[0.7-0.9] Existence
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0.7
Yes, all of it was truly abrupt.
The new office bombshell that every girl wants to be and every guy wants to be with just lugged in her last piece of luggage to her tiny loft she called home.
Jessica had most of her things in storage and it was 5 big bags full of stuff. Perhaps looking as good as her equated to owning so many things.
Yuri sighed as she laid out her spare futon on the other side of the room across the division. It was definitely a mixed bag of emotions she was feeling but it's fine. She already said yes. She can't possibly chase off the girl even if she tried anyway.
"Anything you wanna eat tonight?" She asked.
Jessica gave her an alienating look as if she just insulted her.
“What’s wrong?” Yuri asked with eyebrows furrowed.
“Nothing, I usually don’t eat until late because of my shifts and I haven’t had decent meals lately.”
“Well then, the question still remains, what do you wanna have?”
“Why don’t you choose?” Jessica smiled at her and Yuri finally took notice. Maybe the reason why people adore her is because of how poised she carries herself and how beautiful she is when she smiles.
“Hm well, I don’t have anything thawing right now and that’ll take a while so maybe we can just order in. Goobne chicken?”
“Sounds great.”
---
They watched T.V. and it was some sort of drama with a tall skinny girl who’s dirt poor, being swooned by a rich guy that almost looks like a prince. No conversations were made for the past 30 minutes and as Yuri took notice, the atmosphere became slightly awkward.
“I don’t get these dramas at all. They’re so cliché.”
“What makes you say that?” Yuri said, trying to ease of her felt awkwardness.
“Well, you have this guy in an arranged marriage that’s about to take over his family’s business and you have this super poor girl that’s so poor, she can’t even get away from the city because she owes so much money. I’m sure, sometime in the story the guy will get amnesia then his mother will brainwash him into thinking he hates her.”
“Funny because the amnesia already happened.”
“But of course.” Jessica laughed.
Yuri almost swore she saw Jessica’s eyes travel from her legs up to her chest but she didn’t make a big deal about it. Besides, they’re both girls. Things like that don’t usually happen between roommates right?
“Do you have a boyfriend or anything of sorts, Yuri?”
“No, just me. I tried going out with guys from the office but I realized that there was nothing I feel like I’m missing out on with dating.”
“Hmmm, I see. I imagined guys to be flocking all over you with how you look.”
“I’m boring as a tree bark.” Yuri laughed and kept her head down. She felt like she was depreciating herself a bit and she couldn’t help it. It was true after all. “What about you? How did you end up homeless to begin with?”
“I’ll keep it simple. I have too much debt from all the shopping I did. It’s my fault and I pay the minimum every month so you don’t have to worry about people busting your door looking for me.”
“Oh…” Yuri replied, at a loss for words.
“It’s clumsy I know. I’m really hoping that things will go well with this new job. It would’ve been better if I worked two jobs but I really just took the convenience store one to have a place to stay.”
“No, I didn’t say anything like that. You’re not clumsy. And you would tire yourself out if you did that every day. At least living here is better right?”
“Yeah, thanks a whole lot Yuri. You don’t understand how much this means to me.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
Yuri gathered up the dishes, as it was almost time for her to turn in. Back in the country, she slept at 10 P.M. on the dot and ever since then, she got used to it. She knew how people in the city were and she felt a bit worried leaving Jessica alone while she went to bed. Right when she placed the bowls in the sink, Jessica spoke.
“Hey Yuri, my boss gave me Soju from the convenience store and I really don’t want to drink it alone. Do you wanna share it with me?”
Yuri realized that Jessica probably didn’t know about how she doesn’t drink. On a weekday especially when she has work tomorrow and the pile of dishes she has to tend to. But she thought, how would anyone turn down something like that to begin with? Uh no, I don’t drink and I sleep at 10 P.M.? I’d love to but it’s a work day tomorrow and I can’t be hung over on the job?
“Um, sure but just a little bit.” She heard herself say. She wasn’t sure about what she was really agreeing to but perhaps it won’t be as bad as she hopes.
“Great! She gave me five bottles because she said I’ve been great help but how could I possibly drink it alone you know?” Jessica said as she took out one bottle. “I just want that little buzz before going to bed. And don’t worry, I’ll do the dishes. It’s the least I can do for staying here.”
“I can do it. It’s fine.”
“No, let me do that.”
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They’ve accidentally gone through three bottles because of Jessica’s persuasive logic. The room spun for Yuri and she felt like she was in a happy place. Drinking wasn’t this much fun when she was with others but Jessica seemed to have the perfect things to say every time.
“Yuri, how many people have you gone out with?”
“Zero.” Yuri said as Jessica poured her another shot and spilling some.
“Are you serious?” Jessica laughed in disbelief. “You’re lying!”
“Nope, dead serious. The guys I know back home are as country as you people perceive them to be.”
“Oh really? Always more concerned about their crops and animals than they are with other things?”
“Exactly.” Yuri chuckled and laughed. The alcohol was definitely messing with her system. Then she looked at Jessica who had a cunning smile on her.
“Well then, I’ll be straightforward.” Jessica was slowly inching towards her, as if she was the only one drinking at all. It suddenly became hot when she felt Jessica’s hand on her waist. “I wanna steal your first kiss.”
She didn’t even have time to even answer. The logic didn’t fall through for her and Yuri couldn’t do anything else but move her lips in sync with Jessica’s. There was nothing like it and it was as sexy as she thought it’d be. The only thing is, she wasn’t sure why or how it happened.
Jessica kissed her neck and she felt her tongue dancing around her collarbone. She let her back fall to the floor, which suddenly became her futon and it made her even more confused. How did that get there?
She closed her eyes and she felt unable to open them anymore. The lingering sensations of whatever Jessica was doing felt great and she wanted nothing more but for her to keep going.
Yuri fell asleep in great bliss that night.
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0.8
Yuri woke up with this numbing feeling at the back of her head. Her clothes were intact and shower was running in the background. Yesterday was a blur and she wasn’t sure about what really happened but perhaps that’s not important right now. She was already 25 minutes late from her usual routine.
She stood up and went outside of the room where she saw everything clean as if they never ate last night. The shower then turned off and she saw Jessica with nothing but a towel on.
“Good, you’re up. A cold shower would do you great with that hangover.” Jessica said as she went to her own room.
The shower smelled like floral soap and it reminded her of how good Jessica smelled last night. The only thing she was sure of was that kiss and everything else happened like it was from some cliche movie.
She took a quick bath to soothe her senses and getting out made her feel the rush of a particular workday. She brushed her teeth and did everything she usually does and strangely enough, by the time she finished Jessica just finished as well. Was Jessica taking her time?
“Are you ready to go?” Jessica said cheerfully which seems a bit inappropriate for a time where she feels panicked about being late.
“Yes, let’s go. We can grab breakfast on the way.”
Yuri felt weird with everything that had happened last night. It wasn’t something she anticipated for the second day when THAT just happened. Aren’t they supposed to talk about it at least?
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They arrived 5 minutes before their shift started and Yuri felt like she was having a heart attack. The routine was good and she was so used to it that any minute change felt like a weakness.
“Jessica, I-"
“There she is!” A few guys smiled to greet Jessica. “Say listen, about last week’s inventory report, this chargeback wasn’t recognized in the system so I need you to…”
Yuri went to her cubicle instead. Part of her was kind of annoyed with how the guys in her job seem to put on some superficial face when it comes to girls that they like. As if they become super gentlemen of sorts-but only for that one girl. There were things she wanted to ask Jessica about and the whole idea of coming to work almost late, that she totally does not want to deal with.
She opened up her computer, obviously unwilling to work from her hangover. But work is work. She was not being paid for her feelings. So Yuri typed and began to get into it because she could sort out her feelings later. The fact that Jessica acted like nothing happened sort of disappointed her that she didn’t even want to see Jessica for the entire day at all. So she decided to have lunch in her cubicle while finishing her work and perhaps she can get the day over with faster.
It’ll be better than the bullcrap she’ll be dealing with later anyway.
----
“See you tomorrow guys.”
People said as they left the office. It was finally time to pack up and Yuri had finished all of her work and more. She saw Jessica with a handful of papers from the copier so she went to see if she needed help.
“I just have to wait until the copies finish and punch holes in them to put in a binder. You can go ahead.”
“It’s okay. I’ll help you.”
“Well, thank you then.” Again with that great smile.
Yuri picked up a stack of the finished papers and neatly punched holes onto them. The office was now quiet with only them and the copier machine making noise.
“Sorry if I pushed you last night with the soju.” Jessica said. “I found out today that you don’t even drink and I forced you into it.”
Yuri felt it was best not to respond. She wasn’t mad or anything and it already happened. It wasn’t really anything she regretted. After seeing Yuri’s response, Jessica went back to her work by sorting out the papers to be put on binders. She looked sad and guilty.
“Well, what about that kiss?” Yuri finally broke the silence. She knew it was something she’d have to talk about eventually. All day it had bothered her, and she felt like she was gonna be driven up a wall.
“Excuse me?” Jessica asked innocently.
“That kiss.”
Jessica gave an almost confused smile and went on her work. Yuri felt a bit mad. What the hell?
“That’s what happened?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know, I hope you’ll believe me if I say I can barely remember.” Jessica playfully said as she neatly stacked all the binders in a box. “Finally done. We can go now.”
She saw Jessica’s smile and Yuri was still confused. What exactly was going on? Is Jessica playing tricks on her?
“All I can say is that we were pretty drunk last night. Maybe I kissed you, maybe I didn’t. I don’t know, I can’t remember it either.”
Jessica took Yuri’s arm and dragged her out of the office. Today, she thought she’d clear the air in her head a bit by asking but Jessica obviously made it worse.
“I wanna eat barbeque tonight. What do you think?”
“Why are you changing the subject so abruptly?” Yuri said mad and annoyed. She wanted an answer and getting an answer as vague as the question wasn’t helping.
She thought that maybe it was an honest mistake from her part. Alcohol does mess with your sense perception and the soju they had yesterday was pretty strong so the story does somewhat check in. But the fact that Jessica seemed like she could hold her liquor, and how everything felt so real made it close to reality. Why would she lie though? Did the soju really just mess with my head?
She looked on her side and her eyes met with Jessica’s. Jessica was waiting for an answer and she felt like everything was back to how they were a few days ago. Perhaps it’s better to just let it go for now.
“Well I did thaw some pork before we left so we can.” She reluctantly said. Hunger never occurred to her throughout the day because of what had happened last night but she lives with someone now.
“Great. Maybe we can finish the rest of the soju. And then I can recall if we really did kissed.” Jessica laughed and Yuri still did not understand how casual Jessica can be with such intimate things.
“No, we’re definitely not drinking. I mean it was the most fun I’ve had drinking but the day after isn’t. And plus, it’s a weekday.”
“So you mean to say that the most fun you’ve had was with someone you just met a few days ago? I must be quite the company then.” Jessica said with a hint of slyness to her tone. Then she showed a wink and aegyo to the point where Yuri almost burst out laughing.
“Hey!” Jessica lightly punched Yuri’s arm. “That was mean.”
“Alright then, yes. That’s the most fun I’ve had ever, despite the fact that I don’t remember 50% of it.”
“We have three more bottles at home, we’ll relive the 50%.”
“You’re insane.”
Jessica was playful and Yuri was glad the mood was lightened up between them. Her new roommate seemed to be genuine and kind, although there were still a few things Yuri couldn’t put a finger on. Was she really homeless? What was with that attitude Jessica was putting on at the convenience store?
“Yuri, hurry we’re gonna miss the train!” She heard Jessica said.
Maybe she’s normal or maybe she’s messed up. But then again, what do I have to lose right now?
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0.9
It’s been a few days since the incident happened and just like a typical work night, at 8 P.M. T.V. was tuned on the drama that Yuri usually watches. Jessica sat on the coffee table with her laptop and Yuri was right across her, folding clothes. When Yuri was still living alone, she did nothing but chores and then go to bed. But now that Jessica is here, she seems unsure about what to do, every night. What do normal people typically do on weeknights anyway?
The drama went on a commercial break and an advertisement for the convenience store that Jessica worked showed up. Yuri then felt that the time to ask Jessica things was here.
“Hey Jessica, where did you work before the convenience store anyway?”
Jessica typed a few more words onto her computer before responding to Yuri.
“I was finishing up my degree. I lived at the dorms and then afterwards, I didn’t really think it through that I ended up not being able to get a job and renting an apartment I couldn’t really afford.”
“Oh…” Yuri felt bad for asking in the first place, although it was possibly something Jessica already got over since she’s able to speak about it so freely. Jessica did not take her eyes off of her computer nor did she stop typing. The way she said it, seemed so nonchalant that Yuri was unsure if she offended Jessica.
“It’s fine, Yuri. I was immature and I feel like I somewhat know better now. I was arrogant and I always thought I could handle everything all at once, but I realized that’s not true you know? It’s okay to admit defeat or admit you have something like a spending problem.” Jessica pressing keys on her computer and closed it. She looked at Yuri with a reluctant smile and Yuri could see Jessica’s sadness through it. “I’ll get through the things I struggle with, I’m sure.”
Yuri couldn’t help but to smile back. Jessica seemed to know her place and she envied that. Yuri didn’t know what she wanted or what she’s supposed to chase after. She hasn’t made any life-changing mistakes that she needed to undo nor had she decided on the aspirations she’s suppose to chase after. All she knew was that work was essential and that she should save her money for something. She’s supposed to work hard-but nobody told her anything about working hard towards anything.
There are people that aspire to be healthy like her, but her reason of not getting sick may be too simple for others to believe. What about those that chase after fame? Money? Pleasure? Intellect? Why wasn’t she chasing after any of these things?
“What about you Yuri, what did you expect to find in the city?” Jessica asked her with the sound of the T.V. in the background. Yuri’s mind was blank when she heard Jessica’s question. Her parents sent her to a good university in Busan and pursued her to move to Seoul to find work. She did it out of reluctance although she had no apparent desire to protest. There wasn’t anything she was attached to back home, and the things she loved were simple enough that she could take it and leave it as she pleased.
“I moved here because of my parents’ wish. They wanted me to be able to have a good income and probably move back home to start a family.”
“Oh? No story about forbidden love or childhood desires to move here? Do you ever feel like you want to go back and live there again?”
“I don’t think there’s anything for me to tend to there. My brother is helping my parents with the farm and moving back would just mean being stuck at home most of the time. I miss certain things like going home with the sun setting by the mountains or the cool breeze in the morning but it’s okay. The city is not so bad.”
Jessica tilted her head in wonder. She seemed to be puzzled with Yuri’s answer.
“What about friends? Do you have any that you left back home?”
“There’s a few but we never really talked about anything much. It was the same in college too.” Yuri scratched her temple. She felt as boring as a rock with the answers she’s been giving Jessica. “I’m so boring.”
“No, no you’re not. I never said that.”
“I just gave you my life story in 5 minutes and it’s apparent that there’s nothing in it.”
“I’m not judging. And besides, I’ve been at the other end of the spectrum. I kept in touch with lots of people from high school and college but most of them didn’t come through when I needed them the most. People can suck so what you can have can be both a blessing and a curse so don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s no right or wrong way to live, so as long as you’re happy, that should be enough.”
As long as you’re happy, am I even happy? Yuri questioned herself.
“Why do I get the feeling that that last bit bothers you?” Jessica asked sincerely. Yuri almost felt the pity in Jessica’s voice but she did not feel insulted with it at all.
“Because I don’t know what I want from my existence. I don’t know why I exist.”
The silence between them is replaced by the music coming from the T.V.. Jessica seemed to have been taken aback from what Yuri had just said and with such a deep question like that; Yuri wasn’t expecting a reply anymore. She knew that nobody could answer that for her.
“I know that’s something you’ll have to figure out but I’ll help. Find a new hobby, buy things you like, appreciate things, perhaps even fall in love. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
Yuri felt pained from this revelation. Now she knew the reason why she felt so hollow and lonely. She had nothing she wanted to chase after or to enjoy.
It was bad enough that Jessica revealed all this to her but the fact that it hit close to home hurt a lot. She’s lived like this all her life. Nothing she desired and nothing she truly wanted to hold on to. Is there really a way out?
“Say, why don’t we watch a movie tonight?” Jessica proposed in an effort to lighten up the mood. “Hoo Moo from the Marketing department lended me a copy of ‘My Wife is a Farmer’ earlier today and he said it was really funny. I mean, who knows, maybe you knew where it was shot. I heard it had quite a publicity because the lead guy wanted to slaughter and cook the cow that he worked with in the movie.”
“I think I know who you’re talking about. My parents told me about something like that, that a famous celebrity wanted to kill the family cow to feed to the crew.” Yuri laughed a bit, feeling a bit better.
“Great then, wanna come with me and get some snacks?”
“Sure.”
She felt this was the best she could do for now and her father did tell her that the worst thing someone can ever do is to leave you alone when you're in a unclimbable pit. Jessica was certainly giving an effort in tending to her feelings despite of the fact that they were nothing more but acquaintances right now. It felt heartwarming. Someone actually cared.
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This fic is also on Soshified although I wouldn't mind comments from either.
http://www.soshified.com/forums/topic/85950-yulsic-existence/
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0.7
Yes, all of it was truly abrupt.
The new office bombshell that every girl wants to be and every guy wants to be with just lugged in her last piece of luggage to her tiny loft she called home.
Jessica had most of her things in storage and it was 5 big bags full of stuff. Perhaps looking as good as her equated to owning so many things.
Yuri sighed as she laid out her spare futon on the other side of the room across the division. It was definitely a mixed bag of emotions she was feeling but it's fine. She already said yes. She can't possibly chase off the girl even if she tried anyway.
"Anything you wanna eat tonight?" She asked.
Jessica gave her an alienating look as if she just insulted her.
“What’s wrong?” Yuri asked with eyebrows furrowed.
“Nothing, I usually don’t eat until late because of my shifts and I haven’t had decent meals lately.”
“Well then, the question still remains, what do you wanna have?”
“Why don’t you choose?” Jessica smiled at her and Yuri finally took notice. Maybe the reason why people adore her is because of how poised she carries herself and how beautiful she is when she smiles.
“Hm well, I don’t have anything thawing right now and that’ll take a while so maybe we can just order in. Goobne chicken?”
“Sounds great.”
---
They watched T.V. and it was some sort of drama with a tall skinny girl who’s dirt poor, being swooned by a rich guy that almost looks like a prince. No conversations were made for the past 30 minutes and as Yuri took notice, the atmosphere became slightly awkward.
“I don’t get these dramas at all. They’re so cliché.”
“What makes you say that?” Yuri said, trying to ease of her felt awkwardness.
“Well, you have this guy in an arranged marriage that’s about to take over his family’s business and you have this super poor girl that’s so poor, she can’t even get away from the city because she owes so much money. I’m sure, sometime in the story the guy will get amnesia then his mother will brainwash him into thinking he hates her.”
“Funny because the amnesia already happened.”
“But of course.” Jessica laughed.
Yuri almost swore she saw Jessica’s eyes travel from her legs up to her chest but she didn’t make a big deal about it. Besides, they’re both girls. Things like that don’t usually happen between roommates right?
“Do you have a boyfriend or anything of sorts, Yuri?”
“No, just me. I tried going out with guys from the office but I realized that there was nothing I feel like I’m missing out on with dating.”
“Hmmm, I see. I imagined guys to be flocking all over you with how you look.”
“I’m boring as a tree bark.” Yuri laughed and kept her head down. She felt like she was depreciating herself a bit and she couldn’t help it. It was true after all. “What about you? How did you end up homeless to begin with?”
“I’ll keep it simple. I have too much debt from all the shopping I did. It’s my fault and I pay the minimum every month so you don’t have to worry about people busting your door looking for me.”
“Oh…” Yuri replied, at a loss for words.
“It’s clumsy I know. I’m really hoping that things will go well with this new job. It would’ve been better if I worked two jobs but I really just took the convenience store one to have a place to stay.”
“No, I didn’t say anything like that. You’re not clumsy. And you would tire yourself out if you did that every day. At least living here is better right?”
“Yeah, thanks a whole lot Yuri. You don’t understand how much this means to me.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
Yuri gathered up the dishes, as it was almost time for her to turn in. Back in the country, she slept at 10 P.M. on the dot and ever since then, she got used to it. She knew how people in the city were and she felt a bit worried leaving Jessica alone while she went to bed. Right when she placed the bowls in the sink, Jessica spoke.
“Hey Yuri, my boss gave me Soju from the convenience store and I really don’t want to drink it alone. Do you wanna share it with me?”
Yuri realized that Jessica probably didn’t know about how she doesn’t drink. On a weekday especially when she has work tomorrow and the pile of dishes she has to tend to. But she thought, how would anyone turn down something like that to begin with? Uh no, I don’t drink and I sleep at 10 P.M.? I’d love to but it’s a work day tomorrow and I can’t be hung over on the job?
“Um, sure but just a little bit.” She heard herself say. She wasn’t sure about what she was really agreeing to but perhaps it won’t be as bad as she hopes.
“Great! She gave me five bottles because she said I’ve been great help but how could I possibly drink it alone you know?” Jessica said as she took out one bottle. “I just want that little buzz before going to bed. And don’t worry, I’ll do the dishes. It’s the least I can do for staying here.”
“I can do it. It’s fine.”
“No, let me do that.”
------
They’ve accidentally gone through three bottles because of Jessica’s persuasive logic. The room spun for Yuri and she felt like she was in a happy place. Drinking wasn’t this much fun when she was with others but Jessica seemed to have the perfect things to say every time.
“Yuri, how many people have you gone out with?”
“Zero.” Yuri said as Jessica poured her another shot and spilling some.
“Are you serious?” Jessica laughed in disbelief. “You’re lying!”
“Nope, dead serious. The guys I know back home are as country as you people perceive them to be.”
“Oh really? Always more concerned about their crops and animals than they are with other things?”
“Exactly.” Yuri chuckled and laughed. The alcohol was definitely messing with her system. Then she looked at Jessica who had a cunning smile on her.
“Well then, I’ll be straightforward.” Jessica was slowly inching towards her, as if she was the only one drinking at all. It suddenly became hot when she felt Jessica’s hand on her waist. “I wanna steal your first kiss.”
She didn’t even have time to even answer. The logic didn’t fall through for her and Yuri couldn’t do anything else but move her lips in sync with Jessica’s. There was nothing like it and it was as sexy as she thought it’d be. The only thing is, she wasn’t sure why or how it happened.
Jessica kissed her neck and she felt her tongue dancing around her collarbone. She let her back fall to the floor, which suddenly became her futon and it made her even more confused. How did that get there?
She closed her eyes and she felt unable to open them anymore. The lingering sensations of whatever Jessica was doing felt great and she wanted nothing more but for her to keep going.
Yuri fell asleep in great bliss that night.
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0.8
Yuri woke up with this numbing feeling at the back of her head. Her clothes were intact and shower was running in the background. Yesterday was a blur and she wasn’t sure about what really happened but perhaps that’s not important right now. She was already 25 minutes late from her usual routine.
She stood up and went outside of the room where she saw everything clean as if they never ate last night. The shower then turned off and she saw Jessica with nothing but a towel on.
“Good, you’re up. A cold shower would do you great with that hangover.” Jessica said as she went to her own room.
The shower smelled like floral soap and it reminded her of how good Jessica smelled last night. The only thing she was sure of was that kiss and everything else happened like it was from some cliche movie.
She took a quick bath to soothe her senses and getting out made her feel the rush of a particular workday. She brushed her teeth and did everything she usually does and strangely enough, by the time she finished Jessica just finished as well. Was Jessica taking her time?
“Are you ready to go?” Jessica said cheerfully which seems a bit inappropriate for a time where she feels panicked about being late.
“Yes, let’s go. We can grab breakfast on the way.”
Yuri felt weird with everything that had happened last night. It wasn’t something she anticipated for the second day when THAT just happened. Aren’t they supposed to talk about it at least?
------
They arrived 5 minutes before their shift started and Yuri felt like she was having a heart attack. The routine was good and she was so used to it that any minute change felt like a weakness.
“Jessica, I-"
“There she is!” A few guys smiled to greet Jessica. “Say listen, about last week’s inventory report, this chargeback wasn’t recognized in the system so I need you to…”
Yuri went to her cubicle instead. Part of her was kind of annoyed with how the guys in her job seem to put on some superficial face when it comes to girls that they like. As if they become super gentlemen of sorts-but only for that one girl. There were things she wanted to ask Jessica about and the whole idea of coming to work almost late, that she totally does not want to deal with.
She opened up her computer, obviously unwilling to work from her hangover. But work is work. She was not being paid for her feelings. So Yuri typed and began to get into it because she could sort out her feelings later. The fact that Jessica acted like nothing happened sort of disappointed her that she didn’t even want to see Jessica for the entire day at all. So she decided to have lunch in her cubicle while finishing her work and perhaps she can get the day over with faster.
It’ll be better than the bullcrap she’ll be dealing with later anyway.
----
“See you tomorrow guys.”
People said as they left the office. It was finally time to pack up and Yuri had finished all of her work and more. She saw Jessica with a handful of papers from the copier so she went to see if she needed help.
“I just have to wait until the copies finish and punch holes in them to put in a binder. You can go ahead.”
“It’s okay. I’ll help you.”
“Well, thank you then.” Again with that great smile.
Yuri picked up a stack of the finished papers and neatly punched holes onto them. The office was now quiet with only them and the copier machine making noise.
“Sorry if I pushed you last night with the soju.” Jessica said. “I found out today that you don’t even drink and I forced you into it.”
Yuri felt it was best not to respond. She wasn’t mad or anything and it already happened. It wasn’t really anything she regretted. After seeing Yuri’s response, Jessica went back to her work by sorting out the papers to be put on binders. She looked sad and guilty.
“Well, what about that kiss?” Yuri finally broke the silence. She knew it was something she’d have to talk about eventually. All day it had bothered her, and she felt like she was gonna be driven up a wall.
“Excuse me?” Jessica asked innocently.
“That kiss.”
Jessica gave an almost confused smile and went on her work. Yuri felt a bit mad. What the hell?
“That’s what happened?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know, I hope you’ll believe me if I say I can barely remember.” Jessica playfully said as she neatly stacked all the binders in a box. “Finally done. We can go now.”
She saw Jessica’s smile and Yuri was still confused. What exactly was going on? Is Jessica playing tricks on her?
“All I can say is that we were pretty drunk last night. Maybe I kissed you, maybe I didn’t. I don’t know, I can’t remember it either.”
Jessica took Yuri’s arm and dragged her out of the office. Today, she thought she’d clear the air in her head a bit by asking but Jessica obviously made it worse.
“I wanna eat barbeque tonight. What do you think?”
“Why are you changing the subject so abruptly?” Yuri said mad and annoyed. She wanted an answer and getting an answer as vague as the question wasn’t helping.
She thought that maybe it was an honest mistake from her part. Alcohol does mess with your sense perception and the soju they had yesterday was pretty strong so the story does somewhat check in. But the fact that Jessica seemed like she could hold her liquor, and how everything felt so real made it close to reality. Why would she lie though? Did the soju really just mess with my head?
She looked on her side and her eyes met with Jessica’s. Jessica was waiting for an answer and she felt like everything was back to how they were a few days ago. Perhaps it’s better to just let it go for now.
“Well I did thaw some pork before we left so we can.” She reluctantly said. Hunger never occurred to her throughout the day because of what had happened last night but she lives with someone now.
“Great. Maybe we can finish the rest of the soju. And then I can recall if we really did kissed.” Jessica laughed and Yuri still did not understand how casual Jessica can be with such intimate things.
“No, we’re definitely not drinking. I mean it was the most fun I’ve had drinking but the day after isn’t. And plus, it’s a weekday.”
“So you mean to say that the most fun you’ve had was with someone you just met a few days ago? I must be quite the company then.” Jessica said with a hint of slyness to her tone. Then she showed a wink and aegyo to the point where Yuri almost burst out laughing.
“Hey!” Jessica lightly punched Yuri’s arm. “That was mean.”
“Alright then, yes. That’s the most fun I’ve had ever, despite the fact that I don’t remember 50% of it.”
“We have three more bottles at home, we’ll relive the 50%.”
“You’re insane.”
Jessica was playful and Yuri was glad the mood was lightened up between them. Her new roommate seemed to be genuine and kind, although there were still a few things Yuri couldn’t put a finger on. Was she really homeless? What was with that attitude Jessica was putting on at the convenience store?
“Yuri, hurry we’re gonna miss the train!” She heard Jessica said.
Maybe she’s normal or maybe she’s messed up. But then again, what do I have to lose right now?
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0.9
It’s been a few days since the incident happened and just like a typical work night, at 8 P.M. T.V. was tuned on the drama that Yuri usually watches. Jessica sat on the coffee table with her laptop and Yuri was right across her, folding clothes. When Yuri was still living alone, she did nothing but chores and then go to bed. But now that Jessica is here, she seems unsure about what to do, every night. What do normal people typically do on weeknights anyway?
The drama went on a commercial break and an advertisement for the convenience store that Jessica worked showed up. Yuri then felt that the time to ask Jessica things was here.
“Hey Jessica, where did you work before the convenience store anyway?”
Jessica typed a few more words onto her computer before responding to Yuri.
“I was finishing up my degree. I lived at the dorms and then afterwards, I didn’t really think it through that I ended up not being able to get a job and renting an apartment I couldn’t really afford.”
“Oh…” Yuri felt bad for asking in the first place, although it was possibly something Jessica already got over since she’s able to speak about it so freely. Jessica did not take her eyes off of her computer nor did she stop typing. The way she said it, seemed so nonchalant that Yuri was unsure if she offended Jessica.
“It’s fine, Yuri. I was immature and I feel like I somewhat know better now. I was arrogant and I always thought I could handle everything all at once, but I realized that’s not true you know? It’s okay to admit defeat or admit you have something like a spending problem.” Jessica pressing keys on her computer and closed it. She looked at Yuri with a reluctant smile and Yuri could see Jessica’s sadness through it. “I’ll get through the things I struggle with, I’m sure.”
Yuri couldn’t help but to smile back. Jessica seemed to know her place and she envied that. Yuri didn’t know what she wanted or what she’s supposed to chase after. She hasn’t made any life-changing mistakes that she needed to undo nor had she decided on the aspirations she’s suppose to chase after. All she knew was that work was essential and that she should save her money for something. She’s supposed to work hard-but nobody told her anything about working hard towards anything.
There are people that aspire to be healthy like her, but her reason of not getting sick may be too simple for others to believe. What about those that chase after fame? Money? Pleasure? Intellect? Why wasn’t she chasing after any of these things?
“What about you Yuri, what did you expect to find in the city?” Jessica asked her with the sound of the T.V. in the background. Yuri’s mind was blank when she heard Jessica’s question. Her parents sent her to a good university in Busan and pursued her to move to Seoul to find work. She did it out of reluctance although she had no apparent desire to protest. There wasn’t anything she was attached to back home, and the things she loved were simple enough that she could take it and leave it as she pleased.
“I moved here because of my parents’ wish. They wanted me to be able to have a good income and probably move back home to start a family.”
“Oh? No story about forbidden love or childhood desires to move here? Do you ever feel like you want to go back and live there again?”
“I don’t think there’s anything for me to tend to there. My brother is helping my parents with the farm and moving back would just mean being stuck at home most of the time. I miss certain things like going home with the sun setting by the mountains or the cool breeze in the morning but it’s okay. The city is not so bad.”
Jessica tilted her head in wonder. She seemed to be puzzled with Yuri’s answer.
“What about friends? Do you have any that you left back home?”
“There’s a few but we never really talked about anything much. It was the same in college too.” Yuri scratched her temple. She felt as boring as a rock with the answers she’s been giving Jessica. “I’m so boring.”
“No, no you’re not. I never said that.”
“I just gave you my life story in 5 minutes and it’s apparent that there’s nothing in it.”
“I’m not judging. And besides, I’ve been at the other end of the spectrum. I kept in touch with lots of people from high school and college but most of them didn’t come through when I needed them the most. People can suck so what you can have can be both a blessing and a curse so don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s no right or wrong way to live, so as long as you’re happy, that should be enough.”
As long as you’re happy, am I even happy? Yuri questioned herself.
“Why do I get the feeling that that last bit bothers you?” Jessica asked sincerely. Yuri almost felt the pity in Jessica’s voice but she did not feel insulted with it at all.
“Because I don’t know what I want from my existence. I don’t know why I exist.”
The silence between them is replaced by the music coming from the T.V.. Jessica seemed to have been taken aback from what Yuri had just said and with such a deep question like that; Yuri wasn’t expecting a reply anymore. She knew that nobody could answer that for her.
“I know that’s something you’ll have to figure out but I’ll help. Find a new hobby, buy things you like, appreciate things, perhaps even fall in love. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
Yuri felt pained from this revelation. Now she knew the reason why she felt so hollow and lonely. She had nothing she wanted to chase after or to enjoy.
It was bad enough that Jessica revealed all this to her but the fact that it hit close to home hurt a lot. She’s lived like this all her life. Nothing she desired and nothing she truly wanted to hold on to. Is there really a way out?
“Say, why don’t we watch a movie tonight?” Jessica proposed in an effort to lighten up the mood. “Hoo Moo from the Marketing department lended me a copy of ‘My Wife is a Farmer’ earlier today and he said it was really funny. I mean, who knows, maybe you knew where it was shot. I heard it had quite a publicity because the lead guy wanted to slaughter and cook the cow that he worked with in the movie.”
“I think I know who you’re talking about. My parents told me about something like that, that a famous celebrity wanted to kill the family cow to feed to the crew.” Yuri laughed a bit, feeling a bit better.
“Great then, wanna come with me and get some snacks?”
“Sure.”
She felt this was the best she could do for now and her father did tell her that the worst thing someone can ever do is to leave you alone when you're in a unclimbable pit. Jessica was certainly giving an effort in tending to her feelings despite of the fact that they were nothing more but acquaintances right now. It felt heartwarming. Someone actually cared.
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This fic is also on Soshified although I wouldn't mind comments from either.
http://www.soshified.com/forums/topic/85950-yulsic-existence/