heliocentric

[jackjackal]

a growing weather system develops in my apartment

Comments

[callmemrpurpose]

Awesome. I love the visuals in the beginning. And in the first four lines, I get a distinct emotion (that's hard to put into words) of some kind of loneliness; but the clever way you put it gives a feeling that says everything an explanation could not.

Third to last line. "with a sunset chorus" just a thought, take it or shit on it, or both.

[callmemrpurpose]

this is definitely going in Overripe

.....

[jackjackal]

hey send me anything you have from other writers, i'd love to read....