Fic: Half the Battle (Torchwood)
Title: Half the Battle
Author: Ivy (ivy03)
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: R
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen, Jack/tons of people, Jack/is a slut
Spoilers: Set after "Something Borrowed," mention of "Adrift"
Word Count: 6,000
Warning: I was mugged by this super emo plot bunny. I swear it's not my fault. It's actually my fantastic beta trakkie's fault for goading me into it.
Summary: There are truths you just can't live with. Ianto knows that better than anyone.
The first time Jack cheats on him, Ianto just feels stupid.
Jack arrives at his flat ten minutes late for their date, his collar askew. Ianto doesn't mean to make Jack jump through hoops, but Jack seems to enjoy indulging his 21st century romantic notions. He considers them quaint.
Which is why Ianto is not all that surprised when Jack leans in for a quick kiss and Ianto smells aftershave-Jack usually considers his pheromones to be potent enough, but Ianto wouldn't be surprised if he spent an afternoon at a perfume counter just to see what all the fuss was about. "New aftershave?"
"Hmm?" Jack asks, looking flatteringly dazed from the kiss. "No, stopped by the florist on the way over," he flourishes a boutonniere at Ianto that looks a little smashed in its plastic box. "College kid working there, had the most fantastic cocksucking lips. He offered a demonstration and wow, let me tell you, they must be doing something right with college curriculums these days."
Jack laughs about it like it's some great story (a funny thing happened on the way to the florist). Ianto thinks his face must be frozen into a rictus of a smile, but apparently it's convincing enough; Jack pulls the boutonniere out of the box, flourishing the pin. "Shall we?" He pins the flower to Ianto's lapel as if his whole world hasn't just spun on its head. Ianto shouldn't be surprised. If Jack could read him at all he would never have been able to keep Lisa a secret as long as he did. He thought Jack would have greater insight into him now that they were sleeping together, but apparently he didn't.
It wasn't malicious. That's what decides Ianto in the end. Jack didn't do it to hurt Ianto-he clearly didn't think it would hurt him. Idiotic 51st century social norms. It's just part of who Jack is. Jack hadn't made any promises, hadn't needed to to get Ianto into his bed. It was Ianto's own fault for assuming that this whole wooing routine meant anything more than Jack trying something for the novelty of it.
Ianto could tell Jack what he was feeling right now, could try to change him, but he knows, looking at Jack across the table at the fancy restaurant Jack chose, that Jack won't change. He might not even try. Ianto would just end up losing him. He loves Jack, so there's only one choice. He has to change himself.
Ianto drinks too much wine at dinner and wakes up in Jack's bed groggy the next morning.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Jack tells him about it, out of the blue.
They're sitting on Ianto's couch, watching TV, and Jack is compulsively flipping through the channels. Ianto would complain, but he's too comfortable leaning against Jack's side to be bothered. His eyes are drifting closed when Jack gives a grunt of triumph and sets the remote down. Ianto is not surprised that he's landed on soft porn.
"Look at that girl's tits," he says in slightly breathy admiration. Ianto rolls his eyes. Sure, they're great tits, but what's the use mooning over them when Jack's chosen to be in a relationship with a guy? Clearly tits can't be that important to him.
"I fucked a girl with tits like that," Jack continues. Ianto will never understand his fascination with reliving all his sexual exploits, but it always gets Jack's motor going, so Ianto doesn't mind too much. "When you get a good rhythm going, they bounce just like a Jell-o."
"Let me guess-it was the seventies, one of those hairy porn stars they liked so much back then?" Ianto asks disinterestedly.
"No, it was last Friday." He looks back at the screen. "Why do they insist on soft focus? Sex looks so much better in hi definition."
Ianto is completely still. He wonders if his heart might have stopped. Last Friday he'd had to visit his mum. Jack had whined, but said he'd find a way to pass the time till he got back. Apparently, he had. And she'd had big tits.
Ianto feels numb as Jack pulls him into the bedroom a few minutes later. Jack had an incredible libido-zero to sixty in less than a minute, especially if he was talking about sex. Ianto feels sick. He closes his eyes while Jack prepares him, wishing he could block the images from his mind, but he can't. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Jack doesn't have to say anything. Ianto just knows from the way Jack's walking that he just got laid-thoroughly, completely fucked-and Ianto's spent the past three days at Torchwood Four, searching their archives, so he knows it wasn't him.
Ianto doesn't know how he manages to make it through the day, pretending everything's normal, ignoring Jack's leers. He doesn't think he can make it through the next day, not knowing this.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, he's an hour late meeting Jack at a bar. It wasn't his fault-Owen had broken the espresso machine, and by the time he'd fixed it he was soaked in coffee. Jack might have found that a turn on, but it rapidly got cold and uncomfortable, and he'd run to his flat to change first.
When he gets to the bar, he scans the crowd quickly, hoping Jack hasn't gotten bored and left. He spots him coming out of the men's room with a dreamy, satisfied look on his face. Then he spots the guy stepping out after him, self-consciously wiping his lips. Jack catches his eye, waves, and starts walking over.
Ianto doesn't know what feels worse, that Jack couldn't wait one bloody hour for him or that mostly he blames himself for not being on time.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, it's Gwen.
Ianto had noticed a tension between them at the wedding, like electricity in the air every time they looked at each other. Had he not been with Jack, he would have laid money that they'd be in a supply closet by the end of the night. But he was with Jack, and though Jack looked plenty, Ianto knew he could trust him not to touch. Still, he's relieved when Gwen leaves with Rhys for a two week honeymoon. Jack looks mournful the first few days she's gone, but Ianto's not offended. The Hub isn't the same without Gwen around.
He's in the basement, checking on the Weevil cells when he hears it. A slapping and grunting that sounds like an animal. He checks his gun, thinking something must have made its way through the rift. It's hard to tell where the noise is coming from in the labyrinthine corridors below the Hub, but he tracks it to the firing range. By now it sounds almost human, but desperate, uninhibited. He stands with his back flush to the doorway and quickly peers around the corner.
Jack's got Gwen pinned to the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. Her pants are hanging off one foot, socks and shoes still on. Jack's pants are sliding down his ass, just revealing the top swell. He's pounding into her, hard, knocking her head against the wall. The sounds are coming from both of them. She doesn't sound at all like a woman who's just spent two weeks in a resort hotel screwing her new husband.
The first thing he thinks is that he didn't know Gwen was back. The second thing is that he must be a complete idiot for not realizing that was the sound of people having sex. He had lived in a dorm in university, after all. After that, his brain is just white noise.
He's surprised to find himself sitting in the hall when Gwen walks out, buttoning her jeans. He didn't notice that they'd stopped. Her hair is mussed and she looks like she's just been on the best rollercoaster ride of her life. She only notices him when she bumps into his foot. She flashes him a quick smile, eyes darting to the side. Guilty, Ianto thinks, and then she's disappeared down the hallway.
Jack's whistling when he walks out, sliding his braces onto his shoulders. He spots Ianto and cracks a big smile. "Hey!" He reaches out a hand and hauls Ianto to his feet. "Enjoy the show?" he asks cheekily and waggles his eyebrows. Ianto has to look away. "Give me a half hour and I can give you a personal demonstration." Jack brushes his hand against Ianto's ass and all Ianto can see is the two of them, pressed against the wall.
He turns away, eyes unfocused on the concrete. "Gwen?" he asks, and he's surprised he makes any sound at all.
"Just an itch." Jack slouches seductively into Ianto's personal space. "Consider it scratched."
"Jack…" Ianto feels like he's dying.
Jack squints at him. "Sorry," he says, a little abashed. "I didn't know it would bother you. It never seemed to before, but I guess she's a friend of yours." He brushes his lips against Ianto's forehead. Ianto hasn't moved, he doesn't feel like he can. "Nothing for you to worry about, Ianto. Why don't you stay after a work a bit and you can punish me as you see fit?" He slaps Ianto's ass, then moves off down the corridor, starting to whistle as soon as he turns the corner.
Ianto puts his hands against the wall, not sure how much longer he can stand. It never bothered him before? What before? Jack had never… Jack… He presses his head against the wall as if he could press memories out with physical force, memories he shouldn't have because they hadn't happened-flashes, just hints of other times, other people's colognes on Jack's clothes, other people following him into alleyways, other mentions, but he can't remember the details. He feels like a hole is being ripped through the middle of him, and that warmth he had filled himself with after Lisa's death, the warmth of Jack that had been his lifeline, it's all falling apart. Just a foolish illusion, not real at all.
He can't feel like this. He can't breathe. He can't- He can't-
~*~
"Good morning." Ianto placed Jack's coffee on his desk. He looked grumpy. He always looked grumpy before he got his coffee.
Jack snaked a hand around Ianto's belt and pulled him until he bumped into Jack's chair. It was because of this sort of thing that Ianto always stopped by Jack's office last with the coffee. At least this time Jack had waited until he'd set the cup down. "You didn't come by last night," Jack pouted into his hip.
Ianto frowned. Last night…had he? "I must have been tired." He looked down at Jack, who was doing his best impression of a thwarted child. "Sir." That got a wicked grin. Always did.
"Don't let it happen again." Jack smacked him on the ass.
"Indeed not." Ianto pulled away. "Sir."
"Careful, or I might just have to send the others home early." Ianto smiled cryptically and left his office, feeling Jack's eyes on him all the way back to the coffee maker.
Gwen was just entering the Hub, a little late, but that wasn't unexpected for a newlywed. Ianto made a mental note to hold Gwen's coffee for the next few mornings. She'd probably be late coming in for a while yet.
There was something off about her this morning, though. She looked nervous. Her eyes kept darting up to the shut door of Jack's office. Then she caught sight of him and froze for a moment. She made an aborted move towards him, then towards the desk, caught by her indecision in the middle of the floor. Finally she decided on the desk, rushing towards it. She dropped her bag, then turned around, heading straight for Ianto.
Odd.
When she'd approached, she stopped, looking down at her shoes. Then she took a turn brushing her hair behind her ears.
"Gwen," Ianto said, growing concerned. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she blurted quickly. "Are you alright?"
This was much too vague a conversation to be having this time in the morning. "Yes," Ianto drew the sound out, hoping it would lead her to elaborate.
She broke into a smile, obviously relieved. "Oh, good. I just hoped you'd- I mean I want you to know that I wouldn't, it won't, and I wouldn't have, but Jack said you were okay with it." She looked at him searchingly for a few moments. Ianto hadn't the foggiest what she was talking about. It was at times like this that his upbringing kicked in and he tried to effect an expression of polite concern. "So, then… So, you and me. We're good?" Whatever it was seemed to have Gwen genuinely worried. Maybe she'd been the one who'd broken the coffee machine a few weeks ago, but would it really have taken her this long to fumble an apology?
Ianto couldn't think of another reason. True, he'd been upset when he'd found the damage to the espresso machine, but it certainly wasn't worth this much anxiety. "Yes, Gwen. We're good."
"Good. Good." She nodded her head a few too many times, then headed back to her desk, where she proceeded to rearrange her post-it notes, then her pencils. Owen caught his eye and made a quick crazy gesture next to his temple. Ianto couldn't agree more.
The rift alarm went off mid-morning, which had Jack, Gwen and Tosh heading for the SUV. "Oh, great then." Owen yelled after them. "You just leave me here unless you need me to break into a high security facility or distract a flesh-eating monster?"
"That's about the size of it," Jack called to him, then threw a quick wink at Ianto.
"Well, guess it's just you and me, tea boy." Owen heaved a sigh.
"I'll make us some coffee."
Ianto puttered around through lunch. He almost offered to order a pizza in, but stopped himself just before asking Owen if he wanted anything. That would probably be rude.
Mid-afternoon, Owen must have gotten bored and came around to bother Ianto. "So that thing with Gwen this morning-what was that about?"
Ianto looked up from the alien artifacts he had spread out over the conference table. Even the ones that were clearly broken needed to be properly tagged, catalogued, and archived. "I have no idea."
"Did you guys have a row last night? You seemed a little jumpy when you left."
Ianto furrowed his brow. Last night… "I was just tired. Went home, had a glass of wine, went straight to bed." That's what had happened. Wasn't it?
"Huh." Owen picked up something that looked a bit like a pencil sharpener with sequins on the outside. Ianto smacked his hand and he put it back down. "It just looked like you got into it-what with her skulking around looking guilty all day."
Ianto sighed. "Maybe she got into a fight with Rhys this morning."
"Ah, the honeymoon is over." Owen hopped up onto the table, shoving a few of the neat piles Ianto had made together to make room. Ianto glared at him, but Owen wasn't good at taking hints when he was bored. "Why would she apologize to you then?"
"Maybe it's latent guilt over breaking the coffee machine. Do you mind?"
"Wait," Owen said with a snort. "She broke it, too? All that ribbing about not being good with my hands is about to come back to haunt her."
"What do you mean?" Ianto said, distractedly.
"Well, if she broke it, then she can't bloody well make fun of me anymore, can she?"
"What do you mean, too? It broke just a few days before the wedding-unless you've been hiding something from me."
Owen's laughter petered out. "Well, that was when I broke it." Ianto looked up at him. "Remember? I twisted the handle too hard, sprayed scalding coffee all over your suit?"
Ianto frowned. It sounded like he would've been quite upset, but he wasn't quite sure… No, that wasn't right. He'd come in one morning and the handle had been jerry-rigged, like somebody had yanked it off then tried to make it look like nothing had happened. He'd spent most of a day trying to undo the damage.
"You…you don't remember that." Ianto shook his head. "You threatening to flay me, make me go through eternity wrapped in bandages like a mummy. You don't remember that?"
"I don't think I get this joke," Ianto said. He could feel something cold settling in his stomach and he didn't like it.
Owen jumped off the side of the table and came round to look him squarely in the face. "Quick, Ianto, what happened last night?"
"I…was tired, so I went home, must have had a glass of wine-maybe two-went to bed. I told you already."
"You remember that. All of that. You remember getting out the wine glass, pouring a glass, drinking it-"
Ianto could picture it, he'd done it a thousand times, but last night, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Well, no, but I must've. I woke up with a bit of a hangover-wine always does that to me."
"So you don't remember-"
"What's the big deal? Do you remember every little thing that happened to you last night? Do you remember untying your shoes and brushing your teeth?"
"Shit," Owen said. He started to pace. "Shit. Do you remember leaving the Hub?"
Now that Ianto focused on it, no he didn't. He couldn't remember if he'd taken his car home or if Jack had driven him-no, his car was at his house this morning. He must have taken it. Why couldn't he remember driving home? He shook his head.
"Okay, what is the last thing you remember-that you are absolutely sure happened yesterday."
"I…went down to the cells, I was going to check on the Weevils. I'm-I think I must've checked on them, but I don't-"
"Shit." Owen said again, then launched himself toward the medical bay.
"Wait," Ianto said following him. "What's going on?"
"I have a fairly good guess." Owen called over his shoulder.
Ianto had a guess, too, but it didn't make any sense. "Retcon? You think I was retconned? But why would I be? I was at the Hub all day, nothing happened, there wasn't even any rift activity. And your memory's fine-it doesn't make any sense."
"Let's not jump to any conclusions," Owen said, heading over to the medical cabinet. He punched in his code and quickly rifled through the supply of retcon. "Oh, shit. There's two entire bottles missing. That's over a hundred doses."
"What?" Ianto asked. That sense of dread was descending over him, like he was standing over a precipice like Wile E. Coyote, and was just about to realize how far a drop it was. "That's not possible-check the sign out sheet."
Owen pulled out the sheet-any use of controlled substances was supposed to be accounted for, Torchwood policy. He scanned over it quickly, stopping at the last few entries. "That's where we all lost two days, that lot's for Gwen's wedding-I don't know why I didn't notice it then. There's nothing to account for the rest of it."
"You mean someone, or something, has just been erasing my memories left and right? But why? Why me and not the rest of you?"
"We don't know it's not the rest of us. You don't remember last night, you don't remember the coffee machine-which, if I knew that, I never would have brought it up again. Any other mysterious gaps?"
Ianto tried to think, but it was hard to figure out what he didn't remember-memories got so jumbled anyway, dates got lost, details shifted, how was he supposed to know what he was missing? How could he have not realized he was missing this much?
"Well, okay." Owen said when Ianto didn't answer. "Let me think. We know you were dosed last night, so maybe if we figured out what happened then, we can figure out why."
Scenarios were running through Ianto's head. What could he have seen? He was usually the only one to go down into the sublevels-maybe they had a foothold situation. But that didn't make sense either-how could an alien incursion get access to the retcon? "We should call Jack and the others."
Owen was at a computer terminal, busy pulling up CCTV footage. "Hang on-let's make sure we have something first. Oi, where's Tosh when you need her?" He banged at the keyboard a few more times, and Ianto was about to pull it away from him when he stepped back. "Well, that answers one question. Look at the footage of the medical bay last night."
Ianto looked at the screen, a shot of the empty medical bay. He was about to turn away when the image jumped for a second. When he looked at the timer, twenty minutes had passed. "Whoever it is, they knew how to hack the CCTV footage. They knew that they needed to," Ianto said. "That means…doesn't that mean it was one of us?"
"Just hold on a minute." Owen was frantically rewinding through footage of earlier that evening, flipping between cameras. "You said you were going to check on the Weevils, right?" Sure enough, an image of Ianto wandering between the cells popped up. "Okay, so if we got that…" He flipped through a couple of the nearby cameras, then stopped dead on one of the firing range.
"Oh. Oh, well," he leaned in a little closer, then turned up the volume. "I didn't know she could make sounds like that."
Ianto felt like he'd been slapped. "Jack wouldn't," he whispered. "He wouldn't do that to me."
Owen squinted at the screen. "Doesn't look like he's doing anything to you, mate." Owen startled when Ianto grabbed the monitor in front of him and threw it to the floor, kicking it until those sounds stopped. "Whoa!" Owen said, stepping back. "Calm down now. Look, I know it's a bit shocking to see Jack with Gwen, I mean I wish I could scrub my eyeballs, but it's not like it's that big a deal. I mean, it's just Jack."
Ianto looked at him incredulously. "It's not a big deal? My boyfriend is fucking someone else, fucking Gwen, on camera, and you have the balls to say it's not a big deal?"
Owen, sensing that fury turning on him, changed tactics. "Look, it's not like Jack ever said he'd be faithful, right? Frankly, I don't know how you put up with it." When Ianto glared at him, Owen just shrugged. "I know it's none of my business, and I shouldn't be meddling in your intimate affairs, god knows, I really don't want to, but it's fairly obvious you two have an open relationship. I mean, you're not exactly discreet."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Ianto couldn't think straight. It was like most of his brain was stuck in an endless loop of that CCTV footage, doubling in his mind's eye like two separate images overlapped. He tried to think back to Jack, but all he could remember was Jack with him, Jack devoted to him. For god's sake, Jack was in love with him, and he sure as hell was in love with Jack, and you just don't treat people that you love like-like that. "We do not have an open relationship."
"Oh, come off it! I'm as open-minded as the next guy, you don't have to pretend." He said with scorn. "I mean, there was that time at the pub where he told you all about the guy he'd just screwed in the alley-told you in front of all of us, by they way, and I don't really appreciate being included in your little sex games." Ianto's face crumpled. "You don't…" Owen continued, more urgently. "What about that whole week where he was obsessed with the pizza delivery boy. He ordered pizza three times a day, but it was always cold by the time he brought it down. I mean, you were there with them in the tourist office. You must've…"
Ianto slid down the tile till he was crouching on the floor. "That week I was out so much?" Owen nodded. "I-I had food poisoning. I was home. Jack brought me home."
"That's, that's it." Owen said, running his hands briskly over his hair. "The retcon, and Jack. It's all about Jack. Think, Ianto. Can you remember, ever, Jack being unfaithful to you?"
Ianto squeezed his eyes shut. This was all just too much. The implications made him want to throw up. "No," he said softly.
It was pure bad luck that the others arrived back at the Hub just then. They heard the door roll open, then Jack calling out for Ianto. Ianto shot up like he'd been electrocuted, eyes fixing toward where the others had just entered. "It's him," he growled. "He did this to me. He made me think-he tricked me so I would stay, so he could have whoever he wanted and still have me." He bounded towards the stairs. "I'll kill him."
"Wait! Wait!" Owen leapt in front of him. "Just think for a second." He put his hand on Ianto's chest, and Ianto batted it away. "Oi! Watch it! I'm Humpty Dumpty, remember? You break me I'll never get the pieces back together again." That made Ianto pause for a moment, just long enough for Jack to appear over the railing.
"What's all the yelling?" he asked curiously. Ianto growled, there was no other word for it. Jack was startled into taking a step back.
"What's this?" Gwen's head popped up behind Jack.
Owen just had enough time to say, "Fuck!" before Ianto had grabbed a tray of surgical instruments and hurled it at the two of them. If he'd taken time to aim, he might have done some damage with the scalpels, but as it was, they bounced harmlessly against the walls and the floor, Jack deflecting the tray with his arm.
A moment later Gwen had her gun out and trained on Ianto, who didn't look like that would stop him. Owen stepped between the two of them. "Hey! Hey! Put that down!"
"Owen," Gwen said calmly, "something's wrong with Ianto. Just step aside so we can get him to the cells, figure out what's happened."
Behind Owen, Ianto started laughing. "Are we good?" he yelled at Gwen. "Are we good? No we're bloody well not good, you stupid c-"
"What's going on?" Jack roared, and Ianto's fevered eyes switched to him.
Owen turned to Gwen. "Get out of here. Take Tosh and go. Just trust me on this."
"But he's-" she gestured with the gun at Ianto.
"Gwen," Owen growled. "Can you really think of no reason at all why Ianto would be upset with you right now?"
Her mouth opened slightly. "Oh."
"Yes, oh," Owen waved his arms at her. "Just clear out for a while, Jesus Christ, before he finds something else to throw."
Gwen held her hands up, backing out of sight. As soon as she was gone, Owen felt some of the fight go out of Ianto.
But that still left Jack, standing over the autopsy bay like a drill sergeant. Ianto leaned closer to Owen. "It's him," he said desperately. "He did this to me. He's been doing this to me for-for months."
"Think about it, Ianto. That doesn't make sense."
"Well?" Jack bellowed. "Are you going to explain?"
Owen held up a hand, ignoring him for a moment. "If it was Jack, why would he erase the footage of taking the retcon, but leave the…the other tape intact? Why would he flaunt it in front of you? Why would he let the rest of us know? If he was just trying to trick you, he'd be doing it in secret, wouldn't he? I mean, I know it's Jack, but this would be idiotic. It's inevitable you'd find out."
"But who else? Who else would care?"
Owen looked away from him, thinking. "But you did find out," he whispered. "You've found out before. You must have." He looked at Ianto with growing realization. "And every time you did, you made sure-"
"No," Ianto whispered.
"Over and over again-"
"No."
"So that you could keep on thinking that it wasn't happening. It was you. You've been doing this."
"No!" Ianto shouted.
Owen stumbled back a step. "That's the sickest thing I've ever heard."
"What?" Jack demanded, his patience at an end. "Owen, start talking right now or I swear to god, if you've done something to Ianto-"
"Haven't you been listening, Jack? I haven't done anything! He has. God, it's been going on and none of us noticed."
Jack descended into the bay, taking the steps a few at a time. "You're not making sense. None of this is making sense." He turned to Ianto, who was still standing fixed to the floor. "Ianto-"
"Don't you dare touch me!" He shouted, then recoiled, curling into himself until he was huddling at the base of the stairs.
"Ianto," Jack spoke again softly, voice filled with concern. Owen placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.
"Don't, Jack."
"I don't understand."
"It's the retcon," Owen said gently. "Just look, Jack." He jerked him towards the cabinets. "Two bottles missing. Over a hundred doses."
"He retconned himself?" Jack said, with dawning horror. "But that much-all at once, he wouldn't even remember his own name. He wouldn't remember anything."
"No," Owen said. The only thing left in his tone was weariness. "Not all at once. Little doses-must have been every couple of days."
"But-why?" Jack turned to Ianto. "Why would you do that?"
"As much as I hate to play Dr. Phil for your supremely fucked up relationship, he's been doing it so that he'll think you're faithful."
"What?" That made no sense to Jack. Jack had been open about his needs from the start, and Ianto had never said anything. He always just smiled and changed the subject when it came up, and then the next day-it was like it had never happened. Jack gagged. He had thought that meant that it didn't bother Ianto. "How long has this been going on?" He addressed Ianto, who had started crying.
"Why are you asking him that? He doesn't remember a bloody thing."
"But you never said anything," Jack whispered, bewildered. "You never told me it upset you. I thought-I thought it turned you on. That's why I always told you."
At that, Ianto's head snapped up. "You thought it turned me on? How many times, Jack? How many times have you cheated on me? How many times have I known about it? Because I have to tell you, I don't recall." Jack's face paled. "I've been chipping away pieces of myself, for you. I've turned myself into a-a mental case." He gestured at himself in disgust. "And if Owen hadn't said anything, you never would have noticed. You slept next to me almost every night and you didn't even notice I was fading away."
"Nobody noticed," Owen said quietly. "As long as we always got our coffee on time, none of us noticed you had more blackouts than an alcoholic."
"But you couldn't have planned to do it," Jack said, pushing aside his guilt. "You wouldn't remember. Each time you took it, it would have been the first time. How is it possible that you'd keep taking it when you didn't even know?"
"God," Owen sighed. "You sleep with someone else, you tell him, he erases his memory. At least you two are bloody consistent."
"What am I supposed to do?" Ianto whimpered.
Jack spoke into the silence. "I thought you were the perfect boyfriend."
Owen snorted. "Only you would think that, Jack."
~*~
Later, after Jack had tucked Ianto into bed, neatly removed his shoes and socks, and wiped the tears from his face, he found Owen still in the medical bay. "This is the last time." Jack said.
"Is it, Jack?"
"I promise. I promised him."
"Which he won't remember." Owen returned the bottle of retcon to the cabinet, then locked it. "It had better be. No one knows how much he's already had. Remember Suzie's little pawn? I'm surprised he's not there already."
Jack moved towards the cabinet. "From now on, only I have access to retcon. There've been too many mistakes." He felt Owen's eyes on him, judging him. Saying the mistake hadn't been Ianto's.
Next he moved to the computer. "We need to erase all the footage of what happened today."
"And last night," Owen added.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "There can't be any trace. He can't find out about it again."
"And what about me? And Gwen? You going to retcon us, too? I'm not even sure you could retcon me, but you'll try anything once, right?"
"No. There's been enough of that. Besides, I need you to watch. Just, make sure this doesn't happen again."
"Good idea, since your powers of observation clearly need fine-tuning."
Jack flicked through the footage from last night, feeling a pang as he erased the tape of the firing range. He'd thought, at the time, that he and Ianto could save that for inspiration if they ever hit a dry spell. He scanned through footage of the rest of the Hub, skimming it at double-speed to see if anything else was damning. He switched to a camera of the hall, where he could see Ianto sitting listlessly against the wall. Gwen's figure came out, moving too fast along the tape. Then he appeared, talked to Ianto, then left. And Ianto stayed. After a moment, the little black and white figure curled its fists against the wall, pressing his face into the concrete. Even with the static, he could tell Ianto was sobbing. Ianto stayed there for a long time, nothing moving but his heaving chest. Eventually Jack hit delete and purged the entire hour's worth of footage.
"I don't understand." Jack whispered to himself. "He was okay with it."
"Welcome to love," Owen said harshly. "It's not all that fun, is it?"
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Ianto is a little distracted. Ianto thinks Jack deliberately lost the first hand so he could shed a piece of clothing. And Jack being Jack, he chooses his trousers. And he's going commando. Of course.
After that, Ianto can barely be expected to pay attention to the game, let alone notice Jack palming cards, when the promise of activities to come is right there in front of him. For some reason, the fact that Jack still has his socks and shoes on does not look as ridiculous as it would on any other human being.
Before Ianto knows what's happened, he's down to his boxers, and he's only got those because he insisted that the stopwatch was a separate item of clothing and did not waver, even when Jack pouted at him. But when Jack pounces on him, quickly changing the game of poker into 52 card pick-up, it feels like he's won.
"Mmm," Ianto says happily. "I hope you don't play cards like this with all the other boys."
Jack pulls back for a moment and something crosses his face too quickly for Ianto to recognize. "No," Jack purrs. "You. Just you. I promise."
"Then I think it's time you collect your prize," Ianto says as he dances away toward the bedroom.
~*~
A few weeks later, when Gwen catches them in the greenhouse, it feels natural for Ianto to say Jack cheats. "He always cheats."
Read on AO3.
Author: Ivy (ivy03)
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: R
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Gwen, Jack/tons of people, Jack/is a slut
Spoilers: Set after "Something Borrowed," mention of "Adrift"
Word Count: 6,000
Warning: I was mugged by this super emo plot bunny. I swear it's not my fault. It's actually my fantastic beta trakkie's fault for goading me into it.
Summary: There are truths you just can't live with. Ianto knows that better than anyone.
The first time Jack cheats on him, Ianto just feels stupid.
Jack arrives at his flat ten minutes late for their date, his collar askew. Ianto doesn't mean to make Jack jump through hoops, but Jack seems to enjoy indulging his 21st century romantic notions. He considers them quaint.
Which is why Ianto is not all that surprised when Jack leans in for a quick kiss and Ianto smells aftershave-Jack usually considers his pheromones to be potent enough, but Ianto wouldn't be surprised if he spent an afternoon at a perfume counter just to see what all the fuss was about. "New aftershave?"
"Hmm?" Jack asks, looking flatteringly dazed from the kiss. "No, stopped by the florist on the way over," he flourishes a boutonniere at Ianto that looks a little smashed in its plastic box. "College kid working there, had the most fantastic cocksucking lips. He offered a demonstration and wow, let me tell you, they must be doing something right with college curriculums these days."
Jack laughs about it like it's some great story (a funny thing happened on the way to the florist). Ianto thinks his face must be frozen into a rictus of a smile, but apparently it's convincing enough; Jack pulls the boutonniere out of the box, flourishing the pin. "Shall we?" He pins the flower to Ianto's lapel as if his whole world hasn't just spun on its head. Ianto shouldn't be surprised. If Jack could read him at all he would never have been able to keep Lisa a secret as long as he did. He thought Jack would have greater insight into him now that they were sleeping together, but apparently he didn't.
It wasn't malicious. That's what decides Ianto in the end. Jack didn't do it to hurt Ianto-he clearly didn't think it would hurt him. Idiotic 51st century social norms. It's just part of who Jack is. Jack hadn't made any promises, hadn't needed to to get Ianto into his bed. It was Ianto's own fault for assuming that this whole wooing routine meant anything more than Jack trying something for the novelty of it.
Ianto could tell Jack what he was feeling right now, could try to change him, but he knows, looking at Jack across the table at the fancy restaurant Jack chose, that Jack won't change. He might not even try. Ianto would just end up losing him. He loves Jack, so there's only one choice. He has to change himself.
Ianto drinks too much wine at dinner and wakes up in Jack's bed groggy the next morning.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Jack tells him about it, out of the blue.
They're sitting on Ianto's couch, watching TV, and Jack is compulsively flipping through the channels. Ianto would complain, but he's too comfortable leaning against Jack's side to be bothered. His eyes are drifting closed when Jack gives a grunt of triumph and sets the remote down. Ianto is not surprised that he's landed on soft porn.
"Look at that girl's tits," he says in slightly breathy admiration. Ianto rolls his eyes. Sure, they're great tits, but what's the use mooning over them when Jack's chosen to be in a relationship with a guy? Clearly tits can't be that important to him.
"I fucked a girl with tits like that," Jack continues. Ianto will never understand his fascination with reliving all his sexual exploits, but it always gets Jack's motor going, so Ianto doesn't mind too much. "When you get a good rhythm going, they bounce just like a Jell-o."
"Let me guess-it was the seventies, one of those hairy porn stars they liked so much back then?" Ianto asks disinterestedly.
"No, it was last Friday." He looks back at the screen. "Why do they insist on soft focus? Sex looks so much better in hi definition."
Ianto is completely still. He wonders if his heart might have stopped. Last Friday he'd had to visit his mum. Jack had whined, but said he'd find a way to pass the time till he got back. Apparently, he had. And she'd had big tits.
Ianto feels numb as Jack pulls him into the bedroom a few minutes later. Jack had an incredible libido-zero to sixty in less than a minute, especially if he was talking about sex. Ianto feels sick. He closes his eyes while Jack prepares him, wishing he could block the images from his mind, but he can't. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Jack doesn't have to say anything. Ianto just knows from the way Jack's walking that he just got laid-thoroughly, completely fucked-and Ianto's spent the past three days at Torchwood Four, searching their archives, so he knows it wasn't him.
Ianto doesn't know how he manages to make it through the day, pretending everything's normal, ignoring Jack's leers. He doesn't think he can make it through the next day, not knowing this.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, he's an hour late meeting Jack at a bar. It wasn't his fault-Owen had broken the espresso machine, and by the time he'd fixed it he was soaked in coffee. Jack might have found that a turn on, but it rapidly got cold and uncomfortable, and he'd run to his flat to change first.
When he gets to the bar, he scans the crowd quickly, hoping Jack hasn't gotten bored and left. He spots him coming out of the men's room with a dreamy, satisfied look on his face. Then he spots the guy stepping out after him, self-consciously wiping his lips. Jack catches his eye, waves, and starts walking over.
Ianto doesn't know what feels worse, that Jack couldn't wait one bloody hour for him or that mostly he blames himself for not being on time.
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, it's Gwen.
Ianto had noticed a tension between them at the wedding, like electricity in the air every time they looked at each other. Had he not been with Jack, he would have laid money that they'd be in a supply closet by the end of the night. But he was with Jack, and though Jack looked plenty, Ianto knew he could trust him not to touch. Still, he's relieved when Gwen leaves with Rhys for a two week honeymoon. Jack looks mournful the first few days she's gone, but Ianto's not offended. The Hub isn't the same without Gwen around.
He's in the basement, checking on the Weevil cells when he hears it. A slapping and grunting that sounds like an animal. He checks his gun, thinking something must have made its way through the rift. It's hard to tell where the noise is coming from in the labyrinthine corridors below the Hub, but he tracks it to the firing range. By now it sounds almost human, but desperate, uninhibited. He stands with his back flush to the doorway and quickly peers around the corner.
Jack's got Gwen pinned to the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. Her pants are hanging off one foot, socks and shoes still on. Jack's pants are sliding down his ass, just revealing the top swell. He's pounding into her, hard, knocking her head against the wall. The sounds are coming from both of them. She doesn't sound at all like a woman who's just spent two weeks in a resort hotel screwing her new husband.
The first thing he thinks is that he didn't know Gwen was back. The second thing is that he must be a complete idiot for not realizing that was the sound of people having sex. He had lived in a dorm in university, after all. After that, his brain is just white noise.
He's surprised to find himself sitting in the hall when Gwen walks out, buttoning her jeans. He didn't notice that they'd stopped. Her hair is mussed and she looks like she's just been on the best rollercoaster ride of her life. She only notices him when she bumps into his foot. She flashes him a quick smile, eyes darting to the side. Guilty, Ianto thinks, and then she's disappeared down the hallway.
Jack's whistling when he walks out, sliding his braces onto his shoulders. He spots Ianto and cracks a big smile. "Hey!" He reaches out a hand and hauls Ianto to his feet. "Enjoy the show?" he asks cheekily and waggles his eyebrows. Ianto has to look away. "Give me a half hour and I can give you a personal demonstration." Jack brushes his hand against Ianto's ass and all Ianto can see is the two of them, pressed against the wall.
He turns away, eyes unfocused on the concrete. "Gwen?" he asks, and he's surprised he makes any sound at all.
"Just an itch." Jack slouches seductively into Ianto's personal space. "Consider it scratched."
"Jack…" Ianto feels like he's dying.
Jack squints at him. "Sorry," he says, a little abashed. "I didn't know it would bother you. It never seemed to before, but I guess she's a friend of yours." He brushes his lips against Ianto's forehead. Ianto hasn't moved, he doesn't feel like he can. "Nothing for you to worry about, Ianto. Why don't you stay after a work a bit and you can punish me as you see fit?" He slaps Ianto's ass, then moves off down the corridor, starting to whistle as soon as he turns the corner.
Ianto puts his hands against the wall, not sure how much longer he can stand. It never bothered him before? What before? Jack had never… Jack… He presses his head against the wall as if he could press memories out with physical force, memories he shouldn't have because they hadn't happened-flashes, just hints of other times, other people's colognes on Jack's clothes, other people following him into alleyways, other mentions, but he can't remember the details. He feels like a hole is being ripped through the middle of him, and that warmth he had filled himself with after Lisa's death, the warmth of Jack that had been his lifeline, it's all falling apart. Just a foolish illusion, not real at all.
He can't feel like this. He can't breathe. He can't- He can't-
~*~
"Good morning." Ianto placed Jack's coffee on his desk. He looked grumpy. He always looked grumpy before he got his coffee.
Jack snaked a hand around Ianto's belt and pulled him until he bumped into Jack's chair. It was because of this sort of thing that Ianto always stopped by Jack's office last with the coffee. At least this time Jack had waited until he'd set the cup down. "You didn't come by last night," Jack pouted into his hip.
Ianto frowned. Last night…had he? "I must have been tired." He looked down at Jack, who was doing his best impression of a thwarted child. "Sir." That got a wicked grin. Always did.
"Don't let it happen again." Jack smacked him on the ass.
"Indeed not." Ianto pulled away. "Sir."
"Careful, or I might just have to send the others home early." Ianto smiled cryptically and left his office, feeling Jack's eyes on him all the way back to the coffee maker.
Gwen was just entering the Hub, a little late, but that wasn't unexpected for a newlywed. Ianto made a mental note to hold Gwen's coffee for the next few mornings. She'd probably be late coming in for a while yet.
There was something off about her this morning, though. She looked nervous. Her eyes kept darting up to the shut door of Jack's office. Then she caught sight of him and froze for a moment. She made an aborted move towards him, then towards the desk, caught by her indecision in the middle of the floor. Finally she decided on the desk, rushing towards it. She dropped her bag, then turned around, heading straight for Ianto.
Odd.
When she'd approached, she stopped, looking down at her shoes. Then she took a turn brushing her hair behind her ears.
"Gwen," Ianto said, growing concerned. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she blurted quickly. "Are you alright?"
This was much too vague a conversation to be having this time in the morning. "Yes," Ianto drew the sound out, hoping it would lead her to elaborate.
She broke into a smile, obviously relieved. "Oh, good. I just hoped you'd- I mean I want you to know that I wouldn't, it won't, and I wouldn't have, but Jack said you were okay with it." She looked at him searchingly for a few moments. Ianto hadn't the foggiest what she was talking about. It was at times like this that his upbringing kicked in and he tried to effect an expression of polite concern. "So, then… So, you and me. We're good?" Whatever it was seemed to have Gwen genuinely worried. Maybe she'd been the one who'd broken the coffee machine a few weeks ago, but would it really have taken her this long to fumble an apology?
Ianto couldn't think of another reason. True, he'd been upset when he'd found the damage to the espresso machine, but it certainly wasn't worth this much anxiety. "Yes, Gwen. We're good."
"Good. Good." She nodded her head a few too many times, then headed back to her desk, where she proceeded to rearrange her post-it notes, then her pencils. Owen caught his eye and made a quick crazy gesture next to his temple. Ianto couldn't agree more.
The rift alarm went off mid-morning, which had Jack, Gwen and Tosh heading for the SUV. "Oh, great then." Owen yelled after them. "You just leave me here unless you need me to break into a high security facility or distract a flesh-eating monster?"
"That's about the size of it," Jack called to him, then threw a quick wink at Ianto.
"Well, guess it's just you and me, tea boy." Owen heaved a sigh.
"I'll make us some coffee."
Ianto puttered around through lunch. He almost offered to order a pizza in, but stopped himself just before asking Owen if he wanted anything. That would probably be rude.
Mid-afternoon, Owen must have gotten bored and came around to bother Ianto. "So that thing with Gwen this morning-what was that about?"
Ianto looked up from the alien artifacts he had spread out over the conference table. Even the ones that were clearly broken needed to be properly tagged, catalogued, and archived. "I have no idea."
"Did you guys have a row last night? You seemed a little jumpy when you left."
Ianto furrowed his brow. Last night… "I was just tired. Went home, had a glass of wine, went straight to bed." That's what had happened. Wasn't it?
"Huh." Owen picked up something that looked a bit like a pencil sharpener with sequins on the outside. Ianto smacked his hand and he put it back down. "It just looked like you got into it-what with her skulking around looking guilty all day."
Ianto sighed. "Maybe she got into a fight with Rhys this morning."
"Ah, the honeymoon is over." Owen hopped up onto the table, shoving a few of the neat piles Ianto had made together to make room. Ianto glared at him, but Owen wasn't good at taking hints when he was bored. "Why would she apologize to you then?"
"Maybe it's latent guilt over breaking the coffee machine. Do you mind?"
"Wait," Owen said with a snort. "She broke it, too? All that ribbing about not being good with my hands is about to come back to haunt her."
"What do you mean?" Ianto said, distractedly.
"Well, if she broke it, then she can't bloody well make fun of me anymore, can she?"
"What do you mean, too? It broke just a few days before the wedding-unless you've been hiding something from me."
Owen's laughter petered out. "Well, that was when I broke it." Ianto looked up at him. "Remember? I twisted the handle too hard, sprayed scalding coffee all over your suit?"
Ianto frowned. It sounded like he would've been quite upset, but he wasn't quite sure… No, that wasn't right. He'd come in one morning and the handle had been jerry-rigged, like somebody had yanked it off then tried to make it look like nothing had happened. He'd spent most of a day trying to undo the damage.
"You…you don't remember that." Ianto shook his head. "You threatening to flay me, make me go through eternity wrapped in bandages like a mummy. You don't remember that?"
"I don't think I get this joke," Ianto said. He could feel something cold settling in his stomach and he didn't like it.
Owen jumped off the side of the table and came round to look him squarely in the face. "Quick, Ianto, what happened last night?"
"I…was tired, so I went home, must have had a glass of wine-maybe two-went to bed. I told you already."
"You remember that. All of that. You remember getting out the wine glass, pouring a glass, drinking it-"
Ianto could picture it, he'd done it a thousand times, but last night, he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Well, no, but I must've. I woke up with a bit of a hangover-wine always does that to me."
"So you don't remember-"
"What's the big deal? Do you remember every little thing that happened to you last night? Do you remember untying your shoes and brushing your teeth?"
"Shit," Owen said. He started to pace. "Shit. Do you remember leaving the Hub?"
Now that Ianto focused on it, no he didn't. He couldn't remember if he'd taken his car home or if Jack had driven him-no, his car was at his house this morning. He must have taken it. Why couldn't he remember driving home? He shook his head.
"Okay, what is the last thing you remember-that you are absolutely sure happened yesterday."
"I…went down to the cells, I was going to check on the Weevils. I'm-I think I must've checked on them, but I don't-"
"Shit." Owen said again, then launched himself toward the medical bay.
"Wait," Ianto said following him. "What's going on?"
"I have a fairly good guess." Owen called over his shoulder.
Ianto had a guess, too, but it didn't make any sense. "Retcon? You think I was retconned? But why would I be? I was at the Hub all day, nothing happened, there wasn't even any rift activity. And your memory's fine-it doesn't make any sense."
"Let's not jump to any conclusions," Owen said, heading over to the medical cabinet. He punched in his code and quickly rifled through the supply of retcon. "Oh, shit. There's two entire bottles missing. That's over a hundred doses."
"What?" Ianto asked. That sense of dread was descending over him, like he was standing over a precipice like Wile E. Coyote, and was just about to realize how far a drop it was. "That's not possible-check the sign out sheet."
Owen pulled out the sheet-any use of controlled substances was supposed to be accounted for, Torchwood policy. He scanned over it quickly, stopping at the last few entries. "That's where we all lost two days, that lot's for Gwen's wedding-I don't know why I didn't notice it then. There's nothing to account for the rest of it."
"You mean someone, or something, has just been erasing my memories left and right? But why? Why me and not the rest of you?"
"We don't know it's not the rest of us. You don't remember last night, you don't remember the coffee machine-which, if I knew that, I never would have brought it up again. Any other mysterious gaps?"
Ianto tried to think, but it was hard to figure out what he didn't remember-memories got so jumbled anyway, dates got lost, details shifted, how was he supposed to know what he was missing? How could he have not realized he was missing this much?
"Well, okay." Owen said when Ianto didn't answer. "Let me think. We know you were dosed last night, so maybe if we figured out what happened then, we can figure out why."
Scenarios were running through Ianto's head. What could he have seen? He was usually the only one to go down into the sublevels-maybe they had a foothold situation. But that didn't make sense either-how could an alien incursion get access to the retcon? "We should call Jack and the others."
Owen was at a computer terminal, busy pulling up CCTV footage. "Hang on-let's make sure we have something first. Oi, where's Tosh when you need her?" He banged at the keyboard a few more times, and Ianto was about to pull it away from him when he stepped back. "Well, that answers one question. Look at the footage of the medical bay last night."
Ianto looked at the screen, a shot of the empty medical bay. He was about to turn away when the image jumped for a second. When he looked at the timer, twenty minutes had passed. "Whoever it is, they knew how to hack the CCTV footage. They knew that they needed to," Ianto said. "That means…doesn't that mean it was one of us?"
"Just hold on a minute." Owen was frantically rewinding through footage of earlier that evening, flipping between cameras. "You said you were going to check on the Weevils, right?" Sure enough, an image of Ianto wandering between the cells popped up. "Okay, so if we got that…" He flipped through a couple of the nearby cameras, then stopped dead on one of the firing range.
"Oh. Oh, well," he leaned in a little closer, then turned up the volume. "I didn't know she could make sounds like that."
Ianto felt like he'd been slapped. "Jack wouldn't," he whispered. "He wouldn't do that to me."
Owen squinted at the screen. "Doesn't look like he's doing anything to you, mate." Owen startled when Ianto grabbed the monitor in front of him and threw it to the floor, kicking it until those sounds stopped. "Whoa!" Owen said, stepping back. "Calm down now. Look, I know it's a bit shocking to see Jack with Gwen, I mean I wish I could scrub my eyeballs, but it's not like it's that big a deal. I mean, it's just Jack."
Ianto looked at him incredulously. "It's not a big deal? My boyfriend is fucking someone else, fucking Gwen, on camera, and you have the balls to say it's not a big deal?"
Owen, sensing that fury turning on him, changed tactics. "Look, it's not like Jack ever said he'd be faithful, right? Frankly, I don't know how you put up with it." When Ianto glared at him, Owen just shrugged. "I know it's none of my business, and I shouldn't be meddling in your intimate affairs, god knows, I really don't want to, but it's fairly obvious you two have an open relationship. I mean, you're not exactly discreet."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Ianto couldn't think straight. It was like most of his brain was stuck in an endless loop of that CCTV footage, doubling in his mind's eye like two separate images overlapped. He tried to think back to Jack, but all he could remember was Jack with him, Jack devoted to him. For god's sake, Jack was in love with him, and he sure as hell was in love with Jack, and you just don't treat people that you love like-like that. "We do not have an open relationship."
"Oh, come off it! I'm as open-minded as the next guy, you don't have to pretend." He said with scorn. "I mean, there was that time at the pub where he told you all about the guy he'd just screwed in the alley-told you in front of all of us, by they way, and I don't really appreciate being included in your little sex games." Ianto's face crumpled. "You don't…" Owen continued, more urgently. "What about that whole week where he was obsessed with the pizza delivery boy. He ordered pizza three times a day, but it was always cold by the time he brought it down. I mean, you were there with them in the tourist office. You must've…"
Ianto slid down the tile till he was crouching on the floor. "That week I was out so much?" Owen nodded. "I-I had food poisoning. I was home. Jack brought me home."
"That's, that's it." Owen said, running his hands briskly over his hair. "The retcon, and Jack. It's all about Jack. Think, Ianto. Can you remember, ever, Jack being unfaithful to you?"
Ianto squeezed his eyes shut. This was all just too much. The implications made him want to throw up. "No," he said softly.
It was pure bad luck that the others arrived back at the Hub just then. They heard the door roll open, then Jack calling out for Ianto. Ianto shot up like he'd been electrocuted, eyes fixing toward where the others had just entered. "It's him," he growled. "He did this to me. He made me think-he tricked me so I would stay, so he could have whoever he wanted and still have me." He bounded towards the stairs. "I'll kill him."
"Wait! Wait!" Owen leapt in front of him. "Just think for a second." He put his hand on Ianto's chest, and Ianto batted it away. "Oi! Watch it! I'm Humpty Dumpty, remember? You break me I'll never get the pieces back together again." That made Ianto pause for a moment, just long enough for Jack to appear over the railing.
"What's all the yelling?" he asked curiously. Ianto growled, there was no other word for it. Jack was startled into taking a step back.
"What's this?" Gwen's head popped up behind Jack.
Owen just had enough time to say, "Fuck!" before Ianto had grabbed a tray of surgical instruments and hurled it at the two of them. If he'd taken time to aim, he might have done some damage with the scalpels, but as it was, they bounced harmlessly against the walls and the floor, Jack deflecting the tray with his arm.
A moment later Gwen had her gun out and trained on Ianto, who didn't look like that would stop him. Owen stepped between the two of them. "Hey! Hey! Put that down!"
"Owen," Gwen said calmly, "something's wrong with Ianto. Just step aside so we can get him to the cells, figure out what's happened."
Behind Owen, Ianto started laughing. "Are we good?" he yelled at Gwen. "Are we good? No we're bloody well not good, you stupid c-"
"What's going on?" Jack roared, and Ianto's fevered eyes switched to him.
Owen turned to Gwen. "Get out of here. Take Tosh and go. Just trust me on this."
"But he's-" she gestured with the gun at Ianto.
"Gwen," Owen growled. "Can you really think of no reason at all why Ianto would be upset with you right now?"
Her mouth opened slightly. "Oh."
"Yes, oh," Owen waved his arms at her. "Just clear out for a while, Jesus Christ, before he finds something else to throw."
Gwen held her hands up, backing out of sight. As soon as she was gone, Owen felt some of the fight go out of Ianto.
But that still left Jack, standing over the autopsy bay like a drill sergeant. Ianto leaned closer to Owen. "It's him," he said desperately. "He did this to me. He's been doing this to me for-for months."
"Think about it, Ianto. That doesn't make sense."
"Well?" Jack bellowed. "Are you going to explain?"
Owen held up a hand, ignoring him for a moment. "If it was Jack, why would he erase the footage of taking the retcon, but leave the…the other tape intact? Why would he flaunt it in front of you? Why would he let the rest of us know? If he was just trying to trick you, he'd be doing it in secret, wouldn't he? I mean, I know it's Jack, but this would be idiotic. It's inevitable you'd find out."
"But who else? Who else would care?"
Owen looked away from him, thinking. "But you did find out," he whispered. "You've found out before. You must have." He looked at Ianto with growing realization. "And every time you did, you made sure-"
"No," Ianto whispered.
"Over and over again-"
"No."
"So that you could keep on thinking that it wasn't happening. It was you. You've been doing this."
"No!" Ianto shouted.
Owen stumbled back a step. "That's the sickest thing I've ever heard."
"What?" Jack demanded, his patience at an end. "Owen, start talking right now or I swear to god, if you've done something to Ianto-"
"Haven't you been listening, Jack? I haven't done anything! He has. God, it's been going on and none of us noticed."
Jack descended into the bay, taking the steps a few at a time. "You're not making sense. None of this is making sense." He turned to Ianto, who was still standing fixed to the floor. "Ianto-"
"Don't you dare touch me!" He shouted, then recoiled, curling into himself until he was huddling at the base of the stairs.
"Ianto," Jack spoke again softly, voice filled with concern. Owen placed a restraining hand on his shoulder.
"Don't, Jack."
"I don't understand."
"It's the retcon," Owen said gently. "Just look, Jack." He jerked him towards the cabinets. "Two bottles missing. Over a hundred doses."
"He retconned himself?" Jack said, with dawning horror. "But that much-all at once, he wouldn't even remember his own name. He wouldn't remember anything."
"No," Owen said. The only thing left in his tone was weariness. "Not all at once. Little doses-must have been every couple of days."
"But-why?" Jack turned to Ianto. "Why would you do that?"
"As much as I hate to play Dr. Phil for your supremely fucked up relationship, he's been doing it so that he'll think you're faithful."
"What?" That made no sense to Jack. Jack had been open about his needs from the start, and Ianto had never said anything. He always just smiled and changed the subject when it came up, and then the next day-it was like it had never happened. Jack gagged. He had thought that meant that it didn't bother Ianto. "How long has this been going on?" He addressed Ianto, who had started crying.
"Why are you asking him that? He doesn't remember a bloody thing."
"But you never said anything," Jack whispered, bewildered. "You never told me it upset you. I thought-I thought it turned you on. That's why I always told you."
At that, Ianto's head snapped up. "You thought it turned me on? How many times, Jack? How many times have you cheated on me? How many times have I known about it? Because I have to tell you, I don't recall." Jack's face paled. "I've been chipping away pieces of myself, for you. I've turned myself into a-a mental case." He gestured at himself in disgust. "And if Owen hadn't said anything, you never would have noticed. You slept next to me almost every night and you didn't even notice I was fading away."
"Nobody noticed," Owen said quietly. "As long as we always got our coffee on time, none of us noticed you had more blackouts than an alcoholic."
"But you couldn't have planned to do it," Jack said, pushing aside his guilt. "You wouldn't remember. Each time you took it, it would have been the first time. How is it possible that you'd keep taking it when you didn't even know?"
"God," Owen sighed. "You sleep with someone else, you tell him, he erases his memory. At least you two are bloody consistent."
"What am I supposed to do?" Ianto whimpered.
Jack spoke into the silence. "I thought you were the perfect boyfriend."
Owen snorted. "Only you would think that, Jack."
~*~
Later, after Jack had tucked Ianto into bed, neatly removed his shoes and socks, and wiped the tears from his face, he found Owen still in the medical bay. "This is the last time." Jack said.
"Is it, Jack?"
"I promise. I promised him."
"Which he won't remember." Owen returned the bottle of retcon to the cabinet, then locked it. "It had better be. No one knows how much he's already had. Remember Suzie's little pawn? I'm surprised he's not there already."
Jack moved towards the cabinet. "From now on, only I have access to retcon. There've been too many mistakes." He felt Owen's eyes on him, judging him. Saying the mistake hadn't been Ianto's.
Next he moved to the computer. "We need to erase all the footage of what happened today."
"And last night," Owen added.
Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "There can't be any trace. He can't find out about it again."
"And what about me? And Gwen? You going to retcon us, too? I'm not even sure you could retcon me, but you'll try anything once, right?"
"No. There's been enough of that. Besides, I need you to watch. Just, make sure this doesn't happen again."
"Good idea, since your powers of observation clearly need fine-tuning."
Jack flicked through the footage from last night, feeling a pang as he erased the tape of the firing range. He'd thought, at the time, that he and Ianto could save that for inspiration if they ever hit a dry spell. He scanned through footage of the rest of the Hub, skimming it at double-speed to see if anything else was damning. He switched to a camera of the hall, where he could see Ianto sitting listlessly against the wall. Gwen's figure came out, moving too fast along the tape. Then he appeared, talked to Ianto, then left. And Ianto stayed. After a moment, the little black and white figure curled its fists against the wall, pressing his face into the concrete. Even with the static, he could tell Ianto was sobbing. Ianto stayed there for a long time, nothing moving but his heaving chest. Eventually Jack hit delete and purged the entire hour's worth of footage.
"I don't understand." Jack whispered to himself. "He was okay with it."
"Welcome to love," Owen said harshly. "It's not all that fun, is it?"
~*~
The first time Jack cheats on him, Ianto is a little distracted. Ianto thinks Jack deliberately lost the first hand so he could shed a piece of clothing. And Jack being Jack, he chooses his trousers. And he's going commando. Of course.
After that, Ianto can barely be expected to pay attention to the game, let alone notice Jack palming cards, when the promise of activities to come is right there in front of him. For some reason, the fact that Jack still has his socks and shoes on does not look as ridiculous as it would on any other human being.
Before Ianto knows what's happened, he's down to his boxers, and he's only got those because he insisted that the stopwatch was a separate item of clothing and did not waver, even when Jack pouted at him. But when Jack pounces on him, quickly changing the game of poker into 52 card pick-up, it feels like he's won.
"Mmm," Ianto says happily. "I hope you don't play cards like this with all the other boys."
Jack pulls back for a moment and something crosses his face too quickly for Ianto to recognize. "No," Jack purrs. "You. Just you. I promise."
"Then I think it's time you collect your prize," Ianto says as he dances away toward the bedroom.
~*~
A few weeks later, when Gwen catches them in the greenhouse, it feels natural for Ianto to say Jack cheats. "He always cheats."
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