Poem - Are we friends? Were we friends?
Writing poetry can be really cathartic I realise. Perhaps this will give me the sense of closure of something perhaps only I thought existed. It's pretty long, wow it's 543 words.
Also on my writing blog.
I thought we were close
but we drifted apart
and I realised, Oh.
I thought we were friends.
After all, I had looked up to you
but you looked for me first
and we’d talked for hours.
It seemed like we had much in common
and for that I was glad -
Ecstatic!
That I found someone who thought the same as I.
We talked nearly every day
and I always looked forward to our conversations.
Meaningless ones
or ones where we talked about our thoughts
or just what happened that day.
I was happy
to have a friend like you.
You had encouraged me when I was stressed.
Even offered to pay for a game for me because you thought it was great
and that I should try it
and you really wanted to throw money at the creator anyway
And I thought, wow
(Thinking back, maybe it was the latter part that was the main reason?)
And there was that one time
when I had a bad day,
you cheered me up
and gave me a hug
and I gave you one back
and I thought
I love you, my friend.
But one day
a day when I had been more emotional than usual
it struck me with perfect clarity
(Isn’t it ironic? Emotions and logic-
Oh, never mind.)
But I realised that day
that it was I
who usually initiated our conversations.
And I thought
… Oh
So, perhaps borne out of pettiness,
I decided to stop and just see
if you would notice
if you would be the first one to talk for once
if you would ask me
“Hey
Is everything all right?
I haven’t seen you in a while”
like I have for my friends
Because I notice, see.
I care.
I love my friends!
But
you didn’t
and I waited for a day
and some more.
I was so lonely.
After that, I caved
I talked to you once before my exams
said I was busy with revision - which was partly true
and asked you something.
But mostly I wanted to see if you would care.
You replied as if we haven’t not been talking.
That’s fine I guess
And I said goodnight and went to sleep
but I never stopped thinking about it.
I talked to you once more after my exams
and again, it was like we never not talked.
You didn’t even ask how my exams had gone
Okay
No
It isn’t okay.
I know some people had said
it was great how they could not talk for weeks
and carry on their conversations like usual
but
you could have at least showed concern?
I… think?
Isn’t that how friendship is?
I thought-
Had we ever been friends?
Was I the only one? All along?
But surely
we had fun times talking to each other.
At the start, at least.
Even you said so.
So,
you got tired of me?
Or had I been too annoying
too childish
spamming you with links to things I thought you might’ve liked
or found funny.
Perhaps I thought wrong.
I thought we were close
but we drifted apart
and I realised, Oh.
Did you ever think of me as your friend?
Maybe we had never been close.
- 13.10.13
Also on my writing blog.
I thought we were close
but we drifted apart
and I realised, Oh.
I thought we were friends.
After all, I had looked up to you
but you looked for me first
and we’d talked for hours.
It seemed like we had much in common
and for that I was glad -
Ecstatic!
That I found someone who thought the same as I.
We talked nearly every day
and I always looked forward to our conversations.
Meaningless ones
or ones where we talked about our thoughts
or just what happened that day.
I was happy
to have a friend like you.
You had encouraged me when I was stressed.
Even offered to pay for a game for me because you thought it was great
and that I should try it
and you really wanted to throw money at the creator anyway
And I thought, wow
(Thinking back, maybe it was the latter part that was the main reason?)
And there was that one time
when I had a bad day,
you cheered me up
and gave me a hug
and I gave you one back
and I thought
I love you, my friend.
But one day
a day when I had been more emotional than usual
it struck me with perfect clarity
(Isn’t it ironic? Emotions and logic-
Oh, never mind.)
But I realised that day
that it was I
who usually initiated our conversations.
And I thought
… Oh
So, perhaps borne out of pettiness,
I decided to stop and just see
if you would notice
if you would be the first one to talk for once
if you would ask me
“Hey
Is everything all right?
I haven’t seen you in a while”
like I have for my friends
Because I notice, see.
I care.
I love my friends!
But
you didn’t
and I waited for a day
and some more.
I was so lonely.
After that, I caved
I talked to you once before my exams
said I was busy with revision - which was partly true
and asked you something.
But mostly I wanted to see if you would care.
You replied as if we haven’t not been talking.
That’s fine I guess
And I said goodnight and went to sleep
but I never stopped thinking about it.
I talked to you once more after my exams
and again, it was like we never not talked.
You didn’t even ask how my exams had gone
Okay
No
It isn’t okay.
I know some people had said
it was great how they could not talk for weeks
and carry on their conversations like usual
but
you could have at least showed concern?
I… think?
Isn’t that how friendship is?
I thought-
Had we ever been friends?
Was I the only one? All along?
But surely
we had fun times talking to each other.
At the start, at least.
Even you said so.
So,
you got tired of me?
Or had I been too annoying
too childish
spamming you with links to things I thought you might’ve liked
or found funny.
Perhaps I thought wrong.
I thought we were close
but we drifted apart
and I realised, Oh.
Did you ever think of me as your friend?
Maybe we had never been close.
- 13.10.13