OOC LOGPOST: Katsura & Gintoki
Who: Katsura [itsnotzura] & Gintoki [cakefesta].
When: After this post and this post.
Where: Edo, Japan [Gintama fandom].
What: BABIES!!
Why: Because paahead say whaaaaaaaaat?
Note: Done /ACTION LEAGUE NOW style, because the downs are heavy this year. Residents of Edo out and about may have seen this.
G: /flops down on a bench
G: /has the kid in his lap
G: /god damn it this is not funny anymore, where are the hidden cameras and people laughing at him
K: /a mound of plushies walks by
K: /a small sheep falls from the mound at Gintoki's feet as it passes
K: /it baa's
G: ...
G: /don't say a word, maybe he won't see you
K: /the mound of plushies senses one of it's number has been depleted
K: /it stops
K: Ah, excuse me, could you hand me that?
G: ...
G: /picks up the plushie
G: ...
G: /GRABS THE BABY
G: /BOLTS
K: /what the-
K: /Katsura finally looks around the mound, WHO JUST STOLE BAA-CHAN?
K: /omg wut
K: GINTOKIIIIIIII!
G: /FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK
K: /these legs were made for running, and that's just what they'll do
K: GIN! TO! KI!
K: /RUNRUNRUN
K: WHERE ARE YOU GOING!
G: AWAY FROM YOU!
G: LEAVE ME ALONE!
K: /CATCHES UP WITH HIM
K: /SOMEONE'S BEEN EATING TOO MANY PARFAITS
K: /RUNS ALONGSIDE
K: I got Tarou-kun some welcoming gifts!
G: HIS NAME'S
G: /STOMP ON ZURA'S FOOT
G: NOT
G: /STOMP
G: TAROU!
K: /OWOWOW
K: /TRIP
K: /THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH PLUSHIES
K: /OH GOD EVERYWHERE
G: /one falls in the baby's lap
G: /aw, a monkey, how cute
G: /RUN RUN RUN
K: /gets back to his feet
K: GINTOKI! GINTOKI!
K: /RUN
K: SAKAMOTO AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO SEE THE CHILD! ISOLATING HIM FROM SOCIETY WILL ONLY MAKE HIM GROW UP MALADJUSTED!
K: SAKAMOTO BROUGHT TURRETS!
G: /OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO KILL THEM ALL
G: /STILL RUNNING
K: /KATSURA CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
K: /RUNRUNRUNRUN
K: /CATCHES UP TO AGAIN
K: I don't know why you're being so shy about this! It's absurd!
G: /UNFORTUNATELY GINTOKI CAN'T
G: /HARD LEFT
G: /INTO A SMALL PARK
K: /FOLLOWS
K: /ISN'T EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT
K: /HOW IS HE NOT TRIPPING ALL OVER HIS PURPLE MONK ROBES
K: /WHO KNOWS
G: /FALLS ONTO A BENCH
G: /GASPING
G: /Kanshichiro: 8|
K: /stops neatly in front of him
K: /puts the rest of the plushies in the child's lap, there's about five
K: /frowns
K: I had all the sets. I think I lost some.
G: /rolls his eyes
G: /picks one up
G: /gives it to the baby
K: /sits down on the bench next to him, rifling in his sleeve
K: /it's a yarn ball
K: /gives that to the baby too
G: It's not a cat.
G: /takes the yarn
G: /what if he accidentally chokes on it
K: I know it isn't.
K: But Elizabeth didn't have time to knit it into booties yet.
K: I wasn't sure he would like yellow, anyway.
G: He doesn't.
K: Oh.
G: /dead-eyed stare
K: /takes the yarn back
K: /puts it away
K: What is his name?
G: He doesn't have one.
K: Kotarou is a good name.
G: For a jerk with girly hair.
G: /the kid looks tired
G: /sort of awkwardly holds him so his head can lay on Gintoki's shoulder
G: ...
G: /pats his back a few times
K: ...
K: /watches
G: ...
G: What.
K: He really does look just like you.
K: /point
K: You drool like that.
G: /slaps his hand away
G: Either way, he's not my kid.
K: ...Are you sure?
K: /peers at the tiny perm
G: He's a year old. At least.
G: Means he had to bake for nine months.
G: Where was I a year and nine months ago?
G: ...Look, long story short, he ain't mine.
G: ...
G: /patpatpat
K: /Kanshichiro: 8| Urp.
G: /what the hell was that
K: Say "excuse me," Tarou-kun.
G: His name isn't Tarou!
K: It's short for Kotarou.
G: His name isn't Kotarou, either.
K: You can't just leave him unnamed, ah.
G: I'm sure his mother has a fine name picked out for him.
G: And his father, too.
K: /frown
K: I don't know where you were a year and nine months ago.
G: /that sort of slipped out so he does what he'd normally do in this situation
G: /ignore it and change the subject
G: This kid is drooling on me. Get me a napkin.
K: /gives him A Look but lets it slide for now because
K: /well, drool is gross
K: /fishes in his sleeve again
K: /comes up with a square of cloth and offers it
G: /sort of slides it in between the kid's head and his shoulder
K: /clears his throat
K: An Odd-Jobs business isn't exactly the normal place to leave a child. So the mother had to have had some... reason...
G: Maybe she figured we did babysitting, too.
G: /who the hell is he trying to kid, nothing he's going to say is going to get it out of their heads that he's somehow miraculously this kid's father. He might as well just accept it.
K: /long look
K: What are you going to do with him?
G: Try and find his real parents. What other choice do I have?
K: ...
K: /nods
K: I thought it would be a longshot that any woman would get anywhere near a paahead.
G: The only women who'd get near you are lesbians, and even then, they're in for a big surprise.
K: /frowns
K: Everyone already knows TaTu was faking it.
G: You're definitely shit outta luck, then.
K: What?
G: Nothing.
K: /looking at the baby
G: /holding the baby a little less awkwardly now
K: -What if you can't find his parents?
G: Then I'll--
G: ...
G: ...I'll find them.
K: /doesn't look so convinced
G: What.
G: /blank stare
K: /blank stare back
G: ...
G: I'd take care of him, all right?
G: Don't look at me like I'm some kind of asshole who'd abandon a kid like his mom did--
K: Perhaps she had no other choice.
G: /grumbles under his breath
G: Like I do?
K: /coughs discreetly to hide something like a smile
G: /grumble grumble
K: You do have a choice.
K: You're just making the right one.
G: Shut the hell up. You're a grown man buying plushies.
K: They're for Tarou-kun.
K: /serenely makes the cow 'moo' at the kid
G: Like I said, his name isn't Taro--
G: Oi, leave him alone, he's trying to rest!
K: He didn't mind.
G: What, you speak baby now?
K: Of course I do, it's all you speak.
K: /toys with the cow
G: /PINCHES HIS HAND
K: Ow! Stop that.
K: Don't teach him violence.
K: You're already being a bad example.
G: Violence is acceptable against wigheads.
K: I'm not a wighead.
G: Since when.
G: You've been a wighead since the day you were born.
K: At least I was born and not spawned from some closet lint all rolled together into an ugly perm.
K: /blink blink
K: He's sleeping.
G: /was going to retort but falls silent upon hearing that
K: /just kind of staring at the kid
G: Damn, better ask the old hag for some milk. Kids are hungry when they wake up, right?
K: I don't know. I thought they threw up when they woke.
G: What the hell kind of kid were you?!
K: I don't throw up.
G: Tch.
K: /staring
G: Why are you staring at him, oi.
G: Leave the kid alone.
K: I'm not bothering him.
K: /blush
K: /look away
K: /...stare out of the corner of his eye
G: /gives up
G: You can look at him, geez.
G: Just don't bother him.
K: I'm not.
K: /...moves the cow plushie to the other side of the bench
K: /......and most of the other ones, the temptation is too much
G: /resists the urge to sigh
K: Ah... I had pictured Sakamoto being the first to have children.
G: Who the hell would mother his children.
K: A woman who can't run very fast.
G: /snort of laughter
K: /ahem
K: Or an alien life-form with no legs at all.
G: Don't. Please. I just got the mental image of a brood of children with Sakamoto's stupid afro out of my head.
K: /pointed look at the baby's perm
G: /sort of defensive
G: It's cute on him.
K: But ridiculous on a full-grown man.
G: He'll make it work just like I do.
G: ...
G: /fuck fuck fuck, what is he saying?!
K: /eyebrow arch
G: /cough
G: /stands up
K: /frown
K: You're going to wake him up.
G: I'm gonna go back home.
K: Ah.
K: /studiously looking everywhere but Gintoki
G: ...
G: ...
G: You can carry the plushies back.
G: ...To my house.
K: /beam
G: Only 'cause I don't want to listen to you bitch about me leaving them in the park.
K: /gathers them up
K: Tatsuma is coming too.
G: ...
K: /happy little clouds and bubbles aura
G: Who the hell invited him.
K: /huffs
K: Caring for a child is a worse battle than any amanto skirmish.
K: He is the reinforcements.
G: He'd better not reinforce his ship into my wall again, or I'm going to reinforce my fist in his stupid, thick skull.
K: You're teaching Tarou-kun violence again.
G: His name isn't Tarou-kun.
K: Ginraku is a stupid name.
G: Finally, something we agree on.
K: /hands in his sleeves
K: Kotaraku might not be bad...
G: NOTHING WITH 'RAKU'. OR KOTAROU. OR TAROU.
K: Katsura?
G: NO.
G: YOU WANT A KID NAMED AFTER YOU SO BAD, GO HAVE ONE.
K: /kjxndfkjnfk
K: /happy clouds and bubbles are gone
K: ...You woke him up.
G: Wha--
G: Damn it.
G: What's he doing?
K: /frowns
K: Ah... working himself up, I think.
K: To-
K: /the kid starts crying.
G: Motherfuck--
K: Don't swear!
G: /WALKING FASTER
G: SHUT UP.
G: I NEED TO GET HOME.
K: /keeps up with
K: /the kid is just crying more
K: You should, ah, I don't think he likes-
G: WHAT.
K: ...You're bumping him.
G: ...
G: /stops
K: /stops too
K: /stare down
K: Do something!
G: /PATS HIS BACK
G: /BOUNCES HIM
G: /OMFG WHAT
K: /looks around
K: People are staring... they're going to call child abuse services, why are you shaking him like that...
K: /PANIC
K: /MAKES SILLY FACES AT THE KID
G: Now they're going to call child services on you for being fucking terrifying--!
K: Don't swear, asshole!
G: SAME TO YOU, BASTARD!
K: STOP YELLING, PAAHEAD TRASH!
G: YOU FIRST, DANDRUFF PRINCE!
K: IT'S NOT DANDRUFF PRINCE, IT'S KATSURA!
G: SHUT UP!
K: ...
K: He stopped.
G: /oh thank god
G: ...
K: ...
K: Hold on.
K: /undoes his monk robe clasp
G: ...
G: What are you doing.
K: /ignores
K: /DROPS ROBE
K: /totally has his normal clothes underneath it
K: /steps out of the purple robe, picks it up, and ties it in a loop
K: /throws it at gintoki
G: /what
G: /...oh
G: /sort of fastens a baby sling out of it
G: /it'll hold
G: ...
G: This is ridiculous.
K: Purple is 'in.'
K: /hands in his kimono sleeves
G: I still look ridiculous.
K: Do you want me to hold him?
G: No, he's finally not crying.
G: I don't want to ruin it.
K: /defensively
K: I wouldn't make him cry.
G: Let's just get back to my place, all right?
G: /absentmindedly rubbing the kid's back through the sling
K: /hmph
G: /walking
G: /hope to god he doesn't run into anyone else he knows
K: /an entire class of schoolgirls walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: /SCOWLING FOREVER
G: /WTF IS THIS SHIT
K: /an entire group of pretty hostesses walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: ...
G: /HE WILL NOT GIVE IN AND TELL ZURA HE CAN HOLD THE BABY
G: /HE WON'T
K: /the entire cast of Bleach walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: YEAH, WELL, YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE A CAT PISSED CARROT JUICE INTO IT!
G: STUPID ICHIGO!
K: Don't you have a poster of him in your bedroom?
G: SHUT UP.
K: He looks shorter in real life.
G: He's a punk.
K: /Ketsuno Ana-chan walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
G: /GRITTING HIS TEETH
K: /her husband meets her
K: /they kiss in greeting
G: /FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
K: /she whispers something into his ear with soft lips
K: /they both look at gintoki
K: /and laugh quietly together.
K: Is that the lighting manager of Ladies Four?
K: /cranes to look
G: ENOUGH.
G: /ducks into an alleyway
K: /blinks
K: /follows
G: /grumbling under his breath
K: /has no idea what's going on
K: ...I like her work. The show is never too dark, ah.
G: Good for you.
G: /grumble grumble
K: /frown
K: It smells.
G: Well, I need to get home so I can change him.
K: ...
K: Did he-?
K: /somewhat horrified
G: I don't know. You said he smelled.
K: Shouldn't you check?
G: Not in public, oi. I don't have anything here.
K: ...You do at home?
K: /blinks
G: The old hag bought some stuff for me.
K: Leader isn't potty trained?
K: ...Oh.
G: /sudden snort of laughter
K: /a-ahem
G: ...
K: ...
K: What?
G: Nothing.
G: /inwardly wondering what the hell he is going to do with a kid
K: /inwardly hoping the kid doesn't get too much drool on his robe
K: /looks over to check
K: /sees gintoki's srs face instead
K: ...
G: /realizes he's being stared at
G: /blink
G: What.
K: /clears his throat awkwardly
K: /keeps walking
K: Ah...
K: /trails off
K: /this is quite the situation
G: ...
G: What.
G: You're making me nervous.
G: And don't think I didn't see that bit about gluing things to the kid, either.
K: /c-cough
K: He would make a poor gundam anyway.
K: His hair isn't aerodynamic.
K: /stalling
G: Tch.
G: He'd be a fine Gundam.
K: He doesn't even have turrets.
G: He's got a Goldion Hammer.
K: Where?
K: He's got his thumb in his mouth.
G: That's his secret weapon.
K: /discreet cough doesn't hide the laugh
K: You... do have a chance of finding his parents.
G: ...
K: But, ah. If you don't.
K: /retarded with words
K: There's plenty of willing reinforcements.
G: Just as long as they're not in mecha.
K: Talk to Sakamoto.
G: Talking doesn't do any good with that bastard.
K: Hit Sakamoto.
K: /ahem
G: Now you're talking my language.
K: Just don't let the baby see.
G: I need to show him how it's done.
K: /glare
G: What.
K: Stop teaching him bad things.
K: What if all the violence gets rooted in his subconscious? Ah?
K: What if he becomes a yakuza?
K: What will you do then?
G: Blame it on his mother.
G: Right, kid?
K: /another Significant Look
G: /he's getting very sick of those
K: /you will be getting them until the day you die of diabetes
K: Gintoki?
G: What.
K: Where were you, a year and nine months ago?
G: /carefully blank expression
G: Definitely not in any position to even think about getting with a woman, nonetheless getting under her kimono.
K: /nods
K: /quiet
K: ...
K: /maybe a small, light shoulder bump or maybe he just got mildly off balance for a minute, it's hard to tell
G: /absently
G: Oi, watch the kid.
K: I will.
K: /distance again
G: ...
G: /this kid definitely needs a diaper change
K: /wrinkles nose
G: ...onetwothreenotit
K: Wh- no!
K: That's not fair!
K: I wasn't ready!
G: A samurai is always ready for whatever comes his way.
K: Bullshi-
G: /smirk
G: /the smarmiest of smirks
K: I am not touching...
K: ...poo.
K: A samurai never touches poo.
G: What the hell did you expect me to do, then?!
K: Make Shinpachi-san do it.
G: ...
G: /Good plan
K: /duh
G: He still needs a name.
G: /oh snap first time he's brought it up
K: Kotarou.
K: /can't help it
G: No.
G: Goku.
K: No!
K: Katsura.
G: No. I don't want him to be teased.
K: He won't be. He'll pick good friends, who will get his name right.
G: Hm.
G: Maybe I'll let him pick out his name.
K: ...
K: So you do speak baby.
G: /SHOULDER PUNCH
K: VIOLENCE!
K: STOP TEACHING HIM VIOLENCE!
K: HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS AS A YAKUZA!
G: HE'S--
G: Asleep.
G: ...
K: ...
G: Shh! Shut up! Be quiet!
K: You're the one shouting.
G: /shuts up
K: ...
K: If by choosing his own name, you mean you're going to put a bunch of Jump on the floor and see who is on the cover he crawls to...
G: ...
G: Maybe.
G: /TOTALLY RIGHT
K: /can't punch the man carrying a baby
K: /settles for a permyank
K: Stupid.
G: It's a good way.
G: Shut up.
K: No it isn't. You're an idiot. Would you really want to call him Itachi? Or Xanxus?
G: Shut up. He's not a Xanxus. I'm hoping he inherited some semblance of taste and goes for the Allen Walker cover.
K: Allen Walker is deranged.
K: We may as well just buy him the Yakuza jacket and a spiked bat now.
G: Allen Walker is a sweet boy.
G: /still rubbing the baby's back through the fabric
G: Just because you don't like D.Gray-man...
K: /FFFF
K: Kanda is a blatant rip off!
K: Blatant!
G: Maybe Hoshino and Sorachi are spending some time together, then.
K: Or maybe Kanda is just a cheap imitation of the best character of Katsutama.
G: I don't think such a shitty manga like that runs in Jump.
K: /ANOTHER PERMYANK
K: Don't swear.
G: OW. MAN HOLDING A BABY, HERE.
K: You will live.
G: /scoffs
G: /FINALLY THEY ARE HOME
K: /calls
K: Not it!
G: You didn't count off.
G: Plus, I already did that earlione two three NOT IT
K: NOT-
K: ...
K: It doesn't matter.
K: /because Shinpachi is going to change that diaper no matter what.
When: After this post and this post.
Where: Edo, Japan [Gintama fandom].
What: BABIES!!
Why: Because paahead say whaaaaaaaaat?
Note: Done /ACTION LEAGUE NOW style, because the downs are heavy this year. Residents of Edo out and about may have seen this.
G: /flops down on a bench
G: /has the kid in his lap
G: /god damn it this is not funny anymore, where are the hidden cameras and people laughing at him
K: /a mound of plushies walks by
K: /a small sheep falls from the mound at Gintoki's feet as it passes
K: /it baa's
G: ...
G: /don't say a word, maybe he won't see you
K: /the mound of plushies senses one of it's number has been depleted
K: /it stops
K: Ah, excuse me, could you hand me that?
G: ...
G: /picks up the plushie
G: ...
G: /GRABS THE BABY
G: /BOLTS
K: /what the-
K: /Katsura finally looks around the mound, WHO JUST STOLE BAA-CHAN?
K: /omg wut
K: GINTOKIIIIIIII!
G: /FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK
K: /these legs were made for running, and that's just what they'll do
K: GIN! TO! KI!
K: /RUNRUNRUN
K: WHERE ARE YOU GOING!
G: AWAY FROM YOU!
G: LEAVE ME ALONE!
K: /CATCHES UP WITH HIM
K: /SOMEONE'S BEEN EATING TOO MANY PARFAITS
K: /RUNS ALONGSIDE
K: I got Tarou-kun some welcoming gifts!
G: HIS NAME'S
G: /STOMP ON ZURA'S FOOT
G: NOT
G: /STOMP
G: TAROU!
K: /OWOWOW
K: /TRIP
K: /THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH PLUSHIES
K: /OH GOD EVERYWHERE
G: /one falls in the baby's lap
G: /aw, a monkey, how cute
G: /RUN RUN RUN
K: /gets back to his feet
K: GINTOKI! GINTOKI!
K: /RUN
K: SAKAMOTO AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO SEE THE CHILD! ISOLATING HIM FROM SOCIETY WILL ONLY MAKE HIM GROW UP MALADJUSTED!
K: SAKAMOTO BROUGHT TURRETS!
G: /OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO KILL THEM ALL
G: /STILL RUNNING
K: /KATSURA CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
K: /RUNRUNRUNRUN
K: /CATCHES UP TO AGAIN
K: I don't know why you're being so shy about this! It's absurd!
G: /UNFORTUNATELY GINTOKI CAN'T
G: /HARD LEFT
G: /INTO A SMALL PARK
K: /FOLLOWS
K: /ISN'T EVEN BREAKING A SWEAT
K: /HOW IS HE NOT TRIPPING ALL OVER HIS PURPLE MONK ROBES
K: /WHO KNOWS
G: /FALLS ONTO A BENCH
G: /GASPING
G: /Kanshichiro: 8|
K: /stops neatly in front of him
K: /puts the rest of the plushies in the child's lap, there's about five
K: /frowns
K: I had all the sets. I think I lost some.
G: /rolls his eyes
G: /picks one up
G: /gives it to the baby
K: /sits down on the bench next to him, rifling in his sleeve
K: /it's a yarn ball
K: /gives that to the baby too
G: It's not a cat.
G: /takes the yarn
G: /what if he accidentally chokes on it
K: I know it isn't.
K: But Elizabeth didn't have time to knit it into booties yet.
K: I wasn't sure he would like yellow, anyway.
G: He doesn't.
K: Oh.
G: /dead-eyed stare
K: /takes the yarn back
K: /puts it away
K: What is his name?
G: He doesn't have one.
K: Kotarou is a good name.
G: For a jerk with girly hair.
G: /the kid looks tired
G: /sort of awkwardly holds him so his head can lay on Gintoki's shoulder
G: ...
G: /pats his back a few times
K: ...
K: /watches
G: ...
G: What.
K: He really does look just like you.
K: /point
K: You drool like that.
G: /slaps his hand away
G: Either way, he's not my kid.
K: ...Are you sure?
K: /peers at the tiny perm
G: He's a year old. At least.
G: Means he had to bake for nine months.
G: Where was I a year and nine months ago?
G: ...Look, long story short, he ain't mine.
G: ...
G: /patpatpat
K: /Kanshichiro: 8| Urp.
G: /what the hell was that
K: Say "excuse me," Tarou-kun.
G: His name isn't Tarou!
K: It's short for Kotarou.
G: His name isn't Kotarou, either.
K: You can't just leave him unnamed, ah.
G: I'm sure his mother has a fine name picked out for him.
G: And his father, too.
K: /frown
K: I don't know where you were a year and nine months ago.
G: /that sort of slipped out so he does what he'd normally do in this situation
G: /ignore it and change the subject
G: This kid is drooling on me. Get me a napkin.
K: /gives him A Look but lets it slide for now because
K: /well, drool is gross
K: /fishes in his sleeve again
K: /comes up with a square of cloth and offers it
G: /sort of slides it in between the kid's head and his shoulder
K: /clears his throat
K: An Odd-Jobs business isn't exactly the normal place to leave a child. So the mother had to have had some... reason...
G: Maybe she figured we did babysitting, too.
G: /who the hell is he trying to kid, nothing he's going to say is going to get it out of their heads that he's somehow miraculously this kid's father. He might as well just accept it.
K: /long look
K: What are you going to do with him?
G: Try and find his real parents. What other choice do I have?
K: ...
K: /nods
K: I thought it would be a longshot that any woman would get anywhere near a paahead.
G: The only women who'd get near you are lesbians, and even then, they're in for a big surprise.
K: /frowns
K: Everyone already knows TaTu was faking it.
G: You're definitely shit outta luck, then.
K: What?
G: Nothing.
K: /looking at the baby
G: /holding the baby a little less awkwardly now
K: -What if you can't find his parents?
G: Then I'll--
G: ...
G: ...I'll find them.
K: /doesn't look so convinced
G: What.
G: /blank stare
K: /blank stare back
G: ...
G: I'd take care of him, all right?
G: Don't look at me like I'm some kind of asshole who'd abandon a kid like his mom did--
K: Perhaps she had no other choice.
G: /grumbles under his breath
G: Like I do?
K: /coughs discreetly to hide something like a smile
G: /grumble grumble
K: You do have a choice.
K: You're just making the right one.
G: Shut the hell up. You're a grown man buying plushies.
K: They're for Tarou-kun.
K: /serenely makes the cow 'moo' at the kid
G: Like I said, his name isn't Taro--
G: Oi, leave him alone, he's trying to rest!
K: He didn't mind.
G: What, you speak baby now?
K: Of course I do, it's all you speak.
K: /toys with the cow
G: /PINCHES HIS HAND
K: Ow! Stop that.
K: Don't teach him violence.
K: You're already being a bad example.
G: Violence is acceptable against wigheads.
K: I'm not a wighead.
G: Since when.
G: You've been a wighead since the day you were born.
K: At least I was born and not spawned from some closet lint all rolled together into an ugly perm.
K: /blink blink
K: He's sleeping.
G: /was going to retort but falls silent upon hearing that
K: /just kind of staring at the kid
G: Damn, better ask the old hag for some milk. Kids are hungry when they wake up, right?
K: I don't know. I thought they threw up when they woke.
G: What the hell kind of kid were you?!
K: I don't throw up.
G: Tch.
K: /staring
G: Why are you staring at him, oi.
G: Leave the kid alone.
K: I'm not bothering him.
K: /blush
K: /look away
K: /...stare out of the corner of his eye
G: /gives up
G: You can look at him, geez.
G: Just don't bother him.
K: I'm not.
K: /...moves the cow plushie to the other side of the bench
K: /......and most of the other ones, the temptation is too much
G: /resists the urge to sigh
K: Ah... I had pictured Sakamoto being the first to have children.
G: Who the hell would mother his children.
K: A woman who can't run very fast.
G: /snort of laughter
K: /ahem
K: Or an alien life-form with no legs at all.
G: Don't. Please. I just got the mental image of a brood of children with Sakamoto's stupid afro out of my head.
K: /pointed look at the baby's perm
G: /sort of defensive
G: It's cute on him.
K: But ridiculous on a full-grown man.
G: He'll make it work just like I do.
G: ...
G: /fuck fuck fuck, what is he saying?!
K: /eyebrow arch
G: /cough
G: /stands up
K: /frown
K: You're going to wake him up.
G: I'm gonna go back home.
K: Ah.
K: /studiously looking everywhere but Gintoki
G: ...
G: ...
G: You can carry the plushies back.
G: ...To my house.
K: /beam
G: Only 'cause I don't want to listen to you bitch about me leaving them in the park.
K: /gathers them up
K: Tatsuma is coming too.
G: ...
K: /happy little clouds and bubbles aura
G: Who the hell invited him.
K: /huffs
K: Caring for a child is a worse battle than any amanto skirmish.
K: He is the reinforcements.
G: He'd better not reinforce his ship into my wall again, or I'm going to reinforce my fist in his stupid, thick skull.
K: You're teaching Tarou-kun violence again.
G: His name isn't Tarou-kun.
K: Ginraku is a stupid name.
G: Finally, something we agree on.
K: /hands in his sleeves
K: Kotaraku might not be bad...
G: NOTHING WITH 'RAKU'. OR KOTAROU. OR TAROU.
K: Katsura?
G: NO.
G: YOU WANT A KID NAMED AFTER YOU SO BAD, GO HAVE ONE.
K: /kjxndfkjnfk
K: /happy clouds and bubbles are gone
K: ...You woke him up.
G: Wha--
G: Damn it.
G: What's he doing?
K: /frowns
K: Ah... working himself up, I think.
K: To-
K: /the kid starts crying.
G: Motherfuck--
K: Don't swear!
G: /WALKING FASTER
G: SHUT UP.
G: I NEED TO GET HOME.
K: /keeps up with
K: /the kid is just crying more
K: You should, ah, I don't think he likes-
G: WHAT.
K: ...You're bumping him.
G: ...
G: /stops
K: /stops too
K: /stare down
K: Do something!
G: /PATS HIS BACK
G: /BOUNCES HIM
G: /OMFG WHAT
K: /looks around
K: People are staring... they're going to call child abuse services, why are you shaking him like that...
K: /PANIC
K: /MAKES SILLY FACES AT THE KID
G: Now they're going to call child services on you for being fucking terrifying--!
K: Don't swear, asshole!
G: SAME TO YOU, BASTARD!
K: STOP YELLING, PAAHEAD TRASH!
G: YOU FIRST, DANDRUFF PRINCE!
K: IT'S NOT DANDRUFF PRINCE, IT'S KATSURA!
G: SHUT UP!
K: ...
K: He stopped.
G: /oh thank god
G: ...
K: ...
K: Hold on.
K: /undoes his monk robe clasp
G: ...
G: What are you doing.
K: /ignores
K: /DROPS ROBE
K: /totally has his normal clothes underneath it
K: /steps out of the purple robe, picks it up, and ties it in a loop
K: /throws it at gintoki
G: /what
G: /...oh
G: /sort of fastens a baby sling out of it
G: /it'll hold
G: ...
G: This is ridiculous.
K: Purple is 'in.'
K: /hands in his kimono sleeves
G: I still look ridiculous.
K: Do you want me to hold him?
G: No, he's finally not crying.
G: I don't want to ruin it.
K: /defensively
K: I wouldn't make him cry.
G: Let's just get back to my place, all right?
G: /absentmindedly rubbing the kid's back through the sling
K: /hmph
G: /walking
G: /hope to god he doesn't run into anyone else he knows
K: /an entire class of schoolgirls walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: /SCOWLING FOREVER
G: /WTF IS THIS SHIT
K: /an entire group of pretty hostesses walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: ...
G: /HE WILL NOT GIVE IN AND TELL ZURA HE CAN HOLD THE BABY
G: /HE WON'T
K: /the entire cast of Bleach walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
K: /LOLING UPROARIOUSLY
G: YEAH, WELL, YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE A CAT PISSED CARROT JUICE INTO IT!
G: STUPID ICHIGO!
K: Don't you have a poster of him in your bedroom?
G: SHUT UP.
K: He looks shorter in real life.
G: He's a punk.
K: /Ketsuno Ana-chan walks by
K: /seeing gintoki
G: /GRITTING HIS TEETH
K: /her husband meets her
K: /they kiss in greeting
G: /FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
K: /she whispers something into his ear with soft lips
K: /they both look at gintoki
K: /and laugh quietly together.
K: Is that the lighting manager of Ladies Four?
K: /cranes to look
G: ENOUGH.
G: /ducks into an alleyway
K: /blinks
K: /follows
G: /grumbling under his breath
K: /has no idea what's going on
K: ...I like her work. The show is never too dark, ah.
G: Good for you.
G: /grumble grumble
K: /frown
K: It smells.
G: Well, I need to get home so I can change him.
K: ...
K: Did he-?
K: /somewhat horrified
G: I don't know. You said he smelled.
K: Shouldn't you check?
G: Not in public, oi. I don't have anything here.
K: ...You do at home?
K: /blinks
G: The old hag bought some stuff for me.
K: Leader isn't potty trained?
K: ...Oh.
G: /sudden snort of laughter
K: /a-ahem
G: ...
K: ...
K: What?
G: Nothing.
G: /inwardly wondering what the hell he is going to do with a kid
K: /inwardly hoping the kid doesn't get too much drool on his robe
K: /looks over to check
K: /sees gintoki's srs face instead
K: ...
G: /realizes he's being stared at
G: /blink
G: What.
K: /clears his throat awkwardly
K: /keeps walking
K: Ah...
K: /trails off
K: /this is quite the situation
G: ...
G: What.
G: You're making me nervous.
G: And don't think I didn't see that bit about gluing things to the kid, either.
K: /c-cough
K: He would make a poor gundam anyway.
K: His hair isn't aerodynamic.
K: /stalling
G: Tch.
G: He'd be a fine Gundam.
K: He doesn't even have turrets.
G: He's got a Goldion Hammer.
K: Where?
K: He's got his thumb in his mouth.
G: That's his secret weapon.
K: /discreet cough doesn't hide the laugh
K: You... do have a chance of finding his parents.
G: ...
K: But, ah. If you don't.
K: /retarded with words
K: There's plenty of willing reinforcements.
G: Just as long as they're not in mecha.
K: Talk to Sakamoto.
G: Talking doesn't do any good with that bastard.
K: Hit Sakamoto.
K: /ahem
G: Now you're talking my language.
K: Just don't let the baby see.
G: I need to show him how it's done.
K: /glare
G: What.
K: Stop teaching him bad things.
K: What if all the violence gets rooted in his subconscious? Ah?
K: What if he becomes a yakuza?
K: What will you do then?
G: Blame it on his mother.
G: Right, kid?
K: /another Significant Look
G: /he's getting very sick of those
K: /you will be getting them until the day you die of diabetes
K: Gintoki?
G: What.
K: Where were you, a year and nine months ago?
G: /carefully blank expression
G: Definitely not in any position to even think about getting with a woman, nonetheless getting under her kimono.
K: /nods
K: /quiet
K: ...
K: /maybe a small, light shoulder bump or maybe he just got mildly off balance for a minute, it's hard to tell
G: /absently
G: Oi, watch the kid.
K: I will.
K: /distance again
G: ...
G: /this kid definitely needs a diaper change
K: /wrinkles nose
G: ...onetwothreenotit
K: Wh- no!
K: That's not fair!
K: I wasn't ready!
G: A samurai is always ready for whatever comes his way.
K: Bullshi-
G: /smirk
G: /the smarmiest of smirks
K: I am not touching...
K: ...poo.
K: A samurai never touches poo.
G: What the hell did you expect me to do, then?!
K: Make Shinpachi-san do it.
G: ...
G: /Good plan
K: /duh
G: He still needs a name.
G: /oh snap first time he's brought it up
K: Kotarou.
K: /can't help it
G: No.
G: Goku.
K: No!
K: Katsura.
G: No. I don't want him to be teased.
K: He won't be. He'll pick good friends, who will get his name right.
G: Hm.
G: Maybe I'll let him pick out his name.
K: ...
K: So you do speak baby.
G: /SHOULDER PUNCH
K: VIOLENCE!
K: STOP TEACHING HIM VIOLENCE!
K: HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS AS A YAKUZA!
G: HE'S--
G: Asleep.
G: ...
K: ...
G: Shh! Shut up! Be quiet!
K: You're the one shouting.
G: /shuts up
K: ...
K: If by choosing his own name, you mean you're going to put a bunch of Jump on the floor and see who is on the cover he crawls to...
G: ...
G: Maybe.
G: /TOTALLY RIGHT
K: /can't punch the man carrying a baby
K: /settles for a permyank
K: Stupid.
G: It's a good way.
G: Shut up.
K: No it isn't. You're an idiot. Would you really want to call him Itachi? Or Xanxus?
G: Shut up. He's not a Xanxus. I'm hoping he inherited some semblance of taste and goes for the Allen Walker cover.
K: Allen Walker is deranged.
K: We may as well just buy him the Yakuza jacket and a spiked bat now.
G: Allen Walker is a sweet boy.
G: /still rubbing the baby's back through the fabric
G: Just because you don't like D.Gray-man...
K: /FFFF
K: Kanda is a blatant rip off!
K: Blatant!
G: Maybe Hoshino and Sorachi are spending some time together, then.
K: Or maybe Kanda is just a cheap imitation of the best character of Katsutama.
G: I don't think such a shitty manga like that runs in Jump.
K: /ANOTHER PERMYANK
K: Don't swear.
G: OW. MAN HOLDING A BABY, HERE.
K: You will live.
G: /scoffs
G: /FINALLY THEY ARE HOME
K: /calls
K: Not it!
G: You didn't count off.
G: Plus, I already did that earlione two three NOT IT
K: NOT-
K: ...
K: It doesn't matter.
K: /because Shinpachi is going to change that diaper no matter what.