It's Just Us [Beast]
Doojoon/Dongwoon
G
~1700w
Maybe he's fallen out of love with Yoseob. Maybe he's fallen in love with Dongwoon.
For the Doojoon to my Dongwoon, htiitlstdct because this was supposed to be trashed.
It is impossible to be in love with two people, Doojoon is told. Maybe it's true.
Maybe he's fallen out of love with Yoseob. Maybe he's fallen in love with Dongwoon.
He doesn't know. It's hard to discern one feeling from another, especially if all three are in the same room. Yet, he notices the way that Yoseob's kisses don't make him tingle, shiver any more. He notices the way that Dongwoon's slight touches send goosebumps down his arms.
He doesn't know what to do.
All he knows is that he can't handle all of this, so he lets everything unravel by itself. He doesn't pay attention--pretends to not notice, really--when Yoseob starts to return Junhyung's glances, and stops living altogether--not in the sense of dying, but he's stopped feeling.
So it is a wonder when he catches Yoseob and Junhyung together, and starts to break down.
If he were to be honest, he had accepted everything a long time ago--he and Yoseob wouldn't work out and Dongwoon would be a no-no.
Yoseob's eyes are wide and he's apologizing profusely but Doojoon doesn't notice because his sobs are trembling through his body. Junhyung has this apologetic look at his face and practically drags Yoseob out; Doojoon needs to be alone, he laments quietly. When Hyunseung and Kikwang return home from their schedules, they quietly back out, afraid because their good, strong leader is crying.
But when Dongwoon comes home, not long after Hyunseung and Kikwang's departure, he stays. He didn't really know why, but he stays nonetheless.
He steps into the living room, bracing himself for what he was going to see. But nothing would prepare him, he knew, as he eyed his hyung, hunched over on the floor, hugging his knees. Dongwoon couldn't see his face, but he knew just from the soft sniffles that had drifted to his ears that the leader was crying. He was about to ask are you okay? but stopped himself--Doojoon was not okay.
The maknae walked over to Doojoon's side and set himself down completely un-gracefully, his joints popping; he winces at the sound. He shifts close and is quiet for a moment, turning his head so that he wouldn't see Doojoon's face as he wiped at it. He couldn't see the leader like this--his leader--so...broken. Doojoon knew that.
The youngest member swallowed, then turned back around to face him. Traces of tear tracks that stubbornly stayed were visible, but Dongwoon ignored them, ignored the baggy eyes and the mussed hair, and pulled the elder towards him into an awkward hug.
Dongwoon hoped it was enough, just him and nobody else. He hoped that Doojoon would be okay with just him, Dongwoon, the youngest and inexperienced and least popular one.
The maknae's eyes had fluttered shut and after a moment's debate with himself, started to rub small circles against Doojoon's back. The quiet didn't last, and the dreadful noises he had been making earlier that day came back. Dongwoon let him cry into his neck as he continued to rub soothing circles against his back.
They fell asleep like that, slumbering into each other's hold.
The members don't return the next morning; Dongwoon had thought it wise for that, texting Kikwang at 3:30 that morning after waking up with a crook in his neck. He dragged the older to the couch, using the last of his strength to hoist Doojoon up. He climbed up next to Doojoon, even though he probably would end up on the ground in the morning.
He did end up on the ground, he found, when he opened his eyes to the bright sunlight that came from the windows. He blinked quickly, a little disoriented, and his brown eyes wandered to the couch. He sits up, frowning at the figure.
The features that he had ignored the day before were clear--dried tear tracks, baggy eyes, and hair that strayed everywhere. Dongwoon set himself down and stared at the face, taking notice of the deep frown that marred the beautiful face. The high cheekbones were much too sharp, but suited him perfectly.
Dongwoon hadn't had a chance to be this close to him since had had begun dating Yoseob.
He had been...jealous, he hated to admit, when Yoseob had become the height of Doojoon's attention. The leader would stop their conversation whenever Yoseob came in, always, without fail. And then, he'd look at him as if he were a god. It was a good comparison, too, because Yoseob had so much control over him, and yet disappointed him so much, crushed him so deeply and easily.
He stares at the face before him; the butterflies are back, he notices. Then again, they had been there the moment he had walked in.
Nervous, he things to himself in English. It's one of the words that he actually likes, despite the actual meaning; he likes the way it rolls of his tongue, like the way Doojoon's name would. He doesn't like the feeling though, but is used to it--after feeling his every time he performed, it was like a close friend now. A close friend that he disliked.
Dongwoon sighs before leaving a light kiss on Doojoon's forehead and standing up to make breakfast.
Doojoon doesn't wake up until eleven that morning, much to Dongwoon's disappointment. The food he had made is cold now, but he supposes that he can just reheat it later; he can't bear to wake the man up.
When he's finished blinking his eyes, Doojoon smiles softly at him. Dongwoon returns the smile with a grin, delighted that the man's smiling. The leader looks around confusedly, then the smile disappears; he remembers last night.
Dongwoon notices the change and pushes the plate of eggs towards him.
"Eat," he commands. His voice is scratchy, but considering the fact that he hadn't spoken a word last night, he's surprised that his voice hadn't faded away yet.
Doojoon nods slowly and starts to eat, all the while staring at him.
"Hyung?"
Doojoon grunts and shovels in another spoonful of eggs.
"Stop staring, it's creepy."
It's a miracle, Dongwoon things, when he receives a bashful smile. It is quiet while he eats; Dongwoon waits patiently as he puts the plates away. They both sit on the couch, facing each other. Doojoon shuffles closer, eyes down.
"Hyung?"
Doojoon looks up to meet the maknae's eyes and is startled by the compassion encompassing the eyes, near...melting right there. It isn't right, he knows, but the brown eyes are much too passionate for him to care. He swallows and responds when Dongwoon quirks his head to the right in question. "Y-Yeah?"
"Are you...okay?" The question is timid, as if he expects Doojoon to burst into tears.
"No."
"Oh."
He is honest, not because the other four aren't here, but because he couldn't lie to the maknae. He never could.
"Do you want to talk about it? With me?"
Doojoon nods solemnly, unsure where to start. Dongwoon gets the hint and asks, "What exactly happened?"
"I...Yoseob. With Junhyung..."
Dongwoon's heart nearly breaks at his expression, the way his eyes stray and his face goes somber.
"I saw him with him. They were together. Kissing. I mean," Doojoon sighs, "I already knew...but it still hurt. Even though I wasn't in love with him anymore...I still care about him."
"You're not...you weren't in love with him anymore?"
"Yeah," Doojoon replies, but does not elaborate any further.
Dongwoon frowns, but continues. "So, would you have liked it better if he had...told you?"
"I think...I think I wouldn've liked it better if he had rejected me in the first place."
"W-What?" Dongwoon is startled, even to the point of describing himself as shocked.
Doojoon nods, "If he had rejected me in the first place," he paused, "it would have been easier."
"Easier for him to break your heart? No!"
"What...?"
Dongwoon huffs, "If--If I were in his place, I would have also accepted your confession. But I would have cared for you, not look at another man! I would love with you all my heart; I would be yours and only yours. You...I would care for you so much, it hurts. If you look at someone else, I can't..." His heart feels like it's erupting; feelings that he couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't comprehend are spilling, and then he realizes that no, tears are streaming down his face--they're like his feelings, pouring down.
And then he realizes that he's started to speak in present tense.
"Dongwoon...?"
Crap is his only thought as he stands up and urges his feet to move faster; they aren't complying, and soon, Doojoon's caught up to him, holding him by the crook of his elbow.
"Wait! No, Christ, wait Dongwoon!"
He can't really run anymore, since his arm is caught, so he ends up struggling to get his arm out of the strong grip. He blames the fact that he can't get out on Kikwang, who had been hogging the gym equipment lately.
"Can't you even listen--" Dongwoon whips his arms up and down, "--to me?" The maknae proceeds to shake his arm, using the other one to pry Doojoon's fingers off; but they won't.
"Dongwoon! God, I'm trying to tell you that I don't love Yoseob anymore because I love you--ow, oh my God," Doojoon manages to mutter as his fingers are aching.
"Huh?"
"I freaking love you, so calm the fuck down!"
Dongwoon stops moving, "...that wasn't romantic at all."
"It would've been if you had stopped moving and listened to me!"
Even though his heart is still pounding (partly from his own accidental confession and Doojoon's I freaking love you), he manages to laugh, eyes smiling with mirth. "I'm sorry, hyung. But, do you really?"
Doojoon really can't believe that he's that dumb. "Yeah, didn't you hear me?"
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why do you love me?"
"Because."
"Because?"
"Because because," Doojoon smiles, and leans forward, pulling Dongwoon towards him with the elbow he was still holding, and kisses him, softly. "I don't think I'd have enough time to tell you; we'd need a whole week."
"I have a week," Dongwoon smiles, even though he doesn't. He is willing to loose a week for this, though. In fact, he'd be fine with loosing forever for this.