fic: All My Days (Chapter 5)
Title: All My Days
Couple: Dan/Blair
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Rating: T
Summary: Future-fic. Dan left NYC three years ago after a night that broke his heart. Now he's back...and facing the one person who broke it.
Disclaimer: I do not own GG or any of its characters.
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Chapter 5
"Blair?"
His voice sounds different-the tone...it send shivers down her spine.
She clutches the phone tighter. "Dan? What's wrong?"
"It's my mom...she," his voice catches, "she died."
Her throat tightens. "I'll be right there."
But the line's already dead.
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She hails a cab and is at Dan's apartment in fifteen minutes flat. She's still in her pajamas, her hair's a mess, and she's pretty sure her sleep mask is still propped up on her forehead. But she needs to be here.
She knocks on his front door loudly, not caring about the noise it makes, or the time. She hears shuffling and light footsteps before Adelaide opens the door. She looks as exhausted as Blair feels, and her eyes are red.
"Hey Blair," she says softly, not looking at all surprised to see her.
"Hey." They stand there for a moment, before Addie steps aside to let her in. One glance around the room tells her that Dan must be in his bedroom. "How is he?"
Adelaide sighs and brushes her auburn hair off her face. "Not good." Absently, she starts taking clean dishes out of the dishwasher, placing them in the cabinets. "He's in the bedroom with a beer."
Blair's eyes widen. "Jesus Addie! It's almost four in the morning!" She drops her purse and shrugs off her coat roughly. "The last thing we need is for him to be drunk."
Addie pauses what she's doing and raises her brow, challenging. "You really wanted me to rip the bottle out of his hand five minutes after he got the call?" When Blair doesn't answer, she ends with, "Didn't think so."
"Can I see him?"
"Be my guest." She points towards the hallway.
She's a little relieved to see the beer on his night stand, almost completely full. What's she not relieved to see is Dan Humphrey sitting on the edge of his bed, looking straight at the wall; no emotion is on his face,
"Dan," she says softly. He doesn't look at her. "Dan," she says again, walking closer to him. It's only when she lays a hand on his shoulder does he look at her. "Dan, babe, I-" She halts in surprise, immediately realizing her mistake. The endearment had come out naturally. "Dan, I know you're in shock, and still processing the news, but I need you to talk to me."
She kneels on the ground in front of him, and brings her hand up to cup his face. She turns so that his eyes meet hers. "Dan, who called and told you?"
"Jeff-" he clears his throat, "Jeffery."
Her heart unfolds in relief that he's speaking. "Okay...who's Jeffery?"
He clears his throat again. "Her fiancé."
"Oh," her voice slips out. She didn't know Allison was engaged. "Okay. What did he tell you?" She carefully asks the next questions, "How did she die?"
He's silent for a full minute. "Ovarian cancer."
She feels like the wind is knocked out of her. "Ov-ovarian cancer? I didn't even know she-did you know she had cancer?"
He nods. "Yeah. But she said they caught it early." He shakes his head. "Jeffery said...Jeffery said that she didn't want to worry us. It was actually stage four."
"Oh, Dan," she sighs sadly, reaching up to cup his cheek again. "I'm so sorry." She gets off her knees to wrap him in a hug, and after a moment of hesitation, he finally sinks into her embrace. They stay like that until Addie knocks on the door a few minutes later.
"Dan, your sister just called. She wants you to meet her at your mom's house."
He nods silently, then stands and disappears into the bathroom.
"Are you coming with?" Adelaide asks, leaning against the doorframe. She looks exhausted, as if she's only slept a few hours.
Glancing at the clock, Blair realizes it's the truth. They all have literally slept for only a few hours. It wasn't long ago that they were all sitting at the restaurant laughing and getting to know each other.
She looks down at her pajamas, and shakes her head. "No, I can't go like this. Will you call me when you know more? Funeral plans and other heartbreaking things like that?" Her voice cracks, and Addie gives a sympathetic grin.
"Of course."
Blair waits for another minute, waits for the running water to stop in the bathroom, waits to see Dan one last time before she goes. He comes out wearing jeans and an NYU sweatshirt. Any other day she would give him a hard time for his outfit choice, but right now he looks so sad and lost, she wants to curl up in the sweatshirt with him and never let go.
"Dan, I'm going to go. Call me if you need me okay?" She hates that her eyes water and her voice shakes as she speaks; she needs to be strong for him. He nods and continues to stand a few feet from her. Blair erases the gap and moves in to hug him again. When her arms tighten around him, she feels his face drop to the crook of her neck and feels his breath against her hair. She wishes she could stay right here and make this all go away.
His silence had been worrying her, but right before he pulls away, she hears him whisper, "You know your sleep mask is still on, right?"
She lets out a watery laugh and reaches up to slip it off. "I was a little preoccupied," she replies wryly. He gives a grateful smile, and she has to force herself to leave. "I'll see you both later." After mouthing call me once more to Adelaide, she makes her way back to her apartment. She's feels like she could fall into bed and sleep for a month, but something tells her she's not going to be sleeping for a while.
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She's right; she doesn't sleep. The next two days are a completely whirlwind. She has work up to her ears, deadlines she can't be late on, and an ex-boyfriend in mourning. Although she hasn't seen him since that morning, Blair still feels like she's been underneath a permanent cloud for days.
Addie had called once to inform her when the funeral would be, and another time to say that if she wanted to see him, he would be coming back from Hudson for a few hours before heading back for the service. Blair had jumped at the opportunity. She'd dressed in traditional black, but threw on a teal scarf and jewelry. Teal is the color of ovarian cancer awareness, and Dan had sweetly asked everyone to wear the color.
Seconds after she knocks on his door, Addie opens it. She looks about ten times more refreshed than she'd looked the other morning, but sadness is still permeating in her eyes.
"How is he?" Blair asks immediately, rushing past Addie to drop her things. "Better. He's talking more, so that's a good thing." She pours Blair some coffee. "But since today's the funeral, I think he's gotten a new wave of this is really happening. He's a little more quiet and reserved today."
Blair sighs and rubs her temple. "I can't believe this is happening." She takes a sip of her coffee, the liquid scalding her mouth.
"Are both of your parents still alive?"
"Yes, thankfully," Blair answers. She's lucky all her parents are alive, step-included. She can't even imagine.
"You're lucky," Adelaide says quietly, but doesn't expand. She shakes her head, as if clearing her mind. "Well, I laid out his funeral outfit on his bed. Hopefully he takes the memo and puts it on." Pouring herself a glass of water, she continues, "I had to force him out of his pajamas this morning."
Unable to help herself, Blair asks, "What outfit did you choose?"
"His black suit. Why?"
She sets down her mug and slips off the bar stool. "I know of something better."
Knocking softly on Dan's door, she hears a scratchy voice says, "Come in."
She opens the door a crack and sees him lying down. He's still in his jeans, but has no shirt on. "Hey," she says, opening the door wider and forcing her eyes not to focus on his bare chest. "How are you?" At closer inspection, she sees Penny curled up in his lap and her heart just about melts.
Shrugging, he throws a pillow over his eyes.
"Right," she says, dropping the question. She eyes the suit on the bed. "Dan, where's that grey suit of yours?"
"In my closet." He lifts the pillow. "Why?"
Sliding his closet door open, she spots the suit immediately. Taking it out, she inspects its condition and smoothes out a wrinkle. She looks back at Dan, now pillow-less, with his arms full of puppy and his eyes full of grief, and her gaze softens. "This is the suit your mom bought you right? The one for your book tour?"
He lets out a shaky breath and nods. "Yeah."
She sits down on the bed, gently placing the suit beside her. "I think it'd be nice of you to wear it today. Maybe with a colorful tie. Your mom always wore lots of colors." She smiles from the memory. "Or even better...teal."
He sits up, and Penny buries herself further in his lap. His arms wrap around her protectively. "Yeah, okay."
"Good." She gives a small smile and stands up. "I'll see you later in Hudson. You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." he says, softly petting Penny. "I have Addie." When his eyes meet hers, something inside Blair breaks.
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After a brief, but draining, service, friends and family gather outside for the burial. Blair keeps her eyes on Dan the entire time, and when his mother is laid to rest in the ground, he turns for the car. Watching him mourn makes Blair physically ache. She wants to be with him at all times, but she knows she can't do that. She wipes the tears from her eyes and feels a hand on her back.
She turns to see Serena and Nate. Serena's eyes are still red from crying, but her sad look has all to do with Blair. "B, sweetie, you okay?"
Blair clears her throat and smoothes out her dress. "Of course. I'm just sad for Dan, that's all. Just like you." She forces a smile onto her face.
Serena gives her a look that says I can read through you. They both turn to see Adelaide wrap her arms around Dan and get in the car. Serena sighs. "I know you're jealous of Addie...and that's okay. But when Dan left, he needed someone. Addie became that person." Her hand rests on Blair's shoulder, pressing. "Let her be."
Blair scoffs at her words, her throat and eyes burning. "I'm not jealous," she whispers harshly, staring at the pair again.
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"My TA just informed me of a phone call. While I'm gone, feel free to introduce yourself to the person on your right. Congratulations, you're partners for the semester."
As the professor steps out of the room, Dan groans. He hates when teachers do this. Before he can grumble further, he hears a cheery, "Hey!"
He turns to see the girl sitting beside him. At first glance, she's absolutely striking, and all thoughts of grumbling disappear from his mind. He is a single guy, after all. "Hi," he says, sticking out his hand. "I'm Dan."
"Adelaide. Pleased to meet you." She flashes a sunny smile and tilts her head to the side. "So if you're in this class, that means that you're a senior. But why haven't I seen you before?"
Dan's mouth curves upward, but he inwardly sighs. He's had to tell this story to everyone here. "I transferred from NYU."
"For your senior year?"
"Yeah, I know it's a little odd," he laughs.
She nods in understanding. "Running away?" The look in her eyes tells him that she's been where he is before.
"Something like that," he says distantly, thinking of home. She opens her mouth to reply, but the professor walks back in, and he's thankful for his teacher's timing. He forces himself to zone his focus back to the class, and wills all thoughts of home to leave his mind.
He's up and out of class the second it's over, needing a breath of fresh air badly. Adelaide's question still lingers in his thoughts, and he's angry at how much it's bothering him. He's been telling himself for weeks that he's not in California because he ran away; he's here to further his literary career.
He still can't help but think his new friend is right.
"Dan!" he hears someone call. He turns; sunny Adelaide again. "You rushed out before we could continue where we left off!"
He blushes in embarrassment. "Sorry, I just needed to get out of there."
She chuckles, nodding. "Don't worry, you'll get used to Simon's voice. I had him last semester, and he gets better as the semester progresses. I promise he doesn't always sound like an ass."
Laughter falls easily out of Dan for the first time in weeks. "He did carry a bit of arrogance in the way he spoke."
She rolls her eyes. "He's just trying to intimidate the newbies. Don't fall for it."
He grins widely at her. "Thanks for the tip. I owe you one."
"Buy me a cup of coffee?"
"Sure," he says immediately, without really thinking. But since he's been here, since moving his life across the country and leaving the only thing he truly loved, he hasn't felt more at home or comfortable than he does now. And he can't help but think Adelaide has something to do with it.
She looks back. "You coming or bailing?"
He smiles. "Right behind ya."
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"I'm not jealous," she says to Serena again, the wind blowing her hair back.
Serena shrugs, giving up for the moment.
Blair looks at the time and the line of cars headed to the memorial luncheon. It's going to take forever to get back to the house.
She sees Dan's car pull away and watches it until it's out of sight. With a thick throat she says, "I just can't help feeling that that should be me."
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tbc.
A/N: Reviews are always welcome :)
Couple: Dan/Blair
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Rating: T
Summary: Future-fic. Dan left NYC three years ago after a night that broke his heart. Now he's back...and facing the one person who broke it.
Disclaimer: I do not own GG or any of its characters.
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Chapter 5
"Blair?"
His voice sounds different-the tone...it send shivers down her spine.
She clutches the phone tighter. "Dan? What's wrong?"
"It's my mom...she," his voice catches, "she died."
Her throat tightens. "I'll be right there."
But the line's already dead.
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She hails a cab and is at Dan's apartment in fifteen minutes flat. She's still in her pajamas, her hair's a mess, and she's pretty sure her sleep mask is still propped up on her forehead. But she needs to be here.
She knocks on his front door loudly, not caring about the noise it makes, or the time. She hears shuffling and light footsteps before Adelaide opens the door. She looks as exhausted as Blair feels, and her eyes are red.
"Hey Blair," she says softly, not looking at all surprised to see her.
"Hey." They stand there for a moment, before Addie steps aside to let her in. One glance around the room tells her that Dan must be in his bedroom. "How is he?"
Adelaide sighs and brushes her auburn hair off her face. "Not good." Absently, she starts taking clean dishes out of the dishwasher, placing them in the cabinets. "He's in the bedroom with a beer."
Blair's eyes widen. "Jesus Addie! It's almost four in the morning!" She drops her purse and shrugs off her coat roughly. "The last thing we need is for him to be drunk."
Addie pauses what she's doing and raises her brow, challenging. "You really wanted me to rip the bottle out of his hand five minutes after he got the call?" When Blair doesn't answer, she ends with, "Didn't think so."
"Can I see him?"
"Be my guest." She points towards the hallway.
She's a little relieved to see the beer on his night stand, almost completely full. What's she not relieved to see is Dan Humphrey sitting on the edge of his bed, looking straight at the wall; no emotion is on his face,
"Dan," she says softly. He doesn't look at her. "Dan," she says again, walking closer to him. It's only when she lays a hand on his shoulder does he look at her. "Dan, babe, I-" She halts in surprise, immediately realizing her mistake. The endearment had come out naturally. "Dan, I know you're in shock, and still processing the news, but I need you to talk to me."
She kneels on the ground in front of him, and brings her hand up to cup his face. She turns so that his eyes meet hers. "Dan, who called and told you?"
"Jeff-" he clears his throat, "Jeffery."
Her heart unfolds in relief that he's speaking. "Okay...who's Jeffery?"
He clears his throat again. "Her fiancé."
"Oh," her voice slips out. She didn't know Allison was engaged. "Okay. What did he tell you?" She carefully asks the next questions, "How did she die?"
He's silent for a full minute. "Ovarian cancer."
She feels like the wind is knocked out of her. "Ov-ovarian cancer? I didn't even know she-did you know she had cancer?"
He nods. "Yeah. But she said they caught it early." He shakes his head. "Jeffery said...Jeffery said that she didn't want to worry us. It was actually stage four."
"Oh, Dan," she sighs sadly, reaching up to cup his cheek again. "I'm so sorry." She gets off her knees to wrap him in a hug, and after a moment of hesitation, he finally sinks into her embrace. They stay like that until Addie knocks on the door a few minutes later.
"Dan, your sister just called. She wants you to meet her at your mom's house."
He nods silently, then stands and disappears into the bathroom.
"Are you coming with?" Adelaide asks, leaning against the doorframe. She looks exhausted, as if she's only slept a few hours.
Glancing at the clock, Blair realizes it's the truth. They all have literally slept for only a few hours. It wasn't long ago that they were all sitting at the restaurant laughing and getting to know each other.
She looks down at her pajamas, and shakes her head. "No, I can't go like this. Will you call me when you know more? Funeral plans and other heartbreaking things like that?" Her voice cracks, and Addie gives a sympathetic grin.
"Of course."
Blair waits for another minute, waits for the running water to stop in the bathroom, waits to see Dan one last time before she goes. He comes out wearing jeans and an NYU sweatshirt. Any other day she would give him a hard time for his outfit choice, but right now he looks so sad and lost, she wants to curl up in the sweatshirt with him and never let go.
"Dan, I'm going to go. Call me if you need me okay?" She hates that her eyes water and her voice shakes as she speaks; she needs to be strong for him. He nods and continues to stand a few feet from her. Blair erases the gap and moves in to hug him again. When her arms tighten around him, she feels his face drop to the crook of her neck and feels his breath against her hair. She wishes she could stay right here and make this all go away.
His silence had been worrying her, but right before he pulls away, she hears him whisper, "You know your sleep mask is still on, right?"
She lets out a watery laugh and reaches up to slip it off. "I was a little preoccupied," she replies wryly. He gives a grateful smile, and she has to force herself to leave. "I'll see you both later." After mouthing call me once more to Adelaide, she makes her way back to her apartment. She's feels like she could fall into bed and sleep for a month, but something tells her she's not going to be sleeping for a while.
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She's right; she doesn't sleep. The next two days are a completely whirlwind. She has work up to her ears, deadlines she can't be late on, and an ex-boyfriend in mourning. Although she hasn't seen him since that morning, Blair still feels like she's been underneath a permanent cloud for days.
Addie had called once to inform her when the funeral would be, and another time to say that if she wanted to see him, he would be coming back from Hudson for a few hours before heading back for the service. Blair had jumped at the opportunity. She'd dressed in traditional black, but threw on a teal scarf and jewelry. Teal is the color of ovarian cancer awareness, and Dan had sweetly asked everyone to wear the color.
Seconds after she knocks on his door, Addie opens it. She looks about ten times more refreshed than she'd looked the other morning, but sadness is still permeating in her eyes.
"How is he?" Blair asks immediately, rushing past Addie to drop her things. "Better. He's talking more, so that's a good thing." She pours Blair some coffee. "But since today's the funeral, I think he's gotten a new wave of this is really happening. He's a little more quiet and reserved today."
Blair sighs and rubs her temple. "I can't believe this is happening." She takes a sip of her coffee, the liquid scalding her mouth.
"Are both of your parents still alive?"
"Yes, thankfully," Blair answers. She's lucky all her parents are alive, step-included. She can't even imagine.
"You're lucky," Adelaide says quietly, but doesn't expand. She shakes her head, as if clearing her mind. "Well, I laid out his funeral outfit on his bed. Hopefully he takes the memo and puts it on." Pouring herself a glass of water, she continues, "I had to force him out of his pajamas this morning."
Unable to help herself, Blair asks, "What outfit did you choose?"
"His black suit. Why?"
She sets down her mug and slips off the bar stool. "I know of something better."
Knocking softly on Dan's door, she hears a scratchy voice says, "Come in."
She opens the door a crack and sees him lying down. He's still in his jeans, but has no shirt on. "Hey," she says, opening the door wider and forcing her eyes not to focus on his bare chest. "How are you?" At closer inspection, she sees Penny curled up in his lap and her heart just about melts.
Shrugging, he throws a pillow over his eyes.
"Right," she says, dropping the question. She eyes the suit on the bed. "Dan, where's that grey suit of yours?"
"In my closet." He lifts the pillow. "Why?"
Sliding his closet door open, she spots the suit immediately. Taking it out, she inspects its condition and smoothes out a wrinkle. She looks back at Dan, now pillow-less, with his arms full of puppy and his eyes full of grief, and her gaze softens. "This is the suit your mom bought you right? The one for your book tour?"
He lets out a shaky breath and nods. "Yeah."
She sits down on the bed, gently placing the suit beside her. "I think it'd be nice of you to wear it today. Maybe with a colorful tie. Your mom always wore lots of colors." She smiles from the memory. "Or even better...teal."
He sits up, and Penny buries herself further in his lap. His arms wrap around her protectively. "Yeah, okay."
"Good." She gives a small smile and stands up. "I'll see you later in Hudson. You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." he says, softly petting Penny. "I have Addie." When his eyes meet hers, something inside Blair breaks.
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After a brief, but draining, service, friends and family gather outside for the burial. Blair keeps her eyes on Dan the entire time, and when his mother is laid to rest in the ground, he turns for the car. Watching him mourn makes Blair physically ache. She wants to be with him at all times, but she knows she can't do that. She wipes the tears from her eyes and feels a hand on her back.
She turns to see Serena and Nate. Serena's eyes are still red from crying, but her sad look has all to do with Blair. "B, sweetie, you okay?"
Blair clears her throat and smoothes out her dress. "Of course. I'm just sad for Dan, that's all. Just like you." She forces a smile onto her face.
Serena gives her a look that says I can read through you. They both turn to see Adelaide wrap her arms around Dan and get in the car. Serena sighs. "I know you're jealous of Addie...and that's okay. But when Dan left, he needed someone. Addie became that person." Her hand rests on Blair's shoulder, pressing. "Let her be."
Blair scoffs at her words, her throat and eyes burning. "I'm not jealous," she whispers harshly, staring at the pair again.
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"My TA just informed me of a phone call. While I'm gone, feel free to introduce yourself to the person on your right. Congratulations, you're partners for the semester."
As the professor steps out of the room, Dan groans. He hates when teachers do this. Before he can grumble further, he hears a cheery, "Hey!"
He turns to see the girl sitting beside him. At first glance, she's absolutely striking, and all thoughts of grumbling disappear from his mind. He is a single guy, after all. "Hi," he says, sticking out his hand. "I'm Dan."
"Adelaide. Pleased to meet you." She flashes a sunny smile and tilts her head to the side. "So if you're in this class, that means that you're a senior. But why haven't I seen you before?"
Dan's mouth curves upward, but he inwardly sighs. He's had to tell this story to everyone here. "I transferred from NYU."
"For your senior year?"
"Yeah, I know it's a little odd," he laughs.
She nods in understanding. "Running away?" The look in her eyes tells him that she's been where he is before.
"Something like that," he says distantly, thinking of home. She opens her mouth to reply, but the professor walks back in, and he's thankful for his teacher's timing. He forces himself to zone his focus back to the class, and wills all thoughts of home to leave his mind.
He's up and out of class the second it's over, needing a breath of fresh air badly. Adelaide's question still lingers in his thoughts, and he's angry at how much it's bothering him. He's been telling himself for weeks that he's not in California because he ran away; he's here to further his literary career.
He still can't help but think his new friend is right.
"Dan!" he hears someone call. He turns; sunny Adelaide again. "You rushed out before we could continue where we left off!"
He blushes in embarrassment. "Sorry, I just needed to get out of there."
She chuckles, nodding. "Don't worry, you'll get used to Simon's voice. I had him last semester, and he gets better as the semester progresses. I promise he doesn't always sound like an ass."
Laughter falls easily out of Dan for the first time in weeks. "He did carry a bit of arrogance in the way he spoke."
She rolls her eyes. "He's just trying to intimidate the newbies. Don't fall for it."
He grins widely at her. "Thanks for the tip. I owe you one."
"Buy me a cup of coffee?"
"Sure," he says immediately, without really thinking. But since he's been here, since moving his life across the country and leaving the only thing he truly loved, he hasn't felt more at home or comfortable than he does now. And he can't help but think Adelaide has something to do with it.
She looks back. "You coming or bailing?"
He smiles. "Right behind ya."
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"I'm not jealous," she says to Serena again, the wind blowing her hair back.
Serena shrugs, giving up for the moment.
Blair looks at the time and the line of cars headed to the memorial luncheon. It's going to take forever to get back to the house.
She sees Dan's car pull away and watches it until it's out of sight. With a thick throat she says, "I just can't help feeling that that should be me."
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tbc.
A/N: Reviews are always welcome :)