Fate - Chapter 37 - Talking with Dad
Fate
Chapter 37 - Talking with Dad
POV: Zac
November 26, 2006
Thanksgiving had gone very well. My parents and Jessica were somewhat on the mend with things but they had all been nice and supportive. It was nice to see my brothers interested in and interacting with my son, they had kept him active but it was clear that only Cassie could calm him down when he got too upset, which occurred because he didn’t get his nap. I had seen my mother smile when she was able to calm him, so maybe they were coming around.
We had left Friday and driven straight through to get to her parent’s, we took turns driving and stopped frequently so Joshua could move. Often one of us sat with him to entertain and keep him company, while he was awake. We’d chosen to start our drive super late so he slept a lot of the drive. I got to meet her Aunt Rachel and Uncle David, they were staying with her parents as well and they were super sweet.
They had been here until earlier today, her parents took them to the airport. Cassie fixed lunch for everyone and we sat down when they got back.
“Where is the sweet baby?” She asked.
“He’s napping Mom, he does have to do that.”
“I figured, so…what is the deal with Calvin? You didn’t want to talk about that while your aunt and uncle were here.”
“The divorce will be final by the fourth. Calvin tried to delay it by appealing but the judge said he had no reasons. He has technically filed but I am waiting for the official papers which the lawyer said the fourth.”
“He didn’t fight you?” Dad asked.
“I filed wanting nothing from him. Not money, not property, nothing. I just wanted to get rid of him.”
Her dad smiled. “Well, that’s a plus. What about the two of you?”
She looked at me. “We have made it official that we’re together, we did that late October. We just can’t announce it because of the divorce.”
“Are you sure that’s not jumping to quickly?” Her mom asked.
Honestly, I questioned that myself because she didn’t seem to mind going right from that relationship to this one with no break or no time in between. She really only had the few months she was hotel hopping as a time of being ‘single’ despite she was still married.
“We’re not really rushing things, it’s just kind of happened. I don’t feel like it’s jumping too fast.”
“What about you? Do you feel like it’s too fast?”
“Not really, I mean I didn’t at first know she was even married and I think I was kind of wondering about it before she told me.”
“You could have given the ink time to dry.” Her mom said.
Cassie laughed. “Well, it’s not like we have plans to get hitched next week Mom. So, the ink will be dry.”
We laughed but I wondered about that still. After lunch her Dad not so subtly invited me to have a walk with him. Since Joshua was asleep I agreed and the two of us went for a walk around the neighborhood.
“You strike me as a smart man Zachary. Pretty sure my not so subtle invite didn’t escape you.”
“It wasn’t super subtle but it’s okay. I rather expected this conversation.”
The corners of his mouth turned up a little bit and he nodded.
“Not sure if you expecting this is good or bad.”
I shrugged some. “It could be both.”
We walked quietly for about half a block before he sighed.
“Her mother and I never totally approved of Calvin. He was always excessively polite around us, opening doors for her, pulling out chairs, but he also had this subtle tone. He sounded nice, he acted nice, but I never liked him. But, I wanted my little girl to be happy and she was with him. We did express our concerns and our feelings to her but we never said she couldn’t see him.”
“I can understand your reasons.”
“Yes. When she came to us in 2004 she was pretty hurt. He’d tried to break her arm. He chose to not call us when she miscarried and he let his mother choose what happened. I don’t believe that you’d be like him, but I you understand why I have to ask.”
“I do, Sir. My parents raised me to not hit women, no matter how pissed off or mad at one you are, hitting them is not appropriate. It’s not right. Joshua’s mom angered me to no end when she kept calling him a bastard, but as mad as I was I didn’t hit her. I walked away.”
“It’s not just the abusive parts Zachary. Emotionally as well.”
I let another quarter of a block pass, thought about how to answer him.
“When I met her I noticed that she was a bit careful around myself and my brothers, I didn’t understand why until she told me about Calvin. I don’t want to control her or make her do anything she doesn’t want. I want her to be happy and to follow her own dreams and not just mine.”
“She mentioned going back to school.”
“Yeah, I told her we’d work it out and that I wouldn’t stop her from doing anything.”
We turned and headed back toward the house.
“I guess what I wanted to say is she’s my only baby, my little girl and I want her to be happy. I want her to have dreams and to move forward on them. I don’t totally agree that she was pretty much dating you before the divorce, but she does seem much happier with you. She looks healthier, she looks like she wants to be around people and interact. Don’t be another Calvin Zac, I don’t know that I can go to another hospital where she’s laying there. I don’t know that I can handle hearing her tell me she wants to die again.”
“When did she say that?”
“After the miscarriage, after he beat the hell out of her and broke her arm. She wanted out then but she wouldn’t leave him, and we tried. She did get her mom to get her the birth control, I assume she’s still taking it.”
“I assume she is still. I never want to hear her say those words, and most definitely not because I did something.”
Considering we’d had sex quite a few times the last few weeks, I was pretty sure she was. The fact that she’d wanted to die at one point was telling as to how much she’d healed the months before we met.
“It wasn’t a good feeling, that was for sure.”
“I can’t imagine hearing Joshua tell me that, how come you two never had more though? She never mentioned any siblings.”
We were almost to the house before he took a breath.
“The pregnancy with her was super hard, Sheila had severe nausea, horrible headaches, she could barely eat anything. Cassie was actually due in September, middle of the month. But, Sheila went into pre-term labor and they couldn’t stop it, she didn’t spend much time in the hospital, three weeks. She was always strong. We were afraid for a few years to try, so her mom did birth control. When we decided for more she made sure she got checked out and all, Cassandra should be the oldest of four. After the third miscarriage we stopped. Cassie was three, five, and seven when we miscarried and didn’t really know what was going on. We explained it when she asked but she doesn’t really talk about it much. Her miscarriage hurt us more too, she was so happy when she found out. We fear that she’ll have the same fate.”
“Maybe not, maybe it was destiny that they didn’t have children.”
“That is possible, we asked the doctor what the cause was and they never answered, told us we had no right to ask. She asked and they wouldn’t tell her.”
“Wouldn’t she have the right to ask?”
“Yes. But his mother said it was best she not know, I hate that woman so badly.”
I smiled. “Well, maybe without Calvin she can find out if she wants to.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure she wants to now. When she broke down at the daycare center we got her a therapist and she went to like two sessions and then stopped. We suspected it was Calvin that stopped her. We are glad she is doing so well with Joshua.”
“Maybe working with babies did help, but I can’t imagine being her then though.”
He smiled. “I kind of wish she met you then and not now.”
I had the same thought but in 2004 I was with Maddilyn, would I have chosen to leave Maddilyn then? Would Joshua then be our son? I’d never even wondered what I would have done had I met her before. When we got back inside Joshua was crying in Cassie’s lap.
“Cass?”
“He rolled over and hit his head on the table leg. I thought I had him far enough away. I think he may actually want you.”
I took him from her and sat down beside her. He started to calm down and she got to check him.
“Not even a bruise.”
“Probably scared him more.” Sheila said.
“Probably.” I said.
“So…can I expect more grandbabies in the future? One is good…two or three or four would be better.” She asked.
I was slightly confused but Cassie just laughed. “Mom! We haven’t even been together six months.”
More grandbabies? Did she consider Joshua her grandson already?! Wait…more?! Was she expecting us to have a baby?! I was kind of shocked, I was 21 and hadn’t even planned on having one, yet she’s talking more? What drew me from the thoughts was Joshua’s babbling, it kind of sounded like he was trying to tell me he protested that idea. She moved the pallet out into the floor and I laid him back down and we played there. It got me out of answering that question.
It got me to thinking about it actually, I hadn’t considered that far ahead. But here, I could see her baby pictures, would they look like her? Like me? Some perfect mixture? Joshua was up on his knees and hands rocking when I looked down.
“Dude, give me another month please?”
Cassie laughed. “He’s been doing that for a bit, just not that far up and give you another month? I’ll take two!”
Her parents laughed. “Cass, dear, you were crawling at five and walking by eight months. Be glad he gave you almost six.”
“Oh dear.”
“Is he sitting up good?”
“He is sitting up alone, but he isn’t real steady yet.” I said.
“Solids yet?”
“Cereal for now, when we get back home I plan to try green beans. I wanted him to be sitting some so I can get him use to the high chair.” Cassie said.
They smiled. “Well, what are your plans for tomorrow?” he asked.
“Just hanging out here.”
“How about we keep him and you and Zac go do something? Dinner, a movie or something. I know you two don’t get a lot of alone time.” Sheila said.
“Are you sure Mom? We’re here to see you two. It’s not often we get to.”
“Well, your father and I have been talking. We love it here but it’s not home. You are so far away and we both feel like had we been closer you would have come to us when you left him. We are considering moving back to Oklahoma.” She said.
“Moving back?”
“Yes. We don’t really want the city but I think we may look closer to Tulsa or somewhere in between the two. It’s not set in stone and we love it here but we’re so far from family.”
“That would be nice to have you closer at least, we could visit more.” I said.
“Exactly. We’d get to see little man more too.”
Again, referencing my son as if he was Cassie’s son. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about it. But, we’d see where things went. Surely them moving back wasn’t going to be a quick process. The afternoon was spent here at the house just lounging, talking, and letting Joshua play. Watching them throughout the afternoon did clearly show me they were treating him like he was their own grandson, they were treating him like I wish my parents did.
Dinner was low key and Joshua did get some more cereal than she normally fixed. He was also staring at her as she ate. Her mom tried to sway her into giving him mashed potatoes but Cassie refused, they were too thick for him and had too much butter and salt. I did feel comfortable leaving him here with them and was looking forward to just one on one time with her.
We went to bed rather late, having watched a movie with them first. I was asleep long before Cassie was.
Chapter 37 - Talking with Dad
POV: Zac
November 26, 2006
Thanksgiving had gone very well. My parents and Jessica were somewhat on the mend with things but they had all been nice and supportive. It was nice to see my brothers interested in and interacting with my son, they had kept him active but it was clear that only Cassie could calm him down when he got too upset, which occurred because he didn’t get his nap. I had seen my mother smile when she was able to calm him, so maybe they were coming around.
We had left Friday and driven straight through to get to her parent’s, we took turns driving and stopped frequently so Joshua could move. Often one of us sat with him to entertain and keep him company, while he was awake. We’d chosen to start our drive super late so he slept a lot of the drive. I got to meet her Aunt Rachel and Uncle David, they were staying with her parents as well and they were super sweet.
They had been here until earlier today, her parents took them to the airport. Cassie fixed lunch for everyone and we sat down when they got back.
“Where is the sweet baby?” She asked.
“He’s napping Mom, he does have to do that.”
“I figured, so…what is the deal with Calvin? You didn’t want to talk about that while your aunt and uncle were here.”
“The divorce will be final by the fourth. Calvin tried to delay it by appealing but the judge said he had no reasons. He has technically filed but I am waiting for the official papers which the lawyer said the fourth.”
“He didn’t fight you?” Dad asked.
“I filed wanting nothing from him. Not money, not property, nothing. I just wanted to get rid of him.”
Her dad smiled. “Well, that’s a plus. What about the two of you?”
She looked at me. “We have made it official that we’re together, we did that late October. We just can’t announce it because of the divorce.”
“Are you sure that’s not jumping to quickly?” Her mom asked.
Honestly, I questioned that myself because she didn’t seem to mind going right from that relationship to this one with no break or no time in between. She really only had the few months she was hotel hopping as a time of being ‘single’ despite she was still married.
“We’re not really rushing things, it’s just kind of happened. I don’t feel like it’s jumping too fast.”
“What about you? Do you feel like it’s too fast?”
“Not really, I mean I didn’t at first know she was even married and I think I was kind of wondering about it before she told me.”
“You could have given the ink time to dry.” Her mom said.
Cassie laughed. “Well, it’s not like we have plans to get hitched next week Mom. So, the ink will be dry.”
We laughed but I wondered about that still. After lunch her Dad not so subtly invited me to have a walk with him. Since Joshua was asleep I agreed and the two of us went for a walk around the neighborhood.
“You strike me as a smart man Zachary. Pretty sure my not so subtle invite didn’t escape you.”
“It wasn’t super subtle but it’s okay. I rather expected this conversation.”
The corners of his mouth turned up a little bit and he nodded.
“Not sure if you expecting this is good or bad.”
I shrugged some. “It could be both.”
We walked quietly for about half a block before he sighed.
“Her mother and I never totally approved of Calvin. He was always excessively polite around us, opening doors for her, pulling out chairs, but he also had this subtle tone. He sounded nice, he acted nice, but I never liked him. But, I wanted my little girl to be happy and she was with him. We did express our concerns and our feelings to her but we never said she couldn’t see him.”
“I can understand your reasons.”
“Yes. When she came to us in 2004 she was pretty hurt. He’d tried to break her arm. He chose to not call us when she miscarried and he let his mother choose what happened. I don’t believe that you’d be like him, but I you understand why I have to ask.”
“I do, Sir. My parents raised me to not hit women, no matter how pissed off or mad at one you are, hitting them is not appropriate. It’s not right. Joshua’s mom angered me to no end when she kept calling him a bastard, but as mad as I was I didn’t hit her. I walked away.”
“It’s not just the abusive parts Zachary. Emotionally as well.”
I let another quarter of a block pass, thought about how to answer him.
“When I met her I noticed that she was a bit careful around myself and my brothers, I didn’t understand why until she told me about Calvin. I don’t want to control her or make her do anything she doesn’t want. I want her to be happy and to follow her own dreams and not just mine.”
“She mentioned going back to school.”
“Yeah, I told her we’d work it out and that I wouldn’t stop her from doing anything.”
We turned and headed back toward the house.
“I guess what I wanted to say is she’s my only baby, my little girl and I want her to be happy. I want her to have dreams and to move forward on them. I don’t totally agree that she was pretty much dating you before the divorce, but she does seem much happier with you. She looks healthier, she looks like she wants to be around people and interact. Don’t be another Calvin Zac, I don’t know that I can go to another hospital where she’s laying there. I don’t know that I can handle hearing her tell me she wants to die again.”
“When did she say that?”
“After the miscarriage, after he beat the hell out of her and broke her arm. She wanted out then but she wouldn’t leave him, and we tried. She did get her mom to get her the birth control, I assume she’s still taking it.”
“I assume she is still. I never want to hear her say those words, and most definitely not because I did something.”
Considering we’d had sex quite a few times the last few weeks, I was pretty sure she was. The fact that she’d wanted to die at one point was telling as to how much she’d healed the months before we met.
“It wasn’t a good feeling, that was for sure.”
“I can’t imagine hearing Joshua tell me that, how come you two never had more though? She never mentioned any siblings.”
We were almost to the house before he took a breath.
“The pregnancy with her was super hard, Sheila had severe nausea, horrible headaches, she could barely eat anything. Cassie was actually due in September, middle of the month. But, Sheila went into pre-term labor and they couldn’t stop it, she didn’t spend much time in the hospital, three weeks. She was always strong. We were afraid for a few years to try, so her mom did birth control. When we decided for more she made sure she got checked out and all, Cassandra should be the oldest of four. After the third miscarriage we stopped. Cassie was three, five, and seven when we miscarried and didn’t really know what was going on. We explained it when she asked but she doesn’t really talk about it much. Her miscarriage hurt us more too, she was so happy when she found out. We fear that she’ll have the same fate.”
“Maybe not, maybe it was destiny that they didn’t have children.”
“That is possible, we asked the doctor what the cause was and they never answered, told us we had no right to ask. She asked and they wouldn’t tell her.”
“Wouldn’t she have the right to ask?”
“Yes. But his mother said it was best she not know, I hate that woman so badly.”
I smiled. “Well, maybe without Calvin she can find out if she wants to.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure she wants to now. When she broke down at the daycare center we got her a therapist and she went to like two sessions and then stopped. We suspected it was Calvin that stopped her. We are glad she is doing so well with Joshua.”
“Maybe working with babies did help, but I can’t imagine being her then though.”
He smiled. “I kind of wish she met you then and not now.”
I had the same thought but in 2004 I was with Maddilyn, would I have chosen to leave Maddilyn then? Would Joshua then be our son? I’d never even wondered what I would have done had I met her before. When we got back inside Joshua was crying in Cassie’s lap.
“Cass?”
“He rolled over and hit his head on the table leg. I thought I had him far enough away. I think he may actually want you.”
I took him from her and sat down beside her. He started to calm down and she got to check him.
“Not even a bruise.”
“Probably scared him more.” Sheila said.
“Probably.” I said.
“So…can I expect more grandbabies in the future? One is good…two or three or four would be better.” She asked.
I was slightly confused but Cassie just laughed. “Mom! We haven’t even been together six months.”
More grandbabies? Did she consider Joshua her grandson already?! Wait…more?! Was she expecting us to have a baby?! I was kind of shocked, I was 21 and hadn’t even planned on having one, yet she’s talking more? What drew me from the thoughts was Joshua’s babbling, it kind of sounded like he was trying to tell me he protested that idea. She moved the pallet out into the floor and I laid him back down and we played there. It got me out of answering that question.
It got me to thinking about it actually, I hadn’t considered that far ahead. But here, I could see her baby pictures, would they look like her? Like me? Some perfect mixture? Joshua was up on his knees and hands rocking when I looked down.
“Dude, give me another month please?”
Cassie laughed. “He’s been doing that for a bit, just not that far up and give you another month? I’ll take two!”
Her parents laughed. “Cass, dear, you were crawling at five and walking by eight months. Be glad he gave you almost six.”
“Oh dear.”
“Is he sitting up good?”
“He is sitting up alone, but he isn’t real steady yet.” I said.
“Solids yet?”
“Cereal for now, when we get back home I plan to try green beans. I wanted him to be sitting some so I can get him use to the high chair.” Cassie said.
They smiled. “Well, what are your plans for tomorrow?” he asked.
“Just hanging out here.”
“How about we keep him and you and Zac go do something? Dinner, a movie or something. I know you two don’t get a lot of alone time.” Sheila said.
“Are you sure Mom? We’re here to see you two. It’s not often we get to.”
“Well, your father and I have been talking. We love it here but it’s not home. You are so far away and we both feel like had we been closer you would have come to us when you left him. We are considering moving back to Oklahoma.” She said.
“Moving back?”
“Yes. We don’t really want the city but I think we may look closer to Tulsa or somewhere in between the two. It’s not set in stone and we love it here but we’re so far from family.”
“That would be nice to have you closer at least, we could visit more.” I said.
“Exactly. We’d get to see little man more too.”
Again, referencing my son as if he was Cassie’s son. I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about it. But, we’d see where things went. Surely them moving back wasn’t going to be a quick process. The afternoon was spent here at the house just lounging, talking, and letting Joshua play. Watching them throughout the afternoon did clearly show me they were treating him like he was their own grandson, they were treating him like I wish my parents did.
Dinner was low key and Joshua did get some more cereal than she normally fixed. He was also staring at her as she ate. Her mom tried to sway her into giving him mashed potatoes but Cassie refused, they were too thick for him and had too much butter and salt. I did feel comfortable leaving him here with them and was looking forward to just one on one time with her.
We went to bed rather late, having watched a movie with them first. I was asleep long before Cassie was.