Across the Pond, Part Four
summary: Ian is a vlogger in California, and Anthony is one in England. They meet at VidCon.
pairings: guest starring Phan
warnings: alcohol and mild language
rating: pg-13
A/N: Thanks for reading, guys, this is the final part. Recovery will arrive on Wednesday :)
Ian's performance is brilliant. He's both witty and humorous, and causes the audience to laugh until they're in pain. Dan, Phil and Anthony sit right up front, in the area they jokingly call the 'smosh pit' after Phil's little slip-up.
They congratulate him thoroughly after the show ends, then the four of them stay up late, all getting a bit red in the face with alcohol and partying with their fellow youtubers. They make friends and have fun, and for the night, they feel like kings. America is a place of wonder and beauty for Anthony, and one of great entertainment for Dan and Phil. They love it, but not like he does. He's in heaven, and they're on vacation.
Ian's having a blast, too, loving his work, his fans, and his new friends, especially Anthony. He hasn't felt lonely since he met him, and he can't stop thinking of him, of everything they can do and be together. All the bitter feelings he had before are gone now, and he imagines they will be forever.
"Man, that was really fun." Anthony says to him with a smile, stepping out of the lights of a stage. He, Phil, and Dan had just done a live 'Super Amazing Project' for the crowd, who are now screaming and cheering. It's the end of the second day of VidCon, and Ian's behind the stage's thick velvet curtains, awaiting his friends.
"And nerve-racking." Phil adds as he walks past Anthony, holding hands with Dan, who's nodding in agreement.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Ian asks his friend, seeing that Phil and Dan are about to become preoccupied.
"I don't know. All the parties are gonna start soon, but I'd like a bit of down time before all that." Anthony says, rubbing his head. He's worked hard today, and just wants to relax for a minute before flinging himself back into the action.
"Yeah, of course. Maybe we'll grab some beer and hang out in my room awhile?" Ian suggests, and Anthony nods, loving the idea.
They go to the hotel bar, getting rushed greetings from fellow youtubers and such who are revving up for the night's events. They don't often go off the rails like that, but during VidCon, it's an unspoken rule of the internet that drinks and parties are heavily approved of.
They get in the elevator and head up to the fourth floor, then walk to Ian's room in a comfortable silence.
"You guys really did a great job with the show tonight." Ian breaks the silence as he slips the key card into the door to his room.
"Thanks, mate." Anthony says, a large smile growing on his face as he walks into the room and they sit on the bed that he slept in two nights ago. It feels, to him, like it's only been minutes since he left that bed, but at the same time, years; everything in America is so wonderfully fast and slow all at once, color and emotion blurring his memories.
"Do you like doing stuff like that, with the show, or do you prefer straight vlogging?" Ian asks, and Anthony thinks a moment.
"I don't know. I think I'd say I prefer the 'Super Amazing Project' because it's more like a show, but honestly it's a lot like vlogging, just a bit more work and fun." He takes a swig of his beer. "Honestly, though, I like them both, but there's something else I've been thinking of."
"What?" Ian asks curiously, leaning forward.
"Nah, forget it, it's stupid." Anthony took another sip of his beer, blushing slightly, but Ian pushed further.
"No, really, Ant, you can tell me." Ian insists, putting on an innocent face. Anthony looks at the ground, but says nothing. "What, do you want to leave Youtube or something?"
"No." Anthony reassures him quickly, looking up into his eyes. "Never. It's just...just a stupid wish."
Ian nods, knowing the feeling. "I sort of have one of those." He looks past his friend, out the window. The city is a sea of artificial lights, stealing the darkness from the night.
"I'm not a huge fan of the city, to be honest." Ian says, distant. "Too crowded, too smelly. I'll take you up to San Diego sometime, and the suburbs. It's nice up there."
"That sounds fun." Anthony replies slowly, a little smile on his face. He has a content feeling, like fullness after a nice meal. He finds himself having it every time he's with Ian. "We could vlog."
"Yeah, that would be awesome!" Ian says cheerfully. "Or we- well, never-mind."
"What?" Anthony questions, smile growing.
"Remember that stupid wish I mentioned?" Ian looks at him seriously, and Anthony nods, growing serious as well. "I'd really love to - well, I'd love to do videos that aren't vlogs, or talking to the camera. Like, skits or little TV shows."
Anthony stares at him, mouth gaping. "Remember my stupid wish?" Ian nods. "Same."
"Really?" Ian says, in shock, and the giant smiles return to both their faces at once as they light up. "This is so cool! We could totally do videos like that together, I've already written some with two characters, I've just never had the balls-"
"And we could edit them ourselves, we know how to do it!" Anthony shouts, and their voices rise with glee.
"So I have this one idea of a guy who's actually a box with a face drawn on, but he has some cool adventures, even runs for president, and it would be a music video!"
"That would be hilarious! And how about two kids flying a remote control airplane with a camera on it, and they accidentally catch a murderer?"
"Cool! Or maybe a video where we take some movies and make them actually realistic!" Ian jumps up from the bed with excitement, nearly spilling his beer. He looks to Anthony with a large smile, but sees his fading, and sits back down. "What's wrong?"
"I'm going back tomorrow afternoon. Back to England." Anthony stares at him, almost as though he's in disbelief. "And tickets to come over here are pretty expensive."
"Yeah." Ian nods, then gulps. "I forgot."
"Maybe next year." Anthony suggests in a hopeful tone, but there's a deep sadness on his face.
"Fine. Yeah." Ian says, looking at his lap. "Let's just - let's have fun while we can. Want to go find a party?"
"Sure." Anthony stands, and they leave, but the silence isn't as comfortable as it was on the way into the room. They're both fighting the lumps in their throats, and they feel odd in their clothing, as though somehow they no longer fit.
They find a party in Ryan Higga's room, already in full swing, and meet up with Dan and Phil, but neither will admit to how upset they really are. No one suspects it either; Dan and Phil are too caught up in each other, and everyone else is caught up with the party. They separate, mingle, feign laughter, but inside, both are hurt, both feel damage they assume will be permanent.
It's way later, half past one when they look to each other again. All night was spent faking joy and avoiding the other's gaze, but all it takes is an accidental glance between the pair to make their eyes meet and lock onto each other from the other side of the room. Anthony finally can't handle hiding his emotions anymore, and turns, bows his head, and rushes quietly from the room. Part of Ian breaks, and, barely aware of it, he takes chase.
"Wait, Ant!" Ian calls out as he sees Anthony open the elevator door. He steps in, and Ian follows, getting on just before the door closes.
"I usually only let my close friends call me Ant, you know." Anthony says in a hard voice, looking away. "I didn't mind when you did it at first."
"Only at first?" He questions weakly.
"Maybe you shouldn't call me that, though, considering we won't really get to be all we wanted to be." His tone is still hard, and Ian stares at him, desperation and anger rising within him.
"What, just because I'm American, we can't be friends?"
"I don't want to talk about this." Anthony replies stiffly, clicking the button to go to the ground level. "I'm going for a walk."
"Ant." Ian's not sure of what he's about to say next, but he can't say a thing, because the elevator suddenly shutters and comes to a stop, forcing them to fall on the ground. "Ant!"
"I'm okay." He scrambles to stand as the light turns off. "Are you?"
"Fine, I think. Wait." He pulls out his phone and turns on the light. The first thing he sees is Anthony's pale, worried face, and he feels his heart jump into his throat.
"Call 999." Anthony says, catching his breath, and Ian stares at him, confused. "I mean 911!"
"No service." Ian replies, staring at the screen. "You?"
"Don't have my phone, Dan borrowed it to make a call." Anthony stares at the door, panic shining in his eyes. "What do we do?"
"Wait, I guess." Ian shrugs. "Someone'll notice the elevator's stuck pretty soon.
"It's quarter to two in the morning." Anthony points out.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Ian asks, annoyed, and Anthony shakes his head. They both let out a breath, and sit on the ground, on opposite sides of the elevator. Long minutes of silence pass.
"Ian?" Anthony asks in a quiet voice, looking over to the American. "You can call me Ant, if you want. I...I just-"
"I know." Ian interrupts, sadness washing over him.
"We both knew this had to happen. I'm not from here." Anthony says, but wishes it isn't true. He loves Ian, he really does, and the thought of getting onto another plane and leaving him and this beautiful place behind makes his stomach clench.
"Yeah, but I wasn't thinking about it. I was just happy I wasn't so lonely." Ian whispers, moving closer to Anthony, who raises his eyebrows in an unspoken question. "I know it looks like I have fun on my channel, and I do, but it's so many people, none who can really commit. It gets lonely. I get lonely. And I will be again, when you leave for England."
"You shouldn't be." Anthony whispers back, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll still be your friend. Best friend. And we'll talk every day, mate."
Ian shakes his head, doubtful, but says nothing. He scoots closer to Anthony, and they curl up together, sitting on the floor in the dark. They remain silent, in a state that's not quite sleep, both fighting back the pain.
It's just past five in the morning when the elevator lights turn back on, and the pair stands, lifting each other shakily. Anthony clicks the fourth floor button, and they go up, stopping at the floor without any trouble. The doors open, and the pair walk out slowly, then turn to each other. The whole world to them is silent, and they feel silent, too, like their insides are frozen in a still asylum. Neither wants to leave the other, but both do, turning and heading in opposite directions wordlessly. Sleep escapes them both.
***
The third day is busy, and with both working with no sleep and a lot of tea, there's not much thinking for them, only mindless busy work. They rush about, not seeing each other, saying goodbye to everyone else. Both return to their separate hotel rooms and pack their bags at the end of the afternoon, but both are quite slow, not wanting to leave what they gained behind.
It's ironic that the next time they see each other is at the elevator. Their first meeting, their first fight, and now their first goodbye. Ian's leaving his room, bag in hand, when he sees Dan, Phil, and Anthony waiting for the door to open. Anthony hears him approach and turns, giving him a sad smile which he returns. They all step in, Dan and Phil oblivious to their melancholiness.
"It's been great meeting you, Ian." Dan says, shaking his hand.
"Yeah, this has been so much fun, I can't wait until next year." Phil adds, shaking his hand as well.
"Me too." Ian says softly, looking at Anthony. He swallows.
"Well, I guess this is it." Anthony feels lame, but can't bring himself to say anything more.
"I guess." Ian nods.
"I'll text you when I get back to England." Anthony looks at the ground, unable to look at him. "Next year, Ian." The second bit is added so quietly, neither Dan or Phil catch it.
The door opens, and Dan and Phil step out, looking expectantly at their friend, who shifts his feet uncomfortably.
"Bye, Anthony." Ian wishes he would look him in the eyes, at least to check if he's not the only idiot getting teary eyed.
"No." Anthony whispers, looking up at him, and Ian confirms his eyes are red, too.
"Come on, Ant, we're gonna be late." Phil calls behind his shoulder as the pair begin to walk away.
"No." Anthony repeats, louder now.
"What?" Dan turns around, brow raised.
"I can't. I can't leave." Anthony says to Dan, but he's looking directly at Ian. "I'm staying here, in America."
"Ant-" Phil begins to protest, but Anthony turns to him and cuts him off.
"You and Dan are together now, you need your own space. And I love this place, and I want to see more of it. Besides, Ian and I have a collab idea. We're going to make a new channel."
"To do fun videos, like little shows and skits." Ian says, supporting his friend, though he can hardly believe their situation.
"This is insane. Ant, I love you, but if we don't leave now we'll miss the plane. Are you sure you want to do this?" Dan asks, fearful of losing his friend.
"I love you too. Both of you. But I've made my choice." Anthony stares at both of them for a moment, then they rush towards him at the same time, crushing him in a group hug. Phil sniffles, and Dan chuckles a bit, and they're perfectly still for a moment before releasing him.
"Come on." Dan says to his boyfriend, taking his hand. They nod to Anthony, and rush away. "We'll call you when we get to London!" He yells over his shoulder, and both boys in the elevator smile, then look to each other.
Funny, in that little metal box. First meeting, first fight, first goodbye, and now first hug, first tears. They embrace, neither feeling foolish as the tears drip down their cheeks and the smiles cause them to beam. As they pull away, Ian wipes his face.
"New channel, huh? What'll we call it?"
Anthony smiles wider, if that's even possible. "Well isn't that an easy answer? We've got a friend to honor." When Ian raises an eyebrow, Anthony says the one word that changes their lives forever. "Smosh."
pairings: guest starring Phan
warnings: alcohol and mild language
rating: pg-13
A/N: Thanks for reading, guys, this is the final part. Recovery will arrive on Wednesday :)
Ian's performance is brilliant. He's both witty and humorous, and causes the audience to laugh until they're in pain. Dan, Phil and Anthony sit right up front, in the area they jokingly call the 'smosh pit' after Phil's little slip-up.
They congratulate him thoroughly after the show ends, then the four of them stay up late, all getting a bit red in the face with alcohol and partying with their fellow youtubers. They make friends and have fun, and for the night, they feel like kings. America is a place of wonder and beauty for Anthony, and one of great entertainment for Dan and Phil. They love it, but not like he does. He's in heaven, and they're on vacation.
Ian's having a blast, too, loving his work, his fans, and his new friends, especially Anthony. He hasn't felt lonely since he met him, and he can't stop thinking of him, of everything they can do and be together. All the bitter feelings he had before are gone now, and he imagines they will be forever.
"Man, that was really fun." Anthony says to him with a smile, stepping out of the lights of a stage. He, Phil, and Dan had just done a live 'Super Amazing Project' for the crowd, who are now screaming and cheering. It's the end of the second day of VidCon, and Ian's behind the stage's thick velvet curtains, awaiting his friends.
"And nerve-racking." Phil adds as he walks past Anthony, holding hands with Dan, who's nodding in agreement.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Ian asks his friend, seeing that Phil and Dan are about to become preoccupied.
"I don't know. All the parties are gonna start soon, but I'd like a bit of down time before all that." Anthony says, rubbing his head. He's worked hard today, and just wants to relax for a minute before flinging himself back into the action.
"Yeah, of course. Maybe we'll grab some beer and hang out in my room awhile?" Ian suggests, and Anthony nods, loving the idea.
They go to the hotel bar, getting rushed greetings from fellow youtubers and such who are revving up for the night's events. They don't often go off the rails like that, but during VidCon, it's an unspoken rule of the internet that drinks and parties are heavily approved of.
They get in the elevator and head up to the fourth floor, then walk to Ian's room in a comfortable silence.
"You guys really did a great job with the show tonight." Ian breaks the silence as he slips the key card into the door to his room.
"Thanks, mate." Anthony says, a large smile growing on his face as he walks into the room and they sit on the bed that he slept in two nights ago. It feels, to him, like it's only been minutes since he left that bed, but at the same time, years; everything in America is so wonderfully fast and slow all at once, color and emotion blurring his memories.
"Do you like doing stuff like that, with the show, or do you prefer straight vlogging?" Ian asks, and Anthony thinks a moment.
"I don't know. I think I'd say I prefer the 'Super Amazing Project' because it's more like a show, but honestly it's a lot like vlogging, just a bit more work and fun." He takes a swig of his beer. "Honestly, though, I like them both, but there's something else I've been thinking of."
"What?" Ian asks curiously, leaning forward.
"Nah, forget it, it's stupid." Anthony took another sip of his beer, blushing slightly, but Ian pushed further.
"No, really, Ant, you can tell me." Ian insists, putting on an innocent face. Anthony looks at the ground, but says nothing. "What, do you want to leave Youtube or something?"
"No." Anthony reassures him quickly, looking up into his eyes. "Never. It's just...just a stupid wish."
Ian nods, knowing the feeling. "I sort of have one of those." He looks past his friend, out the window. The city is a sea of artificial lights, stealing the darkness from the night.
"I'm not a huge fan of the city, to be honest." Ian says, distant. "Too crowded, too smelly. I'll take you up to San Diego sometime, and the suburbs. It's nice up there."
"That sounds fun." Anthony replies slowly, a little smile on his face. He has a content feeling, like fullness after a nice meal. He finds himself having it every time he's with Ian. "We could vlog."
"Yeah, that would be awesome!" Ian says cheerfully. "Or we- well, never-mind."
"What?" Anthony questions, smile growing.
"Remember that stupid wish I mentioned?" Ian looks at him seriously, and Anthony nods, growing serious as well. "I'd really love to - well, I'd love to do videos that aren't vlogs, or talking to the camera. Like, skits or little TV shows."
Anthony stares at him, mouth gaping. "Remember my stupid wish?" Ian nods. "Same."
"Really?" Ian says, in shock, and the giant smiles return to both their faces at once as they light up. "This is so cool! We could totally do videos like that together, I've already written some with two characters, I've just never had the balls-"
"And we could edit them ourselves, we know how to do it!" Anthony shouts, and their voices rise with glee.
"So I have this one idea of a guy who's actually a box with a face drawn on, but he has some cool adventures, even runs for president, and it would be a music video!"
"That would be hilarious! And how about two kids flying a remote control airplane with a camera on it, and they accidentally catch a murderer?"
"Cool! Or maybe a video where we take some movies and make them actually realistic!" Ian jumps up from the bed with excitement, nearly spilling his beer. He looks to Anthony with a large smile, but sees his fading, and sits back down. "What's wrong?"
"I'm going back tomorrow afternoon. Back to England." Anthony stares at him, almost as though he's in disbelief. "And tickets to come over here are pretty expensive."
"Yeah." Ian nods, then gulps. "I forgot."
"Maybe next year." Anthony suggests in a hopeful tone, but there's a deep sadness on his face.
"Fine. Yeah." Ian says, looking at his lap. "Let's just - let's have fun while we can. Want to go find a party?"
"Sure." Anthony stands, and they leave, but the silence isn't as comfortable as it was on the way into the room. They're both fighting the lumps in their throats, and they feel odd in their clothing, as though somehow they no longer fit.
They find a party in Ryan Higga's room, already in full swing, and meet up with Dan and Phil, but neither will admit to how upset they really are. No one suspects it either; Dan and Phil are too caught up in each other, and everyone else is caught up with the party. They separate, mingle, feign laughter, but inside, both are hurt, both feel damage they assume will be permanent.
It's way later, half past one when they look to each other again. All night was spent faking joy and avoiding the other's gaze, but all it takes is an accidental glance between the pair to make their eyes meet and lock onto each other from the other side of the room. Anthony finally can't handle hiding his emotions anymore, and turns, bows his head, and rushes quietly from the room. Part of Ian breaks, and, barely aware of it, he takes chase.
"Wait, Ant!" Ian calls out as he sees Anthony open the elevator door. He steps in, and Ian follows, getting on just before the door closes.
"I usually only let my close friends call me Ant, you know." Anthony says in a hard voice, looking away. "I didn't mind when you did it at first."
"Only at first?" He questions weakly.
"Maybe you shouldn't call me that, though, considering we won't really get to be all we wanted to be." His tone is still hard, and Ian stares at him, desperation and anger rising within him.
"What, just because I'm American, we can't be friends?"
"I don't want to talk about this." Anthony replies stiffly, clicking the button to go to the ground level. "I'm going for a walk."
"Ant." Ian's not sure of what he's about to say next, but he can't say a thing, because the elevator suddenly shutters and comes to a stop, forcing them to fall on the ground. "Ant!"
"I'm okay." He scrambles to stand as the light turns off. "Are you?"
"Fine, I think. Wait." He pulls out his phone and turns on the light. The first thing he sees is Anthony's pale, worried face, and he feels his heart jump into his throat.
"Call 999." Anthony says, catching his breath, and Ian stares at him, confused. "I mean 911!"
"No service." Ian replies, staring at the screen. "You?"
"Don't have my phone, Dan borrowed it to make a call." Anthony stares at the door, panic shining in his eyes. "What do we do?"
"Wait, I guess." Ian shrugs. "Someone'll notice the elevator's stuck pretty soon.
"It's quarter to two in the morning." Anthony points out.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Ian asks, annoyed, and Anthony shakes his head. They both let out a breath, and sit on the ground, on opposite sides of the elevator. Long minutes of silence pass.
"Ian?" Anthony asks in a quiet voice, looking over to the American. "You can call me Ant, if you want. I...I just-"
"I know." Ian interrupts, sadness washing over him.
"We both knew this had to happen. I'm not from here." Anthony says, but wishes it isn't true. He loves Ian, he really does, and the thought of getting onto another plane and leaving him and this beautiful place behind makes his stomach clench.
"Yeah, but I wasn't thinking about it. I was just happy I wasn't so lonely." Ian whispers, moving closer to Anthony, who raises his eyebrows in an unspoken question. "I know it looks like I have fun on my channel, and I do, but it's so many people, none who can really commit. It gets lonely. I get lonely. And I will be again, when you leave for England."
"You shouldn't be." Anthony whispers back, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll still be your friend. Best friend. And we'll talk every day, mate."
Ian shakes his head, doubtful, but says nothing. He scoots closer to Anthony, and they curl up together, sitting on the floor in the dark. They remain silent, in a state that's not quite sleep, both fighting back the pain.
It's just past five in the morning when the elevator lights turn back on, and the pair stands, lifting each other shakily. Anthony clicks the fourth floor button, and they go up, stopping at the floor without any trouble. The doors open, and the pair walk out slowly, then turn to each other. The whole world to them is silent, and they feel silent, too, like their insides are frozen in a still asylum. Neither wants to leave the other, but both do, turning and heading in opposite directions wordlessly. Sleep escapes them both.
***
The third day is busy, and with both working with no sleep and a lot of tea, there's not much thinking for them, only mindless busy work. They rush about, not seeing each other, saying goodbye to everyone else. Both return to their separate hotel rooms and pack their bags at the end of the afternoon, but both are quite slow, not wanting to leave what they gained behind.
It's ironic that the next time they see each other is at the elevator. Their first meeting, their first fight, and now their first goodbye. Ian's leaving his room, bag in hand, when he sees Dan, Phil, and Anthony waiting for the door to open. Anthony hears him approach and turns, giving him a sad smile which he returns. They all step in, Dan and Phil oblivious to their melancholiness.
"It's been great meeting you, Ian." Dan says, shaking his hand.
"Yeah, this has been so much fun, I can't wait until next year." Phil adds, shaking his hand as well.
"Me too." Ian says softly, looking at Anthony. He swallows.
"Well, I guess this is it." Anthony feels lame, but can't bring himself to say anything more.
"I guess." Ian nods.
"I'll text you when I get back to England." Anthony looks at the ground, unable to look at him. "Next year, Ian." The second bit is added so quietly, neither Dan or Phil catch it.
The door opens, and Dan and Phil step out, looking expectantly at their friend, who shifts his feet uncomfortably.
"Bye, Anthony." Ian wishes he would look him in the eyes, at least to check if he's not the only idiot getting teary eyed.
"No." Anthony whispers, looking up at him, and Ian confirms his eyes are red, too.
"Come on, Ant, we're gonna be late." Phil calls behind his shoulder as the pair begin to walk away.
"No." Anthony repeats, louder now.
"What?" Dan turns around, brow raised.
"I can't. I can't leave." Anthony says to Dan, but he's looking directly at Ian. "I'm staying here, in America."
"Ant-" Phil begins to protest, but Anthony turns to him and cuts him off.
"You and Dan are together now, you need your own space. And I love this place, and I want to see more of it. Besides, Ian and I have a collab idea. We're going to make a new channel."
"To do fun videos, like little shows and skits." Ian says, supporting his friend, though he can hardly believe their situation.
"This is insane. Ant, I love you, but if we don't leave now we'll miss the plane. Are you sure you want to do this?" Dan asks, fearful of losing his friend.
"I love you too. Both of you. But I've made my choice." Anthony stares at both of them for a moment, then they rush towards him at the same time, crushing him in a group hug. Phil sniffles, and Dan chuckles a bit, and they're perfectly still for a moment before releasing him.
"Come on." Dan says to his boyfriend, taking his hand. They nod to Anthony, and rush away. "We'll call you when we get to London!" He yells over his shoulder, and both boys in the elevator smile, then look to each other.
Funny, in that little metal box. First meeting, first fight, first goodbye, and now first hug, first tears. They embrace, neither feeling foolish as the tears drip down their cheeks and the smiles cause them to beam. As they pull away, Ian wipes his face.
"New channel, huh? What'll we call it?"
Anthony smiles wider, if that's even possible. "Well isn't that an easy answer? We've got a friend to honor." When Ian raises an eyebrow, Anthony says the one word that changes their lives forever. "Smosh."