Ordinary, chapter 17
summary: Ian is diagnosed with cancer. In this chapter, Anthony notices Ian's changes.
warnings: sadness and foul language
rating: pg-13
Ordinary, chapter seventeen
Ian sat in a chair not of his own home once again, but unlike the chair he took two days previous, it was not cold and hard, rather the opposite. Warm and soothing, the plush chair in Doctor Kris Rosenthal's office was one he would prefer any day.
"You look pale, Ian. Are your symptoms worsening?" Kris frowned with concern.
"They're actually improving." Ian responded optimistically. "I've just been tired now that I can't take a sleep aid." He answered Kris' questioning look. "I went to my doctor about the pain yesterday, he said my liver was failing, because, ya know...I'm getting towards the end, and my body's breaking down."
Kris leaned forward, looking slightly alarmed. "Ian, liver failure is very serious. Are you in an advanced stage?"
Ian quickly shook his head. "No, it's really early, Marrow thinks it might start to heal on its own, and if it doesn't, the damage is minor." He decided to continue after seeing Kris' relieved expression. "The sleep aid I was taking, Zaleplon, was increasing the pain and damage, so I had to stop taking it. But I feel a lot better. Not like, pain free, but like I did before I started taking it. It's a huge relief."
"I feel..." Kris said. "I feel that it's not just a relief. It's another reminder, is it not?"
Ian nodded. "Yeah, yes, it is. A reminder that I'm-" He couldn't complete the sentence, but the word echoed in his skull. Dying. It seemed so close, yet so far at the same time.
"Ian." Kris said his name softly, and Ian looked up at comforting eyes. "Are you afraid?"
"Just as much as I was before." Ian admitted. "With the will. Stuff like this, they're reminders, and they're painful. But there's no avoiding them."
Kris nodded, understanding the young man perfectly. "Good, Ian. There's no shame in fear. If you ever need a friend-"
"I have your number." Ian finished with a small laugh.
Kris chuckled, then looked at him seriously. "I'm glad your liver damage isn't too serious, Ian. Though it's horrific that we will be losing you in such a short time, the later date due to cancer is preferred over the earlier date due to complications."
And the two sat in silent agreement.
***
"Aaaaaaaand we're gonna open up some mail."
"Great, I can get paper cuts! Yaaay!"
Ian joined in on Anthony's yay, and they stood still for a moment, waiting to see who would end first, and after Anthony begrudgingly took a deep breath and giggled, the two sat down to open some mail.
"Ew, Canada."
"A package from Canada? Must be a polar bear."
"A polar bear who gave us some candy! Look, you got Smarties, and some weird gummy thing."
"Ah, man, nothing better than a weird gummy thing."
"Put it to the side, you can do an Ian is Bored with that."
Ian obeyed and put the candy in a pile, just as he would do with the other food they sent, but later, he would throw it all away, claiming it to be an accident, instead of admitting the truth. He was now extremely conscious about what he put into his body, even more so because of his liver, and he would not risk eating the foreign food. This theme of caution continued throughout the week, as he washed his hands in a fit of paranoia before each meal, sometimes just at random, in fear of touching his mouth and giving himself some sort of bacterial disease.
At lunch with Anthony, he washed his hands before digging into his Burger King, at which Anthony laughed.
"Look at you washing your hands." Anthony laughed while holding the camera. "You're becoming so refined."
"Why, yes, sir, indeed I am." Ian faked an awful posh accent.
"No, really, you are, I mean, I haven't been able to point out the three things on the table to our fans anymore, you don't leave anything out!" Anthony was laughing, and Ian chuckled uneasily as he sat down. The three random items weren't out as often because he was always sick, or cleaning. He didn't have time to do anything random when he was alone, and he cleaned the house well enough so there wasn't anything random left out.
"And you're not as fidgety any more. You can finally sit still." Anthony was laughing still, but Ian could see a look of concern in his friend's eyes. He played it off casually, moving the conversation forward instead of admitting why he was doing all those things. In truth, Ian was always tired, and his body was weak. He just wasn't up to being all he was before.
Later, as he lied on the bathroom floor, whole body aflame, he knew he couldn't be the exact person he was before he got cancer, he couldn't even pretend to be. But he would not be giving his secret away now- of that, he was certain.
warnings: sadness and foul language
rating: pg-13
Ordinary, chapter seventeen
Ian sat in a chair not of his own home once again, but unlike the chair he took two days previous, it was not cold and hard, rather the opposite. Warm and soothing, the plush chair in Doctor Kris Rosenthal's office was one he would prefer any day.
"You look pale, Ian. Are your symptoms worsening?" Kris frowned with concern.
"They're actually improving." Ian responded optimistically. "I've just been tired now that I can't take a sleep aid." He answered Kris' questioning look. "I went to my doctor about the pain yesterday, he said my liver was failing, because, ya know...I'm getting towards the end, and my body's breaking down."
Kris leaned forward, looking slightly alarmed. "Ian, liver failure is very serious. Are you in an advanced stage?"
Ian quickly shook his head. "No, it's really early, Marrow thinks it might start to heal on its own, and if it doesn't, the damage is minor." He decided to continue after seeing Kris' relieved expression. "The sleep aid I was taking, Zaleplon, was increasing the pain and damage, so I had to stop taking it. But I feel a lot better. Not like, pain free, but like I did before I started taking it. It's a huge relief."
"I feel..." Kris said. "I feel that it's not just a relief. It's another reminder, is it not?"
Ian nodded. "Yeah, yes, it is. A reminder that I'm-" He couldn't complete the sentence, but the word echoed in his skull. Dying. It seemed so close, yet so far at the same time.
"Ian." Kris said his name softly, and Ian looked up at comforting eyes. "Are you afraid?"
"Just as much as I was before." Ian admitted. "With the will. Stuff like this, they're reminders, and they're painful. But there's no avoiding them."
Kris nodded, understanding the young man perfectly. "Good, Ian. There's no shame in fear. If you ever need a friend-"
"I have your number." Ian finished with a small laugh.
Kris chuckled, then looked at him seriously. "I'm glad your liver damage isn't too serious, Ian. Though it's horrific that we will be losing you in such a short time, the later date due to cancer is preferred over the earlier date due to complications."
And the two sat in silent agreement.
***
"Aaaaaaaand we're gonna open up some mail."
"Great, I can get paper cuts! Yaaay!"
Ian joined in on Anthony's yay, and they stood still for a moment, waiting to see who would end first, and after Anthony begrudgingly took a deep breath and giggled, the two sat down to open some mail.
"Ew, Canada."
"A package from Canada? Must be a polar bear."
"A polar bear who gave us some candy! Look, you got Smarties, and some weird gummy thing."
"Ah, man, nothing better than a weird gummy thing."
"Put it to the side, you can do an Ian is Bored with that."
Ian obeyed and put the candy in a pile, just as he would do with the other food they sent, but later, he would throw it all away, claiming it to be an accident, instead of admitting the truth. He was now extremely conscious about what he put into his body, even more so because of his liver, and he would not risk eating the foreign food. This theme of caution continued throughout the week, as he washed his hands in a fit of paranoia before each meal, sometimes just at random, in fear of touching his mouth and giving himself some sort of bacterial disease.
At lunch with Anthony, he washed his hands before digging into his Burger King, at which Anthony laughed.
"Look at you washing your hands." Anthony laughed while holding the camera. "You're becoming so refined."
"Why, yes, sir, indeed I am." Ian faked an awful posh accent.
"No, really, you are, I mean, I haven't been able to point out the three things on the table to our fans anymore, you don't leave anything out!" Anthony was laughing, and Ian chuckled uneasily as he sat down. The three random items weren't out as often because he was always sick, or cleaning. He didn't have time to do anything random when he was alone, and he cleaned the house well enough so there wasn't anything random left out.
"And you're not as fidgety any more. You can finally sit still." Anthony was laughing still, but Ian could see a look of concern in his friend's eyes. He played it off casually, moving the conversation forward instead of admitting why he was doing all those things. In truth, Ian was always tired, and his body was weak. He just wasn't up to being all he was before.
Later, as he lied on the bathroom floor, whole body aflame, he knew he couldn't be the exact person he was before he got cancer, he couldn't even pretend to be. But he would not be giving his secret away now- of that, he was certain.