Strings (3)
It was unusual for Jake to ask Amelia for a date. They spent plenty of time together, but it was more often unstructured, spontaneous, or part of a group event organized by someone else. He only made special plans for special occasions. So when he requested an evening together she paid attention.
"Daddy, which is better?"
Amelia held out two dresses for her father to consider. Peter looked them up and down and pointed at the less teeny one. "What's the occasion?"
She grinned. "Jake's cooking me dinner."
"That's very sweet of him."
"So you'll spend the night at the mansion?" She smiled her most winning Daddy's Little Girl smile.
"Nope."
Amelia's face fell. "Please?"
Peter pointed at the television. "It's Shark Week."
Amelia also pointed at the television. "That says it's four days till Shark Week."
"Four days of pre-Shark Week!"
"That you could watch at the mansion!"
He raised the remote. "I've already programmed our system. And I have snacks."
Amelia crossed her arms, pressing both dresses against her chest. "You just want to mess up my date."
"Don't be silly. I fully support your relationship with Jake, a boy your own age."
Amelia buried her face in her hands and said something along the lines of ARRRGH DADDY. He couldn't hear exactly through her fingers and tulle.
"You're more than welcome to have your dinner here. But I will be here, also."
She lowered her hands to glare. "I'm moving in with Anya. You get to tell Mom." Peter's only response was to laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more. Amelia stomped out of the room and called to tell Jake they'd have to be at his apartment. He'd left it to her and she'd prefer her home. Their two households could not be more dissimilar. Even if his parents were around they would be quiet and stay out of the way. But that same silence and the aura of detachment in their home made Amelia uncomfortable sometimes.
Jake agreed and she could hear a small smile in his voice; he understood what had gone on without her explanation. An hour later she paused to bestow a begrudging kiss on her father's cheek.
"Do you know what you're eating?"
"No, but I'm hoping for shark."
Peter chuckled and gave her a quick peck back. "Hey. I thought I picked the other dress."
Amelia smirked. "You did."
Jake's parents were out, and Lindy, and the couple had the apartment to themselves. He didn't serve shark, but one of her favorite meals, and had added a few things from his room to the main living area because he knew the general bareness of his home is what bothered her about it. He wanted her to have a relaxing evening, or as relaxing as it can be, for her. Amelia was tightly wound in the best of circumstances and lately she'd seemed particularly overwrought. And in typical fashion, she spent the first part of their night trying so hard to relax she achieved the exact opposite. But with a small nudge on Jake's part she realized what she was doing and forced herself to calm down, and focus on Jake. After dinner they moved to the sofa and she snuggled into his arms.
"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
Jake shook his head. "You're not. I just want to spend as much time together as we can, before we leave."
"I miss you already."
"We'll see each other more than we think." He tightened his arms. "But I'll miss you a lot.
Amelia was still as she reflected on his words. Her feelings threatened to overwhelm her but she nodded, finally, if a little unconvincingly. "I know. I'll be brave."
Jake smiled. "I've never doubted your bravery." Her answering smile was small but genuine and she relaxed into his embrace. "Have you talked to Henry about leaving?"
Amelia frowned slightly. She didn't find it strange he was asking about Henry, that seemed somewhat inevitable, but it was an odd question to begin on. "Yes." Then her frown deepened. "Wait. Which Henry?"
It was a completely normal question if he'd meant Henry Hellrung, but he specified Henry Mills. "I figured you would discuss it at some point because you've become good friends."
She sat up. "Yes, we have. And yes, we talked about keeping up when I'm away."
"Good." Amelia bit her lip. "Henry seems like a good guy."
She hesitated. "He is….The summer was weird and he's been a really good friend when I -- we just clicked right away."
"I'm glad." He shook his head at her expression. "I'm not fishing for information. I'm not jealous or anything like that. I just want you to know I'm glad you have a new friend you can count on."
Amelia looked like she didn't know quite what her expression should be. "Why?"
"Why am I glad?"
"I don't know. I guess. . .?" She shrugged. "Or why you want me to know?"
Jake folded his hands in his lap. "I want you to know so you don't feel guilty or worried about your relationship with Henry. It's not about approval, please understand, you don't need my approval and you're not 'mine' in any way. It's not like that. I don't want you to worry." Amelia was very still as she listened. "I'm glad because you're going through a lot and college will just add to that, so another friend is a good thing, especially a close friend you can rely on."
Amelia was quiet a moment. She was trying to work something out. "Someone must think I should feel guilty or you should feel jealous or why say all that."
"Well, there are probably a lot of people like that. Look at your father."
It was a pragmatic answer but Amelia was stung. Her cheeks flushed red with both anger and shame as she shook her head with a quiet fury. She'd been prepared to explain why he had no reason to worry but she was entirely unprepared for him to do it for her. "I could answer jealousy but I have no idea what to do with not-jealousy. Honestly, Jake, I feel a lot worse now."
He frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't want that." He didn't know what else to say.
"Don't be sorry!" she snapped. "What do you possibly have to be sorry for?"
"Making you feel bad." His tone was vaguely pleading.
Amelia pressed her lips. "You didn't do anything wrong. And you feeling bad about making me feel bad by telling me not to feel bad is entirely ridiculous and won't help anything so stop it!"
Jake frowned again. "I was only trying to make you feel better. . ."
"I know." She gulped at air. "I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't apologize if I shouldn't."
Amelia crumbled into tears. Her feelings were unidentifiable, she couldn't trust or believe even herself, she was completely overwhelmed and felt like she couldn't breathe. She let Jake pull her into a his arms and he held her as she cried. He didn't say anything, and she wouldn't have heard if he did.
Eventually her tears calmed down and she caught her breath. "What are you thinking?" she asked, without breaking his embrace. "What are you thinking right now?"
"That I wish West Point was in Baltimore."
Amelia actually laughed. It wasn't very strong, but then it wasn't very funny. Jake didn't laugh, or speak. He just held her, and waited. Amelia swallowed, and pulled back, so she could watch him.
"I want to ask a question."
"Okay."
"Why did it take years to admit you had feelings for me when it only took six hours for you to propose once you had?"
Jake blinked. The room was silent while he thought about it. "Maybe it was like a dam bursting. Once I knew you felt the same way, I couldn't hold any of it in."
She was still trying to work something out. "Would you have ever told me if I didn't say it first?"
". . .Probably."
Jake couldn't tell what changed but suddenly her eyes were harder somehow. "I hope so. Because I need you to fight for me."
He frowned. "Fight who?"
She shook her head. If there was a who it was Jake himself. But it wasn't what she meant. "I don't care where West Point is. I care where you are and I care that wherever you are and whatever happens you come back to me."
"I'll always come back." He held her eyes, still so full of tears. "I promise."
"You're not allowed to die just because I have other people to care about."
"Oh." Her eyes were wide and full of a vulnerability and ferocity at once. "Of course not." He reached out to take her hand. "I'll do my best not to die. Until I'm old and our grandchildren have children."
"Really?"
"Really."
The tears flowed again as she threw her arms around him and kissed him like her life depended on it.
--
Amelia found her father in the same place she'd left him. She hoped he hadn't stayed there all night. But she had called to say she was staying over so if he had it was his own choice and his own fault. And suddenly she wondered why someone had to be at fault for everything. And suddenly she was very tired. When she had finally stopped crying, she and Jake had watched a movie, and gone to bed. There was more to say but she'd been too exhausted to try. She'd fallen asleep in his arms almost as soon as she closed her eyes but she was still tired when she woke up. And she was still tired now.
She walked over to the sofa, curled up next to Peter, and pulled his arm around herself.
Peter smiled down at her. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Amelia closed her eyes against his chest and tried to imagine she was six years old again. "You were right, Daddy."
"Of course I was." She smiled. "But about what?"
She answered quietly; her eyes remained closed and her smile intact. "I'm falling for Henry. Even though I'm completely in love with Jake. More than ever."
Peter went very still. "I see." Amelia felt him stiffen and held tighter. "Does Jake know." There was no inflection to his tone.
Amelia was quiet a long while. Finally she answered, "Yes."
"Okay. What do you want to do about it?"
She opened her eyes and turned up to meet his. "Nothing." He waited. Amelia sat up. "I just want you to tell me everything will be okay. That's all."
"Of course it will. Because I'm the best Dad ever." He was rewarded with a big smile and a bigger hug. Peter was not at all comfortable with any of it but he hugged her back and said nothing more as she settled beside him and turned her attention to the television. He'd talk to Carol later. Right now, he'd be whatever she needed. "Ah, ah, you can't change the channel! It's Shark Week!"
"But..." She sighed and dropped the remote in his outstretched hand. "When do the actual shark shows start up?"
"Three days."
Amelia raised an eyebrow.
"I have snacks."
"Daddy, which is better?"
Amelia held out two dresses for her father to consider. Peter looked them up and down and pointed at the less teeny one. "What's the occasion?"
She grinned. "Jake's cooking me dinner."
"That's very sweet of him."
"So you'll spend the night at the mansion?" She smiled her most winning Daddy's Little Girl smile.
"Nope."
Amelia's face fell. "Please?"
Peter pointed at the television. "It's Shark Week."
Amelia also pointed at the television. "That says it's four days till Shark Week."
"Four days of pre-Shark Week!"
"That you could watch at the mansion!"
He raised the remote. "I've already programmed our system. And I have snacks."
Amelia crossed her arms, pressing both dresses against her chest. "You just want to mess up my date."
"Don't be silly. I fully support your relationship with Jake, a boy your own age."
Amelia buried her face in her hands and said something along the lines of ARRRGH DADDY. He couldn't hear exactly through her fingers and tulle.
"You're more than welcome to have your dinner here. But I will be here, also."
She lowered her hands to glare. "I'm moving in with Anya. You get to tell Mom." Peter's only response was to laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more. Amelia stomped out of the room and called to tell Jake they'd have to be at his apartment. He'd left it to her and she'd prefer her home. Their two households could not be more dissimilar. Even if his parents were around they would be quiet and stay out of the way. But that same silence and the aura of detachment in their home made Amelia uncomfortable sometimes.
Jake agreed and she could hear a small smile in his voice; he understood what had gone on without her explanation. An hour later she paused to bestow a begrudging kiss on her father's cheek.
"Do you know what you're eating?"
"No, but I'm hoping for shark."
Peter chuckled and gave her a quick peck back. "Hey. I thought I picked the other dress."
Amelia smirked. "You did."
Jake's parents were out, and Lindy, and the couple had the apartment to themselves. He didn't serve shark, but one of her favorite meals, and had added a few things from his room to the main living area because he knew the general bareness of his home is what bothered her about it. He wanted her to have a relaxing evening, or as relaxing as it can be, for her. Amelia was tightly wound in the best of circumstances and lately she'd seemed particularly overwrought. And in typical fashion, she spent the first part of their night trying so hard to relax she achieved the exact opposite. But with a small nudge on Jake's part she realized what she was doing and forced herself to calm down, and focus on Jake. After dinner they moved to the sofa and she snuggled into his arms.
"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
Jake shook his head. "You're not. I just want to spend as much time together as we can, before we leave."
"I miss you already."
"We'll see each other more than we think." He tightened his arms. "But I'll miss you a lot.
Amelia was still as she reflected on his words. Her feelings threatened to overwhelm her but she nodded, finally, if a little unconvincingly. "I know. I'll be brave."
Jake smiled. "I've never doubted your bravery." Her answering smile was small but genuine and she relaxed into his embrace. "Have you talked to Henry about leaving?"
Amelia frowned slightly. She didn't find it strange he was asking about Henry, that seemed somewhat inevitable, but it was an odd question to begin on. "Yes." Then her frown deepened. "Wait. Which Henry?"
It was a completely normal question if he'd meant Henry Hellrung, but he specified Henry Mills. "I figured you would discuss it at some point because you've become good friends."
She sat up. "Yes, we have. And yes, we talked about keeping up when I'm away."
"Good." Amelia bit her lip. "Henry seems like a good guy."
She hesitated. "He is….The summer was weird and he's been a really good friend when I -- we just clicked right away."
"I'm glad." He shook his head at her expression. "I'm not fishing for information. I'm not jealous or anything like that. I just want you to know I'm glad you have a new friend you can count on."
Amelia looked like she didn't know quite what her expression should be. "Why?"
"Why am I glad?"
"I don't know. I guess. . .?" She shrugged. "Or why you want me to know?"
Jake folded his hands in his lap. "I want you to know so you don't feel guilty or worried about your relationship with Henry. It's not about approval, please understand, you don't need my approval and you're not 'mine' in any way. It's not like that. I don't want you to worry." Amelia was very still as she listened. "I'm glad because you're going through a lot and college will just add to that, so another friend is a good thing, especially a close friend you can rely on."
Amelia was quiet a moment. She was trying to work something out. "Someone must think I should feel guilty or you should feel jealous or why say all that."
"Well, there are probably a lot of people like that. Look at your father."
It was a pragmatic answer but Amelia was stung. Her cheeks flushed red with both anger and shame as she shook her head with a quiet fury. She'd been prepared to explain why he had no reason to worry but she was entirely unprepared for him to do it for her. "I could answer jealousy but I have no idea what to do with not-jealousy. Honestly, Jake, I feel a lot worse now."
He frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't want that." He didn't know what else to say.
"Don't be sorry!" she snapped. "What do you possibly have to be sorry for?"
"Making you feel bad." His tone was vaguely pleading.
Amelia pressed her lips. "You didn't do anything wrong. And you feeling bad about making me feel bad by telling me not to feel bad is entirely ridiculous and won't help anything so stop it!"
Jake frowned again. "I was only trying to make you feel better. . ."
"I know." She gulped at air. "I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't apologize if I shouldn't."
Amelia crumbled into tears. Her feelings were unidentifiable, she couldn't trust or believe even herself, she was completely overwhelmed and felt like she couldn't breathe. She let Jake pull her into a his arms and he held her as she cried. He didn't say anything, and she wouldn't have heard if he did.
Eventually her tears calmed down and she caught her breath. "What are you thinking?" she asked, without breaking his embrace. "What are you thinking right now?"
"That I wish West Point was in Baltimore."
Amelia actually laughed. It wasn't very strong, but then it wasn't very funny. Jake didn't laugh, or speak. He just held her, and waited. Amelia swallowed, and pulled back, so she could watch him.
"I want to ask a question."
"Okay."
"Why did it take years to admit you had feelings for me when it only took six hours for you to propose once you had?"
Jake blinked. The room was silent while he thought about it. "Maybe it was like a dam bursting. Once I knew you felt the same way, I couldn't hold any of it in."
She was still trying to work something out. "Would you have ever told me if I didn't say it first?"
". . .Probably."
Jake couldn't tell what changed but suddenly her eyes were harder somehow. "I hope so. Because I need you to fight for me."
He frowned. "Fight who?"
She shook her head. If there was a who it was Jake himself. But it wasn't what she meant. "I don't care where West Point is. I care where you are and I care that wherever you are and whatever happens you come back to me."
"I'll always come back." He held her eyes, still so full of tears. "I promise."
"You're not allowed to die just because I have other people to care about."
"Oh." Her eyes were wide and full of a vulnerability and ferocity at once. "Of course not." He reached out to take her hand. "I'll do my best not to die. Until I'm old and our grandchildren have children."
"Really?"
"Really."
The tears flowed again as she threw her arms around him and kissed him like her life depended on it.
--
Amelia found her father in the same place she'd left him. She hoped he hadn't stayed there all night. But she had called to say she was staying over so if he had it was his own choice and his own fault. And suddenly she wondered why someone had to be at fault for everything. And suddenly she was very tired. When she had finally stopped crying, she and Jake had watched a movie, and gone to bed. There was more to say but she'd been too exhausted to try. She'd fallen asleep in his arms almost as soon as she closed her eyes but she was still tired when she woke up. And she was still tired now.
She walked over to the sofa, curled up next to Peter, and pulled his arm around herself.
Peter smiled down at her. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Amelia closed her eyes against his chest and tried to imagine she was six years old again. "You were right, Daddy."
"Of course I was." She smiled. "But about what?"
She answered quietly; her eyes remained closed and her smile intact. "I'm falling for Henry. Even though I'm completely in love with Jake. More than ever."
Peter went very still. "I see." Amelia felt him stiffen and held tighter. "Does Jake know." There was no inflection to his tone.
Amelia was quiet a long while. Finally she answered, "Yes."
"Okay. What do you want to do about it?"
She opened her eyes and turned up to meet his. "Nothing." He waited. Amelia sat up. "I just want you to tell me everything will be okay. That's all."
"Of course it will. Because I'm the best Dad ever." He was rewarded with a big smile and a bigger hug. Peter was not at all comfortable with any of it but he hugged her back and said nothing more as she settled beside him and turned her attention to the television. He'd talk to Carol later. Right now, he'd be whatever she needed. "Ah, ah, you can't change the channel! It's Shark Week!"
"But..." She sighed and dropped the remote in his outstretched hand. "When do the actual shark shows start up?"
"Three days."
Amelia raised an eyebrow.
"I have snacks."