Season 1, Episode 13.
Riker trying to cut Data off and failing.
Data: 5 months, 12 days, 56 minutes, and--
Riker: Thank you, Data.
Data *turns around and stares Riker down*: 57 seconds.
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Data: Basically chicks everywhere rule this planet.
Riker *pokerface as his joy explodes like confetti in his mind*
Tasha *planning to become the ruler or just do everyone*
Worf *grudgingly aroused*
Troi: SOUNDS LIKE MY PLANET *beams*
*Everyone's boners deflate*
Bridge crew:
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Picard: So this is recent news and we can expect like Wonder Woman chicks everywhere, right?
Data: Oh totally, a Federation ship visited the planet and relayed this information just 62 years ago.
Everyone (pissed): DAAAAY-TAH!
Data:
u mad?
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Picard: Do you want to make the initial contact, Troi?
Troi: Yes, sir, thank you.
*hailing frequencies opened and sound of man and woman having sex fill the air*
Picard: WHAT THE--
Everyone *looks at Riker's chair*
Riker's chair *empty*
Tasha *running for the turbolift*: RIKER YOU FUCKER WAIT FOR ME
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Geordi: Ever feel like you're not really wanted?
Data: Only ALL THE TIME.
Geordi's trying so hard not to look at Tasha. "WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME I'M SORRY I DON'T HUMP EVERYTHING THAT MOVES"
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Riker gets his Wesley grope in. Umm, Wesley, the fuck are you wearing? 80s-ass tinfoil sweatsuit? With a headband? WHAT ARE YOU DOING. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
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Aw, Data watching everyone else so he knows how to kneel.
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Chief Dame: A good question.
Tasha: What reason could we possibly have to deceive you?
Chief Dame: Another good question.
Tasha: You gonna answer any of them or what I got people to do and things to see, lady?
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I like the outfits the guys on the planet wear. The pants are cute.
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OMG TASHA'S ASS RIVALS RIKER'S. THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON
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LOL Tasha mocking Chief Dame.
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Data: What happens if they lie about survivors?
Riker: Let's not look for problems.
Data: Oh, ok, we'll just ignore them. Good plan.
Riker: DATA THERE ARE SEVERAL THOUSAND WOMEN ON THIS PLANET AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RUIN THIS FOR TASHA AND ME
Priorities, Data, jeez.
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LOL the awkward silence as Wesley realizes he's hit Picard with a snowball.
Picard: YOU'RE FIRED GO TO YOUR QUARTERS
Wesley *running away crying*: I HOPE MY MOM NEVER DOES YOU
Worf *shifts uncomfortably*
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Picard fucking HATES Wesley. I LOVE IT.
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LOL Data spraying himself with perfume.
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Riker explaining an aphrodesiac, of course. Oh my GOD, the look he gives Tasha and Troi as Data's completely entranced by the perfume bottle. Troi/Riker/Tasha, y/y? New pairing AWWRIGHT.
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LOL the servant guy spraying himself with perfume. Cute.
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Beverly: Wesley's contracted some sort of respiratory ailment.
Picard: Repiratory ailment? Is it fatal?
Beverly: No.
Picard: Fuck Oh.
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Riker: Data needs access to your library.
Chief Dame: Our library is beyond the comprehension of a man.
Data: FUCK you say? I'm an android, I'm just hung like Worf and Riker combined a man.
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Tasha is eyefucking Riker. She can't WAIT for him to wear that outfit.
Tasha: You're going to wear that and parade around like one of them?
Riker: Yeah. Problem?
Tasha: A big one. In my pants.
Riker and Tasha *intense makeout*
Troi *awkwardly sliding along a wall and out the door*
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Oh snap, Riker making Tasha jealous.
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LOL Geordi and Worf. Geordi's so chill, he'd be friends with everyone.
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Geordi's in command, AW RIGHT.
Geordi *sits in Captain's chair*
Worf: Sir, a rainbow has somehow suddenly appeared in space. Also this book appeared on top of my monitor around the same time.
Geordi: EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT, I GOT THIS
Best day EVER for everyone on the Enterprise.
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LOL Geordi. "Make it so."
Worf *"Please don't even start with that" look*
Geordi *"Whatever, dude, I'm the Captain now" look*
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Tasha: I gotta say, it's kinda sexy.
Riker: Kinda?
Tasha: I'd mount you right here, ok?
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Nice chest hair, Riker. <3
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Oh shit, Riker throwing Ariel's words right back in her face.
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Riker: TASHA GUESS WHO'S GONNA SCORE WITH CHIEF DAME
Tasha: WHAT ALREADY
Riker: YEAH
Tasha: ALL RIGHT WAY TO GO! COMMUNICATOR FIVE!
Tasha and Riker *slap badges at the same time*
THOSE 2 ARE SUCH BROS I CAN'T EVEN
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Poor jealous Tasha.
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Worf *sneezes*
Geordi: You know, I think Picard said something about Wesley being the cause of this sickness.
Worf: Wesley? The boy? *goes charging off the Bridge roaring for Wesley's blood*
Geordi: LOL, sucks to be Wes.
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A personal note here: GODDAMN THIS EPISODE
Me: Ugh, I'm so sick, I hope this episode makes me feel better.
This Episode: EVERYONE IS SICK
Me: FFFFFU(coughsniffle)UUU-
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Oh Lord is Riker going to get drugged and date raped? Nah, you can't rape the willing.
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LMFAO RIKER WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING
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LOL COCKBLOCKING TRENT. Poor baby.
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Man vs. woman camera cuts. Data doesn't really care, though.
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Tasha: Geordi, what's up?
Geordi: So many sick people here, hon. Wish I was down there to avoid catching this virus and also I'd be near you or something and that'd be awesome.
Data *butting in and talking to her badge*: WAIT, SICK PEOPLE? GEORDI IF BARCLAY'S SICK YOU HAVE TO PUT HIM IN BED AND GIVE HIM CHICKEN RICE SOUP. NOT CHICKEN NOODLE, CHICKEN RICE. IT'S HIS FAVORITE.
Tasha: DATA YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BADGE
Data *ignoring her*: AND YOU NEED TO READ HIM MISERY BY STEPHEN KING, IT ALWAYS PUTS HIM TO SLEEP OR MAKES HIM FAINT FROM SHEER FRIGHT, NOT QUITE SURE
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Aw, secret love. <3 Picard is going to cream his pants because of the Romeo/Juliet-ness of it.
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My heart is breaking for Tasha. She keeps looking at Chief Dame and then Riker and Riker's not saying ANYTHING.
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LOL Beverly hitting on Picard who's totally out of it. She is so desperate for sex.
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God you're hot, Data.
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Chief Dame: Go on, stand together! You'll die tomorrow!
Ariel: Least I won't be alone.
Chief Dame *tearing up*: JUST SHUT YOUR FACE
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Riker: You guys are coming with us whether you want to or not.
Data: Uh, sir, no, that breaks like every rule ever.
Riker: FUCK DA SPACE POLICE I DO WHAT I WANT
Data *thinking about how he'll probably be 1st Officer is Riker is arrested*: You do that, sir. You "fuck da space police" the way you do everyone else.
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Oh, poor sick Geordi. :(
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Riker: You're going back there alone.
Data: I'm used to it...
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Troi has some huge cleavage going on.
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Trent's cute.
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LOL shot of Data all alone on the Brdige.
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Data what a boss. <3
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You know Data's harassing the fuck out of Beverly.
Data: DOCTOR
Beverly: DATA I AM WORKING
Data: DOCTOR YOU NEED TO MAKE AN INOCULANT
Beverly: THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING, DATA, JESUS
Data: DOCTOR IF BARCLAY DIES YOU GO WITH HIM
Beverly: GTFO ALREADY
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Aw, Data's "Yay, praise!" face.
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Riker saving the day with words instead of his dick for once. Guess he must be learning from Picard.
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LOL Trent's the caboose of the ho-train.
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Beverly: Bingo!
Data: ARE YOU PLAYING FUCKING GAMES, DOCTOR, PEOPLE ARE DYING
Beverly: I meant I was successful.
Data: Then you should have said Jenga!, Doctor, get with it.
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LOL Riker's success smirk.
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YIKES Picard's raspy old man voice.
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LOL Data's expression after Riker slaps his shoulder. "Do I hit him back? Fuck it, I don't want to get up."
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Ok, Picard, maybe you stop talking instead of sounding satanic.
LOLWUT = this episode.