(no subject)
Since fanfiction.net is really slow in sending our confirmation, we decided to post this on livejournal.
Warning: if you get offended by anything, you should go die. Otherwise, enjoy! :)
Written by Terri and Victoria. Yahy.
Terri's Wet Dream
One day Jesus said, “Wow, it’s kinda lonely being the son of God. I need a companion.”
So he got off his SUPER MAGIC FRIGGIN COOL cloud and went to the nearest boy brothel. But since he was Jesus, he had to wear a disguise, so he put glasses on. The kind with the fake nose and mustache. He put on a football jersey. And packed his pants with a sock. And a sack lunch. In case he got hungry.
He found one in Thailand. You know, they’re so cheap there. Before the tsunami hit. Because dead wet boys don’t give good head. But then he reached into his fanny pack and found that he had no money!!!
So he went to Brooklyn and stood at a street corner wearing leather shorts and fishnet stockings. They were orange. And sparkly. He wore glitter on his face and a stickers on his nipples. Which was good, because they were hard as hell. Rocket titties, you can say.
A couple of customers and Franks Sinatra later, he finally collected enough money to buy a six year old girl in the Philippines. 25 cents, in case you did not know. He ordered her through a online source, aka ebay, but she got lost in the mail. Unfortunately, he did not order her with registered mail and insurance, so he lost all his money. So he went back onto the street corner and this sweet piece of ass approached him.
“Hey, you lookin’ for a good time, baby?” the stranger said.
“Why yes, I am. But that’s MY line. How dare you come onto my street corner biatch?” Jesus said.
The stranger looked sad, but he pulled down Jesus’s tiny shorts and licked the glitter off his face.
“Mm, peach!” the stranger said.
“What the… mmmmmm.” Jesus moned.
“My name is Harry Potter, and I am a great sorcererer. I can make cool things happen with my wand, yo.” He then reached into his pleather skirt to pull out his wand.
“Oooh, I like that,” said Jesus.
“Want to get a room?” Harry asks. “My magic works best under the sheets.”
“Hell yeah, muthafucka” Jesus said.
So they went to the Holiday Inn, which was choice among hip hop fans. Since Jesus had no money, or real ID, Harry Potter made them magically go into the room. Once inside the room, they proceeded to undress each other. With their hands and teeth. But mostly hand, because it’s hard to do stuff with your teeth, even if you’re the son of god. Or a sorcererer.
They had lots of magic holy sorcererer sex. Butt sex. Because neither had a vagina. Even though both of them could have created one, they preferred it in the butt. Because it was tight and smelled like poop. Then Harry Potter said “There’s something special about you.”
“That’s because I’m Jesus, son of God!” Jesus yelled. Lightning struck outside the window, and knocked a tree down and killed two midgets, who turned into gold coins. Then the US declared war on Iraq some more.
“Let’s be together forever,” Harry Potter said. “I love you so much. You give good head.”
“It was my first time. But I loved you the first time I set my eye on you. I knew you were the one for me. We’re soul mates forever.” Jesus said while holding Harry in his arms.
“fosho” said Harry nipping Jesus’s neck.
There was a loud angry knock at the door. The kind you get from the owner if you don’t pay.
“Oh shit,” said Jesus
“I’ll get that,” said Harry, and he opened the door.
BUT IT WAS GOD!!!11
He had ears as big as an elephant’s and a lion’s tail. But you could barely see the tail under his Matrix trenchcoat and supershiny sunglasses. But under the sunglasses you could kinda tell that he had snake eyes, but one was red and the other was yellow, like he had an eye infection. His body was buff. Kinda like that tae-bo guy. Except not black. Cuz of course the ruler of the universe WOULD be white. Come on now.
“JESUS! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!” God said angrily. He began to spew lava from his nostrils which were pierced with the branches of a young olive tree, for peace, ya know? He started breathing heavily, and he had rocket titties, too. You could tell through his BDSM outfit. He pointed at Jesus and his lover. He finger turned into a sword!
Jesus gasped.
“Father? How did you know I was here?”
“I know ALL!!! …”
To be continued…
Warning: if you get offended by anything, you should go die. Otherwise, enjoy! :)
Written by Terri and Victoria. Yahy.
Terri's Wet Dream
One day Jesus said, “Wow, it’s kinda lonely being the son of God. I need a companion.”
So he got off his SUPER MAGIC FRIGGIN COOL cloud and went to the nearest boy brothel. But since he was Jesus, he had to wear a disguise, so he put glasses on. The kind with the fake nose and mustache. He put on a football jersey. And packed his pants with a sock. And a sack lunch. In case he got hungry.
He found one in Thailand. You know, they’re so cheap there. Before the tsunami hit. Because dead wet boys don’t give good head. But then he reached into his fanny pack and found that he had no money!!!
So he went to Brooklyn and stood at a street corner wearing leather shorts and fishnet stockings. They were orange. And sparkly. He wore glitter on his face and a stickers on his nipples. Which was good, because they were hard as hell. Rocket titties, you can say.
A couple of customers and Franks Sinatra later, he finally collected enough money to buy a six year old girl in the Philippines. 25 cents, in case you did not know. He ordered her through a online source, aka ebay, but she got lost in the mail. Unfortunately, he did not order her with registered mail and insurance, so he lost all his money. So he went back onto the street corner and this sweet piece of ass approached him.
“Hey, you lookin’ for a good time, baby?” the stranger said.
“Why yes, I am. But that’s MY line. How dare you come onto my street corner biatch?” Jesus said.
The stranger looked sad, but he pulled down Jesus’s tiny shorts and licked the glitter off his face.
“Mm, peach!” the stranger said.
“What the… mmmmmm.” Jesus moned.
“My name is Harry Potter, and I am a great sorcererer. I can make cool things happen with my wand, yo.” He then reached into his pleather skirt to pull out his wand.
“Oooh, I like that,” said Jesus.
“Want to get a room?” Harry asks. “My magic works best under the sheets.”
“Hell yeah, muthafucka” Jesus said.
So they went to the Holiday Inn, which was choice among hip hop fans. Since Jesus had no money, or real ID, Harry Potter made them magically go into the room. Once inside the room, they proceeded to undress each other. With their hands and teeth. But mostly hand, because it’s hard to do stuff with your teeth, even if you’re the son of god. Or a sorcererer.
They had lots of magic holy sorcererer sex. Butt sex. Because neither had a vagina. Even though both of them could have created one, they preferred it in the butt. Because it was tight and smelled like poop. Then Harry Potter said “There’s something special about you.”
“That’s because I’m Jesus, son of God!” Jesus yelled. Lightning struck outside the window, and knocked a tree down and killed two midgets, who turned into gold coins. Then the US declared war on Iraq some more.
“Let’s be together forever,” Harry Potter said. “I love you so much. You give good head.”
“It was my first time. But I loved you the first time I set my eye on you. I knew you were the one for me. We’re soul mates forever.” Jesus said while holding Harry in his arms.
“fosho” said Harry nipping Jesus’s neck.
There was a loud angry knock at the door. The kind you get from the owner if you don’t pay.
“Oh shit,” said Jesus
“I’ll get that,” said Harry, and he opened the door.
BUT IT WAS GOD!!!11
He had ears as big as an elephant’s and a lion’s tail. But you could barely see the tail under his Matrix trenchcoat and supershiny sunglasses. But under the sunglasses you could kinda tell that he had snake eyes, but one was red and the other was yellow, like he had an eye infection. His body was buff. Kinda like that tae-bo guy. Except not black. Cuz of course the ruler of the universe WOULD be white. Come on now.
“JESUS! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!” God said angrily. He began to spew lava from his nostrils which were pierced with the branches of a young olive tree, for peace, ya know? He started breathing heavily, and he had rocket titties, too. You could tell through his BDSM outfit. He pointed at Jesus and his lover. He finger turned into a sword!
Jesus gasped.
“Father? How did you know I was here?”
“I know ALL!!! …”
To be continued…