Journal Entry 5
So I know I haven’t added a journal entry since my party, and I was kind of avoiding it. I wasn’t going to talk about it, but I figured, what the hell? Only about ten people read my journal anyway, and this is a way for me to say anything I want.
Now I don’t want to just bitch about my birthday, it was a nice day and my parents and other family members tried to make it a special day. They even surprised me with a Supernatural cake, which was awesome. I just wanted a day that wasn’t filled with drama, and of course it was. My oldest brother humiliated me in front of my friends and other family members! It was so embarrassing. This is the brother who has been staying with us. We had kind of a shaky weekend as it was. Saturday he was getting on my nerves and got all bitchy toward me. So anyway after I blow out my candles and such, my mom and aunt were cutting the cake. My brother (Not the oldest brother, this brother I am close with) was like “make sure you guys save him the piece with Sam on it.” Since he watches the show and knows Sam is my favorite. And then everyone was like, yea give him the Sam piece. Then my oldest brother comes in and goes “You want the piece with Sam?” and I went “Yea.” And he says really loud “YOU ARE SUCH A FAG!” and everyone in the party was just like looking at us, gosh I was so fucking embarrassed. He then tried to apologize later and I didn’t want to hear it, I told him how he humiliated me, and he said he just wanted to add some comic relief. COMIC RELIEF? AT A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY? THE ONLY REASON WE WOULD NEED IT IS BECAUSE OF HIM AND HIS SHIT BRINGING EVERYONE DOWN! Even if he was going to do something, why at my expense? This was my day! And not to mention how vulgar that word is. See, and he doesn’t even know I am bi… and this is exactly why he doesn’t know, or anyone for that matter.
So then he tells me later that night how I don’t pay enough attention to him and I am not nice enough to him through this hard time. Look, I get that he is going through a hard time, but it is effecting the rest of us as well. I then asked him “Do you really think I am not being nice to you?” and he said, “I think you could try harder” WTF!!! How could I try harder? I already gave up my room for him, and gave up a bunch of stuff that I like to do because he wont let me do it! I have barely been on the computer in the last three weeks, and I love the computer! I can’t be on it because he will come in and snoop at my shit! So anyway last night he makes another smarmy remark and tries to degrade me even more. He then tried to put his arm around me and I pushed him away and said “Don’t touch me! You were just bashing me” Then he said “OH FUCK YOU! GROW UP AND BE A FUCKING MAN!” Then my mom was all defending me, and he left the house. He came back later at like 11:30 and was giving me the cold shoulder, I didn’t try to talk to him but he was clearly icing me. So then I just got home from school and I guess he moved out, and he took a bunch of stuff he gave me with him. AND he made it to seem like my fault. Well I am sorry giving you 24/7 access to my car, giving you my bed and my own room, and going on crazy adventures with you at six in the morning because you were lonely makes me a villain. But to tell the truth, I still feel bad.
So I am going to be an usher for the play my school is doing, my drama teacher told me to try out for the next play, and says he sees potential in me. That made me really shocked. I have always wanted to work behind the camera, not in front of it. But maybe this is my path? Who knows, all I know is I want to work with Jared at one point in my life! I am not delusional though; some community college play isn’t going to make me famous LOL.
Oh and now its time for my normal fan boy section! Let me just say my crush on Kris Allen keeps growing and growing! He is just so sexy to me. Plus he is a very amazing person. I was so excited when he won the show, I always knew he was going to win though so it wasn’t that shocking for me. Anyway, check out his new single! It isn’t that good, because Kara Deradouche wrote it, but its still good to hear his voice to a song that he can call his own. Here is the cover art for his single, and you can check it out here
http://www.krisallenfan.com/
And I am going to be kind of pervy right now, because I am so very horny. I haven’t had enough privacy to jerk it in a long time, so I am going to post some hot Jared pics that make me hot LOL. Sorry if that was TMI, but this is my journal, and right now, I want to fantasize about Jared.
And until next journal entry, remember to be cool!
elearning