'til there's no one left to hound you. harry/louis, pg.
Title: 'til there's no one left to hound you
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Harry/Louis
Rating: PG (holy crap when was the last time I wrote something that was PG)
Warnings: None
Summary: Harry and Louis's relationship from Liam's point of view, as management cracks down on them and hiding gets harder. Liam doesn't know what it is that makes them so special, and he's scared sometimes, so scared, that it will glow too hot one day and simply burn out. (~6,500 words)
A/N: Title from 'DNA' by The Kills.
There was no great reveal, no defining moment that Liam can look back on and say that's when I knew. It just came gradually, and then all at once. He didn't need to be told, because he already knew. He thinks that in some strange way he's always known, perhaps even before they did.
He remembers the way they would go straight to each other after their performances on X Factor, or during each elimination when the band was told they were through. He remembers trying to do the video diaries, how difficult it was politely pretending not to notice the two of them falling in love right before his eyes. Even back then, there was something, something about the way they were drawn to each other, the way Louis would act like a twat just to get Harry to laugh at him and the way they were always, always touching. Liam remembers how he used to wonder if they knew that it was written all over their faces.
He remembers the little things-the two of them tangled together in Louis's bunk one afternoon, napping and sprawled all over each other; the whispering coming from their beds in the night; the sight of Harry's thumb slipping through Louis's belt loop or their fingers interlinking, just briefly. The way they gazed at one another when they thought no one was watching, murmured secret things, and hardly left each other's side.
He remembers the first time they kissed in front of him, but only vaguely, because it didn't come as a shock. It was just a kiss, a kiss that was so obviously not their first, so sweet and familiar and comfortable that Liam wondered if it really was the first time he'd seen it. It felt like he already had, somehow, it seemed so natural. They caught themselves a second later, remembering they weren't alone, and Liam just smiled, fond and reassuring. He didn't say anything, because he could tell they didn't want some big announcement or to have to explain themselves. And as far as Liam was concerned, there was no explanation necessary.
And now, now it's just normal; a part of Liam's life, something he can count on. It would be strange not to see these little moments between them. They are joined at the hip, for the most part, and when they're apart it's as if an invisible wire connects them. They are so comfortable curled up together that they almost look like their bodies belong that way, squeezed into a tour bus bunk, so close that Niall says he gets claustrophobic just looking at them.
Sometimes Liam almost feels jealous of them. He's thrilled with the relationships he has with each of the boys-they all have something that he needs, and sometimes he wonders how he ever coped without them, missing four such vital pieces of his life-but Harry and Louis are different. They have something that the others might come close to but will never achieve. It's the sheer, brutal intensity of their love and adoration and passion for one another, the way they can shut out the world without a second thought just by looking into each other's eyes.
They're just so lucky, and it makes Liam's heart ache because he wants so badly for it to last. They're so reckless with their love, just riding the rollercoaster of it with their arms up in the air. And Liam thinks he ought to know how that feels, because he's in love too, loves Danielle so much he thinks his heart will burst with it sometimes-but it's a quiet cautious love; he's gentle with it, afraid of screwing up and losing her. And for Harry and Louis, love has been a whirlwind, something that bowled them over and just won't let up, something that makes them crazy. Liam doesn't know what it is that makes them so special, and he's scared sometimes, so scared, that it will glow too hot one day and simply burn out.
***
In retrospect, it was all so much easier back then, in their X Factor days. Liam can't even put into words how grateful he is for the way things have turned out for them, but with the increased attention comes increased scrutiny. People are beginning to pick up on the way that Harry and Louis are with each other, and even though it seems to get a positive reaction, Liam can't help but feel paranoid. The boys aren't good at censoring themselves and he keeps thinking, what if they slip up one day? What if this gets out? The fans start combining Harry and Louis's names, which everyone seems to find hilarious, but Liam's not sure it's entirely innocent, and he doesn't know how to feel when even journalists start using the portmanteau.
If he's honest, Liam really doesn't like the bromance questions and their increasing frequency. It seems so belittling-it's always treated as something that's just cute and silly, and the reporters have this twinkle in their eye and they just don't know, they don't know what they're talking about and why it's not something to make fun of. Liam is so fiercely protective of this incredible thing that Harry and Louis have, and the papers go and turn it into a joke. The boys don't seem to care-Harry just uses it to fuel his firm belief that the fans will support them when they do finally get to come out, and Louis believes him because he desperately wants to, needs to, to keep from losing his mind.
Harry and Louis move in together, and then there are talks of signing a US record deal, and this is when the lectures start-about image, about cleaning up their act a little bit, about "keeping up appearances." The words 'clean-cut' and 'wholesome' are mentioned repeatedly, but 'heterosexual' goes unspoken. Just assumed; a given. Harry doesn't have much to worry about, Liam supposes-he won't fare too well with the wholesome thing but no one is going to doubt that he likes girls. He doesn't even have to make an effort-rumours are already flying about him and Caroline just because they've grown close lately, and it's the perfect distraction, a total scandal, something that doesn't even need to be manufactured.
Louis, on the other hand, seems to be a different matter. They're so vague and condescending about it, telling him they've got some girl for him to meet and they want him to go out with her once or twice, let photos be taken, allow the rumours to spread. No one ever says it for what it is: faking, lying, feeding into society's homophobia.
"Wait, sorry-is this a joke?" is the first thing Louis says, and Liam can tell he's trying to sound casual, like he's not really bothered, but his fingers are drumming on the desk agitatedly and his face is pinched.
"Lou-" Liam murmurs, reaching out to touch his shoulder in comfort, and Louis brushes him off.
Liam knows that Louis isn't ready to come out, but there's a difference between staying quietly in the closet, occasionally blurting out that Emma Watson and Natalie Portman are hot, and actually having a fake girlfriend, a beard, telling flat-out lies to all their fans.
"It won't be so bad," Harry speaks up then, after a long silence, and Liam can hear in his voice that he's trying to stay positive for Louis's sake, trying to push his own feelings aside. "She's a model, she'll be hot," he says, and Louis can't help but smile, and Liam can't get enough of the way they do that-lighten each other up so quickly even in their darkest moments.
But it doesn't last long.
At first Harry is just angry because he doesn't get it, doesn't see the point-he keeps ranting on about how ridiculous this all is, in two thousand and fucking eleven, for them to have to hide who they are just in case some closed-minded idiots find it offensive. And then, Louis starts to go on dates with Eleanor and the news breaks, and Louis has to start saying how much he likes her, how he's so into her. And Harry cannot cope with that at all, his jealousy flaring-he keeps asking Louis what he really thinks of her, what they talk about when they go out, whether they talk about him.
"She all right, then?" Liam asks Louis one night when they're hanging out together. Louis has been quieter than usual lately, and Liam senses that he needs to talk, is waiting for Liam to prompt him.
"People keep asking me that," Louis says, laughing, but bitterly, "it's like they actually expect me to fall in love with her or something and all our problems'll be solved."
"That's not what I meant," says Liam softly.
"I know," Louis replies, leaning into him. "The whole thing is just so stupid."
And Liam puts an arm around his shoulder and squeezes him close, and says "I know," because he does. He really, really does.
"It feels like, shameful, y'know?" Louis says in a small voice. "It's just embarrassing, all these big bosses stepping in and trying to sort my life out. Like I'm this problem to fix."
It breaks Liam's heart to hear Louis speak that way about himself and he feels a surge of anger at all those fucking big bosses that only care about the revenue, not about what they're doing to Louis's self-esteem. Louis already struggles with his sexuality-he didn't even realise he was gay until he met Harry, and still couldn't bring himself to split up with his long-term girlfriend until pretty recently, not fully comfortable facing the truth. They've not really talked about it in detail, because it's rare for Louis to want to sit down with him and have a serious conversation, but Liam has picked things up over the time they've known each other, the self-deprecating jokes, the rare drunken outbursts when he needed to get things off his chest.
"You're not a problem," Liam assures him, stroking his shoulder. "They're the problem."
Louis sighs, and then pulls away, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands for a moment, and Liam thinks he might be about to cry-he hears a shaky inhale-but then Louis sits up abruptly, shaking his head. "Nah, it's fine, I'm just overreacting," he says, not quite looking Liam in the eye.
Liam smiles sadly at him. "I think you're justified, though, you know, in being a bit fed up with it," he says carefully.
"Yeah, but if it's what's got to happen for us to crack America or whatever, then, you know, it's nothing," Louis grins at him. "It's just a girl, innit? Not like I'm allergic to 'em."
And god, he's so brave, and so strong, and Liam wishes there was more that he could do besides pull him in close again, and tell him so.
***
They get the record deal, and before they head over the US Harry is told to "break things off" with Caroline. There is a conspicuous failure to acknowledge that there is not, in fact, anything to break off, but Liam supposes that by now they ought to be used to this. Harry is kind of peeved about not being able to hang out with her anymore, but all the animosity Caroline has faced from people has understandably put a strain on their friendship and they seem to agree between them, genuinely, that it's for the best.
It is effective, as well; he confirms that there was a relationship and announces its end simultaneously, and it works out very neatly for him. Americans will be given two messages loud and clear: yes, he likes older women, but the scandal is in the past now and he's moving forward with a clean slate. And they adore him, as it turns out, falling for him almost as hard as they do for Niall, and Liam can tell that it's hard for Louis to watch-the effortlessness of it all, the way Harry comes across as the innocent party and the bad boy at the same time, and no one will bother to delve, while Louis is left with a girl who's being paid to pretend she loves him, and a whole new nation of fans to lie to.
***
Eleanor turns out to be more necessary than any of them expect. People over in the US are fascinated by Harry and Louis's dynamic, and Liam doesn't think he's ever heard the words 'Larry Stylinson' more in his life than he does here. Interviewers get cheekier and the articles about them aren't just being posted on skeevy gossip blogs anymore.
At first no one really realises how serious it is (though Liam has his worries) and Harry and Louis don't put any more effort into trying to keep things covered up than they do usually (which is already very little). But then the rumours start to fly, and it seems like after every interview they're getting a talking-to, being told to tone it down. The thing is, they don't know how to tone it down, because they've never even tried before. They've never held anything back, dove head-first into their relationship and never looked behind them, and it's utter instinct to touch each other and look at each other the way they do. Second nature.
Eventually it gets so bad that Management-Liam's beginning to think of them as a singular entity, with a capital letter-talks to the other boys as well, tells them to please try and get the situation under control, for all their sakes. It feels like a threat: do this or your career will be over, and Liam is shocked and angry but knows, just knows in his heart that they must obey. Because for him, it's not just about their careers-it's about doing what's right for Harry and Louis, and as much as he wishes they could just live their lives without having to worry about being judged, he knows it's not a perfect world. Sometimes compromises have to be made.
Because the thing is, he knows that Harry and Louis aren't ready. Louis certainly isn't-even Louis knows that himself, though he sometimes likes to fantasise, pretend that he could take it-and secretly Liam thinks it's all false bravado with Harry, brought on by the intensity of his love for Louis that clouds all else. Liam doesn't believe that Harry even truly understands what the fallout could be; he's blind to it because he believes that he and Louis can survive anything, and as much as Liam desperately wants to believe that's true, he knows it would be a real test for their relationship if the whole world knew the truth.
That's the point, that's what drives Liam through this mess, what makes him go along with it. It's for Harry and Louis's own good, even if they don't quite realise that just yet. It's still so early in their relationship and though they have a love the likes of which Liam has honestly never seen before, they just can't be ready for this yet. He knows that in his gut.
***
Over the following weeks Louis becomes more and more withdrawn, and Liam's not sure it would be that obvious to an outsider but to him it's so clear, and so painful, the way Louis's joking around is beginning to feel more forced with every day that passes. He doesn't initiate the contact with Harry in interviews anymore, though he still can't hide his genuine response, the way his face lights up when Harry touches him. There's talk of flying Eleanor out sometime soon, so that pictures of the two of them can be spread all over the US magazines and people can be reminded of his "girlfriend back home." Louis's become good friends with her by now-he'd sort of have to, considering the situation; there has to be mutual trust and Eleanor has to be in touch with his family sometimes to make the whole thing look more realistic-but this arrangement just seems to bring him down even further.
Harry, on the other hand, rebels against it as hard as he can. He starts wearing his love is equal t-shirt more and more, going to gay bars on their nights off like he actually wants to be caught there and photographed. It bugs Liam, these subtle fuck yous to Management that seem immature as well as foolish, but at the same time he can't help but enjoy it just a little, admire the audacity of it.
It's definitely not as much of a problem as the way he behaves during interviews, being more over the top with Louis than he would ever usually be, throwing himself at him in full view of the cameras and touching him in ways that Liam thinks no one could possibly see as platonic. Sometimes he wishes he could see the whole thing from an outsider's point of view, because to him it's so obvious it's blinding, and he can't understand how people believe the lies. He wonders if they're not seeing it because they truly don't want to see it, and the thought makes his heart sink.
He doesn't know quite where to look, almost embarrassed by the way it radiates out of them so clearly. He still sometimes can't stand to look at them when they're sharing a tender moment in the safe company of the other boys and close friends-it's like something you can't look at directly, it makes him feel like an intruder. And they are so oblivious to it, their affection so easy and comfortable that they just can't hide it, even when they're surrounded by strangers and cameras.
It doesn't help that Harry has always been very possessive of Louis, sometimes getting inordinately angry when one of the others is being a bit touchy-feely with him, and it seems to be getting worse and worse. Liam remembers him having a particularly bad bout of this jealousy back last summer, seems to remember that it was focused on him more often than not-if he and Louis were getting a bit giggly together or giving each other a cuddle, Harry would snap, desperate to find some way of getting Louis's attention focused on him again, as if he couldn't even stand to see someone else make Louis smile. It seemed like a reaction he couldn't control-Liam remembers a few times when Harry even tried to separate the two of them in public.
It seemed to pass, or at least calm down a bit, and Liam just assumed they'd been having issues of their own that weren't any of his business, but now it's starting up again and on top of everything else it's just too much. Louis is making more of an effort now these days, trying not to get too close to Harry, but unfortunately it seems like he's distracting himself with Liam-he's just so used to hanging all over Harry when they're being interviewed that it seems like he feels uncomfortable not being able to, and so he hangs all over Liam instead, and Harry is not pleased.
Their interview today is a prime example-it's some radio thing but it's being filmed, and they're all a bit stressed out anyway not having Zayn around, feeling like the four of them just don't gel quite right without him. The interviewer, who seems to be one of those ones who likes the awkward questions, randomly starts asking them about lovebites, and Liam is distracted, realises too late that it's probably a bad idea for him to place his hands on Louis's shoulders and say "Louis gives me these."
It happens in an instant; Harry leaps at Louis and attacks his neck, and Liam actually feels him pushing his hands from Louis's shoulders as he does it, and Liam tries to hold on, to pull Louis back, to keep the situation under control. The interviewer exclaims and steps back, startled, and Liam tries to keep his voice calm as he babbles about Americans calling them hickies and then adds, "Oh, there's one right now," like he's talking about the next bus arriving or something. He can sense the interviewer's shock and excitement at catching something like that, and he desperately needs to convince him that it's not a big deal, that there's nothing he can do with this-without making it look like a concentrated effort, like he's covering something up.
He rambles on, trying to steamroll right past the moment like it didn't happen, and Harry and Louis are giddy with each other now, and then yep, the next question is about the bromance-"Why do they combine your names?" the interviewer asks, and Liam takes a firmer grip of Louis, pulling him in beside him, partly trying to separate the boys a little and partly trying to silently remind Louis to get a hold of himself. Louis gives him a little bemused smile and slips his arm around him as he and Harry give a nicely noncommittal answer, but the guy won't let it go, asking if they snuggle on the tour bus, and Liam takes a breath, trying to act casual, wishing these questions would stop. It's so hard not to show it on his face, that there's something they're all hiding.
"We try not to disclose much about our relationship to the public, we think it's unfair," says Louis, and he and Harry smirk at one another.
Liam can't help but laugh, oddly charmed by the sudden honesty of the answer considering the situation, but he is glad when the interviewer flounders for a moment and Louis adds, "It's just a joke." There's laughter all round then, and as the interviewer changes the subject (finally), Louis turns quickly, mutters "sorry" in Liam's ear and squeezes his waist.
It's sweet, because Liam actually thinks he handled that pretty well and doesn't need to apologise (at this point Liam thinks an outright denial would look more suspect than kidding along like it's no big deal). It's Harry that pounced on Louis in front of reporters and cameras, anyway, and Liam doesn't know if it's continued rebellion or if that possessiveness is back again, and he gets his answer on their way back to the hotel, when Harry is moody and sulky.
"Do you wanna talk, Hazza?" he asks quietly, once they're all inside, filing into Liam's room to relax for a bit before they have to head out again.
"Nothin' to talk about," Harry mumbles, toeing off his shoes and collapsing onto the bed.
"You sure?" Liam goes over to him, perching on the edge of the bed and putting a hand on Harry's back.
"It's just kind of dickish to be all over Lou when you know I can't be," Harry says, almost off-handedly, fidgeting with the bracelets around his wrist. "That's all."
It sounds childish, but Liam thinks he understands; it isn't fair, really, that Liam and Louis can go so far as to talk about giving each other lovebites without having to worry about the consequences, while it's getting increasingly dangerous for Harry and Louis to even stand beside each other these days.
"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to seem like that," Liam says, rubbing his back. He's got so much more to say, but he can sense Harry's mood and he doesn't want to start a fight, just wants to let Harry knows that he gets it, that he feels for him.
But Harry just scoffs, shrugging him off, and Liam sighs. The two of them are no more than five months apart, but sometimes it feels like years to Liam. Maybe it's just the difference in their personalities; Harry's utter recklessness and Liam's quiet need for control. And he knows that none of this is really Harry's fault, but he wishes he would be a little more mature about it sometimes, just think it through instead of acting on impulses that lead to more mess, realise that Liam isn't trying to hurt him, he's just trying to help.
"I'm not gonna leave you for Liam, babe," Louis jokes, coming over and running his fingers softly through Harry's hair, and Liam doesn't realise quite how tense Harry is until this happens; he seems to melt into Louis's touch.
"You'd better not," he mumbles.
"I'm pretty sure he'd be crap in bed compared to you, so, no chance," Louis chuckles, and Harry lets out a bark of pleased laughter, and Liam will never stop being amazed by the way Louis can do that, turn Harry's moods around with one simple joke.
***
The mood may lighten temporarily but there is still tension between Liam and Harry, Liam can feel it, and it's not helped by the way that nothing really changes in terms of the press. Liam starts to feel like he's the only one who's trying anymore, the only one who sees the real gravity of the situation. He has a long chat about it with Zayn when he comes back, and Zayn does seem to understand, but he's never really been one to interfere with things. While he does always to keep a watchful eye on Harry and Louis, it seems like Liam's always the one having to actually intervene, prevent them from sitting together or change the subject when interviews veer into dangerous territory, and it's not fair, because he doesn't want to do it anymore than the rest of them do, but it has to be done.
He can't help but get a little irritated at the rest of them; at the way Zayn will just watch and not act, the way Niall just laughs, the way Harry exaggerates it out of resentment and Louis can't resist him. A more recent issue is the fact that Louis keeps forgetting he's supposed to have a girlfriend, always needing prompting from Liam to mention her unless the question is specifically asked. They do a filmed radio show interview one day and the host asks the two of them if they're being faithful to their girlfriends back home, and Louis hesitates, waiting for Liam to answer as if he really needs to be told what to say, and then Liam catches him looking at Harry after, like they're sharing a private little joke, like they don't realise that people will pick up on this kind of thing.
"You know how important that is, right?" he says to Louis later, when they're all hanging out at the hotel between appointments.
"'Course I do, Li, sorry," Louis says, trying to shrug it off, giving Liam's shoulder a friendly little shake.
Liam frowns. "But I mean-I know it seems like a small thing, but it does matter, 'cause once people start questioning your relationship with her, they might start wondering why it could be fake, and if people put the pieces together-"
"I know, I know, Liam," Louis interrupts, and Liam can tell he doesn't want to have this conversation-at all, but especially not right now, in front of the others. He's embarrassed, Liam thinks, by the way Harry makes him lose control of himself; ashamed because he knows he's putting the band's future at stake, and Liam feels so sorry for him but they can't just keep ignoring it-someone has to get through to him.
"The fans would have a hard time trusting you again if they found out you were lying-" he says, and immediately he wishes he'd phrased that differently.
"He's not the one lying," Harry cuts in, quietly livid, "not willingly, anyway. The fans'd understand that if we were actually allowed to explain."
He's so naive, Liam can't stand it. "You don't know that," he says.
"Well, you don't know that they'd hate him, either," Harry shoots back.
"Look, let's just forget about it," Louis pleads, looking between the two of them. "I'm being an idiot and I need to try harder to remember I've got a fake girlfriend, okay, I know. It won't happen again, Li, I promise." He offers a tentative grin. "It's just hard because of, oh, you know, the part where I'm not in love with her."
Harry flashes Liam a little grateful smile at this, but it's tight, and Liam can see that his jaw is clenched and the anger is still welling up inside of him.
"The whole thing is just stupid and I don't get why you want to go along with it," Harry says, raising his voice a little now and looking Liam in the eye. "Unless you actually think we should be hiding away."
"Why would I think that?" Liam bursts out, and he fails to keep his voice under control; he sounds emotional and frustrated, because he is, because he's been trying so fucking hard for them for so long now and Harry doesn't even see it.
"You tell me," Harry says, passive-aggressive and shrugging.
There's a pause then; Liam doesn't know what to say, and Niall clears his throat and leaves abruptly, not wanting to get involved. Zayn hovers by the door, looking back at Liam, checking if he needs him for this or if it's something between the three of them. Liam gives him a slight nod to say, it's okay, you can go.
"C'mon, Haz, don't take this out on him, he's just doing what's best for us," says Louis softly as the door snicks shut. He's still standing between the two of them, and Liam can tell he's not quite sure which side to take. He understands Liam's motives much more clearly than Harry does, but of course on the emotional side of things he feels Harry's frustration.
"How's he supposed to know what's best for us?" Harry snorts, and Liam feels a little jab of pain at that-Harry says it like Liam couldn't possibly have any idea, like he hasn't been here from day one, watching this thing between them grow and grow until it got out of hand.
"I'm trying," Liam says in a small voice that breaks a little, and he needs to keep a firm grip on this, for their sake; he has to be the strong one even when they're falling apart. Especially when they're falling apart. It's when they need him most, even if it's when they want him the least.
But Harry is just glowering at him. Louis pulls him into a cuddle, kissing him softly, and Liam wants to be glad that at least it's not the two of them that are fighting, thankful that Louis always knows how to make Harry feel better, but-but it feels like it's two against one, now, and Liam wishes he knew what to do.
***
"When was the last time you kissed a girl?"
It's another day, another interview, and another awkward question.
Harry makes a stricken face and the others crack up, and Liam knows they're all thinking about how it's been so long that there's no way he can answer this honestly. Harry has kissed girls since being with Louis, but it's always been completely meaningless to him, purely something to make sure his name stays in the papers next to words like 'womaniser' and 'ladies' man'.
And then Liam taps Harry's arm and adds, "And when was the last time you liked it?"
Maybe it's a little mean, but he wants to tease, wants to let Harry know that he can. It's beginning to feel like Harry won't forgive him unless he does. Perhaps he could try harder to get Harry to understand where he's coming from, but he's not sure that's not really his place. What Harry said the other day, that how's he supposed to know? that seemed so heartless at the time, keeps going around in Liam's head and he's starting to wonder if Harry has a point. Maybe it's not up to Liam to make their decisions for them. He has a tendency to just see them as these fools in love sometimes, but maybe he doesn't give them enough credit; maybe they do know what they're doing.
Harry is flustered, and Liam's not actually sure he even hears. He looks quickly at Louis, and then says, "Uh, yesterday," and oh, they all know he's thinking of Louis, and it shouldn't be so funny but sometimes this whole thing really does feel like an inside joke, a secret, and there's some kind of thrill in that. Maybe it's because it's something so special to the five of them, something no one else could come close to understanding, just another thing that's theirs. He hopes that the boys' giggliness just comes across as mates ragging on Harry for getting some.
The interviewers tease, and Harry shoots a look at Liam, and maybe Liam is imagining it but he thinks he looks pleased, almost impressed by Liam not taking it so seriously for once. But then he's being prompted to say who it was, and he hesitates just long enough that Liam gets genuinely worried. He cuts in to save face just as Harry says he's going to plead the fifth.
It feels good to joke around about it a bit, and he hopes Harry does appreciate it. He doesn't think he'll ever truly be relaxed, at least not while all of this is at its peak, because he never knows what they're going to be asked or what kind of mood Harry and Louis will be in, how they'll react. But for the first time he's starting to wonder if his own demeanour comes off as suspicious, if he ought to be laughing and joking around more instead of going tense whenever Harry and Louis are asked about girls.
***
The following days are tough; they've all been working so hard that they're getting run down, Harry having to keep getting vitamin shots to pump him back up. Then the news comes that they've somehow managed to make history, become the first UK group to have their debut album go straight to number 1 in the states, and everything is a bit mental for a little while.
But it seems their joy can't last. Management decides, then, that the situation with Harry and Louis is still not under control, that there's even more pressure on them now. They're told outright that the next time anything to do with bromances or Larry Stylinson comes up, someone is going to have to really deny it. Liam still doesn't think it makes sense; if they all suddenly start acting like they've got a problem with the idea it's going to look even more odd, but he's starting to feel less and less like he understands the decisions being made higher up anyway these days, starting to think Harry and Louis might have it right after all. Exaggerate, over-do it, hide it in plain sight. Make it so obvious that people will think it can't be true, because if it were, wouldn't they try and cover it up better?
Unfortunately it seems like Louis is going in the opposite direction, starting to yield to Management's demands and losing faith. He frets about this latest instruction, even though Liam keeps telling him not to worry about it, that if he is going to say something it's going to have to sound natural, believable. He can't plot out his answer before he knows the question.
"What'm I supposed to say, though? I can't suddenly just go all serious about it like, no, there's nothing going on and we're offended by the implication. I don't get what they want us to do."
"To be honest with you, I'm starting to think Harry's got the right idea," says Liam. "Just make it into a joke."
Unsurprisingly, it doesn't take long for the question to crop up, and Louis's answer does come across quite naturally, Liam thinks-he mentions seeing something on the internet, says, "Some people genuinely believe we're in a relationship," like it's totally crazy, and for about a half-second Liam is proud of him-and then he sees Harry's face.
And the thing is, it hits him then; suddenly he puts himself in Harry's shoes and sees exactly how unfair it is, how painful, how awful it must be to listen to the person you love imply that the idea of your relationship is absurd.
And so he hears himself say, "You are, though, aren't you?"
He doesn't know what he expects but for a moment he wishes this would be it, wishes they were all on the same wavelength at the same time and there was no more fear and Louis would say, actually, yeah, scratch that-but of course it doesn't happen; everybody just laughs, moves on.
"What did you do that for?" Louis hisses at him after, and Liam can't tell if he's annoyed or pleased or a mixture of the two. "There I am trying to act like it's a ridiculous idea and you-" he grins, disbelieving, "you're gonna get in so much shit, Liam."
Liam smiles at him, shrugging. "Just wanted to take the fall for you, for once," he says, and yeah-that's it. It's not fair that Harry and Louis are getting all this crap over something that's not even bad, or wrong, and Liam needs them to know he's on their side, that everything he's done in this situation has been for them.
And Harry is beaming at him now, and Liam felt like he'd never see that smile again after Louis said what he did. Harry leans over Zayn and drags Liam closer, kissing him messily on the forehead, and Liam groans.
"Thanks," he says, and Liam can tell he really means it, and perhaps they'll never be entirely on the same wavelength with this but as long as Harry understands that Liam is not the enemy, maybe they'll be okay.
He wonders if this will be the start of something, some all-band rebellion against management that'll bring even more problems. The thought of that is kind of heart-warming, in a strange way, and for a second he lets himself imagine what it would be like; the five of them standing up to it, fighting back, Harry and Louis coming out and the others being right behind them every step of the way. It's a fantasy, but Liam comforts himself with the thought that maybe it won't have to be for much longer. And after all, if they're not against Management, they're with them, and Liam doesn't want to contribute to this fucked-up aspect of society and their outdated rules.
Louis is laughing, and Harry pounces on him now, and Liam watches the two of them play-wrestling with a fond look in his eyes.
"RAGE AGAINST THE MANAGEMENT," Louis shouts, and Harry goes into hysterics, rolling onto Louis's lap and gazing up at him in that way that makes Liam feel like he's seeing something he shouldn't. "Repeat after me, lads," Louis goes on, grinning wickedly, and he and Harry yell in unison, "RAGE AGAINST THE MANAGEMENT!"
"Rage against the management!" Niall and Zayn join in, laughing, shaking their fists, and Liam puts his head in his hands.
"Liam," Louis says sternly, leaning over Harry and giving Liam a Look. "What did I say?"
"That you're idiots who are going to get us all into trouble," Liam says, but he's smiling, can't help himself-their stupid glee is contagious.
"Says Mr. You Are Though Aren't You," says Zayn, quite fairly, elbowing Liam in the ribs.
"Fine," says Liam, relenting, "fine! Rage against the management. But just stop screaming it, they'll hear."
"We'll rage quietly, Liam," Harry murmurs, winking at him. "For your sake."
End.
Author: likecharity
Pairing: Harry/Louis
Rating: PG (holy crap when was the last time I wrote something that was PG)
Warnings: None
Summary: Harry and Louis's relationship from Liam's point of view, as management cracks down on them and hiding gets harder. Liam doesn't know what it is that makes them so special, and he's scared sometimes, so scared, that it will glow too hot one day and simply burn out. (~6,500 words)
A/N: Title from 'DNA' by The Kills.
There was no great reveal, no defining moment that Liam can look back on and say that's when I knew. It just came gradually, and then all at once. He didn't need to be told, because he already knew. He thinks that in some strange way he's always known, perhaps even before they did.
He remembers the way they would go straight to each other after their performances on X Factor, or during each elimination when the band was told they were through. He remembers trying to do the video diaries, how difficult it was politely pretending not to notice the two of them falling in love right before his eyes. Even back then, there was something, something about the way they were drawn to each other, the way Louis would act like a twat just to get Harry to laugh at him and the way they were always, always touching. Liam remembers how he used to wonder if they knew that it was written all over their faces.
He remembers the little things-the two of them tangled together in Louis's bunk one afternoon, napping and sprawled all over each other; the whispering coming from their beds in the night; the sight of Harry's thumb slipping through Louis's belt loop or their fingers interlinking, just briefly. The way they gazed at one another when they thought no one was watching, murmured secret things, and hardly left each other's side.
He remembers the first time they kissed in front of him, but only vaguely, because it didn't come as a shock. It was just a kiss, a kiss that was so obviously not their first, so sweet and familiar and comfortable that Liam wondered if it really was the first time he'd seen it. It felt like he already had, somehow, it seemed so natural. They caught themselves a second later, remembering they weren't alone, and Liam just smiled, fond and reassuring. He didn't say anything, because he could tell they didn't want some big announcement or to have to explain themselves. And as far as Liam was concerned, there was no explanation necessary.
And now, now it's just normal; a part of Liam's life, something he can count on. It would be strange not to see these little moments between them. They are joined at the hip, for the most part, and when they're apart it's as if an invisible wire connects them. They are so comfortable curled up together that they almost look like their bodies belong that way, squeezed into a tour bus bunk, so close that Niall says he gets claustrophobic just looking at them.
Sometimes Liam almost feels jealous of them. He's thrilled with the relationships he has with each of the boys-they all have something that he needs, and sometimes he wonders how he ever coped without them, missing four such vital pieces of his life-but Harry and Louis are different. They have something that the others might come close to but will never achieve. It's the sheer, brutal intensity of their love and adoration and passion for one another, the way they can shut out the world without a second thought just by looking into each other's eyes.
They're just so lucky, and it makes Liam's heart ache because he wants so badly for it to last. They're so reckless with their love, just riding the rollercoaster of it with their arms up in the air. And Liam thinks he ought to know how that feels, because he's in love too, loves Danielle so much he thinks his heart will burst with it sometimes-but it's a quiet cautious love; he's gentle with it, afraid of screwing up and losing her. And for Harry and Louis, love has been a whirlwind, something that bowled them over and just won't let up, something that makes them crazy. Liam doesn't know what it is that makes them so special, and he's scared sometimes, so scared, that it will glow too hot one day and simply burn out.
***
In retrospect, it was all so much easier back then, in their X Factor days. Liam can't even put into words how grateful he is for the way things have turned out for them, but with the increased attention comes increased scrutiny. People are beginning to pick up on the way that Harry and Louis are with each other, and even though it seems to get a positive reaction, Liam can't help but feel paranoid. The boys aren't good at censoring themselves and he keeps thinking, what if they slip up one day? What if this gets out? The fans start combining Harry and Louis's names, which everyone seems to find hilarious, but Liam's not sure it's entirely innocent, and he doesn't know how to feel when even journalists start using the portmanteau.
If he's honest, Liam really doesn't like the bromance questions and their increasing frequency. It seems so belittling-it's always treated as something that's just cute and silly, and the reporters have this twinkle in their eye and they just don't know, they don't know what they're talking about and why it's not something to make fun of. Liam is so fiercely protective of this incredible thing that Harry and Louis have, and the papers go and turn it into a joke. The boys don't seem to care-Harry just uses it to fuel his firm belief that the fans will support them when they do finally get to come out, and Louis believes him because he desperately wants to, needs to, to keep from losing his mind.
Harry and Louis move in together, and then there are talks of signing a US record deal, and this is when the lectures start-about image, about cleaning up their act a little bit, about "keeping up appearances." The words 'clean-cut' and 'wholesome' are mentioned repeatedly, but 'heterosexual' goes unspoken. Just assumed; a given. Harry doesn't have much to worry about, Liam supposes-he won't fare too well with the wholesome thing but no one is going to doubt that he likes girls. He doesn't even have to make an effort-rumours are already flying about him and Caroline just because they've grown close lately, and it's the perfect distraction, a total scandal, something that doesn't even need to be manufactured.
Louis, on the other hand, seems to be a different matter. They're so vague and condescending about it, telling him they've got some girl for him to meet and they want him to go out with her once or twice, let photos be taken, allow the rumours to spread. No one ever says it for what it is: faking, lying, feeding into society's homophobia.
"Wait, sorry-is this a joke?" is the first thing Louis says, and Liam can tell he's trying to sound casual, like he's not really bothered, but his fingers are drumming on the desk agitatedly and his face is pinched.
"Lou-" Liam murmurs, reaching out to touch his shoulder in comfort, and Louis brushes him off.
Liam knows that Louis isn't ready to come out, but there's a difference between staying quietly in the closet, occasionally blurting out that Emma Watson and Natalie Portman are hot, and actually having a fake girlfriend, a beard, telling flat-out lies to all their fans.
"It won't be so bad," Harry speaks up then, after a long silence, and Liam can hear in his voice that he's trying to stay positive for Louis's sake, trying to push his own feelings aside. "She's a model, she'll be hot," he says, and Louis can't help but smile, and Liam can't get enough of the way they do that-lighten each other up so quickly even in their darkest moments.
But it doesn't last long.
At first Harry is just angry because he doesn't get it, doesn't see the point-he keeps ranting on about how ridiculous this all is, in two thousand and fucking eleven, for them to have to hide who they are just in case some closed-minded idiots find it offensive. And then, Louis starts to go on dates with Eleanor and the news breaks, and Louis has to start saying how much he likes her, how he's so into her. And Harry cannot cope with that at all, his jealousy flaring-he keeps asking Louis what he really thinks of her, what they talk about when they go out, whether they talk about him.
"She all right, then?" Liam asks Louis one night when they're hanging out together. Louis has been quieter than usual lately, and Liam senses that he needs to talk, is waiting for Liam to prompt him.
"People keep asking me that," Louis says, laughing, but bitterly, "it's like they actually expect me to fall in love with her or something and all our problems'll be solved."
"That's not what I meant," says Liam softly.
"I know," Louis replies, leaning into him. "The whole thing is just so stupid."
And Liam puts an arm around his shoulder and squeezes him close, and says "I know," because he does. He really, really does.
"It feels like, shameful, y'know?" Louis says in a small voice. "It's just embarrassing, all these big bosses stepping in and trying to sort my life out. Like I'm this problem to fix."
It breaks Liam's heart to hear Louis speak that way about himself and he feels a surge of anger at all those fucking big bosses that only care about the revenue, not about what they're doing to Louis's self-esteem. Louis already struggles with his sexuality-he didn't even realise he was gay until he met Harry, and still couldn't bring himself to split up with his long-term girlfriend until pretty recently, not fully comfortable facing the truth. They've not really talked about it in detail, because it's rare for Louis to want to sit down with him and have a serious conversation, but Liam has picked things up over the time they've known each other, the self-deprecating jokes, the rare drunken outbursts when he needed to get things off his chest.
"You're not a problem," Liam assures him, stroking his shoulder. "They're the problem."
Louis sighs, and then pulls away, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands for a moment, and Liam thinks he might be about to cry-he hears a shaky inhale-but then Louis sits up abruptly, shaking his head. "Nah, it's fine, I'm just overreacting," he says, not quite looking Liam in the eye.
Liam smiles sadly at him. "I think you're justified, though, you know, in being a bit fed up with it," he says carefully.
"Yeah, but if it's what's got to happen for us to crack America or whatever, then, you know, it's nothing," Louis grins at him. "It's just a girl, innit? Not like I'm allergic to 'em."
And god, he's so brave, and so strong, and Liam wishes there was more that he could do besides pull him in close again, and tell him so.
***
They get the record deal, and before they head over the US Harry is told to "break things off" with Caroline. There is a conspicuous failure to acknowledge that there is not, in fact, anything to break off, but Liam supposes that by now they ought to be used to this. Harry is kind of peeved about not being able to hang out with her anymore, but all the animosity Caroline has faced from people has understandably put a strain on their friendship and they seem to agree between them, genuinely, that it's for the best.
It is effective, as well; he confirms that there was a relationship and announces its end simultaneously, and it works out very neatly for him. Americans will be given two messages loud and clear: yes, he likes older women, but the scandal is in the past now and he's moving forward with a clean slate. And they adore him, as it turns out, falling for him almost as hard as they do for Niall, and Liam can tell that it's hard for Louis to watch-the effortlessness of it all, the way Harry comes across as the innocent party and the bad boy at the same time, and no one will bother to delve, while Louis is left with a girl who's being paid to pretend she loves him, and a whole new nation of fans to lie to.
***
Eleanor turns out to be more necessary than any of them expect. People over in the US are fascinated by Harry and Louis's dynamic, and Liam doesn't think he's ever heard the words 'Larry Stylinson' more in his life than he does here. Interviewers get cheekier and the articles about them aren't just being posted on skeevy gossip blogs anymore.
At first no one really realises how serious it is (though Liam has his worries) and Harry and Louis don't put any more effort into trying to keep things covered up than they do usually (which is already very little). But then the rumours start to fly, and it seems like after every interview they're getting a talking-to, being told to tone it down. The thing is, they don't know how to tone it down, because they've never even tried before. They've never held anything back, dove head-first into their relationship and never looked behind them, and it's utter instinct to touch each other and look at each other the way they do. Second nature.
Eventually it gets so bad that Management-Liam's beginning to think of them as a singular entity, with a capital letter-talks to the other boys as well, tells them to please try and get the situation under control, for all their sakes. It feels like a threat: do this or your career will be over, and Liam is shocked and angry but knows, just knows in his heart that they must obey. Because for him, it's not just about their careers-it's about doing what's right for Harry and Louis, and as much as he wishes they could just live their lives without having to worry about being judged, he knows it's not a perfect world. Sometimes compromises have to be made.
Because the thing is, he knows that Harry and Louis aren't ready. Louis certainly isn't-even Louis knows that himself, though he sometimes likes to fantasise, pretend that he could take it-and secretly Liam thinks it's all false bravado with Harry, brought on by the intensity of his love for Louis that clouds all else. Liam doesn't believe that Harry even truly understands what the fallout could be; he's blind to it because he believes that he and Louis can survive anything, and as much as Liam desperately wants to believe that's true, he knows it would be a real test for their relationship if the whole world knew the truth.
That's the point, that's what drives Liam through this mess, what makes him go along with it. It's for Harry and Louis's own good, even if they don't quite realise that just yet. It's still so early in their relationship and though they have a love the likes of which Liam has honestly never seen before, they just can't be ready for this yet. He knows that in his gut.
***
Over the following weeks Louis becomes more and more withdrawn, and Liam's not sure it would be that obvious to an outsider but to him it's so clear, and so painful, the way Louis's joking around is beginning to feel more forced with every day that passes. He doesn't initiate the contact with Harry in interviews anymore, though he still can't hide his genuine response, the way his face lights up when Harry touches him. There's talk of flying Eleanor out sometime soon, so that pictures of the two of them can be spread all over the US magazines and people can be reminded of his "girlfriend back home." Louis's become good friends with her by now-he'd sort of have to, considering the situation; there has to be mutual trust and Eleanor has to be in touch with his family sometimes to make the whole thing look more realistic-but this arrangement just seems to bring him down even further.
Harry, on the other hand, rebels against it as hard as he can. He starts wearing his love is equal t-shirt more and more, going to gay bars on their nights off like he actually wants to be caught there and photographed. It bugs Liam, these subtle fuck yous to Management that seem immature as well as foolish, but at the same time he can't help but enjoy it just a little, admire the audacity of it.
It's definitely not as much of a problem as the way he behaves during interviews, being more over the top with Louis than he would ever usually be, throwing himself at him in full view of the cameras and touching him in ways that Liam thinks no one could possibly see as platonic. Sometimes he wishes he could see the whole thing from an outsider's point of view, because to him it's so obvious it's blinding, and he can't understand how people believe the lies. He wonders if they're not seeing it because they truly don't want to see it, and the thought makes his heart sink.
He doesn't know quite where to look, almost embarrassed by the way it radiates out of them so clearly. He still sometimes can't stand to look at them when they're sharing a tender moment in the safe company of the other boys and close friends-it's like something you can't look at directly, it makes him feel like an intruder. And they are so oblivious to it, their affection so easy and comfortable that they just can't hide it, even when they're surrounded by strangers and cameras.
It doesn't help that Harry has always been very possessive of Louis, sometimes getting inordinately angry when one of the others is being a bit touchy-feely with him, and it seems to be getting worse and worse. Liam remembers him having a particularly bad bout of this jealousy back last summer, seems to remember that it was focused on him more often than not-if he and Louis were getting a bit giggly together or giving each other a cuddle, Harry would snap, desperate to find some way of getting Louis's attention focused on him again, as if he couldn't even stand to see someone else make Louis smile. It seemed like a reaction he couldn't control-Liam remembers a few times when Harry even tried to separate the two of them in public.
It seemed to pass, or at least calm down a bit, and Liam just assumed they'd been having issues of their own that weren't any of his business, but now it's starting up again and on top of everything else it's just too much. Louis is making more of an effort now these days, trying not to get too close to Harry, but unfortunately it seems like he's distracting himself with Liam-he's just so used to hanging all over Harry when they're being interviewed that it seems like he feels uncomfortable not being able to, and so he hangs all over Liam instead, and Harry is not pleased.
Their interview today is a prime example-it's some radio thing but it's being filmed, and they're all a bit stressed out anyway not having Zayn around, feeling like the four of them just don't gel quite right without him. The interviewer, who seems to be one of those ones who likes the awkward questions, randomly starts asking them about lovebites, and Liam is distracted, realises too late that it's probably a bad idea for him to place his hands on Louis's shoulders and say "Louis gives me these."
It happens in an instant; Harry leaps at Louis and attacks his neck, and Liam actually feels him pushing his hands from Louis's shoulders as he does it, and Liam tries to hold on, to pull Louis back, to keep the situation under control. The interviewer exclaims and steps back, startled, and Liam tries to keep his voice calm as he babbles about Americans calling them hickies and then adds, "Oh, there's one right now," like he's talking about the next bus arriving or something. He can sense the interviewer's shock and excitement at catching something like that, and he desperately needs to convince him that it's not a big deal, that there's nothing he can do with this-without making it look like a concentrated effort, like he's covering something up.
He rambles on, trying to steamroll right past the moment like it didn't happen, and Harry and Louis are giddy with each other now, and then yep, the next question is about the bromance-"Why do they combine your names?" the interviewer asks, and Liam takes a firmer grip of Louis, pulling him in beside him, partly trying to separate the boys a little and partly trying to silently remind Louis to get a hold of himself. Louis gives him a little bemused smile and slips his arm around him as he and Harry give a nicely noncommittal answer, but the guy won't let it go, asking if they snuggle on the tour bus, and Liam takes a breath, trying to act casual, wishing these questions would stop. It's so hard not to show it on his face, that there's something they're all hiding.
"We try not to disclose much about our relationship to the public, we think it's unfair," says Louis, and he and Harry smirk at one another.
Liam can't help but laugh, oddly charmed by the sudden honesty of the answer considering the situation, but he is glad when the interviewer flounders for a moment and Louis adds, "It's just a joke." There's laughter all round then, and as the interviewer changes the subject (finally), Louis turns quickly, mutters "sorry" in Liam's ear and squeezes his waist.
It's sweet, because Liam actually thinks he handled that pretty well and doesn't need to apologise (at this point Liam thinks an outright denial would look more suspect than kidding along like it's no big deal). It's Harry that pounced on Louis in front of reporters and cameras, anyway, and Liam doesn't know if it's continued rebellion or if that possessiveness is back again, and he gets his answer on their way back to the hotel, when Harry is moody and sulky.
"Do you wanna talk, Hazza?" he asks quietly, once they're all inside, filing into Liam's room to relax for a bit before they have to head out again.
"Nothin' to talk about," Harry mumbles, toeing off his shoes and collapsing onto the bed.
"You sure?" Liam goes over to him, perching on the edge of the bed and putting a hand on Harry's back.
"It's just kind of dickish to be all over Lou when you know I can't be," Harry says, almost off-handedly, fidgeting with the bracelets around his wrist. "That's all."
It sounds childish, but Liam thinks he understands; it isn't fair, really, that Liam and Louis can go so far as to talk about giving each other lovebites without having to worry about the consequences, while it's getting increasingly dangerous for Harry and Louis to even stand beside each other these days.
"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to seem like that," Liam says, rubbing his back. He's got so much more to say, but he can sense Harry's mood and he doesn't want to start a fight, just wants to let Harry knows that he gets it, that he feels for him.
But Harry just scoffs, shrugging him off, and Liam sighs. The two of them are no more than five months apart, but sometimes it feels like years to Liam. Maybe it's just the difference in their personalities; Harry's utter recklessness and Liam's quiet need for control. And he knows that none of this is really Harry's fault, but he wishes he would be a little more mature about it sometimes, just think it through instead of acting on impulses that lead to more mess, realise that Liam isn't trying to hurt him, he's just trying to help.
"I'm not gonna leave you for Liam, babe," Louis jokes, coming over and running his fingers softly through Harry's hair, and Liam doesn't realise quite how tense Harry is until this happens; he seems to melt into Louis's touch.
"You'd better not," he mumbles.
"I'm pretty sure he'd be crap in bed compared to you, so, no chance," Louis chuckles, and Harry lets out a bark of pleased laughter, and Liam will never stop being amazed by the way Louis can do that, turn Harry's moods around with one simple joke.
***
The mood may lighten temporarily but there is still tension between Liam and Harry, Liam can feel it, and it's not helped by the way that nothing really changes in terms of the press. Liam starts to feel like he's the only one who's trying anymore, the only one who sees the real gravity of the situation. He has a long chat about it with Zayn when he comes back, and Zayn does seem to understand, but he's never really been one to interfere with things. While he does always to keep a watchful eye on Harry and Louis, it seems like Liam's always the one having to actually intervene, prevent them from sitting together or change the subject when interviews veer into dangerous territory, and it's not fair, because he doesn't want to do it anymore than the rest of them do, but it has to be done.
He can't help but get a little irritated at the rest of them; at the way Zayn will just watch and not act, the way Niall just laughs, the way Harry exaggerates it out of resentment and Louis can't resist him. A more recent issue is the fact that Louis keeps forgetting he's supposed to have a girlfriend, always needing prompting from Liam to mention her unless the question is specifically asked. They do a filmed radio show interview one day and the host asks the two of them if they're being faithful to their girlfriends back home, and Louis hesitates, waiting for Liam to answer as if he really needs to be told what to say, and then Liam catches him looking at Harry after, like they're sharing a private little joke, like they don't realise that people will pick up on this kind of thing.
"You know how important that is, right?" he says to Louis later, when they're all hanging out at the hotel between appointments.
"'Course I do, Li, sorry," Louis says, trying to shrug it off, giving Liam's shoulder a friendly little shake.
Liam frowns. "But I mean-I know it seems like a small thing, but it does matter, 'cause once people start questioning your relationship with her, they might start wondering why it could be fake, and if people put the pieces together-"
"I know, I know, Liam," Louis interrupts, and Liam can tell he doesn't want to have this conversation-at all, but especially not right now, in front of the others. He's embarrassed, Liam thinks, by the way Harry makes him lose control of himself; ashamed because he knows he's putting the band's future at stake, and Liam feels so sorry for him but they can't just keep ignoring it-someone has to get through to him.
"The fans would have a hard time trusting you again if they found out you were lying-" he says, and immediately he wishes he'd phrased that differently.
"He's not the one lying," Harry cuts in, quietly livid, "not willingly, anyway. The fans'd understand that if we were actually allowed to explain."
He's so naive, Liam can't stand it. "You don't know that," he says.
"Well, you don't know that they'd hate him, either," Harry shoots back.
"Look, let's just forget about it," Louis pleads, looking between the two of them. "I'm being an idiot and I need to try harder to remember I've got a fake girlfriend, okay, I know. It won't happen again, Li, I promise." He offers a tentative grin. "It's just hard because of, oh, you know, the part where I'm not in love with her."
Harry flashes Liam a little grateful smile at this, but it's tight, and Liam can see that his jaw is clenched and the anger is still welling up inside of him.
"The whole thing is just stupid and I don't get why you want to go along with it," Harry says, raising his voice a little now and looking Liam in the eye. "Unless you actually think we should be hiding away."
"Why would I think that?" Liam bursts out, and he fails to keep his voice under control; he sounds emotional and frustrated, because he is, because he's been trying so fucking hard for them for so long now and Harry doesn't even see it.
"You tell me," Harry says, passive-aggressive and shrugging.
There's a pause then; Liam doesn't know what to say, and Niall clears his throat and leaves abruptly, not wanting to get involved. Zayn hovers by the door, looking back at Liam, checking if he needs him for this or if it's something between the three of them. Liam gives him a slight nod to say, it's okay, you can go.
"C'mon, Haz, don't take this out on him, he's just doing what's best for us," says Louis softly as the door snicks shut. He's still standing between the two of them, and Liam can tell he's not quite sure which side to take. He understands Liam's motives much more clearly than Harry does, but of course on the emotional side of things he feels Harry's frustration.
"How's he supposed to know what's best for us?" Harry snorts, and Liam feels a little jab of pain at that-Harry says it like Liam couldn't possibly have any idea, like he hasn't been here from day one, watching this thing between them grow and grow until it got out of hand.
"I'm trying," Liam says in a small voice that breaks a little, and he needs to keep a firm grip on this, for their sake; he has to be the strong one even when they're falling apart. Especially when they're falling apart. It's when they need him most, even if it's when they want him the least.
But Harry is just glowering at him. Louis pulls him into a cuddle, kissing him softly, and Liam wants to be glad that at least it's not the two of them that are fighting, thankful that Louis always knows how to make Harry feel better, but-but it feels like it's two against one, now, and Liam wishes he knew what to do.
***
"When was the last time you kissed a girl?"
It's another day, another interview, and another awkward question.
Harry makes a stricken face and the others crack up, and Liam knows they're all thinking about how it's been so long that there's no way he can answer this honestly. Harry has kissed girls since being with Louis, but it's always been completely meaningless to him, purely something to make sure his name stays in the papers next to words like 'womaniser' and 'ladies' man'.
And then Liam taps Harry's arm and adds, "And when was the last time you liked it?"
Maybe it's a little mean, but he wants to tease, wants to let Harry know that he can. It's beginning to feel like Harry won't forgive him unless he does. Perhaps he could try harder to get Harry to understand where he's coming from, but he's not sure that's not really his place. What Harry said the other day, that how's he supposed to know? that seemed so heartless at the time, keeps going around in Liam's head and he's starting to wonder if Harry has a point. Maybe it's not up to Liam to make their decisions for them. He has a tendency to just see them as these fools in love sometimes, but maybe he doesn't give them enough credit; maybe they do know what they're doing.
Harry is flustered, and Liam's not actually sure he even hears. He looks quickly at Louis, and then says, "Uh, yesterday," and oh, they all know he's thinking of Louis, and it shouldn't be so funny but sometimes this whole thing really does feel like an inside joke, a secret, and there's some kind of thrill in that. Maybe it's because it's something so special to the five of them, something no one else could come close to understanding, just another thing that's theirs. He hopes that the boys' giggliness just comes across as mates ragging on Harry for getting some.
The interviewers tease, and Harry shoots a look at Liam, and maybe Liam is imagining it but he thinks he looks pleased, almost impressed by Liam not taking it so seriously for once. But then he's being prompted to say who it was, and he hesitates just long enough that Liam gets genuinely worried. He cuts in to save face just as Harry says he's going to plead the fifth.
It feels good to joke around about it a bit, and he hopes Harry does appreciate it. He doesn't think he'll ever truly be relaxed, at least not while all of this is at its peak, because he never knows what they're going to be asked or what kind of mood Harry and Louis will be in, how they'll react. But for the first time he's starting to wonder if his own demeanour comes off as suspicious, if he ought to be laughing and joking around more instead of going tense whenever Harry and Louis are asked about girls.
***
The following days are tough; they've all been working so hard that they're getting run down, Harry having to keep getting vitamin shots to pump him back up. Then the news comes that they've somehow managed to make history, become the first UK group to have their debut album go straight to number 1 in the states, and everything is a bit mental for a little while.
But it seems their joy can't last. Management decides, then, that the situation with Harry and Louis is still not under control, that there's even more pressure on them now. They're told outright that the next time anything to do with bromances or Larry Stylinson comes up, someone is going to have to really deny it. Liam still doesn't think it makes sense; if they all suddenly start acting like they've got a problem with the idea it's going to look even more odd, but he's starting to feel less and less like he understands the decisions being made higher up anyway these days, starting to think Harry and Louis might have it right after all. Exaggerate, over-do it, hide it in plain sight. Make it so obvious that people will think it can't be true, because if it were, wouldn't they try and cover it up better?
Unfortunately it seems like Louis is going in the opposite direction, starting to yield to Management's demands and losing faith. He frets about this latest instruction, even though Liam keeps telling him not to worry about it, that if he is going to say something it's going to have to sound natural, believable. He can't plot out his answer before he knows the question.
"What'm I supposed to say, though? I can't suddenly just go all serious about it like, no, there's nothing going on and we're offended by the implication. I don't get what they want us to do."
"To be honest with you, I'm starting to think Harry's got the right idea," says Liam. "Just make it into a joke."
Unsurprisingly, it doesn't take long for the question to crop up, and Louis's answer does come across quite naturally, Liam thinks-he mentions seeing something on the internet, says, "Some people genuinely believe we're in a relationship," like it's totally crazy, and for about a half-second Liam is proud of him-and then he sees Harry's face.
And the thing is, it hits him then; suddenly he puts himself in Harry's shoes and sees exactly how unfair it is, how painful, how awful it must be to listen to the person you love imply that the idea of your relationship is absurd.
And so he hears himself say, "You are, though, aren't you?"
He doesn't know what he expects but for a moment he wishes this would be it, wishes they were all on the same wavelength at the same time and there was no more fear and Louis would say, actually, yeah, scratch that-but of course it doesn't happen; everybody just laughs, moves on.
"What did you do that for?" Louis hisses at him after, and Liam can't tell if he's annoyed or pleased or a mixture of the two. "There I am trying to act like it's a ridiculous idea and you-" he grins, disbelieving, "you're gonna get in so much shit, Liam."
Liam smiles at him, shrugging. "Just wanted to take the fall for you, for once," he says, and yeah-that's it. It's not fair that Harry and Louis are getting all this crap over something that's not even bad, or wrong, and Liam needs them to know he's on their side, that everything he's done in this situation has been for them.
And Harry is beaming at him now, and Liam felt like he'd never see that smile again after Louis said what he did. Harry leans over Zayn and drags Liam closer, kissing him messily on the forehead, and Liam groans.
"Thanks," he says, and Liam can tell he really means it, and perhaps they'll never be entirely on the same wavelength with this but as long as Harry understands that Liam is not the enemy, maybe they'll be okay.
He wonders if this will be the start of something, some all-band rebellion against management that'll bring even more problems. The thought of that is kind of heart-warming, in a strange way, and for a second he lets himself imagine what it would be like; the five of them standing up to it, fighting back, Harry and Louis coming out and the others being right behind them every step of the way. It's a fantasy, but Liam comforts himself with the thought that maybe it won't have to be for much longer. And after all, if they're not against Management, they're with them, and Liam doesn't want to contribute to this fucked-up aspect of society and their outdated rules.
Louis is laughing, and Harry pounces on him now, and Liam watches the two of them play-wrestling with a fond look in his eyes.
"RAGE AGAINST THE MANAGEMENT," Louis shouts, and Harry goes into hysterics, rolling onto Louis's lap and gazing up at him in that way that makes Liam feel like he's seeing something he shouldn't. "Repeat after me, lads," Louis goes on, grinning wickedly, and he and Harry yell in unison, "RAGE AGAINST THE MANAGEMENT!"
"Rage against the management!" Niall and Zayn join in, laughing, shaking their fists, and Liam puts his head in his hands.
"Liam," Louis says sternly, leaning over Harry and giving Liam a Look. "What did I say?"
"That you're idiots who are going to get us all into trouble," Liam says, but he's smiling, can't help himself-their stupid glee is contagious.
"Says Mr. You Are Though Aren't You," says Zayn, quite fairly, elbowing Liam in the ribs.
"Fine," says Liam, relenting, "fine! Rage against the management. But just stop screaming it, they'll hear."
"We'll rage quietly, Liam," Harry murmurs, winking at him. "For your sake."
End.