the room's too cold but you're so hot.
i don't know how to describe last night. it started out with a shitty morning and an even shittier afternoon. by the time i got to ellie's at 6o'clock, i was looking forward to the shittest night imaginable. ellie and i went to dinner at pano's and then ended up with tyler, tommy, gunnar, mike, and will. we met them at spot and when we showed up, tyler was sitting with these three girls that i didn't recognize. apparently they used to go to school together and they had sat down a minute before i showed up but i haven't had an awful gut feeling like that months. it just makes me wonder how the hell am i going to feel in a couple of weeks. of course tyler and i were all over eachother but we didn't reconcile and that's the worst part. i hate the way i'm acting. i feel desperate and annoying and hypocritical..my least favorite emotions. i told myself i wouldn't call him but before i realized it the phone was already ringing. it felt so good just to hear his voice. how fucking pathetic am i being? that i fucking savor the sound of his voice along the wires of my telephone. i want him to be happy but i'm too fucking selfish and busy trying to make him feel guilty for what he's done.