[9/10] Implied Consent
I have nothing else to say but I hope you will enjoy your rape.
Enjoy.
Special Thanks: princessofdisaster @ ssf for editing. You just oozing with awesomeness.
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Selca 9: Momentum
It is one of the perfect mornings that you’ve always dreamed of-you wake up and find her lying beside you, still fast asleep. You smile at how beautiful she is when she sleeps. You wrap her with your arms, and she hugs you back on reflex, obviously missing your embrace as much as you miss hers.
You find her cuter when she then stirs in her sleep, instantly telling you that she is about to wake up. You count the moments as she may once again revert to the times that you have been away from her. You think that nothing could be better with her hand in yours, and her head resting on the crook of your neck. It was almost too good to be true, but as you look at the ceiling and stare into the blank ceiling, your thoughts quickly wander and you ask yourself what the real deal is between the two of you.
But you shrug them off eventually, because what mattered to you at that moment is your dream coming true. You pull her hand up and you put her fingertips close to your lips. You kiss them gently, until you look behind her hands and notice a pair of eyes observing your gesture. You chuckle at the way she bats her eyes at you; she still looks shy as ever, and it should have stopped you from caressing her. Instead, you pull her closer to you, as if her shyness was out of the point now.
You feel her chest rising up and down and her breathing hitching as you stare deep into her eyes. When you close the gap between the two of you, she would seem more stunned, just like the first time you kissed. You look at her lips and they look inviting. You want her and you are almost certain that she wants you as well.
When you gently press your lips on hers, you feel like the day, perhaps that moment, would last forever. You close your eyes without moving your lips and you exhale while you kiss her. It relieved you to know that the feelings that you thought have fleeted, are back to fix what has been destroyed.
The kiss eventually breaks by itself and the two of you look at each other again. Her cheeks are turning red with her lips having a more defined color of pink. She bites her lower lip, shying away from you. But you pull her closer to you again, and now her body is against yours.
This time, just as you try to kiss her, she pulls your shirt possessively, and all at once the tables have turned. You try to catch up with her as she gently kisses you. The faint taste of vanilla on her lips hinted you that she probably wore that flavor as lipstick last night. You then close your eyes, letting her lips glide on yours, as if you’d never get another kiss like it again.
She has you at her mercy, but you don’t mind it at all. You would do anything she wants, as long as she stays with you.
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You’re not at all surprised at why you barely talk whenever it is only the two of you. Both of you believe that even the simplest gestures you share make up for the unspoken words. She stays with you whenever she is done with practice, and you hold hands as you go back to the dorm. Whenever the two of you watch television, she rests her head on your lap and her hands intertwined with yours. Occasionally, she steals a kiss from you and you reciprocate, but never initiate.
See, this is one thing that’s been holding you back. It would’ve been easy for you to lose control of yourself, but the fact that what you’re doing with her is wrong ruins everything that you believe as love. You know she does not belong to you.
And, as selfish as it sounds, you would do anything in your power to keep some part of her for yourself.
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You spend your afternoon resting on the couch, waiting for her to finish with her vocal lessons. In the middle of your nap, you hear the faint sounds of swing jazz, coming from Taeyeon’s room, and it lulls you even more to sleep. Soon, you hear sounds coming from the television, and you open your eyes to see who just switched it on.
“I hope you don’t mind if I watch T.V. ‘We’re a Fake Couple’ is starting soon,” Yoona grins at you.
“Yeah, sure.” You nonchalantly say while looking at the television. The sound of the television on lazy afternoons somehow made you feel better-sure, it made you drowsy, but it’s also the time when the two of you can spend the most time together, besides in bed. You start to lightly doze off until you hear the commercial break start.
“Man I swear, I don’t like that YongHwu guy. He’s so touchy with that girl that looks like Hyunnie.”
You loll your head and open your eyes again, watching Yoona crinkle her nose. You lightly chuckle at her; the fact that she doesn’t like the show and still watches it boggles you.
Just then, something about the show pops into your head.
“Hey Yoona…” you call her.
“Yeah?”
“Do you love Seohyun?”
She reluctantly looks at you, and you begin to doubt if she really was that Yoona you know so well.
“If I tell you yes, then it would be a lie,” she answers.
“Honestly, I’m not sure what this is I’m feeling. But if you are asking if I am attracted to her, then yes, I really am. I like the way she does these things and I love it when she smiles at me. Every time, after sex, the smile she gives would always seduce me. I just love everything she does. I think I want to keep her.”
You chuckle at what Yoona just said. You realize that she indeed wasn’t the Yoona you knew. Seohyun must’ve really done things to her.
“That’s good. Just take it easy on her, I mean, you know, you don’t want to wear her out every single night.”
“You absolutely have no idea who wears out who when we do it. She’s kinkier than me. Can you imagine that?” Yoona lets out a laugh.
“You’re lying.”
“Nope. Actually, we even tried so many things because she begged me to. Ropes, whips, handcuffs, blindfolds, sky’s the limit.”
“That’s insane. She looks so innocent.”
“Innocent my ass. She just does that so that you won’t get suspicious of her. But seriously, if you don’t believe me, then why did she act calmly when you went to our room to fix our A/C?”
Just as you open your mouth again to speak, the moment hits you, and you quickly decide to believe Yoona. Nothing could be more ridiculous than reality.
“Yeah I know. I couldn’t really believe it myself either.”
“Well, that just goes to show that the two of you are meant to be.”
“I guess.” She laughs and then eventually her laughter fades down. “Hey Yuri, I’m sorry about that text.”
You pause for a while as you think about the text she sent you a few days back. It pushed you to the edge where you assumed that Jessica really did that to Jaejoong to be with you. You know it wasn’t true, but it has given you another chance to be with Jessica. In a way, Yoona has brought her back in your life again.
“It’s okay.”
You give her your most sincere smile.
“Thanks for your help.”
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As days pass, you begin to notice that she has been spending more time with you than with Jaejoong. She ignores her phone when she is with you and often times, you hear her make up excuses after practice. You try to ignore what is happening, knowing that hoping too much would most likely disappoint you in the end.
Dance practice has finished and she has been next to you for the entire time. You see Jaejoong walking your way and you hear their conversation.
“Hey do you want to go to the mall today?”
When you hear nothing from her, you look at her from the corner of your eye and see a hint of trouble in her eyes.
Jaejoong then looks at you, completely unaware of the situation.
“Yuri? You want to come with us to the mall?”
You look at her again but she has already turned her back on you.
“Oppa, I’m going to change.”
“Alright.”
He turns to you, and you feel a pang of guilt as he gives you a smile.
“Well? Come on, it will be fun.”
You don’t know what’s going on, why he had to invite you to go along with them, but more than anything, you know that he shouldn’t have done that. Strangely, you still fall for it.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
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As you step inside the car, you overhear Jaejoong asking Jessica to take the backseat, too. The fact that Jaejoong was a famous celebrity meant that they cannot freely date, and that people shouldn’t see them together.
Jaejoong twists his mirror as he glances at her and you. After a few minutes, he finally starts the engine and drives away. You and Jessica both look outside the window. You then glance at Jaejoong, making sure that he isn’t looking at you, then you look at Jessica’s hand. When you find that it is just an inch away from you, you take it, and she does not let go.
What seemed to you as a short drive ends when you finally see the mall outside. She lets go of your hand as she opens the door and goes out to the mall entrance. Following her and Jaejoong would’ve been easy, but watching at her hand intertwined with someone else’s was enough to make your stomach lurch in a bad way.
You walk side by side with the couple and your hand lightly brushes against hers. Eventually you take it and you clasp it tight under your grasp. She does not resist, and you feel slightly nervous, knowing that her one hand holds Jaejoong’s and the other holds yours.
Eventually Jaejoong finds a store that he likes and he then proceeds to look for a shirt. When he heads for the mens’ dressing room, you pull her to somewhere secluded. You finally arrive near the women’s dressing rooms, and she is looking at you with fear in her eyes. You brush off a strand of hair from her face and you look at her slowly before you kiss her. You reckon the possibility that Jaejoong might catch you, but you kiss her anyway.
You want the doubt of her choosing you over Jaejoong to go away and she has done just that, as she deepens your kiss by wrapping her arms around your neck. You respond by holding her close to you, without any intention of letting go.
You have fallen too deep in loving her, and you become hopeful that she feels exactly the same way as you.
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Again she lay beside you as she takes an afternoon nap, because she can never do so without you. She looks like a princess in your eyes, if she loses the worn out shirt and the shorts she is wearing and change into a gown of some sort. You can feel her breath, hear her soft hums of sleep-you know that she’s close to you, but you wonder why she’s somehow far from your heart. You move closer to her, as if she was a mirage that’s about to disappear anytime soon.
But she doesn’t disappear. When you take her hand and you kiss it, she gently wakes up from her nap and sees you smiling at her. You see her blush at you, giving you another hint that she will turn away from you. But instead of turning away, she kisses you. You close your eyes and kiss her back. You feel your heart pace up again, and you start to run and the restraint you knew so well as one of your strengths eventually crumbles down as she kisses you more. The only problem with it is that you think you’re drowning over and over again from the adrenaline pumping within you. You try to muster what remained of your strength to stop yourself from continuing. But unfortunately, she has lost herself in the stream of lust, carrying you with it, that there is no other way but to go forward.
She leads your hand to familiar places, wanting more of your touch. You kiss her again, this time more gently, in hopes to suppress the lust she is feeling for you. Instead you have set your own trap, building up lust for her. Your breathing hitches while the two of you continue. The desire to have her is igniting your body, just like the old times, and again you wonder when it’s going to stop.
You are back to where you used to be as you help each other out of your clothes and share hungry kisses in between. Her milky white body is beautiful, just as you remember it. As you go on top, she looks at you with such a needy expression, telling you to keep going. You hear her moan and feel her body heat up faster than usual the moment you kiss her neck and you give her a love bite. The way she squirms at your touch is enough to let you know that she wants this just as much as you do.
“Please…” she whispers to you as you make your way down on her. You nod before trailing kisses along her body. There’s no need for you to be told what to do, because what she wants is exactly what you want.
“Yuri…more.”
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A week has passed and the same routine follows. She makes excuses to dismiss herself from Jaejoong and she walks home with you, her hands in yours. Whenever you arrive at the dorm, she lets go of your hand for less than a minute and takes them again as she goes on top of you while shedding off her clothes. You are often seduced with the way she does it, and you become addicted to her gentle kisses. You always tend to intensify the kissing-to get as much of her as possible, for every chance you get.
The same routine looped for the past days.
One of the cold summer nights, you are lying on her bed with her sleeping soundly in your arms. You listen to the sound of crickets outside the cold summer night. You look at her and you give her a gentle kiss on her forehead that makes her shift her position. In a way, you have found your ideal ending for your relationship with her and you are glad that she is in your arms and not someone else’s.
However, in spite of what you've been through, you know too well that there is still that grey area between the two of you that only she can clear up.
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You go into the living room and you see Tiffany sitting next to Taeyeon while watching T.V., you decide to go to where they are but unknowingly they share a kiss that takes you aback. Tiffany’s hand is on Taeyeon’s collar while Taeyeon has her hand on the back of Tiffany’s head. Though you never would have expected it, you feel the love between them as they break off the kiss with a smile on both their faces. Eventually they take notice of you and they abruptly part ways.
You can see the two of them blush in front of you, with Tiffany looking down but still holding Taeyeon’s hand.
“Er-Hi. Yuri.” Taeyeon says while putting her hand around Tiffany’s at a more comfortable position.
“Hello.” You take a seat on the couch across them and you look at the program they are watching. Some two guys are dressed up as women complete with skirts and make up, frantically walking around a building to find the members of the same stupid girl group you’ve seen in a variety show previously. You continue to watch the show, as you understand that you do not want Tiffany or Taeyeon to feel uncomfortable around you.
“Yuri…” Taeyeon catches your attention, forcing you to turn to her. Tiffany is still looking down with her hand clasped tightly with Taeyeon’s and you give her your undivided attention.
“Yes?”
“Um, I don’t really know how to say this but…Tiffany and I have been dating for a while now. I’m sorry if I’ve kept this from all of you.” Taeyeon says while she caresses Tiffany’s face. “I hope you can accept us.”
You can see the sincerity in her as she tries to comfort the probably nervous girl.
“You’re too cute.” she whispers to Tiffany and you involuntarily smile at the couple. Tiffany gently slaps Taeyeon’s arm, protesting with a “Yah.”
Taeyeon then grins at you and you smile back to her.
“I’m happy for the two of you.” You confidentially say in exchange to her acceptance with your relationship with Jessica a few months back.
“Thank you.” Taeyeon tells you sincerely and you resume watching with them whispering in the background. You are happy for them and you reminisce at the old times that your relationship with Jessica was in the same condition.
Eventually the show ends and you wonder as to why funny variety shows in Korea always end with crying. You then see Tiffany stand up and look at Taeyeon.
“I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Tiffany tells Taeyeon and she shyly smiles at you.
“Okay.” Taeyeon replies to her and she rests her back against the couch to wait for the next show. “Are you not bothered with the whole thing about me and Tiffany?”
“I’m just surprised but no, I’m okay with the two of you dating.” You say while the two of you watch the commercial shown on T.V.. “I just wish things with me and Jessica would be better.”
“I thought you guys were back together?” She asks with a hint of surprise in her tone.
“Uhh…not exactly.”
Before she could give out a reply, you hear Tiffany’s voice in the background, calling for Taeyeon. She stands up and bows at you for an apology and you just smile at her.
After she leaves, you feel a sense of emptiness inside you as you miss Jessica again. She should be home a few minutes from now but you understand that your circumstances with her are different from Tiffany and Taeyeon’s. You feel more confused as to who she is to you, as you have now confessed your own relationship status to Taeyeon.
“I’m home.” She says while closing the door. She gives you a hug and you hug her tighter. All the confusion then gets lost in your thoughts as you welcome her lovingly in your arms again.
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You wake up with her still at your side. It is 8:00 A.M. and you are already too late for your jog. You stand up to brush your teeth before she wakes up and kisses you again but she has already taken your arm, preventing you from movement. Her hands on your shoulders and she bears an expression hungry for you. She lingers on your lower lip, gently nibbling on them as you feel your self-consciousness grow with the lack of your usual routine. Not feeling a response, she kisses you more and eventually you give in and retaliate back.
You know that you have that strength to resist her and keep her away from you early in the morning, but when her body presses onto yours, she takes away that restraint. At once, your hands have a mind and will of their own. You love the thrill of being with her as she is the only one that can send chills down your spine with every single move that she makes.
As you touch and caress all the familiar places of her body, you begin to think that you want her-need her-to be there by your side. No, you want more than her presence. You also want her heart.
“Jessica, what are we?” You finally ask. A question that has been bothering you ever since you have returned to her side has finally been unleashed from its confinements. The question strikes her harshly and she distances herself away, that it scares you. You grab her wrist, in an attempt to show your desperation for an answer and she avoids your gaze.
“Tell me…please.” You pull her close and all at once, her defenses loses that she becomes weak from your caress.
“I love you.” You tell her but you eventually let go as you see her unresponsive with you. “Jessica Jung, I love you. I really love you.”
“Yuri, I’m sorry. I can’t.” She whispers to you and you know that she is hurt with your inquiry and confession.
Instead of letting her walk away from you, you hold her close and she does not resist. She has been hurt from your mere question and you understand that this is because of her fear; fear of not being able to debut, fear of being judged, fear that would entail in such a relationship with you. She used Jaejoong as a shield to avoid her love interest with you but it has amounted into nothing as she found herself waking up next to you as frequent as the time that you were together. She tried to forget you but you know that it was easier said than done as you have tried to do the same. You love her so much, and you can only hope that she feels the same way.
“Jessica, will you accept my love?” Your naivety continues to triumph over you. As much as you want to accept the cruel reality of not being able to be with her, you are also hoping that she can give you answers that will assure you of having her as your possession.
She eventually sheds tears and you understand that you are being too optimistic in the midst of reality. A relationship with her will not work alongside a career in the public eye, as the world would watch your every move. You know that you cannot have the best of both worlds and that you must choose. Choose something that you have been working to achieve all your life, or choose her, who has become the reason of your existence.
“Let’s run away.” You claim your final proposal before your attempt of surrender. She breaks away from your hug and she looks you in the eyes. Confusion can be seen from her face that you cannot stand another moment of silence. “Let’s throw away everything and run away. We can be together. Let’s go away, away from all this.”
She becomes scared and you understand that this is not something that she wants. Your hand withdraws away from her face and you feel pain on your chest from what you are doing. You understand that your love for her has become selfish, and that it is becoming a constraint for you and her.
But still you patiently wait. Wait for a response of acceptance-or an explanation-or anything that may be able to clear up doubts of your relationship with her. You bite your lip and you look at her until tears start to cloud our vision.
Your tears flow freely from your eyes and once you feel the drops descend to your hand, you understand her answer.
She does not want you and she is choosing her dreams over you.
You feel hurt that you start to leave the bed.
“I’m ss-orry.” You say while you sprint to the door to cover up your humiliation.
Never have things been clearer to you.
You would trade your dreams to be with her and to keep your relationship alive. To love her freely, away from criticism and pain that you will experience after your debut. And away from any potential hardship that you may encounter as a celebrity.
You would give up your dreams, your talents, your time, your all. But you realize that this is not enough for her.
You are not enough for her.
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Okay yeah I hope my raping you was a success. If not, oh well next time. 10 is the final chapter~ dun dun dunnn. It might take a little while because I need to make the Author's Notes and the PDF.
Okay other announcements, encourage my friend to finish her oneshot. It's pretty imo, and I wanna read more :(.
So here. CLICK ME BEB.
If you liked it, just reply here and I'll let her know your replies.
Enjoy.
Special Thanks: princessofdisaster @ ssf for editing. You just oozing with awesomeness.
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Selca 9: Momentum
It is one of the perfect mornings that you’ve always dreamed of-you wake up and find her lying beside you, still fast asleep. You smile at how beautiful she is when she sleeps. You wrap her with your arms, and she hugs you back on reflex, obviously missing your embrace as much as you miss hers.
You find her cuter when she then stirs in her sleep, instantly telling you that she is about to wake up. You count the moments as she may once again revert to the times that you have been away from her. You think that nothing could be better with her hand in yours, and her head resting on the crook of your neck. It was almost too good to be true, but as you look at the ceiling and stare into the blank ceiling, your thoughts quickly wander and you ask yourself what the real deal is between the two of you.
But you shrug them off eventually, because what mattered to you at that moment is your dream coming true. You pull her hand up and you put her fingertips close to your lips. You kiss them gently, until you look behind her hands and notice a pair of eyes observing your gesture. You chuckle at the way she bats her eyes at you; she still looks shy as ever, and it should have stopped you from caressing her. Instead, you pull her closer to you, as if her shyness was out of the point now.
You feel her chest rising up and down and her breathing hitching as you stare deep into her eyes. When you close the gap between the two of you, she would seem more stunned, just like the first time you kissed. You look at her lips and they look inviting. You want her and you are almost certain that she wants you as well.
When you gently press your lips on hers, you feel like the day, perhaps that moment, would last forever. You close your eyes without moving your lips and you exhale while you kiss her. It relieved you to know that the feelings that you thought have fleeted, are back to fix what has been destroyed.
The kiss eventually breaks by itself and the two of you look at each other again. Her cheeks are turning red with her lips having a more defined color of pink. She bites her lower lip, shying away from you. But you pull her closer to you again, and now her body is against yours.
This time, just as you try to kiss her, she pulls your shirt possessively, and all at once the tables have turned. You try to catch up with her as she gently kisses you. The faint taste of vanilla on her lips hinted you that she probably wore that flavor as lipstick last night. You then close your eyes, letting her lips glide on yours, as if you’d never get another kiss like it again.
She has you at her mercy, but you don’t mind it at all. You would do anything she wants, as long as she stays with you.
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You’re not at all surprised at why you barely talk whenever it is only the two of you. Both of you believe that even the simplest gestures you share make up for the unspoken words. She stays with you whenever she is done with practice, and you hold hands as you go back to the dorm. Whenever the two of you watch television, she rests her head on your lap and her hands intertwined with yours. Occasionally, she steals a kiss from you and you reciprocate, but never initiate.
See, this is one thing that’s been holding you back. It would’ve been easy for you to lose control of yourself, but the fact that what you’re doing with her is wrong ruins everything that you believe as love. You know she does not belong to you.
And, as selfish as it sounds, you would do anything in your power to keep some part of her for yourself.
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You spend your afternoon resting on the couch, waiting for her to finish with her vocal lessons. In the middle of your nap, you hear the faint sounds of swing jazz, coming from Taeyeon’s room, and it lulls you even more to sleep. Soon, you hear sounds coming from the television, and you open your eyes to see who just switched it on.
“I hope you don’t mind if I watch T.V. ‘We’re a Fake Couple’ is starting soon,” Yoona grins at you.
“Yeah, sure.” You nonchalantly say while looking at the television. The sound of the television on lazy afternoons somehow made you feel better-sure, it made you drowsy, but it’s also the time when the two of you can spend the most time together, besides in bed. You start to lightly doze off until you hear the commercial break start.
“Man I swear, I don’t like that YongHwu guy. He’s so touchy with that girl that looks like Hyunnie.”
You loll your head and open your eyes again, watching Yoona crinkle her nose. You lightly chuckle at her; the fact that she doesn’t like the show and still watches it boggles you.
Just then, something about the show pops into your head.
“Hey Yoona…” you call her.
“Yeah?”
“Do you love Seohyun?”
She reluctantly looks at you, and you begin to doubt if she really was that Yoona you know so well.
“If I tell you yes, then it would be a lie,” she answers.
“Honestly, I’m not sure what this is I’m feeling. But if you are asking if I am attracted to her, then yes, I really am. I like the way she does these things and I love it when she smiles at me. Every time, after sex, the smile she gives would always seduce me. I just love everything she does. I think I want to keep her.”
You chuckle at what Yoona just said. You realize that she indeed wasn’t the Yoona you knew. Seohyun must’ve really done things to her.
“That’s good. Just take it easy on her, I mean, you know, you don’t want to wear her out every single night.”
“You absolutely have no idea who wears out who when we do it. She’s kinkier than me. Can you imagine that?” Yoona lets out a laugh.
“You’re lying.”
“Nope. Actually, we even tried so many things because she begged me to. Ropes, whips, handcuffs, blindfolds, sky’s the limit.”
“That’s insane. She looks so innocent.”
“Innocent my ass. She just does that so that you won’t get suspicious of her. But seriously, if you don’t believe me, then why did she act calmly when you went to our room to fix our A/C?”
Just as you open your mouth again to speak, the moment hits you, and you quickly decide to believe Yoona. Nothing could be more ridiculous than reality.
“Yeah I know. I couldn’t really believe it myself either.”
“Well, that just goes to show that the two of you are meant to be.”
“I guess.” She laughs and then eventually her laughter fades down. “Hey Yuri, I’m sorry about that text.”
You pause for a while as you think about the text she sent you a few days back. It pushed you to the edge where you assumed that Jessica really did that to Jaejoong to be with you. You know it wasn’t true, but it has given you another chance to be with Jessica. In a way, Yoona has brought her back in your life again.
“It’s okay.”
You give her your most sincere smile.
“Thanks for your help.”
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As days pass, you begin to notice that she has been spending more time with you than with Jaejoong. She ignores her phone when she is with you and often times, you hear her make up excuses after practice. You try to ignore what is happening, knowing that hoping too much would most likely disappoint you in the end.
Dance practice has finished and she has been next to you for the entire time. You see Jaejoong walking your way and you hear their conversation.
“Hey do you want to go to the mall today?”
When you hear nothing from her, you look at her from the corner of your eye and see a hint of trouble in her eyes.
Jaejoong then looks at you, completely unaware of the situation.
“Yuri? You want to come with us to the mall?”
You look at her again but she has already turned her back on you.
“Oppa, I’m going to change.”
“Alright.”
He turns to you, and you feel a pang of guilt as he gives you a smile.
“Well? Come on, it will be fun.”
You don’t know what’s going on, why he had to invite you to go along with them, but more than anything, you know that he shouldn’t have done that. Strangely, you still fall for it.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
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As you step inside the car, you overhear Jaejoong asking Jessica to take the backseat, too. The fact that Jaejoong was a famous celebrity meant that they cannot freely date, and that people shouldn’t see them together.
Jaejoong twists his mirror as he glances at her and you. After a few minutes, he finally starts the engine and drives away. You and Jessica both look outside the window. You then glance at Jaejoong, making sure that he isn’t looking at you, then you look at Jessica’s hand. When you find that it is just an inch away from you, you take it, and she does not let go.
What seemed to you as a short drive ends when you finally see the mall outside. She lets go of your hand as she opens the door and goes out to the mall entrance. Following her and Jaejoong would’ve been easy, but watching at her hand intertwined with someone else’s was enough to make your stomach lurch in a bad way.
You walk side by side with the couple and your hand lightly brushes against hers. Eventually you take it and you clasp it tight under your grasp. She does not resist, and you feel slightly nervous, knowing that her one hand holds Jaejoong’s and the other holds yours.
Eventually Jaejoong finds a store that he likes and he then proceeds to look for a shirt. When he heads for the mens’ dressing room, you pull her to somewhere secluded. You finally arrive near the women’s dressing rooms, and she is looking at you with fear in her eyes. You brush off a strand of hair from her face and you look at her slowly before you kiss her. You reckon the possibility that Jaejoong might catch you, but you kiss her anyway.
You want the doubt of her choosing you over Jaejoong to go away and she has done just that, as she deepens your kiss by wrapping her arms around your neck. You respond by holding her close to you, without any intention of letting go.
You have fallen too deep in loving her, and you become hopeful that she feels exactly the same way as you.
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Again she lay beside you as she takes an afternoon nap, because she can never do so without you. She looks like a princess in your eyes, if she loses the worn out shirt and the shorts she is wearing and change into a gown of some sort. You can feel her breath, hear her soft hums of sleep-you know that she’s close to you, but you wonder why she’s somehow far from your heart. You move closer to her, as if she was a mirage that’s about to disappear anytime soon.
But she doesn’t disappear. When you take her hand and you kiss it, she gently wakes up from her nap and sees you smiling at her. You see her blush at you, giving you another hint that she will turn away from you. But instead of turning away, she kisses you. You close your eyes and kiss her back. You feel your heart pace up again, and you start to run and the restraint you knew so well as one of your strengths eventually crumbles down as she kisses you more. The only problem with it is that you think you’re drowning over and over again from the adrenaline pumping within you. You try to muster what remained of your strength to stop yourself from continuing. But unfortunately, she has lost herself in the stream of lust, carrying you with it, that there is no other way but to go forward.
She leads your hand to familiar places, wanting more of your touch. You kiss her again, this time more gently, in hopes to suppress the lust she is feeling for you. Instead you have set your own trap, building up lust for her. Your breathing hitches while the two of you continue. The desire to have her is igniting your body, just like the old times, and again you wonder when it’s going to stop.
You are back to where you used to be as you help each other out of your clothes and share hungry kisses in between. Her milky white body is beautiful, just as you remember it. As you go on top, she looks at you with such a needy expression, telling you to keep going. You hear her moan and feel her body heat up faster than usual the moment you kiss her neck and you give her a love bite. The way she squirms at your touch is enough to let you know that she wants this just as much as you do.
“Please…” she whispers to you as you make your way down on her. You nod before trailing kisses along her body. There’s no need for you to be told what to do, because what she wants is exactly what you want.
“Yuri…more.”
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A week has passed and the same routine follows. She makes excuses to dismiss herself from Jaejoong and she walks home with you, her hands in yours. Whenever you arrive at the dorm, she lets go of your hand for less than a minute and takes them again as she goes on top of you while shedding off her clothes. You are often seduced with the way she does it, and you become addicted to her gentle kisses. You always tend to intensify the kissing-to get as much of her as possible, for every chance you get.
The same routine looped for the past days.
One of the cold summer nights, you are lying on her bed with her sleeping soundly in your arms. You listen to the sound of crickets outside the cold summer night. You look at her and you give her a gentle kiss on her forehead that makes her shift her position. In a way, you have found your ideal ending for your relationship with her and you are glad that she is in your arms and not someone else’s.
However, in spite of what you've been through, you know too well that there is still that grey area between the two of you that only she can clear up.
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You go into the living room and you see Tiffany sitting next to Taeyeon while watching T.V., you decide to go to where they are but unknowingly they share a kiss that takes you aback. Tiffany’s hand is on Taeyeon’s collar while Taeyeon has her hand on the back of Tiffany’s head. Though you never would have expected it, you feel the love between them as they break off the kiss with a smile on both their faces. Eventually they take notice of you and they abruptly part ways.
You can see the two of them blush in front of you, with Tiffany looking down but still holding Taeyeon’s hand.
“Er-Hi. Yuri.” Taeyeon says while putting her hand around Tiffany’s at a more comfortable position.
“Hello.” You take a seat on the couch across them and you look at the program they are watching. Some two guys are dressed up as women complete with skirts and make up, frantically walking around a building to find the members of the same stupid girl group you’ve seen in a variety show previously. You continue to watch the show, as you understand that you do not want Tiffany or Taeyeon to feel uncomfortable around you.
“Yuri…” Taeyeon catches your attention, forcing you to turn to her. Tiffany is still looking down with her hand clasped tightly with Taeyeon’s and you give her your undivided attention.
“Yes?”
“Um, I don’t really know how to say this but…Tiffany and I have been dating for a while now. I’m sorry if I’ve kept this from all of you.” Taeyeon says while she caresses Tiffany’s face. “I hope you can accept us.”
You can see the sincerity in her as she tries to comfort the probably nervous girl.
“You’re too cute.” she whispers to Tiffany and you involuntarily smile at the couple. Tiffany gently slaps Taeyeon’s arm, protesting with a “Yah.”
Taeyeon then grins at you and you smile back to her.
“I’m happy for the two of you.” You confidentially say in exchange to her acceptance with your relationship with Jessica a few months back.
“Thank you.” Taeyeon tells you sincerely and you resume watching with them whispering in the background. You are happy for them and you reminisce at the old times that your relationship with Jessica was in the same condition.
Eventually the show ends and you wonder as to why funny variety shows in Korea always end with crying. You then see Tiffany stand up and look at Taeyeon.
“I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Tiffany tells Taeyeon and she shyly smiles at you.
“Okay.” Taeyeon replies to her and she rests her back against the couch to wait for the next show. “Are you not bothered with the whole thing about me and Tiffany?”
“I’m just surprised but no, I’m okay with the two of you dating.” You say while the two of you watch the commercial shown on T.V.. “I just wish things with me and Jessica would be better.”
“I thought you guys were back together?” She asks with a hint of surprise in her tone.
“Uhh…not exactly.”
Before she could give out a reply, you hear Tiffany’s voice in the background, calling for Taeyeon. She stands up and bows at you for an apology and you just smile at her.
After she leaves, you feel a sense of emptiness inside you as you miss Jessica again. She should be home a few minutes from now but you understand that your circumstances with her are different from Tiffany and Taeyeon’s. You feel more confused as to who she is to you, as you have now confessed your own relationship status to Taeyeon.
“I’m home.” She says while closing the door. She gives you a hug and you hug her tighter. All the confusion then gets lost in your thoughts as you welcome her lovingly in your arms again.
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You wake up with her still at your side. It is 8:00 A.M. and you are already too late for your jog. You stand up to brush your teeth before she wakes up and kisses you again but she has already taken your arm, preventing you from movement. Her hands on your shoulders and she bears an expression hungry for you. She lingers on your lower lip, gently nibbling on them as you feel your self-consciousness grow with the lack of your usual routine. Not feeling a response, she kisses you more and eventually you give in and retaliate back.
You know that you have that strength to resist her and keep her away from you early in the morning, but when her body presses onto yours, she takes away that restraint. At once, your hands have a mind and will of their own. You love the thrill of being with her as she is the only one that can send chills down your spine with every single move that she makes.
As you touch and caress all the familiar places of her body, you begin to think that you want her-need her-to be there by your side. No, you want more than her presence. You also want her heart.
“Jessica, what are we?” You finally ask. A question that has been bothering you ever since you have returned to her side has finally been unleashed from its confinements. The question strikes her harshly and she distances herself away, that it scares you. You grab her wrist, in an attempt to show your desperation for an answer and she avoids your gaze.
“Tell me…please.” You pull her close and all at once, her defenses loses that she becomes weak from your caress.
“I love you.” You tell her but you eventually let go as you see her unresponsive with you. “Jessica Jung, I love you. I really love you.”
“Yuri, I’m sorry. I can’t.” She whispers to you and you know that she is hurt with your inquiry and confession.
Instead of letting her walk away from you, you hold her close and she does not resist. She has been hurt from your mere question and you understand that this is because of her fear; fear of not being able to debut, fear of being judged, fear that would entail in such a relationship with you. She used Jaejoong as a shield to avoid her love interest with you but it has amounted into nothing as she found herself waking up next to you as frequent as the time that you were together. She tried to forget you but you know that it was easier said than done as you have tried to do the same. You love her so much, and you can only hope that she feels the same way.
“Jessica, will you accept my love?” Your naivety continues to triumph over you. As much as you want to accept the cruel reality of not being able to be with her, you are also hoping that she can give you answers that will assure you of having her as your possession.
She eventually sheds tears and you understand that you are being too optimistic in the midst of reality. A relationship with her will not work alongside a career in the public eye, as the world would watch your every move. You know that you cannot have the best of both worlds and that you must choose. Choose something that you have been working to achieve all your life, or choose her, who has become the reason of your existence.
“Let’s run away.” You claim your final proposal before your attempt of surrender. She breaks away from your hug and she looks you in the eyes. Confusion can be seen from her face that you cannot stand another moment of silence. “Let’s throw away everything and run away. We can be together. Let’s go away, away from all this.”
She becomes scared and you understand that this is not something that she wants. Your hand withdraws away from her face and you feel pain on your chest from what you are doing. You understand that your love for her has become selfish, and that it is becoming a constraint for you and her.
But still you patiently wait. Wait for a response of acceptance-or an explanation-or anything that may be able to clear up doubts of your relationship with her. You bite your lip and you look at her until tears start to cloud our vision.
Your tears flow freely from your eyes and once you feel the drops descend to your hand, you understand her answer.
She does not want you and she is choosing her dreams over you.
You feel hurt that you start to leave the bed.
“I’m ss-orry.” You say while you sprint to the door to cover up your humiliation.
Never have things been clearer to you.
You would trade your dreams to be with her and to keep your relationship alive. To love her freely, away from criticism and pain that you will experience after your debut. And away from any potential hardship that you may encounter as a celebrity.
You would give up your dreams, your talents, your time, your all. But you realize that this is not enough for her.
You are not enough for her.
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Okay yeah I hope my raping you was a success. If not, oh well next time. 10 is the final chapter~ dun dun dunnn. It might take a little while because I need to make the Author's Notes and the PDF.
Okay other announcements, encourage my friend to finish her oneshot. It's pretty imo, and I wanna read more :(.
So here. CLICK ME BEB.
If you liked it, just reply here and I'll let her know your replies.