep, it's the middle of the night and the sound of his phone rouses him to consciousness.
He remembers the rushing music of the waterfall, the magnificent surrounds of trees and blue sky. He remembers the sound of his laughter.
"I was sleeping," Yoochun groans rolling to his side, his phone tucked evenly between his shoulder and pillow. He just wants to go back.
"You're always sleeping. Come out for once, you loser."
Yoochun, eyes the clock, it's almost 1 in the morning. He wonders how drunk Jaejoong is, though he can't tell from his voice. "It's late, everything's closing soon." He hopes it's an adequate reason but there's bite to Jaejoong's words.
"I'm on my way to get you so get your ass out of bed. You're spending time in the real world tonight." And he hangs up.
They're in a park. It's dark and the wind is icy against their cheeks. Jaejoong is being pushed by Yunho, who he failed to mention would be joining them.
"Wake up!" Jaejoong yells as he swings by and Yoochun jerks in his own swing.
He rubs his eyes. "I'm tired," he mutters and starts kicking himself from the sand, moving into the air.
It feels like he's flying.
"Ok stop. Stop, I'm getting dizzy," Jaejoong calls out and Yoochun sees Yunho prepare to slow him down.
It doesn't surprise Yoochun that Jaejoong would choose a deserted park to hang out in the middle of the night, but it does make him question Yunho's sanity. Yunho, who wears expensive suits at work, despite the laid-back environment of game testers; who drives a fancy car neither he nor Jaejoong could afford, who hardly smiles and manages his department with an iron fist.
Never would he expect Yunho to be trolling in a park, with Jaejoong barking childish orders and drinking a beer from a brown paper bag.
But he's known Jaejoong for years, Jaejoong who loves his job, who never wants to grow up. Who still calls him on stormy nights and asks him to come over and hold him when the thunder gets too loud. He's always been the same carefree spirit who endlessly seeks the joys of living.
Yoochun has seen many men and women change for Jaejoong, even when he thinks it's impossible.
"Maybe we should take him back," Yunho holds Jaejoong's hand as he stands from the swing. "He looks tired."
Yoochun would not object to that but Jaejoong glares at him. "No," he shakes his head and pulls Yoochun from the swing with a strong tug of his arm that has him tripping over the uneven sand. "Let's go on the slide."
Yoochun eyes it wearily, it's old; some of the bolts are missing and looks about two slides away from collapsing. "Are you sure this is safe?"
Jaejoong grins and gives him a shove. "Yes, go on," he waits while Yunho's running back like an excited child for another go.
Yoochun sees him puffing, his eyes sparkling. "Weird," he mutters and shakes his head.
"You're weird. 123 go!"
Yoochun cries out as Jaejoong shoves him down and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before landing on his butt in the cold sand. He can hear Jaejoong and Yunho laughing from above.
"Let's go together!" Jaejoong suggests and Yoochun gets to his feet, standing back as he watches Yunho sit backwards as Jaejoong slithers to his lap. He kisses him before they push away from the walls with a kick of Yunho's long legs.
Despite how awkward it looks, by their ringing amusement, it looks like fun.
Yoochun frowns as the sadness envelopes him.
He's not jealous of Jaejoong. He's happy that he's found someone, even if it is Yunho.
Who, honestly, isn't so bad.
He just wishes he could have the same thing. Someone not in his dreams.
Someone he could hold on to, someone he could introduce to Jaejoong.
He knows Jaejoong would love him.
"I think we should go now," Yunho says and Yoochun feels his eyes burning. "Come on, you look like you just want to sleep," he wraps an arm around Yoochun's shoulders and leads away.
He isn't so bad after all.
It feels like it takes longer to see him.
But after walking past countless buildings that fade to fields of marigold he sees him lying in the grass looking up at the sky.
"You found me," he shields his eyes from the sun and looks at him, his hair scattered like a halo around his head. "Lay with me," he reaches up and Yoochun takes his hand.
He rests his head on his chest and his fingers weave through his hair.
"I want you to meet my friend, Jaejoong," Yoochun draws circles over his stomach sleepily. "I want to go out with you," he yawns and closes his eyes. "I want you to be real."
"I'm sorry," he answers softly and Yoochun thinks he's crying.
"Changmin thinks you're cute."
Yoochun glances up from his salad. "Who's that?" he asks him picking through the lettuce for more chicken.
"My friend," Junsu plops down beside him and sets his lunch bag on the table. Jaejoong snorts.
"Yoochun doesn't want to date," he comments with a smirk and Yoochun kicks him under the table. "He only wants to sleep," he kicks him back. "Right, Yoochun?"
Yoochun feels sick and slides the rest of his lunch away from him. "That's right," he stands up and pushes back his chair, "Wish I was asleep now," he grabs his water bottle and walks away.
He's running through a world of bright colors, 2 dimensional puffy clouds in the distance of a cerulean sky.
He leaps through trees, swinging from vines onto flat branches.
When he soars through the sky he falls through a tunnel and lands on his feet into darkness.
Torches flash and in the redness of light he sees him sitting on a rock.
He's dressed like a prince.
"You're here to save me," he holds up his wrists and they're cuffed in chains.
Yoochun rushes over and tries to pry them off.
"I can't," he breathes, trying to catch his breath.
"Yes you can," he looks into his tired eyes and smiles.
Yoochun cries out as he pulls, but they don't break. He looks around for something to use, to set him free. He can see the glint of blade and runs to it, taking it in his hands.
"Who did this?" he tightens his grip around the solid metal, heavy in his palms.
"They're trying to take me away from you," he whispers and for the first time, he looks sad. "I feel like I'm being pulled away," he whispers and his eyes are shining through his cautious smile. "Save me," he begs.
Yoochun yells as he slams down the axe and hears the crush and break of metal.
When he looks up, he's gone.
No matter where he looks, through the dungeon, the hidden hallways of the castle, he can't find him.
Jaejoong and Yunho force him to go out drinking with them.
Respectfully, they keep their hands off one another and focus their attention on him.
"Did someone break your heart?" Yunho asks gently.
Yoochun doesn't think it's so weird anymore.
He actually likes him.
A little more anyway, when they're not at work and he's normal. And Human.
"Tell me who the son-of-a-bitch is and I'll fucking kick his ass," Jaejoong finishes the rest of his beer and Yoochun thinks he loves Jaejoong even more.
He shakes his head, picking at the label of his beer bottle. "Thanks but," he takes a drink and it tastes terrible, "it's not like that," he mutters and looks at his watch.
He wonders if he were asleep, if he'll see him again, like before, when he wasn't disappearing.
"Drink more," Jaejoong slides a shot in front of him and Yoochun attempts a smile. "Maybe we can find someone for you here," he winks as Yoochun takes the shot.
Yunho's carrying him out of the club. He's too drunk to walk on his own and too tired to keep his eyes open.
It feels like he's on an amusement park ride with all the turns and the swivels, the loud music and people screaming and laughing. His arms tighten around Yunho's neck and he opens his eyes for a moment, Jaejoong is laughing with Junsu who is talking about someone named Changmin.
"He was here but I didn't see you guys until after he left. Too bad, they finally could've met."
"Not like this," Yoochun, Jaejoong and Yunho all say together, which Junsu finds absolutely hilarious.
"I want to sleep," Yoochun mutters and hiccups, covering his mouth when he can smell the reek of beer on his breath. "Sorry, Yunho," he apologizes.
Yunho laughs and hoists him up as he walks in steady strides pulling him in when people rush past.
"All you do is sleep, Yoochun, it's not healthy," Jaejoong brushes hair from his eyes and Yoochun can only anticipate seeing him.
"Changmin likes to sleep too," Junsu pipes up.
Yoochun opens his eyes long enough to see him moving and shaking to the music as they stand outside. "Who's Changmin?"
Yoochun calls into work, telling them he's sick.
He stays in bed, doesn't answer the phone when it rings. After Jaejoong calls him the fifth time he turns it off and rolls on his stomach.
He just wants to sleep.
The air is hot and the wind feels dry as it smoothes through his hair. He's surrounded in sand with a white sky.
He feels thirsty and miserable.
All he wants is to see him.
In the distance he can see a dark cloud moving towards him, the wind picking up.
He falls to his knees and waits for him.
"It feels like I'm losing you," he whispers, throat sore and dry.
He's lying in the desert.
When he opens his eyes the sun is blocked.
"I'm right here," he stands over him, his shadow looming and stealing the light from his sight.
Yoochun sits up and feels worn and tired. Starved of energy in the heat.
"You're slipping away," he croaks as he gets to his feet and feels strong arms wrap around him, holding him up.
Yoochun opens the door, eyes too tired, feeling exhausted.
"You're alive." He hears Junsu's concerned voice first.
"Fuck you, Yoochun," Jaejoong marches through the door shoving him aside as he walks in, Junsu and Yunho follow in after him, all of them look worried.
He closes the door slowly and locks it, leaning against it with a sigh. "What are you doing?" he mutters, scrubbing his hands over his face.
"It's been three fucking days," Jaejoong walks to him, checks him out, presses his hand to his forehead, looks into his eyes. He checks his arms and lifts his shirt, examining his chest.
"What are you doing?" Junsu asks, taking a seat on the couch. Yunho walks around the apartment.
"Checking to see if he's fucking killing himself," Jaejoong drops the edge of his shirt and steps back, looking at him like he's crazy. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" he questions his sanity.
Yoochun yawns, his head hurting from too much sleep. "I'm fine," he walks around Jaejoong and collapses on the couch, Junsu moves in and wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls him against his body.
It feels comfortable and nice.
"You've called in twice," Yunho's strong voice makes him open his eyes and reminds him he's there too. "Jaejoong's been going crazy. We thought we should make sure you were ok," he moves towards Jaejoong who walks into his arms and takes deep breaths.
Yoochun feels pain in his chest when he watches them kiss. "I'm fine," he says brokenly and moves away from Junsu, pulling him to his feet. "I just need to sleep, I'm tired," he grabs Jaejoong's wrist with his other hand and walks them to the door.
"Yoochun," he frowns worriedly and touches his face. "You don't need to sleep. You need to eat. You're wasting away."
It feels different from his touch and Yoochun feels the tears.
"I need to sleep," he wipes at the weakness in his eyes. "Please, just let me sleep."
Jaejoong doesn't want to leave him. He can see it in his eyes, read it on his face. But Yunho ushers him out the door and Yoochun closes it with a click.
The first time he doesn't come to him, Yoochun wakes up and watches the sun rise, morning glory ice cold on his face.
If he can't find him in his dreams, what's the point of sleeping?
Junsu watches him carefully, worried and like he's going to collapse at any moment.
"Stop it," Yoochun orders, setting his controller down. When he turns his eyes to him, Junsu smiles helplessly in his boyish charm.
"You've been acting weird," he admits taking a seat on the corner of his desk. "Just making sure you're not going to crack or anything," he crosses his arms protectively over his chest. "Are you ok?" he asks him.
Yoochun thinks.
He's in love with something that isn't real.
That's not ok.
"I'm fine," he lies and tries to smile but he knows Junsu can see through it.
This time it's only for a moment, enough for him to hug him, to kiss him to tell him he loves him.
"I love you too, Yoochun," he whispers into his ear and Yoochun can feel his own tears.
"Then why are you disappearing?" he asks, burying his face in his neck, holding on as long as he can. "Why are you leaving me?"
He presses their hearts together. "I'm not leaving you, Yoochun. Just this place," he pulls back and catches his tears. "Not you, just this," he mummers and kisses him passionately.
"He's the man of your dreams," Junsu tells him when they're going to an off-site meeting.
Jaejoong is kissing ass and walking with Yunho so that leaves Yoochun with Junsu who can't seem to shut up.
What has he done to deserve this?
"Excuse me?" he pulls him back before a man on a bicycle runs him down.
Junsu holds his heart in fright and thanks him profusely until Yoochun leaves him standing in the middle of the street.
On his way to the meeting site, Yoochun thinks about the real man of his dreams.
And how much he misses him.
He doesn't come and Yoochun keeps walking along the dark deserted streets.
All the color is gone and the sky is black, starless with no moon.
He wants to wake up.
"You look like shit," Jaejoong places a cup of coffee in front of Yoochun's face. "Didn't sleep well again?" he asks and turns on his computer.
Yoochun shakes his head as he drinks and lets the warmth of the liquid calm his anxious nerves. "I think I've lost him," he murmurs taking another drink.
"Who?" Jaejoong grabs his controller as he settles in and starts the new game.
Yoochun remembers the laughing eyes.
The laughter, that reminds him of sweet snowfall.
"Him," he answers sadly.
"Who are you talking about?" Jaejoong pauses the game, concern drawn beautifully across his face.
Yoochun remembers the touch of his lips.
"No one," he frowns and finishes his coffee.
Yoochun screams for him at the edge of a cliff, the waves crashing miles below.
He doesn't come.
If he could only see him again. It would mean the world.
But he doesn't come anymore.
And he knows his heart is breaking.
He didn't even get to say goodbye.
And Yoochun hates the feeling.
"It's time for an intervention," he can hear Jaejoong talking but he's too busy trying to catch up on the work he's let pile on his desk.
"He's not a drug addict," Yunho reminds him.
"I don't care, he's addicted to something, maybe not drugs, but something," Jaejoong protests. "Am I the only one who fucking sees it?" he demands and slams his hands on the desk before marching away.
Yoochun's eyes follow him until he disappears.
He's shrouded in darkness.
And he's alone.
"Come back," he whispers and a spotlight appears in the distance.
Yoochun runs to it through the black.
It gets further and further away.
He stops and tries to breathe.
The spot light disappears.
And he screams.
Darkness falls once again.
He's a terrible artist, but on his day off he tries to draw his face.
He can't get the eyes right.
And he always looks sad.
"Jaejoong's concerned," Yunho pulls him into his office and Yoochun looks at him blankly.
"Is this why you've called me in here, to talk about Jaejoong?" he asks him leaning back in his chair unhappily.
Yunho wipes his eyes with patience and sighs. "Ok, if it's business you want to discuss then listen to me, your work performance has dropped tremendously. All your notes are completely incoherent and riddled with mistakes forcing me to push back production times on the games you are responsible for. I now have someone reviewing your work before presenting it to me. Whatever is happening-"
Yoochun glares. "I apologize, I'll strive to do better for you," he stands up abruptly.
"Yoochun-"
He turns to him before leaving. "Is there anything else?" he asks him flatly.
Yunho's face softens, "I care about Jaejoong and Jaejoong cares about you, so I care too. You're one of my best employees and if-"
"I understand," he bows his head and leaves.
Yoochun sits against the wall and waits for Jaejoong to come home. He's been waiting for an hour and his back is starting to hurt.
"What are you doing?" Jaejoong turns the corner and stops in the hallway, his keys in his hand.
"You sent your boyfriend after me?" he stands up looking at him in mistrust.
Jaejoong sighs loudly as he moves to his door and opens it. "I didn't tell him to do that. He wants to help," he grabs the front of Yoochun's shirt and pulls him through, locking the door behind them. "Sit down," he orders and walks to the refrigerator. "Want something to drink?"
"I want to-"
Jaejoong glares at him through the light of the door, "I swear to god, Yoochun, if you say sleep, I'll fucking punch your face."
Yoochun closes his mouth and takes a seat on the couch. He wasn't going to say sleep. He doesn't want to sleep if he can't be with him.
"I think I'm going crazy," Yoochun finally says when Jaejoong hands him a beer. "I miss someone who doesn't exist," he confesses and Jaejoong keeps his eyes on him while he takes a drink.
"What do you mean?" he asks and Yoochun bites his lip.
He hasn't ever told anyone about him.
But he thinks maybe he should. Maybe it will make things better.
Before it makes things so much worse.
"Have you ever had a dream so good, you've never wanted to wake up?" he asks him, setting the bottle on the table as he rests his elbows on his knees.
Jaejoong shakes his head.
With his heart beats erratic and his stomach twisted in terrible knots, he begins to explain and hopes by the end of the night he won't be admitted into a hospital.
Jaejoong's expression is hard to read once Yoochun finishes talking about him. Yoochun wipes at his eyes, realizing at some point he started crying.
Probably around the time his heart was breaking again.
"I'm not crazy," he sits back and grabs the bottle, still full and takes an overdue drink.
Jaejoong just looks at him and doesn't say anything, it's unnerving.
It's making him start to think Jaejoong really does think he's crazy. "Jae-"
"You're in love with someone from your dreams?" he speaks slowly, considering his words, "and now he's not in your dreams anymore?"
Yoochun nods helplessly.
"Yoochun, that does sound crazy," he stands up and walks back into the kitchen.
It takes him a while to get back. He makes coffee and brings Yoochun a cup just in case before taking a seat again.
Yoochun fingers the rim of the mug, looking through the steam. "I know I-"
"You need to start living in the real world, Yoochun," Jaejoong's voice is hard and direct, completely intentional. "I'm not going to try and take away the emotions you're feeling because obviously they're real, but," he shakes his head incredulously, "but he's not real so this. This has to stop now. He's gone now."
It hurts to hear the finality of it.
He is gone.
And he is not real.
Yoochun nods as more tears escape his eyes, he turns his head down and wipes at his face.
"Yoochun," Jaejoong slides on his knees and kneels at his lap, taking his hands in his, holding them tight. He forces their eyes to meet and he looks ready to cry himself. "I know you miss him," he touches his cheek and runs his thumb under his wet eyelashes, "but I miss you. I miss my friend, so please," his voice breaks as he wraps his arms around him and Yoochun collapses in his embrace. "Please come back," he begs and Yoochun cries.
Jaejoong makes him stay the night with him.
He doesn't dream.
And in the morning Jaejoong lets him borrow clothes for work.
"Did he come?" he asks cautiously as they walk to work.
Yoochun drinks from the paper coffee cup and shakes his head, "I told you, he doesn't come anymore," he hands it over to Jaejoong who blows before drinking. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and tries not to think about it. "I'm sorry," he tells him.
Jaejoong hands the cup back. "It's ok," he smiles and wraps his arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry too," he pats the spot right over his heart and Yoochun tries to smile. "You'll be ok," he squeezes him close.
The rest of the way they laugh about nothing and talk about everything.
"I told Yunho I loved him," Jaejoong grins shyly and Yoochun feels his happiness.
"That's really good," he nods through the tightness of his throat and blinks his eyes.
He didn't even know it was so serious.
Yoochun hates that he's missed so much and he thinks telling Jaejoong was important, possibly the best thing he's done in a long time. He knows help him come back, even if that means forgetting him for good.
"Changmin's still interested in meeting you," Junsu tells him a few days later as they're waiting for the meeting to start. He twists in his chair with a smile. "Come on, one date. If you hate him, which you won't, I'll shut up," he proposes.
"Who?" Yoochun inquires, reviewing the bullet points he scribbled to bring up during the discussion.
Junsu looks mortified. "Who? You son of a bitch, it's the friend I keep telling you about." He actually looks angry this time and Yoochun finds it somewhat amusing. "What's the matter with you?"
Yoochun sets his legal pad down and looks at him. "I'm sorry, what?"
Junsu huffs in annoyance as Jaejoong sits down on the other side of Yoochun and hands over bottles of water for them. "What did I miss?"
Junsu looks disgruntled and Yoochun laughs. "He doesn't know who Changmin is," he squawks and takes a long drink from his water glaring at Yoochun, "I've been trying to get you two together for weeks now and he can't stay awake long enough to remember who he is," he slams the bottle down and widens his eyes when he realizes he's being obscenely loud.
Jaejoong smiles, "Yoochun's been in his own world, but he's back now, right?" he elbows him with a grin and Yoochun nods, although hesitantly, "so I think it's a good idea."
Yoochun looks at Jaejoong. "Jaejoong don't you think-" he begins but is cut off almost immediately.
"I think it's a good idea, Yoochun," he gives him those eyes that are a mixture of warning and pleading. Yoochun hates those eyes.
But it will make Jaejoong happy and maybe he could have fun.
He hasn't been on a date in a long time.
He spends his days doing everything he can to not think of him. Perhaps, this could help.
And he knows, it's time to join the real world again.
"One date," Yoochun says and Junsu whoops in victory, shaking him by the arm in excitement. Yoochun tries his hardest not to smile and when Jaejoong brightens, Yoochun punches him and looks at Junsu. "But you're paying."
And Junsu laughs as Yunho walks in.
Yoochun doesn't want his number and the only other stipulation is that he be the liaison between them. He doesn't want this Changmin to have his number either.
"You set it up."
Junsu rolls his eyes as he eats, "This is ridiculous it will be easier if-"
"I said, you set it up."
"This is the last time," Yoochun lies in the bed nestled between the flowers. He looks up into the sky.
Since he's left, the stars have disappeared.
Yoochun glances over and sees the empty space on the bed; he turns and reaches a hand out. If he closes his eyes, he wonders if he can still feel him.
But he doesn't and his hand sweeps over soft cotton.
"Why are you doing this?" Yoochun screams and feels tears in his eyes. "Why are you doing this?" he whispers as they fall.
The water stops flowing and the cool breeze disappears.
When he opens his eyes he's standing, and there's nothing around him.
All of it gone.
"I'm going to forget you now."
He closes his eyes.
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you now."
"I'm going to forget you… now."
"You have to be nice to him," Jaejoong smoothes down the shoulders of his jacket anxiously.
Yoochun's reflection glares at him. "Shut up, Jaejoong."
He's nervous and he knows Jaejoong can see it too.
He flips him around and eyes him carefully. "You look good," he smiles at his work and steps back. "You have to be nice to him," he repeats and laughs when Yoochun punches him.
Junsu looks terribly apologetic when Yoochun sees him at work. He knows it's not his fault Changmin was a no show, but there's a part of him that really wants to hurt him. "Don't say it," he warns.
"I'm so sorry!" he rushes and Yoochun bites back the slew of obscenities that want to stream out. "His mother got food poisoning. He's really sorry."
Yoochun heaves a sigh and leans back in his chair. Junsu offers him a drink of his water. He finishes it and hands it back. "It's ok," he mutters and wipes at his eyes, he's sleeping better, but the dreams are different, abstract and nightmarish.
When he realizes he won't be getting punched, Junsu brightens. "He still wants to go out though," he informs Yoochun.
"I don't think so," he says wearily and Junsu hits him.
"Don't be like that, he's a good guy. He took care of his poisoned mother!"
He thinks about it.
If it is true, Yoochun thinks it's very nice of him.
It's the kind of thing he would do.
"One more try and this time, I promise, he'll be there," he smiles and Yoochun glances at him.
It would be nice to have something real for once.
"One more try," Yoochun agrees and turns on his computer.
He thinks he sees him again and he runs.
When he turns him around he's looking into his own eyes.
And there's a hole in his chest where his heart used to be.
He stops dreaming after that.
Yoochun has his date with Changmin tonight.
According to Junsu, they're going to dinner and then the theater.
He doesn't want to admit it but, he's almost excited.
He hasn't been on a date in a long time and he's trying his best to start living again.
Yoochun decides to walk to the market instead of taking his car. It's not far and the sun is out and it's a beautiful day, he hasn't walked around his neighborhood in months, which is a shame, he lives in a very nice, friendly neighborhood.
The cold air of winter is trickling away into a cool spring and the flowers are blooming.
"Wear the black jacket. It looks great on you."
Yoochun shifts the weight of his groceries onto his other hand as he waits at a corner for the light to turn green and Jaejoong continues to drone on through the phone.
"And don't wear jeans, you want to dress appropriately."
"I know how to dress, Jaejoong," he bows his head in respect as an old couple walks by and smile at him.
He can hear Jaejoong snickering. "If you need me to crash your date just send me a blank text and I'll be there in a second."
Yoochun laughs and crosses the street when it clears. "I'll be fine. I should go, I think my bags are about to break," he grips the plastic bag tighter and lets him go, but not before hearing another ear full of appropriate date etiquette guidelines to follow.
He slides his phone in his pocket before taking the other bag into his free hand and continues on his way down the street.
As he passes a park he sees kids playing on the jungle gym and there's a basketball game on the court.
He can see his apartment in the distance and he remembers he's on the wrong side of the street. If he walks to the light he'll have to back track.
He sighs when he hears his phone ring again.
It's Junsu by the happy ringtone Junsu managed to set while he wasn't paying attention and stole his phone.
He sets a bag down and reaches for the cell.
"7:30 sharp, Yoochun. Your dinner reservation is for 7:30. Don't be late, Changmin is big on punctuality."
"This coming from the guy who didn't even bother to show up the last time," Yoochun bites and watches the cars zoom by, loudly. He can hardly hear him, and that isn't really a bad thing.
"That was an emergency," Junsu huffs, "And wear the black jacket and oh, no jeans. They're tacky."
Sometimes Yoochun thinks Jaejoong and Junsu share a brain, which is a clear insult to Jaejoong. "Black jacket, no jeans, check. Look I've got to go, my ice cream's melting and I need to find a break in traffic or I may kill myself running across. Bye, Junsu."
"Ok, I'll talk to you later. You have to tell me everything."
Yoochun smiles as he pinches the bridge of his nose to ease the growing headache away. "I will," and hangs up.
It's when he's walking closer to his apartment that he sees him.
And he stops.
It's him.
Walking on the other side of the street, tall and handsome, dark hair the color of raven's wings.
"I'm dreaming." Yoochun's bags fall to the cement. "I'm dreaming," he whispers and watches as he walks slowly, dressed in a black jacket and jeans. He looks lost.
He looks amazing.
Amazing and alive.
Yoochun runs.
"It's him," he can hear his voice behind the screeching sounds of horns and tires skidding.
He can think about how he didn't just kill himself later and keeps running, pushing past walking pedestrians until he's behind him and grabs his shoulders with shaky fingers.
"Hey! What the fuck?"
Yoochun flips him around and he's strong and solid under his hands.
He's real.
"Its you," he looks at him, "You're real," Yoochun breathes, his heart pounding, his eyes shining.
It feels like the rest of the world is melting away, no noise, nobody.
Just them.
"I'm not crazy," Yoochun's bites his lips, his head pounding.
He looks at him completely surprised and a little scared and after a few moments he speaks, "Excuse me?"
His voice is the same. Exactly the same as he remembers.
He wants to do something other than stare, but it's hard because it's really him.
And he's not asleep.
"Yoochun?" speaks and looks down at the photograph and Yoochun can see his address in Junsu's handwriting.
He was looking for him.
Coming to find him.
"I'm Changmin."
Changmin.
Changmin.
Changmin
Memories flash through his mind.
The man in the lobby. The dream in the forest. Junsu trying to set him up. Him. Slowly disappearing.
"Changmin thinks your cute."
"I told my friend about you… He's pretty interested."
He was talking about him.
Yoochun laughs, throwing his arms around him, holding him tight, feeling his heart beat against his chest, listening to the sudden rush of air that escapes Changmin's lungs. He thinks he really might be crying. "You're Changmin?"
He started disappearing once Junsu talked about him. About the guy, the friend, the man of your dreams.
It can't really be happening.
Changmin pulls him away gently, a bit hesitant. "Junsu gave me a picture," he takes a step back to put proper distance between them and extends his hand, "I've been waiting a long time to meet you in person," he smiles and it's the same.
Exactly as he remembers.
And he thinks his heart may explode.
"I know what you mean," Yoochun slides his hand in, blinking back tears.
He's not dreaming.
He is really standing right here, right in front of him.
And he's real.
Yoochun wipes his eyes and feels a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry, please excuse me," he laughs.
Changmin smiles at him and the world turns to the color, vibrant and full of life. He can hear the cars, the people. He can feel the wind on his face, the sun in his hair and he can feel his skin.
Yoochun tightens his fingers and pulls him in closer, reaches up and touches his face affectionately.
Like Silk.
Changmin looks uneasy but doesn't stop him. "What are you doing?" He searches his eyes as Yoochun leans in even closer and he can taste the air the escapes his lips.
His lips hover over his mouth for a moment and he gazes into his eyes. "Making sure you're real," Yoochun whispers and swallows the surprised gasp when he kisses him.
His mouth tastes like a dream.
| 01 |
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