[DC][Seru] This is how the end looks like.
Title: This is how the end looks like.
Summary: Everyone leaves, and Tim’s not quite ready to be, once again, the one left behind. [Tim/Kon]
Rating: K+
Notes: Written with IU@LJ’s WC #48 prompt, 4. The only thing that’s kept me from bleeding. Companion fic to this. Crappy, rushed and un-beta'd. Huhu. Huhu. I'll probably edit it sometime in the future but right now, all I want is to get it in in time for the deadline.
This is how the end looks like.
(prologue:
Tim hasn’t had a happy life, and he knows that this won’t change anytime soon.)
part one:
The thing about death is that it never leaves you what you want. Instead, it leaves you things to recall your pain with. There’s his father’s room and Steph’s side of the bed, empty with presences which linger heavy enough to make Tim feel the weight.
That’s why Tim, finally, agrees with his sponsor that maybe, it’s best to stay away for a while, so he moves to Bludhaven in the comfort of his stepmother and Dick.
Tim decides to trudge through everything the best that he could, especially since he can’t stand Dana and Dick tiptoeing around him any longer. Besides, what else is there to do but move on? This time, though, he’s careful not to hold onto anything for a while.
Everyone leaves, and he’s not quite ready to be, once again, the one left behind.
He takes a break that night, tries to show Dick that he’s fine. It’s been over more than a year already. And he’s better.
“Hey.”
Tim turns. Sees a familiar face he can’t quite put a name to.
“Uh, hey.”
He smiles right up to his eyes, and Tim feels a tug at his chest. “Conner. And you are?”
No, no, no, he tells himself, as he musters a smile in return. This is only to be polite.
“Tim.”
-
part two:
He doesn’t admit to himself that it’s the best he’d felt for months. It’s a one-night stand that he feels a little more than that, but he’s not going to let the feeling get to his head. It’s just his smile, he thinks, but he can’t shake the overwhelming feeling of familiarity he’s getting from Conner.
Because he feels like a second chance.
He wakes up to Conner staring at him.
“Good morning?” he murmurs. Then he realizes his mistake. He doesn’t find himself correcting it immediately because Conner replies by being sick.
Tim groans, and goes out of bed.
-
Conner is obviously embarrassed. Tim finds good reason: after all, he’s just finished cleaning vomit off of his floor. He tries to ease Conner out of it by making him breakfast. The usual.
“Um,” Conner begins, “sorry about your floor.”
“It’s fine,” Tim bristles at the memory. “It happens.” In him rises a challenge. “Tim, by the way. In case you don’t remember.”
“I-I remember. Tim Drake.”
Tim blushes. He didn’t expect this. He tries to look somewhere else besides into Conner’s straightforward look and ends up looking down. His voice comes out small.
“And Conner Kent, right? I remember, too.”
He starts eating his food; he can’t talk, he shouldn’t talk. The last thing he needs is to get to know Conner when he’s already prepared to say goodbye.
-
“Go out with me,” Conner says, before he leaves. Still with his clear eyes, bright smile. For a moment, Tim wavers, but he doesn’t let it hang for long.
“I don’t think I’m ready to date. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I want to be friends.”
This time, Tim doesn’t resist, and he smiles back. His answer comes so naturally that he forgives himself for it later.
“That sounds good.”
part three:
He had fallen in love with Conner the moment he saw him in the bar that night, but he doesn’t want to admit it. It goes against every defense he’d worked hard to put up for the past months, and he isn’t quite ready to lift the white flag.
He settles for being friends even though he can feel that Conner wants more. It’s safer, with no promise of be-with-you-forever, no deep-seated commitment for a happy-ever-after.
Besides, there’s this feeling, somehow, that he’s lost Conner before.
He figures that that wasn’t going to be the last.
“Sorry I’m late!”
Tim looks up, giving him a small smile. He walks to meet him. “It’s fine,” he assures. “I know you had that game. Sorry I couldn’t come.”
“No problem,” Conner grimaces, “we lost, anyway.”
They start walking side by side and Tim pats him on the back. “If you want,” he finds himself saying, “you can come over and we can just play videogames.”
Conner’s face lights up, and Tim finds the whole night a little brighter than before.
He reaches out to hold Conner’s hand. The other boy doesn’t pull away, and he lets himself be held on to.
part four:
Conner says ‘I love you’ for the first time and he pulls out the last of what’s keeping Tim from bleeding. At that moment, he feels the weight of his grief transfer a little onto Conner, and for the first time in months, he truly doesn’t feel alone.
But it’s too soon, it’s too soon, he thinks. I’m not ready to say goodbye.
“What happens now?” he asks.
Conner’s voice is soft but sure. “You tell me that you love me, too.”
Tim, bruised and bloody and wrecked, reaches up for a kiss. For a flash, memories which do not belong to this life rush through him, and he chokes out, Kon. And he understands, that in another lifetime, he loved Kon, too. He forgets soon after.
He buries his head at the side of Conner’s neck.
“I love you, too,” he tells him.
He holds onto Conner like any time, he could disappear. And he thinks that even if he does, this will be worth it.
(epilogue:
Tim knew wrong.)
x
Summary: Everyone leaves, and Tim’s not quite ready to be, once again, the one left behind. [Tim/Kon]
Rating: K+
Notes: Written with IU@LJ’s WC #48 prompt, 4. The only thing that’s kept me from bleeding. Companion fic to this. Crappy, rushed and un-beta'd. Huhu. Huhu. I'll probably edit it sometime in the future but right now, all I want is to get it in in time for the deadline.
This is how the end looks like.
(prologue:
Tim hasn’t had a happy life, and he knows that this won’t change anytime soon.)
part one:
The thing about death is that it never leaves you what you want. Instead, it leaves you things to recall your pain with. There’s his father’s room and Steph’s side of the bed, empty with presences which linger heavy enough to make Tim feel the weight.
That’s why Tim, finally, agrees with his sponsor that maybe, it’s best to stay away for a while, so he moves to Bludhaven in the comfort of his stepmother and Dick.
Tim decides to trudge through everything the best that he could, especially since he can’t stand Dana and Dick tiptoeing around him any longer. Besides, what else is there to do but move on? This time, though, he’s careful not to hold onto anything for a while.
Everyone leaves, and he’s not quite ready to be, once again, the one left behind.
He takes a break that night, tries to show Dick that he’s fine. It’s been over more than a year already. And he’s better.
“Hey.”
Tim turns. Sees a familiar face he can’t quite put a name to.
“Uh, hey.”
He smiles right up to his eyes, and Tim feels a tug at his chest. “Conner. And you are?”
No, no, no, he tells himself, as he musters a smile in return. This is only to be polite.
“Tim.”
-
part two:
He doesn’t admit to himself that it’s the best he’d felt for months. It’s a one-night stand that he feels a little more than that, but he’s not going to let the feeling get to his head. It’s just his smile, he thinks, but he can’t shake the overwhelming feeling of familiarity he’s getting from Conner.
Because he feels like a second chance.
He wakes up to Conner staring at him.
“Good morning?” he murmurs. Then he realizes his mistake. He doesn’t find himself correcting it immediately because Conner replies by being sick.
Tim groans, and goes out of bed.
-
Conner is obviously embarrassed. Tim finds good reason: after all, he’s just finished cleaning vomit off of his floor. He tries to ease Conner out of it by making him breakfast. The usual.
“Um,” Conner begins, “sorry about your floor.”
“It’s fine,” Tim bristles at the memory. “It happens.” In him rises a challenge. “Tim, by the way. In case you don’t remember.”
“I-I remember. Tim Drake.”
Tim blushes. He didn’t expect this. He tries to look somewhere else besides into Conner’s straightforward look and ends up looking down. His voice comes out small.
“And Conner Kent, right? I remember, too.”
He starts eating his food; he can’t talk, he shouldn’t talk. The last thing he needs is to get to know Conner when he’s already prepared to say goodbye.
-
“Go out with me,” Conner says, before he leaves. Still with his clear eyes, bright smile. For a moment, Tim wavers, but he doesn’t let it hang for long.
“I don’t think I’m ready to date. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I want to be friends.”
This time, Tim doesn’t resist, and he smiles back. His answer comes so naturally that he forgives himself for it later.
“That sounds good.”
part three:
He had fallen in love with Conner the moment he saw him in the bar that night, but he doesn’t want to admit it. It goes against every defense he’d worked hard to put up for the past months, and he isn’t quite ready to lift the white flag.
He settles for being friends even though he can feel that Conner wants more. It’s safer, with no promise of be-with-you-forever, no deep-seated commitment for a happy-ever-after.
Besides, there’s this feeling, somehow, that he’s lost Conner before.
He figures that that wasn’t going to be the last.
“Sorry I’m late!”
Tim looks up, giving him a small smile. He walks to meet him. “It’s fine,” he assures. “I know you had that game. Sorry I couldn’t come.”
“No problem,” Conner grimaces, “we lost, anyway.”
They start walking side by side and Tim pats him on the back. “If you want,” he finds himself saying, “you can come over and we can just play videogames.”
Conner’s face lights up, and Tim finds the whole night a little brighter than before.
He reaches out to hold Conner’s hand. The other boy doesn’t pull away, and he lets himself be held on to.
part four:
Conner says ‘I love you’ for the first time and he pulls out the last of what’s keeping Tim from bleeding. At that moment, he feels the weight of his grief transfer a little onto Conner, and for the first time in months, he truly doesn’t feel alone.
But it’s too soon, it’s too soon, he thinks. I’m not ready to say goodbye.
“What happens now?” he asks.
Conner’s voice is soft but sure. “You tell me that you love me, too.”
Tim, bruised and bloody and wrecked, reaches up for a kiss. For a flash, memories which do not belong to this life rush through him, and he chokes out, Kon. And he understands, that in another lifetime, he loved Kon, too. He forgets soon after.
He buries his head at the side of Conner’s neck.
“I love you, too,” he tells him.
He holds onto Conner like any time, he could disappear. And he thinks that even if he does, this will be worth it.
(epilogue:
Tim knew wrong.)
x