There's Always a Girl.
I met her a few years ago. Mutual friends. We've maybe hung out a few times, but I never gave her a second thought until recently.
About a month ago, I was watching the kids for my ex. She and her boyfriend went downtown to hang out with people, this girl included. At some point, I'm asked to head down there to pick up my ex's boyfriend. He'd gotten drunker than expected and decided to check out early. When I first showed up, Girl's sister was out front. A light hug and brief chit-chat while I waited for the ex and her boyfriend to pop outside. Next to step out was my ex, thanking me for showing up. And then Girl. We said hi, did the small talk over how we'd been. Asked how I was taking the break-up in the months since. Said she knew my ex's side of things. I told her that was all that really mattered anyway, I had nothing to add on my side. We kept up this topic as we approached my car, where my ex and her very drunk ex now were. My ex chimed in and spoke about how we were good now, that things had settled and we were able to be friends after everything. We talked about the kids and how much being in their lives meant. My ex brought up my being uncomfortable with the open relationship that she wanted. Girl mentioned she had seen me "tense" over the subject in the past. Finally it was time to leave. Girl re-iterated how good was to see me again, and hugged me. Not the same as her sister had, though. It was longer, pulled closer in. And that was it. I left with the ex's boyfriend and took him home.
And then proceeded to think about her all night. I felt something and I have absolutely no idea if it was just me or if she did too.
Weeks have passed since, and I haven't thought much about her. Until Sunday night. For whatever reason I couldn't sleep and she came to the forefront of my mind. Restless, I took a long ride with a friend of mine who happened to be awake and down to drive around. We talked about a bunch of shit throughout. I talked about her. He told me to just ask her if she wants to hang out and to leave it at that. So, at 4 fucking am in that morning, I did just that. I messaged her, saying the next time she was in town we should kick it. And I left it at that.
I didn't expect a reply at all. But, she did. About 12 hours later, she hit me back. It sounded good to her. And PS she's digging my hair (dyed it recently, not important.).
And naturally, because I overthink everything, I can't stop thinking about what she thinks my intentions are. Does she know I've got an attraction towards her? Did the thought never occur to her at all?
I can just hear my ex saying "Just be fucking cool, okay?". And she's right. I'm not even sure what I would want to come from any of this. What I do know is that Girl is cool, I've always thought so, and I would like to hang out with Girl. I just can't shut my brain the fuck up, so instead I'm throwing all of this on a journal that absolutely no one knows exists anymore.