Comments | jacehan: A Hypothetical Question

jacehan

A Hypothetical Question

Aug 18, 2010 11:05

Imagine you are in a relationship with a guy. He goes unshaven for a few days, which you don't like, because it is rough when you kiss. So you ask him to shave. He does. It's not an unreasonable request ( Read more... )

Comments 8

thevirtualjim August 18 2010, 17:19:23 UTC

I would weigh that one feature vs. everything else that you like and dislike about the person. If there is even any thought about this after a 1st date, it would tell me there is enough interest to keep dating to see how things shake down. After a few, if it seems like you want to get serious, you can always mention about the facial hair thing being an irritation.

You have to know ahead of time what to do if they say they don't want to change. That's the interesting thing with relationships. You have to expect the other person to never change, and be prepared for when they do.

bigmanfolly August 18 2010, 17:44:43 UTC

I'd play the waiting game.

jacehan August 18 2010, 20:33:16 UTC

What do you mean by that?

pokemeintheeye August 19 2010, 00:17:45 UTC

you can't ask someone to change after the first date. that's unreasonably controlling an most likely a turn off. You can CASUALLY state your preference and see if he shaves for you. but I would tread lightly.

jacehan August 19 2010, 00:19:12 UTC

Do you think there is a certain amount of time that would need to pass before it is okay to ask?

pokemeintheeye August 19 2010, 00:27:42 UTC

yes. when you are officially dating.
also....we are talking about the stubble on his face right?

jacehan August 19 2010, 00:33:46 UTC

Well, we could be talking about anything. Any superficial trait that is easily changeable. Of course, some things are bigger deals than others. Shaving off a beard is a bigger deal than shaving off stubble, for example. Getting a haircut is a bigger deal when they have really long hair.

What if it's pre-first date? You meet someone at a bar and exchange numbers, or see a profile online, but same sort of scenario where you think there's a lot of potential but for that one thing that might be a dealbreaker. Do you try to casually state a preference before it's time?

kaitoujeanne August 19 2010, 08:16:58 UTC

Frankly, I would deal. I've always said I'd never date smokers, that it was a huge dealbreaker... and yet my two longest relationships were with smokers. I liked them enough to deal with it. (I did get the first one to quit smoking for most of the time we were together; the other, I finally went, "eh, do I really want to push him on quitting, not really" and dealt with it.) So facial hair, or something superficial like that, I don't really care. It's really not that big of a deal to me. (But then, I like dudes with beards ( ... )