mi nombre
I'm putting off writing a short paper about my name.
Maybe i'll write it here and it won't seem so much of homework but as a story for you, my friends.
I don't know if I want to Write about Gustavo or Omar. Definitely not Zamora.
Do not call me Gustavo, I am not a Terrorist, I am not Illegal
My given name is Gustavo Omar Zamora. Before I was born my parents could not decide between Gustavo Omar and Omar Gustavo. They had ultimately decided on Omar Gustavo but my father, who's name is also Gustavo, decided to have his first born be named after him and changed it to Gustavo Omar on the day of my birth. I have always wished that my name was Omar Gustavo because I think that it flows off of the tongue better rather than having two vowels right next to each other, but that is me just being picky.
I moved to North Phoenix where I first attended public school, where at the time there were no Mexicans at my school because they were mostly put in ESL classes at a different school. All the little White kids had probably never come into contact with a Mexican before so I was already strange from the beginning. On the first day teachers had to say my name to the class, and of course with Zamora always being the last name on the roster, my name was always last. I always had to explain, “Actually I go by my middle name, Omar,” of course that never stopped the kids from hearing it because Gustavo was so weird, memorable and last.
I have always hated how Gustavo is pronounced in English. I guess I don’t mind the name when it is pronounced with a Spanish accent but in English when the emphasis is put on the first syllable, like in GOOstavo and GUHstavo, it sounds wretched to me. All the nicknames associated with it have always irked me as well like Gusano, Gusanito, and Goose. There is one nickname that I cannot hate more which is Gus, which is what my dad calls himself in White society, which also reminds me of the stupid little fat rat from Disney’s Cinderella, Gus Gus. I think it is ridiculous how far I look into that but it’s my name, it is something that I am stuck with that I perpetually critique, I loath it. People always say how horrible I am about hating my first name because it is also my dad’s first name and they tell me how I should be proud. I just don’t like the name Gustavo, it sounds dumb.
On the other hand I love Omar because it is unique and simple to say. Speaking both Spanish and English is so important to me and I love that Omar can be said with both accents and sound normal. Omar is an Arabic name and although going by my middle name causes much confusion I can live with it because I like the way it sounds. People always think I am Middle Eastern or Arabic. People who are Arabic always come up to me at work and ask about my heritage. “Yes I know my name is Arabic, but I am Mexican.” I know there is a lot of Arabic influence in Spanish so I don’t mind indulging the elderly people who wish to educate me on my own name. It wasn’t until the attacks on 9/11 where one of the high-jackers was named Omar that my peers would tease me. It was so strange how one little event could do that but then people would remember that I was Mexican and 13, an almost impossible tie to the Taliban.
Having two names never really fazed me until I got my first job as a cook at a restaurant where I now realize that there were a few illegal immigrants working there. They would open up to me because they assumed that I too was illegal. In the system I was Gustavo but my nametag said Omar. I guess they had assumed that my papers really belonged to some other guy named Gustavo, although both identities were mine. They asked me if I could help them with papers and how I achieved getting “legitimate” documents, but I was only 16 and really had no idea of how to react. Luckily, I had to quit that job shortly there after since it was only for the summer, which probably made my co-workers more suspicious in the end. It’s strange to think of how your very name which you essentially have no control over may control the way you are treated or even what situations you are put into. Normalcy is what I desire most, my names definitely aren’t helping me out.
i don't think the lj cut is working, i apologize if i can't figure it out.
now that that's out of the way.
i hate my short story class. I feel like a bumbling idiot. I think that i am a pretty good public speaker. with that being said, I don't know why i am so intimidated by the other writers in this class. When i am called on in this class i begin to stammer, stutter, turn bright red and sweat a lot. It's dumb and it pisses me off. I can't seem to put coherent sentences when i speak during that class, and it's only during that class. I have my transborder class later in the day where i speak the most.
WHAT THE HELL BRAIN
please let me not sound like buffoon tomorrow. it's humiliating.
good night