Sometimes I do. I think about my old man and how great he was to me. I wish I could impart all my wisdom on a son of my own. I wish that baby had been born sometimes, I really do. It would mean that I would've accomplished something in my life, but like I said, fate intervened, it was out of my control. Perhaps it's best that these decisions are made for you. I don't know what kind of a father I would've been.
I always wonder if I would've made a good father had I decided to have a child. It requires a hell of a lot of self-sacrifice on your part, looking beyond your own wants and needs and selfish desires to figure out how best to take care of this tiny human being who depends on you for everything in every way. You'd have to write the map of this child's life and I'm still trying to figure out, at 43, who the fuck I am.
I don't have it in me to be a father, but I envy those who do.
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I don't have it in me to be a father, but I envy those who do.
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