RP LOG with seeuincourt | It's over
After Sophie managed to wrangle some orange juice and raspberry jelly into Liam, the youngest Morgan finally fell asleep with his two sisters sitting beside him, holding each other's hands. They weren't going to leave him, Ethan knew this much. They would all remain at the hospital until Liam was let out... probably just like all the Evans Clan would until Stuart was allowed to go home. Thankfully, they were just on opposite sides of the hospital. It was well after midnight now, and the hospital had quitened down compared to how hectic it was when they arrived. He had stuck around long enough to know Liam was okay, and it was shortly after that when he received a text from Tom telling him he was coming to the hospital to see Stuart. Ethan managed to make it there in time just as Tom was arriving, but right before the explosion broke out between him and Angus. It was inevitable and expected. He just didn't think anyone else needed to get their fists out with Stuart already facing surgery for just that. Once Tom managed to force his way into Stuart's room, and wasn't forcefully ejected again, Braden and the two redheads pulled Angus away in the direction of the coffee machine so no more scenes would be caused. Ethan just felt awkward. It wasn't like he hadn't gotten along with any of the Evans' brothers, but now he felt like piggy-in-the middle. Luckily they walked away, because small-talk would really suck right now. They would just assume he was on Tom's side... a more than correct assumption if it was suddenly going to be a case of Scotland versus England.
He stayed and waited, sending Sophie a text to tell her not to worry about him. He couldn't help pacing, back and forth in front of the large windows that looked down onto a courtyard. His presence was prominent, and some of the passing people probably did recognise him. He just didn't care, though. He kept pacing, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his long leather jacket. He would keep waiting as long as it too, too. Thank god he wasn't a regular smoker, or he would be up to a pack a day by now.
Tom came out of Stuart's room, relieved to see the Evans brothers had gone elsewhere. He saw Ethan pacing and made his way over to his best mate. Without saying a word he nodded at the lifts. He figured Angus and Braden wouldn't have gone far, and he didn't want to risk running into them again. Tom was suddenly more exhausted than he had ever been in his life, a heaviness settling in across his shoulders that made it hard for him to feel anything but dejected.
It was only when the lift doors closed that Tom spoke. "It's over."
There wasn't a whole lot that could shock Ethan, but this was one of them. Despite everything that had gone down, he really just hadn't expected this. After his own experience with finding the love of his life and it changing how he viewed everything, he really thought that after the explosion, Stuart and Tom could stick this out. There really wasn't any infidelity, after all. It was one huge mix-up, a mistake. His mouth dropped open, and all he could do for a few moments was gape at Tom, speechless. "I- no!" he finally said, a frown forming. "Did you tell him? Why didn't he listen? Why didn't you, I don't know, cuff yourself to his bed until he understood?"
Tom rubbed the back of his neck before he looked at Ethan. "Yes. He listened, he just said my past was too much. He didn't have the strength to deal with it. To compete with it. Who was competing?! I don't understand," he suddenly growled. "I fucked up. I know I fucked up. Aren't people allowed mistakes? Why aren't people allowed mistakes? I'm not fucking perfect. I never claimed to be. I just wanted him to forgive me. I want to be able to move on. With him."
Ethan exhaled heavily and shook his head in disbelief. He wanted to come up with all these awesome anaologies or words of wisdom to make Tom feel better, but he knew it wouldn't. Tom needed to vent, and it was Ethan's job to be there for him, no matter what. "How was he?" he asked quietly and looked at Tom hesitantly. "I mean, I'm not lightening it, mate, I'm really not. You're right, people make mistakes all the time and get a second chance, but it's not as cut and dry as that. You know that. Look at your paralegal. What did he get for his mistakes? The inside view of a coffin. Just... it's all just gone down, you know? He's injured, facing surgery. Liam said he apparently punched a wall, he was supposed to assess him, but Stuart blew his stack. Threatened to ruin his career if he touched him. He's hurt and angry, probably in a lot of pain. Maybe this is just a knee-jerk reaction? Incidentally, Liam's gone and got himself admitted, too." His forehead creased as he glanced up at the lit numbers. "You like those hospital gowns, don't you?" he joked and shot Tom a tiny smirk, just wanting to try and help his mate feel better... somehow.
"Oh yeah, fucking love them." Tom tried to smirk back but he failed miserably. He couldn't find any amusement in the situation, especially now Liam had managed to land himself in hospital as well. As much as Tom wanted to check on him, he knew it was time to stay away. Just like he couldn't go back up to Stuart's room. It really was over. He rubbed his thumb against his no bare ring finger and pressed his lips together. "I really don't think it's knee-jerk. I think he really can't handle me and my past. I don't know what to do about Jess."
Ethan sucked on his lower lip, a nervous habit he'd always had. He was going to drop the subject of Liam like a hot potato, and clearly the subject of Stuart, too. Tom didn't seem to want to talk about either. "Um... I guess you gotta talk to her. Good luck finding her, though. No one's seen her." He didn't even know where they were going in the elevator, so he was just going to hang around at Tom's side while he led the way. It wasn't like Ethan had anywhere else pressing to be anyway. He just might be a wreck at work in the morning. Luckily he owned the company.
The doors opened and Tom stepped out onto the ground floor. He didn't say anymore as they walked through the foyer, waiting until they were outside in the night air before he dropped down onto a bench and cradled his head in his hand as it all seemed to hit him. "I don't have the ring. I'm not getting married. Fuck, Ethan. How did this happen? I don't understand... where was my slap? You were supposed to give me a love smack." When he lifted his head fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks and he took a shuddering breath. "I've never felt so fucking empty in all my life."
Ethan didn't hesitate in pulling his best friend into a secure hug. He didn't care who was passing or who was watching. It was a fucking hospital, people cried and got upset. Only, people didn't generally split up with the love of their life there, and he felt completely and utterly helpless. It had all happened so quickly, he wasn't exactly sure when he was supposed to deliver the love smack. "Well... you could always go back in there, cuff yourself to his bedside until you convince him you're all he wants and you have no other secrets to tell him. Or I could try to talk to him, even if you didn't want that the first time. I mean... maybe it's just all hit him at once and he's confused? It happens. Look how long it took Soph to come around to me? She thought I was the biggest fuck on the face of the earth, but I convinced her otherwise. Made a real dick of myself over and over too."
Tom clung to Ethan, not afraid to be weak in front of his best mate. He buried his face against Ethan's shoulder, his strong frame shaking from the sobs as his heart broke. Tom wasn't some ice cold lawyer twat. He had loved Stuart with his whole heart and now Stuart just didn't want it. He had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do with a heart that didn't seem to fit into his chest anymore. He wanted to claw it out and just stop having to feel anything at all. "He seemed pretty fucking sure," Tom mumbled. "I... yeah, talk to him but not right now. I think we all just need time. I'm not sure I have the energy to fight for anything right now."
"Did it end badly? I mean, nastily?" Ethan asked, with the clarification. Of course it ended badly. Every break up was bad, but it would just plain suck if Stuart continued to be furious at Tom, despite being told the truth? "Did he believe you? Do you want to go home? What do you want to do? How are you feeling? You said you were feeling crap earlier and you were all throwing up..." He didn't mean to make with the twenty questions, even if he wanted the information to try and understand it. He really had thought they would get through it, and even if there was some tension and lingering upset, he had believed there wouldn't be a break up. Now he just didn't understand what had gone down, he was genuinely shocked.
Tom gave a shake of his head. "It just... ended. He believed me, but it was just too much for him. He can't handle me and my exploits. Apparently he doesn't want to wait around for whatever surprise is coming next. He doesn't want to compete. I'm still not sure what the fuck that is supposed to mean." He pulled out of the hug to rub his hands over his face and try to brush away the tears. "I want to go home and get into bed and never come out again. Then again, I don't want to go home. It's meant to be the home I shared with Stuart. All his stuff's there. I feel like I've been up for a week straight and running on just ragged emotions. I feel like shit. I'm sorry, you really don't need this."
"You can come stay with us," Ethan offered before thinking. But he quickly paused and groaned, squeezing his temples between his fingers. "Not that you're going to want to. We've already... Liam needs to come back with us tomorrow. He's in a bad way, and Soph's worried. He's coming to stay with us for awhile so we can look after him. I mean, you can come, but I know you're going to tell me you won't..." He watched Tom in the watery light of the street lamp above, the night not particularly cold now they had hit summer. "Doesn't want to compete, or can't compete? Big difference there. If it's the latter, it sounds like he's just thinking that no matter what he does, your past is still gonna bite him in the arse. He's been pretty tolerable of it, mate. Not many people would want to compete with a string of ex fucks... people like Stu and Soph, though. They're golden. Are you sure you just want to leave it like this? He's injured, facing surgery. Probably scared. Do you just want to walk away? I just... don't want you to regret this for the rest of your life. You've lost your fight."
"I'm tired," Tom murmured. "I'm tired of trying to constantly prove I'm not the man I was. The boy I was. He got left behind the second Stuart fell on top of me. I should have told him about Liam, and I didn't, but I still don't think I deserve this. I don't deserve to have everyone thing the fucking worse. It's just tiring. I feel like shit because Stuart's made all this effort to take care of me, and to get me through the accident and he thinks I repaid him by sticking my dick in Liam's mouth. Thought I'd done that... I don't even know how to begin making him realise I'd do so much more for him. I'd give my life for him, but right now I think I just need to give him the time he wants. And just hope he'll change his mind. And I need to find my fight."
Ethan was quiet for a few moments. "He still loves you. No one punches a wall with such force that it crushes their hand for fun. Did you notice what hand it was? It wasn't his punching hand, mate..." He let that sink in for a moment. "No, I don't think you deserve any of this, but I don't think he does, either. I sometimes wish I could just reach into my head and shove my memories of seeing him in the hospital at your side into your brain. I wish you could see how he looked every single time you crumbled in pain after that accident. I wish I could walk in there right now and smack him over the head with a pillow and tell him to snap the fuck out of it, and help him see that maybe you just need to not have the energy together. I wish you and Liam weren't such randy fucks that you couldn't keep your hands off each other at one point. I wish you still had a tiny bit of fight to go back in there and just let him see that you'd do anything for him, despite that past." His breath left him in a defeated rush. "But I'm not you, and I can't tell you what to do. I can't give you the energy to fix it. Just, when you go home, make sure you really stop and think that you have lost the fight for him... if nothing else. I don't think people like us get two bites at the soul mate apple."
Tom looked up at hospital and tried to work out if he could see the window for Stuart's room, but he didn't think he could. There was a part of him that suddenly wanted to walk back in and go back up there. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be with Stuart. It didn't feel right to suddenly be without him, or to not be by his side while he was waiting with surgery. He took a couple strides back towards the entrance before coming back to Ethan, and then doing the same again. He went back and forth five more times before he just dropped back down on the bench and sighed. "I can't ask you to talk to him, mate. I just can't. If I have any chance of getting him back I'll have to be the one to do it. I just... I can't do it tonight."
Ethan dropped down next to him on the bench with a heavy sigh. For a long few moments, he didn't say anything. He just say there watching the sidewalk bathed in the street lights. "At least you didn't get bagpipes up the arse?" he finally offered, glancing at Tom with a slight laugh and then let his shoulders droop as he looked at the concrete between his feet. He was tired. It felt like everyone around him was ailing, and it was a heavy weight to bear. He was realising the enormity of extended family now. He had a young brother-in-law that might not need him directly, but needed him on some level because Ethan was married to his sister. Then there was Tom, who had always been his family, and his whole world had been turned upside down. "I probably should've warned you about the downside of falling in love, right? The broken heart. It's a fucking bitch."
Tom turned his head to look at Ethan, watching as his honorary brother-in-law's brow seemed to furrow further. He snorted softly as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, at least I didn't get the bagpipes." He shifted in place and pulled his mobile out of his pocket as he punched in the number for the hospital and got put through to the flower shop. Lucky for him it was the sort of place that operated during all hours and he ordered a 'manly' bouquet and a teddy in a kilt to be sent to Stuart's room. There was a long pause after he got asked if he wanted a card attached, and eventually he said no before giving his credit card details and hanging up. "I can't even get fucking pissed. This sucks."
Ethan had listened to the conversation quietly and then glanced at Tom, his blue eyes seeming dull even in the bright light. "No card?" he asked in a quiet murmur. He took his PDA out and checked for any urgent work messages, having had the thing turned down in the hospital. He knew if he had stopped to try and take a business call, Sophie would have shoved the device up his arse so far it would be ringing out of his nose. The wallpaper of the gadget was a picture of him and Sophie taken the day before their wedding day. He just looked at it for a long few moments. "Well, you could. I just don't think you'd appreciate how crap you felt with it. Not sure I could handle you landing in hospital all over again."
Tom gave a shake of his head. "I couldn't think of what to put on it. I've never been good in that respect. I'm not sure anyone would let the arrangement stay in his room if they knew it was from me, anyway. I just... I have to send him something, though. I want to be up there, but I think even though I don't agree with breaking up, we both just need time. Hell, I can't even remember who's idea it fucking was. I just know I can't think straight right now. I feel like I haven't slept in a week." He looked at the PDA in Ethan's hand and arched an eyebrow. "The place falling apart without you?"
Ethan rubbed the corner of his thumb across his forehead and then looked at Tom out from under his fingers, his forehead creasing tiredly. "Can't say I really blame you, mate. Nothing's even really happened to me, and I'm knackered. I'm worried about Liam... hoping he's not one of those sort who can take care of other people, but not himself. Sophie gets more scared when it's him, he's her baby brother. I guess it's why I was hoping you and Angus wouldn't rip each other's heads off. He can't see beyond Stuart hurting, can't see a lot of reason. Makes me wonder how it feels to be a parent. You must be just a nervous wreck the whole time." He looked at the mobile phone again with a slight laugh. "Doesn't seem to be. Maybe it's trying to tell me something. Put family first, or something? It's not like I'm used to any of this shit."
Tom reached out to give Ethan's shoulder a squeeze. "You might not be used to it, but you're better at it than you think. I'd be lost without you. I think all of us would be. Parents are nervous wrecks, but I'm not sure any of them regret their kids. Making mistakes is just part of what we do. Getting hurt in anything is just unavoidable. You'd be a good dad if you ever decided to go that route." He glanced around and looked down at his hands which were now starting to shake. "I don't think I can drive myself home. I'm still not sure how I got here in the first place. The company's fine, Ethan. You've trained everyone well."
Ethan glanced at Tom out of the corner of his eye. "It's my security blanket. One of the only places I really feel completely in control..." he admitted and with a sigh, finally tucked his phone back away again. He pressed his lips together, the frown deeper this time as he pointed at his mate. "I'll get you home, but first I wanna say this. You aren't okay. I don't know what's going on, but Liam tuned in to something to want to examine you. You need to see a doctor. Even if it's just to, I dunno, get some Valium to help you chill. You don't want to wake up one day and realise you're not only in the middle of a nervous breakdown, but that your health is down the shitter because you didn't look after youself or get help when you needed it."
Tom rubbed his fingers against his forehead and sighed. "Yeah, yeah... I know. I don't know what's going on, but I'll get it sorted. I promise. I've had enough of doctors though to last me a lifetime. If this is the last one I need to have look at me for a while, I'll be happy. I'm jealous of your safety blanket. Mine's been soiled. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go back into the office."
Ethan gave him a pointed look. "So, don't. Take some more time off. Maybe this is karma's fucked up way of telling you to chill the fuck out," he suggested.
Tom frowned before nodding. "Maybe I should... Karma's not exactly subtle when it doesn't want to be. It's even more of a bitch when you don't listen. You take care of your family, I'll just take some more time off."
"You still need to talk to Jess," Ethan had to remind him quietly.
Tom wet his lips as he glanced up towards the night sky. "I know... I just need to find the words. And find her."
There was so much more Ethan wanted to say but he didn't push anything. Instead, he just gave a small nod and then nudged Tom lightly in the arm. "Come on, I'll get you home. Better at least one of us to get some sleep than neither of us."
Tom gave a nod as he moved to stand, still trying to take it easy because of his wound. He wasn't sure if he'd be the one to sleep, or not, and the idea of going home still scared the shit out of Tom, but he really couldn't stay at the hospital no matter how much he wanted to. All he could hope for was that one day the next conversation with Stuart would end a hell of a lot happier than this one.
Word Count | 3,877
He stayed and waited, sending Sophie a text to tell her not to worry about him. He couldn't help pacing, back and forth in front of the large windows that looked down onto a courtyard. His presence was prominent, and some of the passing people probably did recognise him. He just didn't care, though. He kept pacing, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his long leather jacket. He would keep waiting as long as it too, too. Thank god he wasn't a regular smoker, or he would be up to a pack a day by now.
Tom came out of Stuart's room, relieved to see the Evans brothers had gone elsewhere. He saw Ethan pacing and made his way over to his best mate. Without saying a word he nodded at the lifts. He figured Angus and Braden wouldn't have gone far, and he didn't want to risk running into them again. Tom was suddenly more exhausted than he had ever been in his life, a heaviness settling in across his shoulders that made it hard for him to feel anything but dejected.
It was only when the lift doors closed that Tom spoke. "It's over."
There wasn't a whole lot that could shock Ethan, but this was one of them. Despite everything that had gone down, he really just hadn't expected this. After his own experience with finding the love of his life and it changing how he viewed everything, he really thought that after the explosion, Stuart and Tom could stick this out. There really wasn't any infidelity, after all. It was one huge mix-up, a mistake. His mouth dropped open, and all he could do for a few moments was gape at Tom, speechless. "I- no!" he finally said, a frown forming. "Did you tell him? Why didn't he listen? Why didn't you, I don't know, cuff yourself to his bed until he understood?"
Tom rubbed the back of his neck before he looked at Ethan. "Yes. He listened, he just said my past was too much. He didn't have the strength to deal with it. To compete with it. Who was competing?! I don't understand," he suddenly growled. "I fucked up. I know I fucked up. Aren't people allowed mistakes? Why aren't people allowed mistakes? I'm not fucking perfect. I never claimed to be. I just wanted him to forgive me. I want to be able to move on. With him."
Ethan exhaled heavily and shook his head in disbelief. He wanted to come up with all these awesome anaologies or words of wisdom to make Tom feel better, but he knew it wouldn't. Tom needed to vent, and it was Ethan's job to be there for him, no matter what. "How was he?" he asked quietly and looked at Tom hesitantly. "I mean, I'm not lightening it, mate, I'm really not. You're right, people make mistakes all the time and get a second chance, but it's not as cut and dry as that. You know that. Look at your paralegal. What did he get for his mistakes? The inside view of a coffin. Just... it's all just gone down, you know? He's injured, facing surgery. Liam said he apparently punched a wall, he was supposed to assess him, but Stuart blew his stack. Threatened to ruin his career if he touched him. He's hurt and angry, probably in a lot of pain. Maybe this is just a knee-jerk reaction? Incidentally, Liam's gone and got himself admitted, too." His forehead creased as he glanced up at the lit numbers. "You like those hospital gowns, don't you?" he joked and shot Tom a tiny smirk, just wanting to try and help his mate feel better... somehow.
"Oh yeah, fucking love them." Tom tried to smirk back but he failed miserably. He couldn't find any amusement in the situation, especially now Liam had managed to land himself in hospital as well. As much as Tom wanted to check on him, he knew it was time to stay away. Just like he couldn't go back up to Stuart's room. It really was over. He rubbed his thumb against his no bare ring finger and pressed his lips together. "I really don't think it's knee-jerk. I think he really can't handle me and my past. I don't know what to do about Jess."
Ethan sucked on his lower lip, a nervous habit he'd always had. He was going to drop the subject of Liam like a hot potato, and clearly the subject of Stuart, too. Tom didn't seem to want to talk about either. "Um... I guess you gotta talk to her. Good luck finding her, though. No one's seen her." He didn't even know where they were going in the elevator, so he was just going to hang around at Tom's side while he led the way. It wasn't like Ethan had anywhere else pressing to be anyway. He just might be a wreck at work in the morning. Luckily he owned the company.
The doors opened and Tom stepped out onto the ground floor. He didn't say anymore as they walked through the foyer, waiting until they were outside in the night air before he dropped down onto a bench and cradled his head in his hand as it all seemed to hit him. "I don't have the ring. I'm not getting married. Fuck, Ethan. How did this happen? I don't understand... where was my slap? You were supposed to give me a love smack." When he lifted his head fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks and he took a shuddering breath. "I've never felt so fucking empty in all my life."
Ethan didn't hesitate in pulling his best friend into a secure hug. He didn't care who was passing or who was watching. It was a fucking hospital, people cried and got upset. Only, people didn't generally split up with the love of their life there, and he felt completely and utterly helpless. It had all happened so quickly, he wasn't exactly sure when he was supposed to deliver the love smack. "Well... you could always go back in there, cuff yourself to his bedside until you convince him you're all he wants and you have no other secrets to tell him. Or I could try to talk to him, even if you didn't want that the first time. I mean... maybe it's just all hit him at once and he's confused? It happens. Look how long it took Soph to come around to me? She thought I was the biggest fuck on the face of the earth, but I convinced her otherwise. Made a real dick of myself over and over too."
Tom clung to Ethan, not afraid to be weak in front of his best mate. He buried his face against Ethan's shoulder, his strong frame shaking from the sobs as his heart broke. Tom wasn't some ice cold lawyer twat. He had loved Stuart with his whole heart and now Stuart just didn't want it. He had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do with a heart that didn't seem to fit into his chest anymore. He wanted to claw it out and just stop having to feel anything at all. "He seemed pretty fucking sure," Tom mumbled. "I... yeah, talk to him but not right now. I think we all just need time. I'm not sure I have the energy to fight for anything right now."
"Did it end badly? I mean, nastily?" Ethan asked, with the clarification. Of course it ended badly. Every break up was bad, but it would just plain suck if Stuart continued to be furious at Tom, despite being told the truth? "Did he believe you? Do you want to go home? What do you want to do? How are you feeling? You said you were feeling crap earlier and you were all throwing up..." He didn't mean to make with the twenty questions, even if he wanted the information to try and understand it. He really had thought they would get through it, and even if there was some tension and lingering upset, he had believed there wouldn't be a break up. Now he just didn't understand what had gone down, he was genuinely shocked.
Tom gave a shake of his head. "It just... ended. He believed me, but it was just too much for him. He can't handle me and my exploits. Apparently he doesn't want to wait around for whatever surprise is coming next. He doesn't want to compete. I'm still not sure what the fuck that is supposed to mean." He pulled out of the hug to rub his hands over his face and try to brush away the tears. "I want to go home and get into bed and never come out again. Then again, I don't want to go home. It's meant to be the home I shared with Stuart. All his stuff's there. I feel like I've been up for a week straight and running on just ragged emotions. I feel like shit. I'm sorry, you really don't need this."
"You can come stay with us," Ethan offered before thinking. But he quickly paused and groaned, squeezing his temples between his fingers. "Not that you're going to want to. We've already... Liam needs to come back with us tomorrow. He's in a bad way, and Soph's worried. He's coming to stay with us for awhile so we can look after him. I mean, you can come, but I know you're going to tell me you won't..." He watched Tom in the watery light of the street lamp above, the night not particularly cold now they had hit summer. "Doesn't want to compete, or can't compete? Big difference there. If it's the latter, it sounds like he's just thinking that no matter what he does, your past is still gonna bite him in the arse. He's been pretty tolerable of it, mate. Not many people would want to compete with a string of ex fucks... people like Stu and Soph, though. They're golden. Are you sure you just want to leave it like this? He's injured, facing surgery. Probably scared. Do you just want to walk away? I just... don't want you to regret this for the rest of your life. You've lost your fight."
"I'm tired," Tom murmured. "I'm tired of trying to constantly prove I'm not the man I was. The boy I was. He got left behind the second Stuart fell on top of me. I should have told him about Liam, and I didn't, but I still don't think I deserve this. I don't deserve to have everyone thing the fucking worse. It's just tiring. I feel like shit because Stuart's made all this effort to take care of me, and to get me through the accident and he thinks I repaid him by sticking my dick in Liam's mouth. Thought I'd done that... I don't even know how to begin making him realise I'd do so much more for him. I'd give my life for him, but right now I think I just need to give him the time he wants. And just hope he'll change his mind. And I need to find my fight."
Ethan was quiet for a few moments. "He still loves you. No one punches a wall with such force that it crushes their hand for fun. Did you notice what hand it was? It wasn't his punching hand, mate..." He let that sink in for a moment. "No, I don't think you deserve any of this, but I don't think he does, either. I sometimes wish I could just reach into my head and shove my memories of seeing him in the hospital at your side into your brain. I wish you could see how he looked every single time you crumbled in pain after that accident. I wish I could walk in there right now and smack him over the head with a pillow and tell him to snap the fuck out of it, and help him see that maybe you just need to not have the energy together. I wish you and Liam weren't such randy fucks that you couldn't keep your hands off each other at one point. I wish you still had a tiny bit of fight to go back in there and just let him see that you'd do anything for him, despite that past." His breath left him in a defeated rush. "But I'm not you, and I can't tell you what to do. I can't give you the energy to fix it. Just, when you go home, make sure you really stop and think that you have lost the fight for him... if nothing else. I don't think people like us get two bites at the soul mate apple."
Tom looked up at hospital and tried to work out if he could see the window for Stuart's room, but he didn't think he could. There was a part of him that suddenly wanted to walk back in and go back up there. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be with Stuart. It didn't feel right to suddenly be without him, or to not be by his side while he was waiting with surgery. He took a couple strides back towards the entrance before coming back to Ethan, and then doing the same again. He went back and forth five more times before he just dropped back down on the bench and sighed. "I can't ask you to talk to him, mate. I just can't. If I have any chance of getting him back I'll have to be the one to do it. I just... I can't do it tonight."
Ethan dropped down next to him on the bench with a heavy sigh. For a long few moments, he didn't say anything. He just say there watching the sidewalk bathed in the street lights. "At least you didn't get bagpipes up the arse?" he finally offered, glancing at Tom with a slight laugh and then let his shoulders droop as he looked at the concrete between his feet. He was tired. It felt like everyone around him was ailing, and it was a heavy weight to bear. He was realising the enormity of extended family now. He had a young brother-in-law that might not need him directly, but needed him on some level because Ethan was married to his sister. Then there was Tom, who had always been his family, and his whole world had been turned upside down. "I probably should've warned you about the downside of falling in love, right? The broken heart. It's a fucking bitch."
Tom turned his head to look at Ethan, watching as his honorary brother-in-law's brow seemed to furrow further. He snorted softly as he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, at least I didn't get the bagpipes." He shifted in place and pulled his mobile out of his pocket as he punched in the number for the hospital and got put through to the flower shop. Lucky for him it was the sort of place that operated during all hours and he ordered a 'manly' bouquet and a teddy in a kilt to be sent to Stuart's room. There was a long pause after he got asked if he wanted a card attached, and eventually he said no before giving his credit card details and hanging up. "I can't even get fucking pissed. This sucks."
Ethan had listened to the conversation quietly and then glanced at Tom, his blue eyes seeming dull even in the bright light. "No card?" he asked in a quiet murmur. He took his PDA out and checked for any urgent work messages, having had the thing turned down in the hospital. He knew if he had stopped to try and take a business call, Sophie would have shoved the device up his arse so far it would be ringing out of his nose. The wallpaper of the gadget was a picture of him and Sophie taken the day before their wedding day. He just looked at it for a long few moments. "Well, you could. I just don't think you'd appreciate how crap you felt with it. Not sure I could handle you landing in hospital all over again."
Tom gave a shake of his head. "I couldn't think of what to put on it. I've never been good in that respect. I'm not sure anyone would let the arrangement stay in his room if they knew it was from me, anyway. I just... I have to send him something, though. I want to be up there, but I think even though I don't agree with breaking up, we both just need time. Hell, I can't even remember who's idea it fucking was. I just know I can't think straight right now. I feel like I haven't slept in a week." He looked at the PDA in Ethan's hand and arched an eyebrow. "The place falling apart without you?"
Ethan rubbed the corner of his thumb across his forehead and then looked at Tom out from under his fingers, his forehead creasing tiredly. "Can't say I really blame you, mate. Nothing's even really happened to me, and I'm knackered. I'm worried about Liam... hoping he's not one of those sort who can take care of other people, but not himself. Sophie gets more scared when it's him, he's her baby brother. I guess it's why I was hoping you and Angus wouldn't rip each other's heads off. He can't see beyond Stuart hurting, can't see a lot of reason. Makes me wonder how it feels to be a parent. You must be just a nervous wreck the whole time." He looked at the mobile phone again with a slight laugh. "Doesn't seem to be. Maybe it's trying to tell me something. Put family first, or something? It's not like I'm used to any of this shit."
Tom reached out to give Ethan's shoulder a squeeze. "You might not be used to it, but you're better at it than you think. I'd be lost without you. I think all of us would be. Parents are nervous wrecks, but I'm not sure any of them regret their kids. Making mistakes is just part of what we do. Getting hurt in anything is just unavoidable. You'd be a good dad if you ever decided to go that route." He glanced around and looked down at his hands which were now starting to shake. "I don't think I can drive myself home. I'm still not sure how I got here in the first place. The company's fine, Ethan. You've trained everyone well."
Ethan glanced at Tom out of the corner of his eye. "It's my security blanket. One of the only places I really feel completely in control..." he admitted and with a sigh, finally tucked his phone back away again. He pressed his lips together, the frown deeper this time as he pointed at his mate. "I'll get you home, but first I wanna say this. You aren't okay. I don't know what's going on, but Liam tuned in to something to want to examine you. You need to see a doctor. Even if it's just to, I dunno, get some Valium to help you chill. You don't want to wake up one day and realise you're not only in the middle of a nervous breakdown, but that your health is down the shitter because you didn't look after youself or get help when you needed it."
Tom rubbed his fingers against his forehead and sighed. "Yeah, yeah... I know. I don't know what's going on, but I'll get it sorted. I promise. I've had enough of doctors though to last me a lifetime. If this is the last one I need to have look at me for a while, I'll be happy. I'm jealous of your safety blanket. Mine's been soiled. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go back into the office."
Ethan gave him a pointed look. "So, don't. Take some more time off. Maybe this is karma's fucked up way of telling you to chill the fuck out," he suggested.
Tom frowned before nodding. "Maybe I should... Karma's not exactly subtle when it doesn't want to be. It's even more of a bitch when you don't listen. You take care of your family, I'll just take some more time off."
"You still need to talk to Jess," Ethan had to remind him quietly.
Tom wet his lips as he glanced up towards the night sky. "I know... I just need to find the words. And find her."
There was so much more Ethan wanted to say but he didn't push anything. Instead, he just gave a small nod and then nudged Tom lightly in the arm. "Come on, I'll get you home. Better at least one of us to get some sleep than neither of us."
Tom gave a nod as he moved to stand, still trying to take it easy because of his wound. He wasn't sure if he'd be the one to sleep, or not, and the idea of going home still scared the shit out of Tom, but he really couldn't stay at the hospital no matter how much he wanted to. All he could hope for was that one day the next conversation with Stuart would end a hell of a lot happier than this one.
Word Count | 3,877