And Now Finally...
I am disappointed with my inability to finish things that I start. I don't like how I oftentimes start out with exuberance and excitement about a project or idea and that excitement fizzles out before I make meaningful progress on it. I'm not sure why it is; I may suffer the inability to stick to a plan, I may just have a short attention span. I
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Comments 4
I especially liked that you didn't have Edwin be the lead character in the story.
I have nothing negative to say.
Good JOrb
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Very cool idea and it had me guessing the entire time. I also really liked that Edwin was not the main character. A very unique choice indeed: one I will have to consider next time I write an Edwin story....(aka rip off Tim?)
I also really liked how you slowly revealed the story. You never once hammered the universe into me, but showed me what it is in very logical ways.
My only critique would be not giving the narrator a name. There were moments where you would say things like, "Him, he, him" to a point where I had to focus a bit on which character you were speaking of. Also, there were a few moments where you used "The President" too often. I believe there is one sentence where instead of switching to pronouns you just keep using the phrase "The President" which feels a little clunky on the readers side.
Still, a very cool story, I enjoyed it a lot! And the ending was the best bit! Very clever!
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Yeah, I actually thought of the inconvenienve of lack-of-a-name thing, but for some reason, I felt it was kind of important to keep "the man" nameless. There are times when writing/typing when I feel like I can go on forever. Plus I'm still trying to nail down the technicals of good writing. This kind of advice will help!
And, oh yeah, I think I need to read your Edwin story now. Off I go into the archives!
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