Season 1, Episode 9
Q is back! Probably going to be about him BAWWing over Picard.
YES TROI'S GONE THIS EPISODE IS ALREADY GOOD
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You guys sure that after 3 hours there will still be miners alive?
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FUCKING Q (LOL DATA KNOWS)
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Picard: Damnit, Q, I don't have time for you!
Q *all emotional*: When will you EVER have time?
Picard: NEVER
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Oh fuck yeah, action hero Worf and Tasha!
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Picard: Q, SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE ARE DYING, MOVE
Q: Ah, but I can help you realize your most impossible dreams! Like having sex with me
Picard: NONE OF MY DREAMS INVOLVE YOU
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Picard: As intriguing as hanging out with your sounds, which is not at all, I have an urgent mission. Maybe we can play later.
Q: Oh NO, you can forget your mission! I take precedence!
Picard: The fuck you do!
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Poor Q wants Picard's love attention so bad. He's like Wesley on drugs.
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LOL Picard's "FML" look as Q appears.
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Picard: You're not a Starfleet Admiral, Q.
Q: I'm also not a space serpent, but you accepted me as that.
Picard: ...no, not really.
Data: *cough* LOSER *cough*
Q *trying to remain cool*
Riker: Oh, look who's back to play and try to get some attention from the Captain.
Q: Oh, Riker. I remember you, my rival. JEAN-LUC LIKES ME MORE
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LOL Q
Q: Ah, STFU, serious business Riker, your species is always dying. (turns back to Picard) So there's this great space Thai place and I was wondering--
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Oh, Q. That was a terrible joke about Worf. You're not winning Picard's heart today, my friend.
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Q doesn't even know what Picard's saying.
Picard: You said blah blah impossible dreams blah offer us?
Q *nodding while thinking*: My God, the play of light on his magnificent bare head is captivating.
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Q: Why don't you wanna be with me trust me?
Picard: Um, that whole threatening to kill us while keeping us from our mission thing?
Q: I was just kidding.
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Q certainly knows how to piss Picard off.
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LOL Data and Geordi. Hella casual with arms slung over their monitors.
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Say "game" one more time, Q. Please. I'm sure the crew'll love it.
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OH GOD WHAT IS Q'S OFFER TO RIKER
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Q: Ok, so here's the game.
*Everyone disappears but Picard*
Picard: DAMNIT I HATE THE FOREVER ALONE GAME
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Riker's looking forward to banging some illusions of people.
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Aw, tiny Data. GO AWAY, RIKER
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Q's cute.
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LOL Q hitting on Riker and Riker's just like, "Please focus, dude."
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LOL Data's "THE FUCK I'M AN ANDROID WHY'D YOU GIVE ME A DRINK DUMBASS" expression.
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Worf you are amazing. I want to be Worf and Ro Laren's baby.
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OH SNAP RIKER CLASSILY INSULTING Q probably the first classy thing he's done aside from you know what nevermind
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Q: Shall it be a test of strength? Meaningless, since you have none.
Data (calmly): Would you care to arm wrestle me then, Mr. Q?
Q: ...um...maybe...that is...it would be beneath me.
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Q YOU GONE FUCKED UP NOW MAGIC-ING TASHA AWAY. Data, Riker, and Worf are gonna BEAT YOOOOOOU
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Oh MAN Data's pissed.
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WHAT THE FUCK. That malfunctioning Captain's log voice is terrifying.
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Oh GOOD. When I heard Tasha's voice I thought it was Troi and I was like FUCK FUCK FUCK EPISODE RUINED
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Oh, Tasha bb, don't cry! :(
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Aw, Comfort Grandpa. <3
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LOLOL TASHA. Your tears were a trap, weren't they?
Tasha: Oh baby, if you weren't a Captain...
Picard *raises an intrigued eyebrow*
Cockblocking Q: Oh I see how it is! Is it because she has boobs and a baby maker? I COULD BE LIKE THAT TOO IF YOU WOULD JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE PICARD
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Q: Penalty over.
Tasha *arms around Picard*: I'm good right here.
Q: I SAID IT WAS OVER SKANK *teleports her back to planet*
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LOL just realized Q is dressed as a French Marshal and Picard is French. Q YOU CRAFTY
Picard: Ridiculous!
Well, not that crafty, I guess.
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Q I swear to fuck Picard isn't interested just move on to Riker or Tasha or both and then move on with your life. SAD BUT TRUE
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Q ISN'T GOING TO GIVE RIKER Q-POWERS IS HE OH NO
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Picard: Oh, whew, I was worried. Riker'll totally beat you, though.
Q: ARE YOU ENGAGED TO THAT MAN OR SOMETHING WHY DO YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH INSTEAD OF ME
Picard: Wouldn't you like to know.
Q: *on the edge of a tantrum*: I WILL WIN AND YOU WILL CRY AND BE MY BRIDE
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Q leaves after the bet was made to go cry to Barclay.
Q *sobbing in turbolift*: OMG PICARD SAID HE NEVER WANTS TO SEE ME EVER! LIKE NEVER EVER! WHY IS HE SO HEARTLESS I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM DAMNIT
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Worf, come on, they're French soldiers. As soon as they see you they're going to run screaming or surrender.
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WAIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SOLDIER'S FACE
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Good idea, Worf, I'd run, too.
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Picard: Q, you seem to have some need for humans.
Q *trying to be coy and failing*: Only you Just concern. And even then I don't even care if this one bald guy doesn't like me 'cause I don't like him.
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Oh crap, Q's reading Picard's Shakespeare.
Q: Romeo and Juliet is such trash.
Picard *trying not to erupt into a volcanic rage* At least it's not UGLY, like YOU!
Q *eyes fill with tears*: I HATE YOU *throws book on floor and runs away crying*
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Q don't even joke, Picard is the Shakespeare master.
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Q, seriously, you have just about finished digging and sealing your own grave. You just don't get into a discussion of Shakespeare with Picard. He will win. ALWAYS. But it's adorable that Q is trying SO HARD to impress/bond/flirt with Picard.
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LOL Picard's "Boy you are em-BAR-assing yourself" look as Q recites.
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LOL Q trying not to cry as Picard quotes Hamlet furiously at him.
Q: THINK YOU'RE SO SMART! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY HAIR!
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LOL Q being all pissy. I never want these 2 to stop interacting. EVER
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Aww, Worf. He was probably ready to fight a whole army by himself.
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OH FUCK Q TURNED INTO DATA AND IS 100% SEXIER
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Racist-ass pig things shooting at Geordi first.
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DAMN GEORDI YOU A ACTION HERO
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OH GOD RIKER HAS Q POWERS GOODBYE EVERYONE'S VIRGINITY EVER
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Poor Data. Returned with his back to the enemy.
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LOL Riker's "I could get used to this!" expression after teleporting everyone.
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Aw, Tasha's concern for Riker.
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LOL Data. Unable to identify what the pig things were so he just offers to write about it. Picard is not amused.
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Tasha: Forget Data, we need to find RIKER!
Data: OH SURE, FORGET DATA, NOT LIKE HE MATTERS, RIGHT?
Tasha: Right.
Data: YOU KNOW WHAT FIND HIM YOUR OWN DAMN SELF *storms off to quarters*
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Picard: Q's interested in Riker. His whole visit was about Riker. It's just a ploy to try and toy with my emotions. He'll come crawling back.
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CREEPY RIKER LAUGH YIKES
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LOL bitchy Riker. He does not like Q.
Riker: You want, no need something desperately from us. What is it?
Q: I...I need NOTHING!
Riker: I bet it's Picard.
Q: NO.
Riker: He loves Beverly.
Q: HE DOES NOT HE'S JUST CONFUSED
Riker: No, he wants to have like a million babies with her!
Q: NO! SHUT UP!
Riker: MILLIONS OF BEVERLY AND PICARD BABIES
all of them bald Riker you're just hoping for a million Wesleys to be produced. (Picard would kill himself if that happened, OMG.)
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Q is just lonely. I want to hug him.
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Riker will never be a Q. He'd be away from Ensign Jailbait.
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"I don't even like you!"
OH RIKER YOU HARSH
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OH FUCK WESLEY'S ON THE PLANET
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LOL pissed off Geordi.
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WOOOORF OMG SO BADASS I WANT TO DO BE YOU
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Also I thought Data was going to start kicking ass single-handedly but Worf is being a boss so I'm fine with this.
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WORF OMG DON'T DIE I WILL WEEP
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SHIT WESLEY GOT STABBED
Riker: WESLEY, NO! NO, DAMNIT! DAMNIT TO HELL!
Remember that part from the 1st Superman movie where Superman rages out and turns back time by reversing the Earth's orbit? I have a feeling that's what Riker is going to do. Also OH THE DELICIOUS DRAMA
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Cocky fucking Riker face after saving everyone. If he looked like that 24-7 I might find him attractive until he started talking.
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LOL Data's "We are so FUCKED" look at Riker.
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Wesley's going to get a splinter and Riker'll break his promise and use his powers to heal it and get in Wesley's pants.
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Data calmly showing off.
Data (to random medical chick): Wanna see what other muscles I got?
Medical Chick: Why don't we just focus on rescuing miners.
Data: Okay...
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Data you so hot.
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DATA WHAT A BOSS
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Oh Data. <3 Looks so heartbroken over the dead little girl.
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Data: Riker I may hate you but please. PLEASE bring this girl back to life or I will CRY, and SOB, and be just plain embarassing and emotional in general.
Riker: I can't. I promised Picard--
Data: FUCK him he's gonna die like next year!
Riker: I PROMISED, OK
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Picard: Crew, report.
Data: Riker's a HEARTLESS BASTARD who HATES KIDS. (to Wesley) HE HATES KIDS, WESLEY.
Wesley *runs out all upset*
Riker: THAT'S IT
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Wow, Riker, way to be even more arrogant.
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Data: Oh you're back, CHILD HATER.
Riker: DON'T JUDGE ME
Data: Oh I've judged you for MONTHS.
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LOL Picard's face when Riker calls him Jean-Luc.
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Wesley flirting his way into being part of the meeting. So shameless.
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LOL Data not giving a fuck at all.
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Jesus, Q, dramatic enough? LOL at his shit-eating grin.
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EXACTLY, Picard. I love his hate for Q and Wesley.
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Picard: He's just a flimflam man!
Q: You're a flimflam man!
Picard: Oh nice comeback. FLIMFLAM FLIMFLAM
Q: WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU
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LOL Worf. "...flimflam?"
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Picard: Yeah, sure, I gotta see what you give as gifts, Riker.
Data: Mine's gonna be smashed on the floor as soon as it appears, bitch, IDC.
Please let Riker give Picard a full head of hair. I will die.
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG
Beverly *sensing Wesley's gift may be a pink dildo or something*: WESLEY YOU NEED TO GO
Wesley: MOM I WANT A GIFT
Riker: No, Wesley I may know best of all! Our long talks--
Beverly: I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HIM ALONE DAMNIT
Poor Beverly. D:
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Wesley *turns into a man*
Riker: So not interested in you all of a sudden.
Geordi: Hey, not bad. What're you doin' later, Wes? 'Cause it should be me.
GEORDI IT'S BEEN LIKE 4 SECONDS SINCE WESLEY TRANSFORMED CALM DOWN. No need for a Riker replacement yet.
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LMFAO Data
Riker: So D--
Data *hella serious and pointing a finger at Riker*: NO. NO, sir.
Riker: But--
Data: I DON'T NEED YOUR FILTHY GIFTS, BITCH, I'M ABOVE THAT
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Data OMG. Quoting Shakespeare and owning Riker while Picard tries to hold back tears of pride. WHAT A BOSS.
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Geordi, damn. How YOU doin'?
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OMG OMG OMG Geordi hitting on Tasha NEW PAIRING <3
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Geordi: You're even more beautiful than I imagined.
Me:
Don't cry, DON'T CRY. He's probably gonna choose to be blind.
Geordi: Make me the way I was.
Me:
GEORDI YOU ARE BREAKING MY HEART
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Worf defending Tasha like a badass.
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LOL Geordi. "Is this your idea of sex? 'Cause if so I approve.
Worf: I KNOW RIGHT This is sex!
Geordi: Glad I'm blind again, then.
Tasha: So Fishnets, what you up to later?
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Rude, Picard.
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I'm still super upset. FUCKING GEORDI
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Credits rolling. Credits over. Still upset. Please let there be Tasha/Geordi fic. PLEASE.
So to sum up this episode:
Picard: I HATE YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF
Q: That's why I always do BAWWW
and
Geordi BREAKING MY HEART.