Season 1, Episode 10.
Picard: Legend has it this planet can mend broken hearts.
Data: Legends like that are totally unsupported by fact.
Yes, Data, that's why they're called legends Is that bitterness I detect, Data?
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LOL Riker watching ladies play harps.
Riker: You can play my instrument any time, girls.
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Tasha: Riker, turn off your threesome simulation and report to the Transport Room.
Riker *dramatic eyeroll*: UGH, fiiiiine.
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Riker: You needed me, Lieutenant?
Tasha: Always, bb Yeah. Where do you get off running the threesome simulation without me, Riker? You know I like that one!
Riker: I get off about the same time they do Umm, Tasha, it's called a threesome, not a foursome.
Tasha: Oh bullshit, like that stopped you from running it before when I was there.
Tasha = female Riker. I really, really believe this.
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FUCK NO FUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOO MORE TROIS?
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Troi's reaction was like mine, only less loud and more subdued with no rage-flailing at all.
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LOL Tasha grabbing jewels right away.
Tasha: SO TROI YOU DON'T ALL THESE RIGHT I'LL JUST TAKE ABOUT 20 OR SO I HOPE THAT'S COOL IF NOT IDGAF
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Troi: Those are...wedding presents.
Tasha *dropping jewels*: Oh they BURN
Riker: So...who's getting married?
Troi (offended pause): Me.
Tasha: LOL, funny, Troi!
Troi: I'm SERIOUS!
Tasha: Oh, my bad.
I'm afraid to see who would want to WILLINGLY marry Troi. I hope they don't go beyond Captain Obvious and act like General Duh.
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Is that half a hat on that lady's head? I see fashion is as ridiculous in the future as it is now.
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That old guy is really creepy. Is he Riker's dad or something?
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LOL Sensitive Poet Guy. "I brought you a rose. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Troi: Oh BARF.
Picard *misty-eyed*: SO ROMANTIC
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Is Troi's Mom married to Lurch?
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Troi's Mom (to Picard): You may carry my luggage.
Picard: Are you kidding me?
Troi's Mom: What?
Picard *staring pointedly at Lurch*
Troi's Mom: What?
Picard: You have that thing standing there are you ask me to carry your stuff?
Troi's Mom: It's not a thing, it has a name!
Picard: Which is?
Troi's Mom: ...sss...mmm...well, you don't need to know.
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LOL Data and Geordi watching Picard struggle. They just look at each other and get out of there before Picard asks one of them to help.
Geordi: How's Wesley, Captain?
Picard *all sweaty and red in the face*: I ADVISE YOU TO SHUT UP, MR. LAFORGE!
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Troi's Mom, you're wasting your time with Picard. He's made of dust and ice. Nothing will be shaken or stirred for you.
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LOL Picard's poker face in the turbolift. I feel bad for Lurch having to listen to that prattle all the time.
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You know, maybe telepathy would be better if you didn't ACT OUT what your thoughts were so anyone can tell what you're thinking it's not Mute Charades for Christ's sake. Then again Troi and her mom probably can't help being as obvious as possible. It must run in the family.
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LOL Picard's "THANK GOD" bow and exit.
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Troi's Mom: An entire shipload of inconsistancy could drive one insane!
Or just you. Hate this broad.
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Riker totally checking out the chick from Haven who's hailing them.
"You ain't from Haven, honey, you're from HEAVEN! You ever play the harp, baby?
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Sensitive Guy is HOT.
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Troi: I'll try to be only half as annoying.
I WANT THAT IN WRITING
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Troi: I believe we may be able to read each other.
Sensitive Guy: Awesome. by "read", you mean "hump", right?
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Sensitive Guy: Do I have competition?
Riker fucks everything, so yes. Watch your ass, dude, and you might catch Riker watching it as well.
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OHHHH, he's so shy! <3
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LOLOL SENSITIVE GUY NICELY TELLING TROI HE'S DISAPPOINTED WITH HER
Sensitive Guy: You're...not her.
Troi: WELL YOU'RE NOT RIKER.
Sensitive Guy: You mean Will Riker? Man he is good in bed.
Troi: FFFFFFFUUU-
Riker's like Visa. He's everywhere you want to be.
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Sensitive Guy is reminding me of a grown-up Wesley. Geordi Riker will totally be into him oh God double entendre.
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SENSITIVE GUY YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS
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Unfortunately I know Troi's not going anywhere. SIGH
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Tarellians? What? Their ship looks awesome, it has a rave dome or something on top.
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AGAIN, no Worf at the meeting.
(Wesley and Worf alone on Bridge.)
Wesley *glances at Worf*
Worf *on the other side of the Bridge staring at Wesley with crazy Klingon eyes*
Wesley: So...how 'bout that Riker?
Worf: He is a JERK, boy.
Wesley: YOU'RE a jerk! *starts pressing buttons on Data's workstation to distract himself from his intense teenage emotions*
Enterprise engines *blow up*
Data *bursting onto Bridge*: WESLEY GODDAMNIT
Wesley: IT WAS WORK
Worf: WHAT
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Everyone getting bored as Data's talking.
Riker *yawns*
Data: Oh, I'm sorry, why don't you tell the story then. Go RIGHT ahead.
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Beverly: Makes you question the sanity of humanoid forms.
Picard: Well I'm crazy for you, baby!
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Data profile! <3
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So Tarellians are basically space lepers?
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Picard: When will they reach Haven?
Data: Exactly 13 hours, 9 minutes, 22 sec--
Picard (cutting him off): Thank you.
Data: YOU asked, dude.
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LOL Riker's sassy ass reaction to Picard mentioning Troi's engagement.
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LOL LURCH
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Aw, Data staring at Lurch in the background.
Data: CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN, LOOK!
Picard: Not NOW, Data!
Data: CAPTAIN IT'S ONE OF THOSE LIVING STATUES!
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Uh oh, catfight imminent. Or should I say COUGARfight? No, cougars are supposed to be attractive, and neither of these moms are.
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LOL Data and Lurch happily watching the fight.
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DATA'S FACE OMG
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Sensitive Guy's Mom has some CRAZY eyes.
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LOL sullen Riker not drinking and suddenly reverting to a teenager.
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Data fascinated by Lurch.
Data: Dude you are drunk. Are you part human?
Lurch *just sways and looks at the ceiling*
Data *looks at the ceiling too*
Lurch *doesn't answer him at all*
Data *walking away*: Puh-rick.
OMG HIS EXPRESSION IS HILARIOUS <3
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I guess Data doesn't get a seat. Unless he's standing behind Sensitive guy in order to contemplate stealing his hair. It's a legit reason.
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Is Lurch supposed to be ringing that gong or is he just pants-wettingly wasted? Or both?
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Picard: Data, you're circling like a buzzard.
Data: Because I'm waiting for you to die?
Picard: ...what?
Data: What?
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The Betazoid way is obnoxious as fuck.
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Riker's just like, "I AM TRAPPED IN A CAGE OF MY OWN EMOTIONS, SORRY Y'ALL, BE BACK NEVER". You can't blame him, this dinner is irritating as Troi hell.
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Tasha: The bride and groom go naked?
Troi's Mom: All the guests go naked.
Tasha *tears of rapture sliding down her face*: Best. custom. EVER.
Also Data looks pretty pleased with this news.
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YEAH TROI YOU HAVE A RIGHTEOUS FIT
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Aw, Tasha checking Troi out. Also poor Sensitive Guy just wants his dream lady.
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LOL DATA
Data: Could you please continue the petty bickering?
Everyone *facepalms*
SUCCESSFUL FIRST TROLL Y/Y? DATA YOU THE BEST <3
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Riker all emo. "THIS HOLO-SUNSET BURNS WITH ALL THE INTENSIY OF MY EMOTIONS"
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Riker, we already knew you had trouble separating platonic love and physical love. Look at Wesley
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LOL interrupting Sensitive Guy.
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Troi: Wyatt, Riker is worried that you might be upset because I care deeply for Riker, too.
Sensitive Guy: Oh, dude, it's fine. I'm totes up for a threesome.
Riker: FUCK yeah, I know this rockin' chick!
Troi *beams expectantly*
Riker: Her name's Tasha!
Sensitive Guy: The hot blonde?
Troi: FUCK YOU BOTH *leaves*
Sensitive Guy: ...wait, why'd she leave? Wasn't that an offer?
Riker: Imzadi Women.
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LOL surly Riker.
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OH SENSITIVE GUY I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU NAKED. ALSO DATA.
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Sensitive Guy is so CUTE, damn. But he's really reminding me of Wesley.
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That's chick's name is Electorine? DEALBREAKER The FUCK
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Tasha: I could disable their ship with our phasers, sir.
Picard: And then, Lieutenant?
Tasha: IDK. You're the Captain.
Picard: Right, right.
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That rave dome is really awesome.
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I figured Sensitive Guy's dream girl would be on the rave dome ship.
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Troi: It's Wyatt's dream girl!
Riker and Tasha (at the same time): DIBS!
Riker: Damn, ro-sham-bo for who goes first.
Troi *glaring at them*
HATERS GONNA HATE
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Dream Girl: Wyatt, you've come just as you promised.
Sensitive Guy: Oh I came all right, baby.
OH YOU <3
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LOL Tasha weighing space plague versus doing Dream Girl.
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Troi's Mom: It will look much better when I'm naked. Also your Dad wants to do me.
Sensitive Guy: BRB, drinking bleach.
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Oh Sensitive Guy. So innocent/earnest.
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Troi's Mom: So, Wyatt, which of these would look better on me naked?
Sensitive Guy:
DUDE JUST GET OUT OF THERE NOW IT'S YOUR ONLY HOPE
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Riker *walks in on Troi and Sensitive Guy kissing*: JUST MARRY HIM ALRE--
*pause*
Riker *bursts into tears*: That's right, you ARE!
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OMG SENSITIVE GUY IS EXPOSING HIMSELF TO THE SPACE PLAGUE NOOOOOO
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So can I get some of those Wyatt drawings for...platonic decorations?
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Oh right, Sensitive Guy's a doctor. I keep thinking he's a poet.
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OH GOD SENSITIVE GUY'S MOM'S CRAZY EYES
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Sensitive Guy: I'm going to remain here, with Dream Girl.
Riker: DUDE YOU DON'T WELSH ON A THREESOME IT'S JUST RUDE
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Troi's Mom: The Captain's HIGHLY attracted to me, but he's too old.
Picard: Bitch please, it's the other way around.
Troi's Mom: NO!
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LOL Troi's Mom hitting on Riker.
Troi: MOM NO I ALREADY CALLED HIM
Troi's Mom: He's VERY attracted to me.
Troi: HE'S ATTRACTED TO EVERYTHING
Riker:
LOL YEAH
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LOL Riker's face when Troi and her mom kiss goodbye. "YEAH, LESBIANS!"
Picard: They're related, Riker.
Riker: Even better So?
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LOLOL PICARD
Troi: ...that was a joke.
Picard: I was not amused.
Anyone looking at your sour puss face could tell that, dude.