Spike 2: Arkansas
We're starting our third week in good ol' Little Rock, Arkansas! Just about five more to go. My mind is fried, so I'm going to do this Alex Kirst style for some sense of cohesion:
I. ARKANSAS CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL
According to some recent survey, this place ranks as one of the top 100 places work in the US. I believe it. You can almost see this aura of joy emanating from the nurses to the sanitation workers. Each of us have different jobs within the hospital, so it's nice having autonomy and reporting to just your immediate supervisors, not team leader + supervisors. I know when I'm doing a good job because the patients are happy and I don't have to prove it to anyone else.
I work for the hospital school, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), and the Infant Toddler Unit (ITU). In the mornings I help out in the classroom with kids who are well enough to come in, or do bedsides with the kids who can't come. I help them catch up with their schoolwork or tutor them so they don't fall behind. I like that I get to work with a range of students, from elementary to high school level, on all different subjects. It is a great way to help me gauge which level I would like to eventually teach. A lot of times I feel like I'm in over my head. I'm not a trained teacher at any level, but I have to switch from keeping a kindergartener focused on her vowel sounds worksheet to teaching functions and relations to a high school sophomore. The teachers are great and so dedicated. It's a great environment. I don't know if hospital classrooms are common or not, but this one is exceptional.
After a quick lunch, I run over to the NICU, wash and gown up, and hold and play with babies for two hours. It is the sweetest job ever, in every sense of the word. All I do is play with and hold tiny premature infants. It is firing up every dormant maternal instinct I never knew I had. They are so small and helpless and some of them completely melt my braiin. There's one I like to call Sweet Pea (I know, I know) that I could hold/stare at for hours. The nurses are usually really sweet and helpful and let me hold whoever's awake and not pukey. I've gotten pretty good at holding them and I love it when they trust me enough to doze off in my arms.
The ITU job is more of a grab bag of chores. Some days I prepare hospitality bags for new patients, filled with donated handmade blankets, hats, and toys. The knitter in me goes crazy over the tiny elaborate hats. The quilts are out of this world. I'd love to try to make one once I'm settled down in a place with a sewing machine. Other days I wheel around this beast of a hospitality cart and offer magazines and shampoo. The best is when I can stay in the wards and play with the toddlers there.
In general it's hard seeing all the tubes and machines sticking out of these tiny kids and knowing how hard they're struggling to live. But for them, they've never known anything different and they're just being themselves, happy curious babies. I like knowing that I can help them feel cared for and develop as best they can.
That's my day 8:30am-5pm, Monday through Friday.
II. APARTMENT LIFE (expansion pack) AND LITTLE ROCK
We live in three apartments about 5 minutes away from the children's hospital. The team leader, guys, and girls each have one. Since there are 6 girls in my team, our apartment has become sort of the party room. It's like college housing, with the whole no privacy and constant noise/people issues, but I'm glad we don't have homework to deal with. We've definitely gotten closer as a team, but there are tensions now and then from living on top of each other and you can't help but know everyone's business.
No public transportation means limited escapes. I don't feel like I know Little Rock well at all, since we all spend most of our time at home or the hospital. I am feeling crazy claustrophobic. We end up watching a lot of movies on our VCR/DVD combo TV. I've started having dreams about The Office.
Little Rock itself is bigger than I thought, but I'm starting to think that wherever you go, it's basically the same. There are always going to be the same chain restaurants, the same chain bookstores, and some bar you can go get trashed at. That said, it's not easy in AmeriCorps to get a full picture of whatever community you're serving in. I've gotten to know the hospital really well, and we've made some trips to places along the River Market, but that's about it. I'd like to start doing more ISPs (volunteer projects) partly to get to know Little Rock better and partly to get away from here.
III. AMERICORPS
... Six more months. I'm not having any major problems, but I don't think I could handle it if it were longer than that.
What I do like: Structured way to volunteer, basic expenses covered, cheap way to spend significant time in different states, varied experiences and challenges, lots of opportunities to problem-solve, work as a team, and work with different personalities and perspectives
What I do not like: Lack of independence and freedom, too much hive-thinking, rules that do not make any fucking sense, loss of individuality, claustrophobia, living with lots of girls
I am going to make the most of it and I really do love this job, but I hate this sense that my life hasn't really started yet. I think I would have needed and appreciated this program before college, but I have too many other priorities now to spend 10 months doing what other people tell me to do. I am excited that we get new teams next round based on what project each of us want to do. I am going to pick something in a place with decent public transportation, so I can have my own life outside of the A occasionally and not go crazy.
IV. BYOUKI AND LIFE
I stayed home today to stave off a cold and not inflict my germs of premature infants and their non-existent immune systems. It was nice. I slept for most of the day, ate a nice long breakfast for once, called some ISP places, and took it easy. There was freezing rain, which eventually became just rain, but Arkansas being Arkanasas declared a state of emergency tonight. There are people sleeping on cots in the fitness center down the block.
I called my parents last night to wish them a happy Chinese new year. I miss them. They are so sweet on the phone. After spending so much time with babies, I know that some part of them will always think of me as one. I'm okay with that. It's hard not to feel tender about someone you knew as a baby. They really believe in me. Even if they do think I'm too idealistic and naive, I think they're proud of me and think I'm a good person, and ultimately capable. Even if I do live far away for awhile, I have to come back eventually. I want them to be a part of my life as long as they can be.
The rest of tonight: listening to JJ's mix cd again and reading my library books. :)