fic: Awake My Soul (Part II)
Title: Awake My Soul, Part II
Couple: Dan/Blair
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Rating: T/PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own GG or any of its characters.
Summary: Post Season 4. What happens when Dan flies to Monaco.
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.
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{Part I}
They kiss for what seems like hours, until Dan listens to his infuriating mind and ignores his screaming heart.
He pulls away.
"No," she whimpers, and grabs his collar to reel him back in.
He shakes his head. "Blair, as much as I want to kiss you..."
"Then kiss me," she says, bringing his lips back to hers. And he caves.
Because, after all, it's her.
But when she rakes her fingers through his hair, he feels her ring against his head and remembers why he pulled away in the first place.
"Blair, you're engaged," he states matter-of-factly.
And there it is. Like a thrown bucket of freezing water, she is jolted awake. She covers her mouth with her hand and fresh tears spring to her eyes. She knows he's right.
Because, after all, it's him.
"Blair, it's alright-"
She just shakes her head, stopping him from saying anything further.
"Let's go for a walk," he suggests, and she nods.
He takes her hand to show her it's okay, and leads her past the seemingly infinite stacks of books and journals and encyclopedias. And down the spiral rod-iron staircase and out the door. Her sunglasses are back on as they walk towards the water. There is a nice breeze and Blair feels like she can finally breathe easier.
They continue holding hands. It feels too right to let go.
They make it to a bench and sit down together. The water is sparkling and crystal clear, and sailboats sail by without a care in the world. Blair wishes she could dive in and swim away from land, but she knows her life will weigh her down there too and make her drown.
They sit in silence for a while until Blair knows they need to leave. They find their unofficial and unmarked car and head back to the castle. As they get out of the car, Louis rushes out of the door and up to Blair. Her heart constricts as she expects the worse, but the complete opposite happens.
"Blair, I have to leave. There is an emergency in Paris and I must represent my family. I wish I could take you because you'll be all alone-"
"No I won't! Dan came to visit me!" she exclaims with a fake smile, but inwardly is crying with joy. And relief. Nothing could be better than a weekend alone with Dan.
Louis looks at him for a moment and Dan holds his breath. But soon Louis moves past all suspicion and kisses Blair goodbye. Dan looks away.
Her fiancé is gone in a flash and Blair has to bite her lip to suppress a smile.
"So...dinner?" she suggests.
Dan stares at her for a moment, wondering what the right thing to do is. As if she can read his mind, she says, "It's just us. His family is on vacation and he just left. It's just us."
Just us. How could he possibly say no to that?
"Okay," he says with a smile, and follows her into the house.
As soon as they're inside, Blair leads him to the kitchen and kindly orders the chefs to head home for the night. Dan takes that as his cue to open the fridge and cupboards to see what they can make.
They dance around each other in the kitchen; totally synchronized. As if they do this every night.
A few hours later they are contently full on the patio. The sun has set and it's completely dark, aside from a few candles lit here and there. A warm glow surrounds them and Dan can't help but think this is how it should be.
They haven't spoken for a few minutes, but his gaze hasn't strayed from Blair. He drinks her in and he doesn't think he could ever get tired of her.
Even as she is just sitting there, simply contemplating the stars, she will always be enough for him.
She knows she hasn't said anything for a while. But the truth is, she can't look at him - can't talk to him - without thinking of their kiss. She knew it was wrong of her; technically speaking, it wascheating.
But how could something be so wrong when it felt so right?
She twists her engagement ring around her finger. It suddenly feels heavy and she wonders what it would feel like if she took it off.
She looks at her watch and realizes how late it is. It has been an emotionally draining day and she is exhausted. She can tell he is too.
They wash their dishes together, both minds wandering back to Christmas. This very act started them. Dan and Blair.
"I'm just going to stay in a hotel in town," Dan says, even though she didn't ask.
"Don't be ridiculous," she scolds him softly. "This is an enormous castle and you are my guest. There are plenty of empty bedrooms."
He nods and follows her up the back stairs. The hallways seem endless and overwhelming. It is eerily quiet, and he becomes instantly glad that he is here with her. He can't imagine being in a place like this alone.
She guides him to his room and he places his bags on the floor. She shows him the door to the bathroom, the closet, where the extra linens and towels are. She describes everything in unnecessary detail and they both realize she is stalling. Once there is nothing left to explain, she lingers in the doorway.
He turns away from her and looks out the window. A minute goes by and he thinks she has left.
She hasn't.
"Why are you here?" she asks for the second time that day, but this time her voice is thick with tears. "What do you expect me to do? Leave with you? Love you?"
Yes! he inwardly screams, but really says nothing.
"I can't just take off this ring and leave!" she exclaims, without realizing she has actually taken off her ring.
"Yes you can!" Dan says, completely frustrated with her, Louis, himself, the country of Monaco, this whole fucking situation. "Blair, I didn't come here to be the bad guy. I didn't come here to steal you away from your fiancé because that's what I want. I came here to steal you away from something you don't want. Stop lying to me, stop lying to your family, stop lying to Louis, stop lying to yourself.
"You're not happy here. You don't want this. Why does everyone else get to be happy but you don't? In my eyes, you're the only person who deserves what they want. Why are you the only person who refuses to see that?"
She is close to the point of sobbing now, and he wants to kiss her so much it hurts. Then tear her clothes off and take the uncertainty and pain away from her for a night and ravish her until she's screaming his name.
"What do you want Blair?"
"I-I've always wanted to marry a Prince. It's always been a dream of mine."
"That's bullshit, Blair." He feels immediately guilty for using such a term in a castle, but he really doesn't care. "Wasn't it always a dream of yours to go to Yale? But that didn't happen. What happened ended up being better." He runs a hand through his hair and sits down on the edge of the bed.
"Do you love him?" he asks simply.
"Dan, I-"
"Answer the question Blair. Do you love him?"
"I-"
"Do you love him?"
"No!" she shouts. "I don't love him. I don't want to marry him. I don't want to be here." The floodgates have opened and she can't stop.
Dan feels as if a million pounds have been lifted from him. "Finally, you are saying something everyone else has known for months."
She is breathing heavily, but despite that, she gives a small smile and wipes her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Dan shrugs. "Because I was hoping you'd beat me to it."
She walks over and sits beside him on the bed. "I realized it a while ago. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."
She rests her head on his shoulder and takes a deep breath. Saying the truth out loud wasn't as bad as she thought.
Dan kisses her on the cheek and they fall asleep beside each other on the bed.
They rise when the sun does. She texts Louis, even though she is aware of how ridiculous it is to text a Prince. But she knows he will check his phone, and she knows he'll be able to read how serious her words are.
I need to talk to you. It can't wait.
He rushes home and is greeted by Blair, sitting on the front step, suitcases surrounding her.
"Blair, what is this?" Louis asks in a concerned voice. He sounds confused and already hurt.
She stands up and walks over to him. "I'm sorry Louis, but I can't marry you." She takes off the ring and fiddles with it.
"Why?" he says exasperatedly. "Because of Daniel?"
She closes her eyes for a moment. "No," she says, opening them. "Not because of Dan. Because of me."
Louis gives a whisper of a flinch. Because he knows he can't put the blame on Dan. "Blair-"
She cuts him off, "Louis, each day I am here, I wither away a little more. I become less of myself. I'm not willing to live my life that way any longer. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I'm sorry for making you think that I wanted this."
She hands him the ring and the dark cloud that has followed her around finally turns into sun.
"But I love you," he pleads.
"I know. And I never doubted that for a second," she says, reaching over to take his hand. "But I couldn't give you what you were giving me. I'm sorry."
There is so much left to say, but at the same time, nothing more. So Blair kisses him on either cheek, takes her bags, and gets into the waiting car. When they pull out of the castle driveway, she is crying; she can't tell if its from guilt or relief.
When she sees Dan, she knows it's the latter.
He is sitting at a table, outside of a café. She can tell that he has showered and changed into clean clothes, and looks so devilishly and tantalizingly handsome she can't help but smile. He lifts his sunglasses when he notices her.
"So?"
She simply lifts her bare left hand and takes the seat opposite him.
"It'll be okay," he says taking his new favorite hand of hers. He kisses it. "We'll be okay."
And they are.
Because, after all, it's them.
.
.
.
end.
Couple: Dan/Blair
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Rating: T/PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own GG or any of its characters.
Summary: Post Season 4. What happens when Dan flies to Monaco.
.
.
.
{Part I}
They kiss for what seems like hours, until Dan listens to his infuriating mind and ignores his screaming heart.
He pulls away.
"No," she whimpers, and grabs his collar to reel him back in.
He shakes his head. "Blair, as much as I want to kiss you..."
"Then kiss me," she says, bringing his lips back to hers. And he caves.
Because, after all, it's her.
But when she rakes her fingers through his hair, he feels her ring against his head and remembers why he pulled away in the first place.
"Blair, you're engaged," he states matter-of-factly.
And there it is. Like a thrown bucket of freezing water, she is jolted awake. She covers her mouth with her hand and fresh tears spring to her eyes. She knows he's right.
Because, after all, it's him.
"Blair, it's alright-"
She just shakes her head, stopping him from saying anything further.
"Let's go for a walk," he suggests, and she nods.
He takes her hand to show her it's okay, and leads her past the seemingly infinite stacks of books and journals and encyclopedias. And down the spiral rod-iron staircase and out the door. Her sunglasses are back on as they walk towards the water. There is a nice breeze and Blair feels like she can finally breathe easier.
They continue holding hands. It feels too right to let go.
They make it to a bench and sit down together. The water is sparkling and crystal clear, and sailboats sail by without a care in the world. Blair wishes she could dive in and swim away from land, but she knows her life will weigh her down there too and make her drown.
They sit in silence for a while until Blair knows they need to leave. They find their unofficial and unmarked car and head back to the castle. As they get out of the car, Louis rushes out of the door and up to Blair. Her heart constricts as she expects the worse, but the complete opposite happens.
"Blair, I have to leave. There is an emergency in Paris and I must represent my family. I wish I could take you because you'll be all alone-"
"No I won't! Dan came to visit me!" she exclaims with a fake smile, but inwardly is crying with joy. And relief. Nothing could be better than a weekend alone with Dan.
Louis looks at him for a moment and Dan holds his breath. But soon Louis moves past all suspicion and kisses Blair goodbye. Dan looks away.
Her fiancé is gone in a flash and Blair has to bite her lip to suppress a smile.
"So...dinner?" she suggests.
Dan stares at her for a moment, wondering what the right thing to do is. As if she can read his mind, she says, "It's just us. His family is on vacation and he just left. It's just us."
Just us. How could he possibly say no to that?
"Okay," he says with a smile, and follows her into the house.
As soon as they're inside, Blair leads him to the kitchen and kindly orders the chefs to head home for the night. Dan takes that as his cue to open the fridge and cupboards to see what they can make.
They dance around each other in the kitchen; totally synchronized. As if they do this every night.
A few hours later they are contently full on the patio. The sun has set and it's completely dark, aside from a few candles lit here and there. A warm glow surrounds them and Dan can't help but think this is how it should be.
They haven't spoken for a few minutes, but his gaze hasn't strayed from Blair. He drinks her in and he doesn't think he could ever get tired of her.
Even as she is just sitting there, simply contemplating the stars, she will always be enough for him.
She knows she hasn't said anything for a while. But the truth is, she can't look at him - can't talk to him - without thinking of their kiss. She knew it was wrong of her; technically speaking, it wascheating.
But how could something be so wrong when it felt so right?
She twists her engagement ring around her finger. It suddenly feels heavy and she wonders what it would feel like if she took it off.
She looks at her watch and realizes how late it is. It has been an emotionally draining day and she is exhausted. She can tell he is too.
They wash their dishes together, both minds wandering back to Christmas. This very act started them. Dan and Blair.
"I'm just going to stay in a hotel in town," Dan says, even though she didn't ask.
"Don't be ridiculous," she scolds him softly. "This is an enormous castle and you are my guest. There are plenty of empty bedrooms."
He nods and follows her up the back stairs. The hallways seem endless and overwhelming. It is eerily quiet, and he becomes instantly glad that he is here with her. He can't imagine being in a place like this alone.
She guides him to his room and he places his bags on the floor. She shows him the door to the bathroom, the closet, where the extra linens and towels are. She describes everything in unnecessary detail and they both realize she is stalling. Once there is nothing left to explain, she lingers in the doorway.
He turns away from her and looks out the window. A minute goes by and he thinks she has left.
She hasn't.
"Why are you here?" she asks for the second time that day, but this time her voice is thick with tears. "What do you expect me to do? Leave with you? Love you?"
Yes! he inwardly screams, but really says nothing.
"I can't just take off this ring and leave!" she exclaims, without realizing she has actually taken off her ring.
"Yes you can!" Dan says, completely frustrated with her, Louis, himself, the country of Monaco, this whole fucking situation. "Blair, I didn't come here to be the bad guy. I didn't come here to steal you away from your fiancé because that's what I want. I came here to steal you away from something you don't want. Stop lying to me, stop lying to your family, stop lying to Louis, stop lying to yourself.
"You're not happy here. You don't want this. Why does everyone else get to be happy but you don't? In my eyes, you're the only person who deserves what they want. Why are you the only person who refuses to see that?"
She is close to the point of sobbing now, and he wants to kiss her so much it hurts. Then tear her clothes off and take the uncertainty and pain away from her for a night and ravish her until she's screaming his name.
"What do you want Blair?"
"I-I've always wanted to marry a Prince. It's always been a dream of mine."
"That's bullshit, Blair." He feels immediately guilty for using such a term in a castle, but he really doesn't care. "Wasn't it always a dream of yours to go to Yale? But that didn't happen. What happened ended up being better." He runs a hand through his hair and sits down on the edge of the bed.
"Do you love him?" he asks simply.
"Dan, I-"
"Answer the question Blair. Do you love him?"
"I-"
"Do you love him?"
"No!" she shouts. "I don't love him. I don't want to marry him. I don't want to be here." The floodgates have opened and she can't stop.
Dan feels as if a million pounds have been lifted from him. "Finally, you are saying something everyone else has known for months."
She is breathing heavily, but despite that, she gives a small smile and wipes her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Dan shrugs. "Because I was hoping you'd beat me to it."
She walks over and sits beside him on the bed. "I realized it a while ago. I just didn't want to admit it to myself."
She rests her head on his shoulder and takes a deep breath. Saying the truth out loud wasn't as bad as she thought.
Dan kisses her on the cheek and they fall asleep beside each other on the bed.
They rise when the sun does. She texts Louis, even though she is aware of how ridiculous it is to text a Prince. But she knows he will check his phone, and she knows he'll be able to read how serious her words are.
I need to talk to you. It can't wait.
He rushes home and is greeted by Blair, sitting on the front step, suitcases surrounding her.
"Blair, what is this?" Louis asks in a concerned voice. He sounds confused and already hurt.
She stands up and walks over to him. "I'm sorry Louis, but I can't marry you." She takes off the ring and fiddles with it.
"Why?" he says exasperatedly. "Because of Daniel?"
She closes her eyes for a moment. "No," she says, opening them. "Not because of Dan. Because of me."
Louis gives a whisper of a flinch. Because he knows he can't put the blame on Dan. "Blair-"
She cuts him off, "Louis, each day I am here, I wither away a little more. I become less of myself. I'm not willing to live my life that way any longer. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me. I'm sorry for making you think that I wanted this."
She hands him the ring and the dark cloud that has followed her around finally turns into sun.
"But I love you," he pleads.
"I know. And I never doubted that for a second," she says, reaching over to take his hand. "But I couldn't give you what you were giving me. I'm sorry."
There is so much left to say, but at the same time, nothing more. So Blair kisses him on either cheek, takes her bags, and gets into the waiting car. When they pull out of the castle driveway, she is crying; she can't tell if its from guilt or relief.
When she sees Dan, she knows it's the latter.
He is sitting at a table, outside of a café. She can tell that he has showered and changed into clean clothes, and looks so devilishly and tantalizingly handsome she can't help but smile. He lifts his sunglasses when he notices her.
"So?"
She simply lifts her bare left hand and takes the seat opposite him.
"It'll be okay," he says taking his new favorite hand of hers. He kisses it. "We'll be okay."
And they are.
Because, after all, it's them.
.
.
.
end.