Comments | jacklejaw: new shit

jacklejaw

new shit

Nov 21, 2005 14:12

so this is some stuff for the up coming sk play. lemme know what c'hall think. i love love, but i'm looking for critics ( Read more... )

Comments 10

Paragraphs are your friend. bucky_sinister November 21 2005, 22:33:43 UTC

It's really difficult to read this way.

Can you break it up?

I love where you're going, but.. multimediagrl November 22 2005, 00:51:04 UTC

It's SO close at the end, but misses a little something. Not just being frozen as a high school yearbook photo, but.. think about this. (I'm going to do it by telling stories in stead of preaching/critiquing). Once I was Paul Devlin's fake date at the Seattle International Film Fest. I found my way into the smoking lounge, and said "so this is where all the bad kids are at!" and was greeting with drunken cries of "That's right! we were the ones put down in high shcool and now WE WIN!" this was from a guy who had just directed his second movie, which starred Illeana douglas & oscar winner adrian brody -- "Dummy". There's two ways to get revenge for high school beatdowns: 1) go heathers/columbine. 2) live a better life afterwards. at my 20 years reuinion, everyone LOOKED 45 while I acted 25 and told stories of touring with rock bands and hosting erotica showcases. So you don't just become someone else's nightmare, you lose the chance to outLIVE the future insurance adjusters of america ( ... )

Re: I love where you're going, but.. kattygirl November 22 2005, 00:59:28 UTC

yes, yes, yes. i really like what you had to say about this..

thanks multimediagrl November 22 2005, 01:02:03 UTC

see, you can get some perspective on it the closer you get to 40. :P

mskittieface November 22 2005, 00:57:57 UTC

I am emailing you my edit, because man, was it too long to post in a comment. I tried and livejournal said, "Sorry, no way dude."

Bullies are all the same..... tapestry_1138 November 22 2005, 01:12:13 UTC

I told you this once in The Starry Plough, I'll say it again here brother. I think we had the same childhood(or adolesence at least). The only difference I can see is my relief that you didn't turn into a killer like I did and have to live with the scars I have. Living well will always be the best revenge....

I look forward to seeing or hearing your final edit.

Powerful piece. excellent stuff.

mskittieface November 22 2005, 01:32:17 UTC

DAMN STUPID INTERNET!

I had it all edited up and ready to send, and when I hit send, it cut out.

SHIT FUCK MOTHERFUCKING DAMN!

I may or may not do it again.