Today my Heart Swings [Beast]
Dongwoon-centric, OT6 POV
PG(?) (!) character death
~1800w
Dongwoon’s going to be gone someday, they know. With the way he holds himself up, his death is near. They don’t anticipate for it, but they wait. It is inevitable.
Remix of of broken fingers and shattered melodies at kpop_ficmix. Beta'ed by Simone <3
First Beast fic I've written in such a long time, and it's character death ;A; Isn't that sad? ;; I suck at angst, sorry.
The five boys watch him play the piano, and while they don't particularly sigh in unison, they do sigh at some point.
Doojoon's sitting in the front row; he has the clearest view of the boy, and he focuses because it’s the only day he can, the only day that he can sit back and relax and focus, even if it’s a church. He can see the boy's fingers drifting across the keys. They're long fingers, talented, and Doojoon wants him to play everything-anything, Mozart, Beethoven... Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Doojoon chuckles to himself at the thought of this boy playing children’s songs and his mother shushes him, equally mesmerized by the boy's tunes. Doojoon settles down and a ghost of a smile drifts across his face once again. He doesn't remember the boy's name; he's heard it once before, during high school, but he had never paid attention. The boy was quiet, alone most of the time except for one companion-Yoseob. He only knew that because Yoseob was Doojoon’s friend, too. He never asked for the boy's name, though. It seemed like an intrusion because of Yoseob’s and the piano player’s tight friendship.
And then there's Kikwang, who has a less than perfect view of the boy-his name's Dongwoon, Kikwang knows, and if he's honest he doesn't know exactly how he knows. Like the rest of the church, he stares at Dongwoon, at the way his back arches towards the piano, his long legs splayed under. The position looks graceful, which is odd to Kikwang because he knows what graceful is, and it isn't that. But Dongwoon looks graceful anyway, and he tries to ignore the voice in the back of his head that wants him to press his palms against Dongwoon’s back and straighten it out so that it isn't hunched anymore. He's in the third row, and he listens, eyes closed. He doesn't know what Dongwoon's playing-he's never been a classical music kind of person, but it doesn't matter. Kikwang enjoys the song nonetheless…
Yoseob's the closest to Dongwoon, standing with the church choir. He smiles to himself, but it's not a big smile-it's not a smile that's bright or sweet; it's simply wistful, so that Yoseob doesn't draw attention to himself. The attention’s on Dongwoon, and Yoseob doesn’t ever want to take it away from him. And he wouldn’t be able to, he knows, because Dongwoon’s hands and fingers and talent are far beyond his own singing. He looks at Dongwoon’s back, unmoving, and smiles again at his high school friend. He’s still the same awkwardly tall boy, his face is as serious as ever, and when he speaks his words are still stilted and far between. He’s still the same boy from high school, only half an inch taller and two years older.
Hyunseung doesn’t like church, but his mother makes him go, and because he loves his mother, he does. Church has always been boring, full of religion, and Hyunseung’s not good with religion, God, or any of that. His mother’s religious and it pains her that he isn’t, so he spares her the anguish and goes to the local church with her-at least a couple of his friends are there, and his mother approves of them. And church is boring, that is, until a boy drifts to the piano in the center of the room, and the audience hushes. It is eerily silent, and Hyunseung blinks his almond-shaped eyes, head tilting to the left in confusion. The boy begins to play a beautiful melody, then, and soon Hyunseung’s eyes close, the song lulling him into a comfortable slumber. He wakes up just as the sermon ends, and his mother smiles brightly at him, mumbling about ‘dear Dongwoon.’ Hyunseung has no idea who Dongwoon is but thinks of the boy at the piano for the rest of the week. How he’d dreamed so nicely from his sweet song.
Junhyung passes by the church often. He can’t not do so, even if he’s not too fond of church and has no desire to go in, because his raggedy house is right next door. When he peeked inside one day when he was curious, he saw Doojoon and a couple other buddies from school sitting inside. The church was quiet and he frowned because…were churches supposed to be quiet? He’d been about to open his mouth to say something, to seek out Doojoon’s attention or something for further explanation-and say something slightly derogatory because he couldn’t help it; he liked to think he was a sort of ‘badass’-but stopped as soon as a piano started playing; it was Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata and Junhyung was kind of staring, his jaw still open throughout the six minutes. He comes back the next week to hear a simple, soothing melody that he couldn't put a name to-and realizes that it's an original piece.
The boys return to the church because of Dongwoon. Hyunseung still is not religious and Junhyung doesn’t stay for the sermons, but the five boys come, and no one is surprised when they do.
The boys wake up early that one morning. They don’t know why. Perhaps it was the feeling of dread; the night was full of fitful sleep for all of the boys. They ignore the feeling and get dressed-suits and ties. They’re not particularly fond of suits, but they wear them anyway in order to decrease the number of looks the church members give them for not doing so.
(If Doojoon’s honest, he does not hate them. In fact, he’s a little fond of them, at the way they shape his body.)
They enter the church sparingly.
(Yoseob, already at the front of the church in his robe, raises an eyebrow at Junhyung’s put-off expression as he eyes the church’s angelic decor.)
The four boys fill up a whole row.
(Hyunseung drags himself away from his mother and his mother doesn’t bother keeping him by her side. Kikwang is almost late.)
They smile as Dongwoon enters. The church choir starts to hum pleasingly as they start Mozart’s Ave Verum Corpus. Dongwoon's piano, subtle as it was, completed the piece.
And then they feel it again-something is wrong, and suddenly there is a loud noise and soon all the boys can see is thick smoke. They stand up quickly, and they flee.
(The boys don’t notice Dongwoon, crumpled on the floor.)
Hyunseung’s mother is dead.
The boys mourn for her. She had always been the centerfold of the Jang household, and the boys-considered family in her book-took to her like she was their own mother.
Junhyung’s house is gone. He stays with Hyunseung’s family, facing a similar grief as the Jangs.
They don’t think of Dongwoon for another month. The church is gone. And if the church is gone, Dongwoon must be gone too.
Hyunseung and Junhyung go to therapy. They insist on going together. Joseph, the counselor, doesn't stop them. They've both lost too many things. They refuse to go without each other; they complete each other in a way, Junhyung without a home but with his mother, and Hyunseung without a mother but with a home. They are like brothers.
The three other boys hang around Hyunseung's house as often as they can. Hyunseung shoos them out sometimes, but other times, he's simply too tired. He's too sad. They help, occasionally, by simply showing that he’s not alone, by taking his mind off things. He’s thankful for that.
It is before the boys' third session of therapy that they notice Son Dongwoon, the beautiful piano player at the clinic. Junhyung nudges Hyunseung's shoulder in surprise. The two boys stare at him.
His eyes are closed and his mouth is stretched into a thin, grim line. His right hand is visible, balled into a death grip, and Hyunseung wants to look away because Dongwoon exerts a mood so thick that he wants to die right there. The boys can feel it; it makes their pain worse.
And then Junhyung notices something-it's his hand, his left one. It's hidden under the fold of Dongwoon's jacket, and no matter how odd he twists his head, he can't see it. He tells himself it doesn't matter. Dongwoon shouldn't matter because other things matter so much more.
There are whispers around them:
Isn’t he the one that...?
Yeah.
It’s a pity though, he used to be so...
I know, tsk. What a waste.
Joseph, the counselor, comes out. He eases Dongwoon in, and holds onto his left arm. He guides the hand out, and the boys can finally see the crippled, burnt fingers.
The piano player jerks away from Joseph and places his hand back under his jacket.
They see Dongwoon every week, and he exerts the same aura as the first day. It's uncanny and deep and suffocating, every time they are in the same room as him. The three other boys see him walking around the neighborhood often.
Doojoon wonders why he hadn't learned how to play with one hand-it's only a thought, but Yoseob shushes him. We can't be like the rest of the neighborhood, he mutters under his breath.
We're the only ones that understand.
Doojoon doesn't ask how, or why they're the only ones that understand. But he knows it's true.
Dongwoon's going to be gone someday, they know. With the way he holds himself up, his death is near. They don't anticipate for it, but they wait. It is inevitable.
It is nearly two years later when it happens.
The boy's chests are shallow and they feel something deep and dreadful and they know that something will happen again. It's two months before the second anniversary of Hyunseung's mother's death.
Dongwoon simply walks into the chapel and sits down on the chair that afternoon. He does so as if it's normal, as if he's been there every single day for the past two years.
Kikwang notices first-the church's doors are open, and they have not been open for a year. Kikwang smiles sadly before letting the rest of the boys know. He knows what's to come.
Dongwoon starts to play. People gather, eyes wide in shock and ears listening closely.
Is that...?
Yes, it does sound like him. But isn’t he...?
Is he back?
Is he going for good?
The rest of the boys gather. They watch Dongwoon play the last notes of Ave Verum Corpus. Even without the chorus, the song is beautiful. Dongwoon is beautiful; he’s in his element. He sits on the chair and plays.
Dongwoon doesn’t smell the smoke slowly blanketing the church in white.
Dongwoon doesn’t notice the shadow lurking at the back while he plays his long-lost lover.
Dongwoon doesn't notice the tears dampening his slender fingers as he finishes off the song.
They boys notice. They don't stop it.
They watch it all end.