I O U
i feel as if i owe it to the feminine wisdom collective to share my IUD insertion experience without the lj cuts, friends only option, and clever euphemisms. i really like the term "hoo-ha" so that's not getting nixed.
after hormonal birth control brought on more trouble than it was worth, i settled on getting the ParaGard IUC (intrauterine contraceptive) now that the medical world had deemed them safe for women even if they hadn't had children yet. no hormones, 99.4% effective, lasts for ten years, only $30 since i have health insurance. i was sold.
i still am, but the procedure was an experience quite unlike any other. unpleasant. furrowed eyebrows. i'm not gonna lie, i went into this thinking piece of cake. i've sat through piercings, getting my septum re-pierced through scar tissue which took an agonizing ten minutes, a tattoo, a tooth extraction, a root canal, getting my thumb relocated without any numbing agent whatsoever... yeah i could handle an IUD insertion.
no amount of chit chat over lunch with my co-worker who had had the procedure, and no amount of ibuprofen could have prepared me for what she aptly described as "a heart attack down there." in fact, she told me her sister had passed out from it. i was under the guise, a spell if you will, that this is going to be business as usual.
most doctors only perform the insertion when you're on your period, such was the case with my doctor. i chose to schedule my appointment towards the end of mine, which she was fine with. the insertion begins like any other pelvic exam. it wasn't until she inserted a "tube" that the IUD is pushed through that i fell into a downward spiral.
the cervix is most certainly an exit only situation. nothing is supposed to go up there (why do you think sperm have such a challenge?) and what i felt made that very clear. even so, at this stage i was still chatting with my doctor. when the actual IUD said hello to my uterus, that's when the words ceased coming from my mouth.
the whole ordeal from start to finish, maybe five minutes tops, but the cramping i felt when the actual IUD was inserted were so horrendous i felt like she was taking hours to do whatever the fuck she had to do in my hoo-ha.
IT. WAS. AWFUL.
take into account that i haven't had cramps for years. i'd forgot how bad they could be. someone else may think the cramping is par for the course.
when the procedure was over she informed me i'd have cramps later on. i also knew that having an IUD can mean longer periods. i get home, the cramps returned and they were so bad that i napped for over five hours. i get home and realize that that was not the last day of my period.
as i write this, i'm on day 16 (and counting) of my period. i feel like a goddamned Duggar and demand to get my own TLC show. my periods last for three days. sixteen? i may be slowly dying.
nevertheless i am happy with my choice. the cramps went away by the time my birthday rolled around, and i'm certain i won't bleed to death. (i think i won't?)
i will say i'm in no hurry to find out what getting it removed will feel like.
after hormonal birth control brought on more trouble than it was worth, i settled on getting the ParaGard IUC (intrauterine contraceptive) now that the medical world had deemed them safe for women even if they hadn't had children yet. no hormones, 99.4% effective, lasts for ten years, only $30 since i have health insurance. i was sold.
i still am, but the procedure was an experience quite unlike any other. unpleasant. furrowed eyebrows. i'm not gonna lie, i went into this thinking piece of cake. i've sat through piercings, getting my septum re-pierced through scar tissue which took an agonizing ten minutes, a tattoo, a tooth extraction, a root canal, getting my thumb relocated without any numbing agent whatsoever... yeah i could handle an IUD insertion.
no amount of chit chat over lunch with my co-worker who had had the procedure, and no amount of ibuprofen could have prepared me for what she aptly described as "a heart attack down there." in fact, she told me her sister had passed out from it. i was under the guise, a spell if you will, that this is going to be business as usual.
most doctors only perform the insertion when you're on your period, such was the case with my doctor. i chose to schedule my appointment towards the end of mine, which she was fine with. the insertion begins like any other pelvic exam. it wasn't until she inserted a "tube" that the IUD is pushed through that i fell into a downward spiral.
the cervix is most certainly an exit only situation. nothing is supposed to go up there (why do you think sperm have such a challenge?) and what i felt made that very clear. even so, at this stage i was still chatting with my doctor. when the actual IUD said hello to my uterus, that's when the words ceased coming from my mouth.
the whole ordeal from start to finish, maybe five minutes tops, but the cramping i felt when the actual IUD was inserted were so horrendous i felt like she was taking hours to do whatever the fuck she had to do in my hoo-ha.
IT. WAS. AWFUL.
take into account that i haven't had cramps for years. i'd forgot how bad they could be. someone else may think the cramping is par for the course.
when the procedure was over she informed me i'd have cramps later on. i also knew that having an IUD can mean longer periods. i get home, the cramps returned and they were so bad that i napped for over five hours. i get home and realize that that was not the last day of my period.
as i write this, i'm on day 16 (and counting) of my period. i feel like a goddamned Duggar and demand to get my own TLC show. my periods last for three days. sixteen? i may be slowly dying.
nevertheless i am happy with my choice. the cramps went away by the time my birthday rolled around, and i'm certain i won't bleed to death. (i think i won't?)
i will say i'm in no hurry to find out what getting it removed will feel like.