Falling
Title: Falling
Genre: Angst-ish.
Rating: PG
Summary: "People often said you can only truly fall in love once, but with you I’d been perpetually falling."
A/N: The third paragraph is Seo Hyun's actual words. S represents Seo's narrative and Y represents Yong's.
***
S
I was always sure we’d be together forever, like Marge and Homer Simpson or that old couple we saw by the lake that we swore we would be. That we’d get married and have kids; a boy and a girl who you’d teach how to play basketball while I fussed over their safety. How I’d wake up to the sound of their small, excited feet padding through the hallways and to the smell of tea - because I wouldn’t allow coffee. I’d meet you in the kitchen and like I always do, I’d fall in love again. People often said you can only truly fall in love once, but with you I’d been perpetually falling. You’d pull me into your arms, where I fit perfectly, and I would melt into your sweet embrace.
I feel arms snaking around my torso and for a second I let myself pretend that they are yours. When I finally swim to the surface of reality, I find myself drowning in a new wave of guilt. I liked him. But I loved you. That’s why when he whispers in my ear, his voice heavy with sleep, that he loves me, I pretend to be asleep. You can never love things equally I’ve learnt.
To me, liking someone is paralleled with a dandelion seed lightly landing on the ground. It’s soft and makes you happy. Loving someone is like when that dandelion seed grows roots into the ground and then flowers. A dandelion seed can lightly come and go, right? But in order for it to flower, you have to water it, block it from the wind, and treasure it dearly. That’s what I think.
When I hear the sound of him snoring beside me and feel the small vibrations of his body against mine, I let out my breath that I didn’t know I was holding. The sunlight seeping through the slits in the curtains casts a long streak across the room, illuminating the diamond ring on my left hand. The rock weighed heavily on my finger; a solid reminder of the promise I had made. I had agreed to marry him because I couldn’t marry you.
I saw you yesterday at the grocery store, the jar of coffee in your cart mocking me. Our eyes met and instantly, without warning, my heart began to jar aggressively against my chest. You nodded politely and I returned the gesture. It’s funny how, like an unkept dandelion, our years of easy intimacy had been reduced to nothing.
There was so much that I wanted to say, so much that I wanted you to say, but the words never left my lips, and in that moment I wished neither did you.
***
Y
I reach across to the left side of the bed, hoping to find you, but instead I find emptiness. I wonder what side you slept on now. I roll unto my back and stare listlessly at the sky blue ceiling spotted with white clouds. I recall the day we painted it. You insisted that we embark upon diy projects after I suggested we call a handyman. No one likes a cloudy day, I had said. You stopped for a second, precariously tilting the paint bucket as you mused. It helps us to appreciate the specks of blue in our lives, you said finally. Was my sky so clouded after you left that I couldn’t see the blue?
When I saw you yesterday, poring over a grocery list -lists are more efficient you would say- I almost didn’t notice the ring on your hand because I’d been so mesmerized by that brilliant smile you wore on your face; your most beautiful accessory. You finally looked up and our eyes met. There was much I wanted to say, but just like the day you left, I remained silent.
You left on a clement morning with your few belongings in tow. I struggled to find the right words to say, but even when I was finally able to articulate my thoughts, the words lingered on the tip of my tongue, too afraid, like I was, to reach beyond. I could still recall the slouch of your retreating back and the tiny tremor of your body, telltale signs that you’d been crying.
Suddenly everything is too much and I feel myself suffocating. I need air, so I grab my jacket off the rack in the hallway that you’d made -another diy project - and head to the only place that could give me comfort.
***
S
I sit at the lone chair beside the lake where we had met- you were dejected after failed attempts at fishing so I cheered you up by reiterating stories I had remembered from the book I was reading before your welcomed interruption.
I left him a note, the diamond acting as a paperweight. I was a coward, but I knew I should stop or I’d hurt him even more. I close my eyes, and loose myself in the soothing sounds of nature around me. I didn’t hear you come up beside me, but I know your voice like I know your favourite colour, your favourite food, the dark brown of your eyes, the contours of your body, and the shape of your lips as you breathed against mine that you loved me. So that when you say my name, my heart soars like it always does, and I open my eyes to meet yours, glistening and somber. You pull me into an embrace, and I yield, I melt, I fall, but this time I pull you with me. There are no words, and there needn’t be.
Genre: Angst-ish.
Rating: PG
Summary: "People often said you can only truly fall in love once, but with you I’d been perpetually falling."
A/N: The third paragraph is Seo Hyun's actual words. S represents Seo's narrative and Y represents Yong's.
***
S
I was always sure we’d be together forever, like Marge and Homer Simpson or that old couple we saw by the lake that we swore we would be. That we’d get married and have kids; a boy and a girl who you’d teach how to play basketball while I fussed over their safety. How I’d wake up to the sound of their small, excited feet padding through the hallways and to the smell of tea - because I wouldn’t allow coffee. I’d meet you in the kitchen and like I always do, I’d fall in love again. People often said you can only truly fall in love once, but with you I’d been perpetually falling. You’d pull me into your arms, where I fit perfectly, and I would melt into your sweet embrace.
I feel arms snaking around my torso and for a second I let myself pretend that they are yours. When I finally swim to the surface of reality, I find myself drowning in a new wave of guilt. I liked him. But I loved you. That’s why when he whispers in my ear, his voice heavy with sleep, that he loves me, I pretend to be asleep. You can never love things equally I’ve learnt.
To me, liking someone is paralleled with a dandelion seed lightly landing on the ground. It’s soft and makes you happy. Loving someone is like when that dandelion seed grows roots into the ground and then flowers. A dandelion seed can lightly come and go, right? But in order for it to flower, you have to water it, block it from the wind, and treasure it dearly. That’s what I think.
When I hear the sound of him snoring beside me and feel the small vibrations of his body against mine, I let out my breath that I didn’t know I was holding. The sunlight seeping through the slits in the curtains casts a long streak across the room, illuminating the diamond ring on my left hand. The rock weighed heavily on my finger; a solid reminder of the promise I had made. I had agreed to marry him because I couldn’t marry you.
I saw you yesterday at the grocery store, the jar of coffee in your cart mocking me. Our eyes met and instantly, without warning, my heart began to jar aggressively against my chest. You nodded politely and I returned the gesture. It’s funny how, like an unkept dandelion, our years of easy intimacy had been reduced to nothing.
There was so much that I wanted to say, so much that I wanted you to say, but the words never left my lips, and in that moment I wished neither did you.
***
Y
I reach across to the left side of the bed, hoping to find you, but instead I find emptiness. I wonder what side you slept on now. I roll unto my back and stare listlessly at the sky blue ceiling spotted with white clouds. I recall the day we painted it. You insisted that we embark upon diy projects after I suggested we call a handyman. No one likes a cloudy day, I had said. You stopped for a second, precariously tilting the paint bucket as you mused. It helps us to appreciate the specks of blue in our lives, you said finally. Was my sky so clouded after you left that I couldn’t see the blue?
When I saw you yesterday, poring over a grocery list -lists are more efficient you would say- I almost didn’t notice the ring on your hand because I’d been so mesmerized by that brilliant smile you wore on your face; your most beautiful accessory. You finally looked up and our eyes met. There was much I wanted to say, but just like the day you left, I remained silent.
You left on a clement morning with your few belongings in tow. I struggled to find the right words to say, but even when I was finally able to articulate my thoughts, the words lingered on the tip of my tongue, too afraid, like I was, to reach beyond. I could still recall the slouch of your retreating back and the tiny tremor of your body, telltale signs that you’d been crying.
Suddenly everything is too much and I feel myself suffocating. I need air, so I grab my jacket off the rack in the hallway that you’d made -another diy project - and head to the only place that could give me comfort.
***
S
I sit at the lone chair beside the lake where we had met- you were dejected after failed attempts at fishing so I cheered you up by reiterating stories I had remembered from the book I was reading before your welcomed interruption.
I left him a note, the diamond acting as a paperweight. I was a coward, but I knew I should stop or I’d hurt him even more. I close my eyes, and loose myself in the soothing sounds of nature around me. I didn’t hear you come up beside me, but I know your voice like I know your favourite colour, your favourite food, the dark brown of your eyes, the contours of your body, and the shape of your lips as you breathed against mine that you loved me. So that when you say my name, my heart soars like it always does, and I open my eyes to meet yours, glistening and somber. You pull me into an embrace, and I yield, I melt, I fall, but this time I pull you with me. There are no words, and there needn’t be.