(no subject)
My heart is too big to forgive and forget. I guess I'm good at that forgiving part...or maybe I just treat everyone really well without them deserving it all the time. I'll never forget. I can cover it up, I can bury the past, but I'll never forget the exact place I buried it within me.
X marks the spot on my heart.
Everything I've ever thought about anyone whoes ever done anything to me. The fact that they think they've gotten away with it, and the fact that...maybe they did. Maybe I did let them screw me over, and all I have to go on is hope. Hope that they learned and hope that they'll love me and hope that they will carry on with whatever on their conscience.
I work in a funny and mysterious way. I havn't even figured it out myself yet.
I know I'm beautiful and I know I'm intelligent. I always know whats going on, even behind my back. Riding on the hope that everything is going to be okay, I don't enforce a punishment.
I've stared death in the face before and never have I been so scared. And if there is a fear there, there must be something worth living.
Don't call me vain, don't think I'm conceited just because I know I'm beautiful. Its only in the eye of the beholder, you know. I AM A PERSON TOO! I have insecurities, I need to be reassured every now and then, I cry and I bleed and I feel. I get jealous and I get angry and sad and scared. But never would I let any of that get in the way...of anything I want. I secure enough, I'm assured enough, I'm tough enough, and I am happy enough to get where I want and if I have to punch someone in the face or knock someone down to get there, maybe I will. But don't you DARE think I won't turn around and help them back up.
Out of anything I know about myself, I can say with dignity that I am different. Call me weird, I'm just happy. Call me naive, I'm just sure. Call me ignorant...I'm not. Somethings aren't worth aknowledgment. Mrs. Mela in 8th grade always told the class. "If a girl can't get what she wants by being smart, she gets it by being ignorant"...I've always found that funny.
Who thought I would find someone who makes me happy? Yes. I've been fickle, I've been harsh, I've been hard. I never played hard to get, I just didn't like you. heh. But now...there is no questions, no doubts. No what if, how cans, or does hes. There is ambition there. A future. A happy one. In my plans for the future...I always have him next to me. So what if it's a dream...it has potential and its ACTUAL potential. Now "we've been dating 2 weeks and I just met him and I want to marry him, omg" potential. But, how could I not want to plan a future without that face, without his touch, without his arms around me, without his voice and his breath on my ear, and the way he smells, and those lips against mine...forever. I know "She's a silly girl..." but I'm not so silly.
I guess...I'm happy...and thats all I could really say. Finally.