self-diagnostic returns disgust

Mar 14, 2005 09:50

making pain into a virtue ( Read more... )

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katofcanada March 14 2005, 16:04:37 UTC
that's really good actually, sounds a little edgar allan poe (?) & much like an epitaph but just exaggerated enough to be ridiculous (was this what you were going for?) ... forgive me for I am ill with fever (I really am)...

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jackrational March 14 2005, 16:27:27 UTC
thank you! it *is* meant to be ridiculous - i'm ridiculing my own feelings of self-pity and lack of worth, ridiculing the wearing of resignation like a badge of honour, the abandonment of hope for pessimism and self-flagellation, mistaking a posture of resentment as profundity, indulging and nurturing a weakness of spirit... this is not what i want for myself.

i'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well!

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katofcanada March 14 2005, 17:26:14 UTC
I guess that's why I like the ending (& why I recognize so much of myself in it) ... I am feeling a bit better, was asleep most of yesterday & am headed to work anyway ...

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jackrational March 15 2005, 06:51:26 UTC
yeah, the ending has a double edge. on one hand, it can be interpreted as nasty and spitting - "we are above being happy, our strength lies in how jaded and ironic we can become." on the other hand, you can see it as a promise - "yes, we are broken, we are flawed, but we are not excluded from the right to be happy." and i think that's where the weak win in the end, and are in fact more human... to be cognizant of our own limitations, but to struggle on towards something better: to accept what's offered by those that care for us, and to return it because we understand what it really means to be given a gift by those whose resources are as limited as our own. "not abandoning the project" is definitely part of what it means to me.

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