Cure for the Common Birthday
Title: Cure for the Common Birthday
Author: holdouttrout
Rating: All ages
Warning/Spoilers: None. Set in a vague season 7.
Prompt(s): Suspicious.
Summary: Carter comes through for Jack in his moment of most dire need: his birthday party.
Jack strolled down the SGC corridor, whistling a few bars of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," which garnered a curious look or two, considering it was October. Still, no one he passed commented, and Jack swung into Sam's lab with a flourish on "and a Happy New Year."
Sam closed one of the drawers behind her hastily, turning around almost as quickly, her eyes wide in that particular expression that meant she was up to something, but was trying to hide it. It was one of the few expressions that made Jack nervous, the others being "I'm going to blow up that sun," and "You're not going to like this."
"Sir!" she said, and she was a little breathless, which meant she had panicked when she heard him coming. She was hiding something from him in particular.
"Carter," Jack said, a little slowly, as he scanned the workbench and shelves for any hint of what she was hiding. Sam blinked and made her eyes even wider.
"Is there something you needed?" she asked.
Jack narrowed his eyes. Sam shifted under his gaze, but refrained from babbling her secret. Damn. Either his looks were losing their effectiveness, or Sam was way too used to him. Either way, it spelled trouble.
Jack switched tactics. He shrugged, and said. "Just seeing what you were up to."
Carter shifted to the left a little, uncovering a small corner of the drawer she'd closed. There was a small corner of a handkerchief hanging out of one side. "Nothing, sir."
"Uh huh," Jack said, peering at the handkerchief. It was blue, and fluttered at him. His fingers itched.
Carter's eyes followed his, and her hand twitched, but she didn't reach back to try to stuff it back into the drawer. Jack was impressed with her self-control. Her eyes skated past his and to the left, and then she took a breath.
"Actually, sir," she said in a rush, "I was just taking a look at the enzyme-based power source that the Gitalans used for their machines, and trying to see how they stabilized the solution before transporting it."
Jack stared impassively. "Okay."
Carter fidgeted again. "That is, the compounds that they use are particularly volatile in any combination I can extrapolate, and they have to have some kind of stabilizing agent in order to not...blow themselves up. Sir."
"Ah. Right," Jack said. He tapped his finger against the workbench. Carter watched it. Tap. Tap.
Tap.
Carter said, "I mention it because we're having that briefing and I was wondering if you..." she cringed, and Jack knew she'd worked herself into a corner, "had any ideas?"
"About enzymes?" Jack said.
Carter said, "Yes."
They stared at each other for a moment. Machines hummed. Carter shifted, held still, shifted again.
"Why don't you tell me what's in the drawer, Carter?" Jack said, keeping his smirk mostly off his face.
"I...can't, sir," Carter replied.
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You can't?"
"No, sir. Well, I could, but it would...ruin the surprise."
Now it was Jack's turn to stare.
"Surprise?"
"Yes, sir."
"For me?"
Carter's guarded chagrin turned to amusement. "Yes, sir. For you."
"I--" Suddenly, it clicked. October. His birthday. Aw, crap.
"Aw, crap. I thought I told you I didn't want anything!"
"You did, sir," Carter said. She looked vaguely guilty again.
"You promised you wouldn't get me anything!"
"I did, sir," Carter admitted. "But--"
"All I need is cake! Cake! Not presents, balloons, or a," Jack shuddered, "a party!"
Carter looked even guiltier.
"Oh, hell, no! Carter! You were supposed to stop this," Jack said. "I gave you orders." Jack remembered last year's party, full of tedious people thinking they were being amusing, either trying to coerce him into doing things their way, or trying to suck up to the man they thought would be in charge of them someday. Jack shuddered again at the thought. There was no way he was letting them promote him again. General Hammond could keep his chair.
"I tried to tell them, sir, but it's, well, it's your--" she paused, and Jack glared even more effectively as he anticipated where this justification was going. Sam changed tacks. "It's an important year, sir."
Damn.
"Just...tell me you're not helping to plan it," Jack said, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"No, sir, I'm not." Carter said. "I'm afraid I wasn't very cooperative."
Jack smiled a bit, at that. "Well, you are pretty busy," he said.
Carter nodded. "Exactly. Saving the world takes time."
"I've noticed that," Jack said. Behind Carter, the handkerchief fluttered again. "So...what's my present?" He started to move around the table.
Carter moved to block him and said, "Oh, no you don't. It's a surprise."
"Come on! You owe me."
Carter folded her arms. "On your birthday. It's not even finished!"
Jack opened his mouth to protest again, but Carter narrowed her eyes and planted her feet more firmly. Damn it.
"I hate surprises."
"You'll like this one."
If she'd sounded even a little uncertain, Jack would have pressed her, but she was absolutely confident. He moved back toward the door.
"Fine," he said. "But next year, I mean it: no parties."
"Yes, sir," Sam said, sounding very relieved.
******
The party was just as boring as Jack had dreaded. Too many people and not enough explosions. To make matters worse, Teal'c and Daniel were off in Jaffa-land, which meant Jack was stuck talking to every boring person that wandered by.
Jack had finally managed to shake off the last person, and took a sip of his overly sweet punch as he glanced around. It seemed Carter has escaped and left him to his fate, too, because he couldn't see her anywhere.
He was just about to maneuver his way out the door when something small was pressed into his hand.
"Happy birthday, sir," Carter said softly as she passed, not bothering to hang around. Jack brought the object up--it was a small box covered in bright paper, and Jack didn't wait to tear it open, crumpling the paper up and tossing it into the trash can a couple of feet away. Three points, easy. The box was hinged, and Jack hit the latch. Inside, there was a big, red button that said, "PUSH ME NOW."
Jack took a look around. Carter wasn't even looking his way, but one of Kinsey's lackeys was headed straight for him. He looked at the button again, and shrugged.
He pushed the button.
Immediately, a klaxon went off overhead. Everyone, including Jack--though mysteriously not Carter, Jack noted--jumped. General Hammond gave Jack a look and Jack looked back, and then they both headed for the Control Room, followed by about half the rest of the room while the other half--the diplomats and lackeys--took off for the surface as fast as they could, ushered competently and decisively by Major Davis.
The Control Room was a hive of activity and confusion, but the Gate Room below was completely empty and quiet. The blast doors were down and the iris closed, but there wasn't an active wormhole.
"What's the situation?" Hammond barked, and Walter looked confused and hit a few more buttons before responding.
"I don't think there is one, sir," he said, finally.
"How can there not be one?" Hammond asked.
"Sir, there's been no gate activity for the past thirty minutes, and all systems are coming back normal; we haven't had any incident reports at all today." He shrugged. "There is nothing going on."
Hammond bristled. "Then why is the damn alarm going off?"
Walter shrugged. Jack smiled.
Hammond looked around. "Where's Major Carter?"
"Here, sir," Carter said, her attention completely absorbed--or so it seemed--by the computer screens.
"Do you have any ideas about what's causing this?" Hammond asked.
Carter shook her head. "No sir. It might be some sort of malfunction with the alarm system itself."
Hammond sighed. "Can you at least turn it off?"
Carter nodded to Walter, who hit another couple of buttons. The klaxon ceased immediately, the silence resounding through the Control Room.
Hammond rubbed his forehead. Jack knew he had to be thinking about all the diplomats and other assorted bottom-dwellers currently on the surface, waiting to be given the all-clear before rejoining the party. Considering Hammond didn't know there wasn't a threat for sure, there wasn't any way such VIPs would be allowed back onto the base.
Which meant Jack was off the hook.
"Sir," Walter said. "I'm still not finding anything unusual here."
Before Jack could be worried about wasting manpower and resources--he might be selfishly happy about getting out of his party, but he knew the costs of the program, too,--Carter spoke up. "It has to be the alarm system." She turned, looking just worried enough without overdoing it. "Sir, I'd like to run a few tests."
"Do it," Hammond ordered. "I'd like to know that we're safe sooner rather than later."
Carter nodded. "Yes, sir."
Hammond left to go to his office--probably to act sorry about the whole thing, Jack thought--and Jack slide out of the Control Room into the hall just ahead of Carter. He followed her as she headed to her lab, waiting until they were out of earshot to speak.
"Soooo..." he said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," she said, and gave him that extremely self-satisfied smirk she got when she'd done something incredibly cool. Like pilot a spaceship in a race, or save the Asgard's little gray butts.
"How long does it take to check the alarm system?" Jack asked, curious.
Carter shrugged. "About thirty minutes."
Jack figured that was just enough time for everyone to reach the airport. "Perfect."
"Yes, sir," Carter replied. They reached her lab, and stopped. Carter glanced at the box Jack still held in his hand and said, "Ah...that's a one-use-only gift."
Jack wasn't surprised, but he feigned disappointment as he pocketed the box. "That's a pity. You never know when a crisis would come in handy."
Carter grinned. "There's always next year, sir."
Jack said, "I'm looking forward to it.”
*fin*
Author: holdouttrout
Rating: All ages
Warning/Spoilers: None. Set in a vague season 7.
Prompt(s): Suspicious.
Summary: Carter comes through for Jack in his moment of most dire need: his birthday party.
Jack strolled down the SGC corridor, whistling a few bars of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," which garnered a curious look or two, considering it was October. Still, no one he passed commented, and Jack swung into Sam's lab with a flourish on "and a Happy New Year."
Sam closed one of the drawers behind her hastily, turning around almost as quickly, her eyes wide in that particular expression that meant she was up to something, but was trying to hide it. It was one of the few expressions that made Jack nervous, the others being "I'm going to blow up that sun," and "You're not going to like this."
"Sir!" she said, and she was a little breathless, which meant she had panicked when she heard him coming. She was hiding something from him in particular.
"Carter," Jack said, a little slowly, as he scanned the workbench and shelves for any hint of what she was hiding. Sam blinked and made her eyes even wider.
"Is there something you needed?" she asked.
Jack narrowed his eyes. Sam shifted under his gaze, but refrained from babbling her secret. Damn. Either his looks were losing their effectiveness, or Sam was way too used to him. Either way, it spelled trouble.
Jack switched tactics. He shrugged, and said. "Just seeing what you were up to."
Carter shifted to the left a little, uncovering a small corner of the drawer she'd closed. There was a small corner of a handkerchief hanging out of one side. "Nothing, sir."
"Uh huh," Jack said, peering at the handkerchief. It was blue, and fluttered at him. His fingers itched.
Carter's eyes followed his, and her hand twitched, but she didn't reach back to try to stuff it back into the drawer. Jack was impressed with her self-control. Her eyes skated past his and to the left, and then she took a breath.
"Actually, sir," she said in a rush, "I was just taking a look at the enzyme-based power source that the Gitalans used for their machines, and trying to see how they stabilized the solution before transporting it."
Jack stared impassively. "Okay."
Carter fidgeted again. "That is, the compounds that they use are particularly volatile in any combination I can extrapolate, and they have to have some kind of stabilizing agent in order to not...blow themselves up. Sir."
"Ah. Right," Jack said. He tapped his finger against the workbench. Carter watched it. Tap. Tap.
Tap.
Carter said, "I mention it because we're having that briefing and I was wondering if you..." she cringed, and Jack knew she'd worked herself into a corner, "had any ideas?"
"About enzymes?" Jack said.
Carter said, "Yes."
They stared at each other for a moment. Machines hummed. Carter shifted, held still, shifted again.
"Why don't you tell me what's in the drawer, Carter?" Jack said, keeping his smirk mostly off his face.
"I...can't, sir," Carter replied.
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You can't?"
"No, sir. Well, I could, but it would...ruin the surprise."
Now it was Jack's turn to stare.
"Surprise?"
"Yes, sir."
"For me?"
Carter's guarded chagrin turned to amusement. "Yes, sir. For you."
"I--" Suddenly, it clicked. October. His birthday. Aw, crap.
"Aw, crap. I thought I told you I didn't want anything!"
"You did, sir," Carter said. She looked vaguely guilty again.
"You promised you wouldn't get me anything!"
"I did, sir," Carter admitted. "But--"
"All I need is cake! Cake! Not presents, balloons, or a," Jack shuddered, "a party!"
Carter looked even guiltier.
"Oh, hell, no! Carter! You were supposed to stop this," Jack said. "I gave you orders." Jack remembered last year's party, full of tedious people thinking they were being amusing, either trying to coerce him into doing things their way, or trying to suck up to the man they thought would be in charge of them someday. Jack shuddered again at the thought. There was no way he was letting them promote him again. General Hammond could keep his chair.
"I tried to tell them, sir, but it's, well, it's your--" she paused, and Jack glared even more effectively as he anticipated where this justification was going. Sam changed tacks. "It's an important year, sir."
Damn.
"Just...tell me you're not helping to plan it," Jack said, scrubbing a hand over his face.
"No, sir, I'm not." Carter said. "I'm afraid I wasn't very cooperative."
Jack smiled a bit, at that. "Well, you are pretty busy," he said.
Carter nodded. "Exactly. Saving the world takes time."
"I've noticed that," Jack said. Behind Carter, the handkerchief fluttered again. "So...what's my present?" He started to move around the table.
Carter moved to block him and said, "Oh, no you don't. It's a surprise."
"Come on! You owe me."
Carter folded her arms. "On your birthday. It's not even finished!"
Jack opened his mouth to protest again, but Carter narrowed her eyes and planted her feet more firmly. Damn it.
"I hate surprises."
"You'll like this one."
If she'd sounded even a little uncertain, Jack would have pressed her, but she was absolutely confident. He moved back toward the door.
"Fine," he said. "But next year, I mean it: no parties."
"Yes, sir," Sam said, sounding very relieved.
******
The party was just as boring as Jack had dreaded. Too many people and not enough explosions. To make matters worse, Teal'c and Daniel were off in Jaffa-land, which meant Jack was stuck talking to every boring person that wandered by.
Jack had finally managed to shake off the last person, and took a sip of his overly sweet punch as he glanced around. It seemed Carter has escaped and left him to his fate, too, because he couldn't see her anywhere.
He was just about to maneuver his way out the door when something small was pressed into his hand.
"Happy birthday, sir," Carter said softly as she passed, not bothering to hang around. Jack brought the object up--it was a small box covered in bright paper, and Jack didn't wait to tear it open, crumpling the paper up and tossing it into the trash can a couple of feet away. Three points, easy. The box was hinged, and Jack hit the latch. Inside, there was a big, red button that said, "PUSH ME NOW."
Jack took a look around. Carter wasn't even looking his way, but one of Kinsey's lackeys was headed straight for him. He looked at the button again, and shrugged.
He pushed the button.
Immediately, a klaxon went off overhead. Everyone, including Jack--though mysteriously not Carter, Jack noted--jumped. General Hammond gave Jack a look and Jack looked back, and then they both headed for the Control Room, followed by about half the rest of the room while the other half--the diplomats and lackeys--took off for the surface as fast as they could, ushered competently and decisively by Major Davis.
The Control Room was a hive of activity and confusion, but the Gate Room below was completely empty and quiet. The blast doors were down and the iris closed, but there wasn't an active wormhole.
"What's the situation?" Hammond barked, and Walter looked confused and hit a few more buttons before responding.
"I don't think there is one, sir," he said, finally.
"How can there not be one?" Hammond asked.
"Sir, there's been no gate activity for the past thirty minutes, and all systems are coming back normal; we haven't had any incident reports at all today." He shrugged. "There is nothing going on."
Hammond bristled. "Then why is the damn alarm going off?"
Walter shrugged. Jack smiled.
Hammond looked around. "Where's Major Carter?"
"Here, sir," Carter said, her attention completely absorbed--or so it seemed--by the computer screens.
"Do you have any ideas about what's causing this?" Hammond asked.
Carter shook her head. "No sir. It might be some sort of malfunction with the alarm system itself."
Hammond sighed. "Can you at least turn it off?"
Carter nodded to Walter, who hit another couple of buttons. The klaxon ceased immediately, the silence resounding through the Control Room.
Hammond rubbed his forehead. Jack knew he had to be thinking about all the diplomats and other assorted bottom-dwellers currently on the surface, waiting to be given the all-clear before rejoining the party. Considering Hammond didn't know there wasn't a threat for sure, there wasn't any way such VIPs would be allowed back onto the base.
Which meant Jack was off the hook.
"Sir," Walter said. "I'm still not finding anything unusual here."
Before Jack could be worried about wasting manpower and resources--he might be selfishly happy about getting out of his party, but he knew the costs of the program, too,--Carter spoke up. "It has to be the alarm system." She turned, looking just worried enough without overdoing it. "Sir, I'd like to run a few tests."
"Do it," Hammond ordered. "I'd like to know that we're safe sooner rather than later."
Carter nodded. "Yes, sir."
Hammond left to go to his office--probably to act sorry about the whole thing, Jack thought--and Jack slide out of the Control Room into the hall just ahead of Carter. He followed her as she headed to her lab, waiting until they were out of earshot to speak.
"Soooo..." he said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," she said, and gave him that extremely self-satisfied smirk she got when she'd done something incredibly cool. Like pilot a spaceship in a race, or save the Asgard's little gray butts.
"How long does it take to check the alarm system?" Jack asked, curious.
Carter shrugged. "About thirty minutes."
Jack figured that was just enough time for everyone to reach the airport. "Perfect."
"Yes, sir," Carter replied. They reached her lab, and stopped. Carter glanced at the box Jack still held in his hand and said, "Ah...that's a one-use-only gift."
Jack wasn't surprised, but he feigned disappointment as he pocketed the box. "That's a pity. You never know when a crisis would come in handy."
Carter grinned. "There's always next year, sir."
Jack said, "I'm looking forward to it.”
*fin*