(Tin Man) Fit
Title: Fit
Fandom: Tin Man
Author: jackiejlh
Rating: PG
Character(s): DG
Pairing(s): None
Warning(s): None
Summary: She's supposed to fit here. She's supposed to belong. She doesn't.
DG's whole life has been spent waiting for the moment when she'd finally feel like she was home.
She's supposed to fit here. She's supposed to belong.
She doesn't.
The return of her memories sped up from a trickle to a flood, and there are so many of them now, and yet it seems like she can barely remember her childhood but for brief flashes, glimpses of a happy life. She supposes that's all any adult ever really remembers of their childhood, but it feels unfair. Her parents love her, but she barely remembers being their daughter, and all of the love and affection in the world can't fill the hole left by her other parents-whose love also wouldn't fill the hole, not anymore, because it all rings fake to her now, nothing more than programming, the pushing of the right buttons in the right order.
You're a princess, her mother scolds, please act like one. Women here-especially princesses-don't often wear pants, or hang around with groups of men, or laugh so loud, or talk so much. This isn't Kansas; this isn't 2007. This is a fairy tale come to life, and she's waiting for the happily ever after, but can't seem to find it.
She has a sister, but it's a sister she doesn't know. They're not children anymore. They've grown, they've changed, they've turned into beautiful women with entirely different lives. DG's plagued with homesickness that's more about missing a life than missing a home, and Azkadellia is plagued with guilt and fear and a self-hatred so deep and consuming that she may never find her way free of it. They're broken, all wrong, and they're not what the citizens of the O.Z. expect in princesses.
That didn't matter at first-people had stopped dying, the Longcoats were disbanded, people didn't have to be afraid. But years passed, and people forgot, as people usually do. They forgot that it had been so much worse, and now they spend all of their time wishing that things were even better. The more disreputable papers criticize the way she sits-walks-talks-laughs-dances, the way Azkadellia flinches-trembles-glares-fears-hides, and DG thinks that she's never wanted to be famous or be the center of attention, not ever. She didn't ask for this.
I'm so happy we're all together again. I'm so glad you're home, her father says one night, hugging her close, and once upon a time, she felt the same.
Cain has gone back to being a Tin Man, and Raw went out into the world to spend some time being free and learn to use the courage he's still discovering he has. Glitch is still around, but he's Ambrose now (again) and spends more time with DG's mother than with DG herself. Her parents are busy reclaiming their lives, and so is Azkadellia, and even Toto has gone off to live quietly and forget about prison cells and castles and the princesses who accidentally ruined his life. DG is lonely, and she finds herself wondering if there are other worlds, other lives she could be living. If there's an Earth and an O.Z., then maybe there are others. If there are two, why not three? Or ten? Or a thousand? Would any of them be home?
She doesn't mesh well with this world. She wants to, but she just... doesn't. Can't. Won't. Won't change to be the eight-year-old princess they remember. Won't change to be the ideal future queen that they want her to be. She didn't belong on Earth and she doesn't belong in the O.Z. She's not even sure she belongs to herself anymore, but that's the closest fit and she's clinging to it.
Sometimes she wishes it were all a dream. Sometimes she thinks it is. Sometimes she wakes up gasping and realizes suddenly, painfully, that it's not a dream at all, and she cries.
She doesn't fit here. But she doesn't fit anywhere, and there's nowhere else for her to go, so she stays, still waiting for the moment when she'll finally feel like she's home.
Fandom: Tin Man
Author: jackiejlh
Rating: PG
Character(s): DG
Pairing(s): None
Warning(s): None
Summary: She's supposed to fit here. She's supposed to belong. She doesn't.
DG's whole life has been spent waiting for the moment when she'd finally feel like she was home.
She's supposed to fit here. She's supposed to belong.
She doesn't.
The return of her memories sped up from a trickle to a flood, and there are so many of them now, and yet it seems like she can barely remember her childhood but for brief flashes, glimpses of a happy life. She supposes that's all any adult ever really remembers of their childhood, but it feels unfair. Her parents love her, but she barely remembers being their daughter, and all of the love and affection in the world can't fill the hole left by her other parents-whose love also wouldn't fill the hole, not anymore, because it all rings fake to her now, nothing more than programming, the pushing of the right buttons in the right order.
You're a princess, her mother scolds, please act like one. Women here-especially princesses-don't often wear pants, or hang around with groups of men, or laugh so loud, or talk so much. This isn't Kansas; this isn't 2007. This is a fairy tale come to life, and she's waiting for the happily ever after, but can't seem to find it.
She has a sister, but it's a sister she doesn't know. They're not children anymore. They've grown, they've changed, they've turned into beautiful women with entirely different lives. DG's plagued with homesickness that's more about missing a life than missing a home, and Azkadellia is plagued with guilt and fear and a self-hatred so deep and consuming that she may never find her way free of it. They're broken, all wrong, and they're not what the citizens of the O.Z. expect in princesses.
That didn't matter at first-people had stopped dying, the Longcoats were disbanded, people didn't have to be afraid. But years passed, and people forgot, as people usually do. They forgot that it had been so much worse, and now they spend all of their time wishing that things were even better. The more disreputable papers criticize the way she sits-walks-talks-laughs-dances, the way Azkadellia flinches-trembles-glares-fears-hides, and DG thinks that she's never wanted to be famous or be the center of attention, not ever. She didn't ask for this.
I'm so happy we're all together again. I'm so glad you're home, her father says one night, hugging her close, and once upon a time, she felt the same.
Cain has gone back to being a Tin Man, and Raw went out into the world to spend some time being free and learn to use the courage he's still discovering he has. Glitch is still around, but he's Ambrose now (again) and spends more time with DG's mother than with DG herself. Her parents are busy reclaiming their lives, and so is Azkadellia, and even Toto has gone off to live quietly and forget about prison cells and castles and the princesses who accidentally ruined his life. DG is lonely, and she finds herself wondering if there are other worlds, other lives she could be living. If there's an Earth and an O.Z., then maybe there are others. If there are two, why not three? Or ten? Or a thousand? Would any of them be home?
She doesn't mesh well with this world. She wants to, but she just... doesn't. Can't. Won't. Won't change to be the eight-year-old princess they remember. Won't change to be the ideal future queen that they want her to be. She didn't belong on Earth and she doesn't belong in the O.Z. She's not even sure she belongs to herself anymore, but that's the closest fit and she's clinging to it.
Sometimes she wishes it were all a dream. Sometimes she thinks it is. Sometimes she wakes up gasping and realizes suddenly, painfully, that it's not a dream at all, and she cries.
She doesn't fit here. But she doesn't fit anywhere, and there's nowhere else for her to go, so she stays, still waiting for the moment when she'll finally feel like she's home.