Not Gay
Title: Not Gay
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Characters/Pairings: US, UK, UK -> US
Warning: Language, Alfred being a paranoid dweeb
Summary: Awkward moments in the men's room, brought to you by the BBC Sherlock kink meme requests.
Not Gay
He’d just gone in to go to the bathroom, no ulterior motive, but now Alfred for some reason was standing looking stupid, waiting for his bladder to remember it was full.
“Come on,” he muttered. “Come on, before someone else comes i-”
Alfred cut himself off at the sound of the bathroom door opening. He checked out of the corner of his vision and saw to his great displeasure, a shaggy-headed blonde man walking in. Fuck! He could never go in front of other guys. The man stopped at a urinal two down from Alfred’s.
Pee, you bastard, Alfred thought angrily toward his crotch. Sadly, it had no effect. Come on, he mentally wheedled in desperation, he’ll think I’m gay!
Apparently certain parts of his anatomy didn’t particularly care what others thought. Shifting his shoulders awkwardly, Alfred vaguely noticed with a twinge of jealousy that the other man was having no problems. He’ll probably think I’ve come in for a look at some guys’ dicks, Alfred mentally wailed. Dammit!
Unconsciously, Alfred’s eyes drifted toward the other man, only glancing out of frustration that this guy could pee freely in front of other men, but no, Alfred was stuck with malfunctioning equipment. He spaced out a tiny bit in his angry thoughts, and only managed to look away quickly as the other man’s eyes shifted to glance sidelong at him curiously.
…oh no. Alfred tried not to notice the other man’s brows tipping down with a slight frown, but that idea died when he noticed just how huge the man’s eyebrows really were. Alfred would have groaned at the look he was getting if that wouldn’t have made the situation so much more awkward. Oh, he saw me looking toward him and now he probably thinks I was looking at his-
But I wasn’t! Alfred defended himself in his own head, just in case it would help somehow. He was so anxious now there was no chance of actually getting to pee, but he couldn’t just zip up and walk away. That’d be weirder. I was looking at his eyebrows.
Alfred turned slightly to get a better look at the man’s face, as if to verify his mental claim to eyebrow-staring. They are pretty big…
The man turned too that time, and Alfred’s eyes widened before he quickly looked away from the suspicious green eyes pinning him. Aw, shit! I looked again and I caught his eye.
Alfred threw a sorrowful look down to where the problem had all started, thoroughly blaming his inability to just frickin’ take a piss in public for all of his current embarrassment. I may as well just have said out loud, ‘Do you want to come back to my place?’
God…what’ll I do? Alfred contemplated slamming his head against the tile wall and hoping that would knock him out. But no…he had a really thick head and that would never work. And he still had his pants open, so Alfred would wind up passed out on a bathroom floor and have to get picked up by the ambulance with his junk hanging out for all the world to see, and-
Oh, fuck, the guy was about to leave. He probably still thought Alfred was gay! What if he told his friends and it somehow spiraled out of control? Alfred watched the man zip up, panicked, and finally made a snap decision to just defend himself out loud.
“I’m not gay!!” he shouted suddenly, maybe too loud in the echoing bathroom. He also could have probably picked a better stance as well. Standing fully facing another guy with your arms spread and pants and underwear open didn’t make you look any less gay - just crazier.
Insanity seemed to be the first explanation the other man came up with, judging by the way his (big, huge) eyebrows jumped into his hairline. Alfred set his mouth, determined not to back down now that he’d made his move.
A moment later, the man’s surprised face drifted into something else, and his eyes flickered down to Alfred’s crotch for a half second too long. When he looked by up, he was smirking at Alfred, making him gulp for unknown reasons. The man started washing his hands, and Alfred let himself relax a little bit, but was still worried about that smirky face. Really, what the hell?
Alfred had gone back to his urinal and was once again thinking the head-smashing idea was almost a good one. Before he could do anything about it (or even try to finally fucking just pee already, dammit!), the other man sidled up behind him, perpendicular to Alfred’s body and almost-not-quite touching him.
“Whatever you say, love,” the man said in a half sing-song voice, low and breathing hotly on the back of Alfred’s neck. Alfred stiffened up, but didn’t move when what felt like a business card was pushed into the back pocket of his jeans. With that, the man finally left, and Alfred heaved a sigh of relief.
Collecting himself and the ignoring the other man for a moment, Alfred went back to trying to take a piss, now that he was alone again. However, looking down, he realized that wasn’t going to happen for at least a few moments. Somehow, God only knew, he’d managed to get half hard.
Annoyed beyond belief, embarrassed, and really desperately having to go at this point, Alfred glared down at his crotch. “Motherfucking traitor.”
-
A/N: You may be wondering...what brought this on? http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/2262.html?thread=4497878#t4497878 I blame the video. And plextral, but that's a different story.Have some light-hearted moments and I'll see you all by this weekend with an update for Exit Strategy!
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Characters/Pairings: US, UK, UK -> US
Warning: Language, Alfred being a paranoid dweeb
Summary: Awkward moments in the men's room, brought to you by the BBC Sherlock kink meme requests.
Not Gay
He’d just gone in to go to the bathroom, no ulterior motive, but now Alfred for some reason was standing looking stupid, waiting for his bladder to remember it was full.
“Come on,” he muttered. “Come on, before someone else comes i-”
Alfred cut himself off at the sound of the bathroom door opening. He checked out of the corner of his vision and saw to his great displeasure, a shaggy-headed blonde man walking in. Fuck! He could never go in front of other guys. The man stopped at a urinal two down from Alfred’s.
Pee, you bastard, Alfred thought angrily toward his crotch. Sadly, it had no effect. Come on, he mentally wheedled in desperation, he’ll think I’m gay!
Apparently certain parts of his anatomy didn’t particularly care what others thought. Shifting his shoulders awkwardly, Alfred vaguely noticed with a twinge of jealousy that the other man was having no problems. He’ll probably think I’ve come in for a look at some guys’ dicks, Alfred mentally wailed. Dammit!
Unconsciously, Alfred’s eyes drifted toward the other man, only glancing out of frustration that this guy could pee freely in front of other men, but no, Alfred was stuck with malfunctioning equipment. He spaced out a tiny bit in his angry thoughts, and only managed to look away quickly as the other man’s eyes shifted to glance sidelong at him curiously.
…oh no. Alfred tried not to notice the other man’s brows tipping down with a slight frown, but that idea died when he noticed just how huge the man’s eyebrows really were. Alfred would have groaned at the look he was getting if that wouldn’t have made the situation so much more awkward. Oh, he saw me looking toward him and now he probably thinks I was looking at his-
But I wasn’t! Alfred defended himself in his own head, just in case it would help somehow. He was so anxious now there was no chance of actually getting to pee, but he couldn’t just zip up and walk away. That’d be weirder. I was looking at his eyebrows.
Alfred turned slightly to get a better look at the man’s face, as if to verify his mental claim to eyebrow-staring. They are pretty big…
The man turned too that time, and Alfred’s eyes widened before he quickly looked away from the suspicious green eyes pinning him. Aw, shit! I looked again and I caught his eye.
Alfred threw a sorrowful look down to where the problem had all started, thoroughly blaming his inability to just frickin’ take a piss in public for all of his current embarrassment. I may as well just have said out loud, ‘Do you want to come back to my place?’
God…what’ll I do? Alfred contemplated slamming his head against the tile wall and hoping that would knock him out. But no…he had a really thick head and that would never work. And he still had his pants open, so Alfred would wind up passed out on a bathroom floor and have to get picked up by the ambulance with his junk hanging out for all the world to see, and-
Oh, fuck, the guy was about to leave. He probably still thought Alfred was gay! What if he told his friends and it somehow spiraled out of control? Alfred watched the man zip up, panicked, and finally made a snap decision to just defend himself out loud.
“I’m not gay!!” he shouted suddenly, maybe too loud in the echoing bathroom. He also could have probably picked a better stance as well. Standing fully facing another guy with your arms spread and pants and underwear open didn’t make you look any less gay - just crazier.
Insanity seemed to be the first explanation the other man came up with, judging by the way his (big, huge) eyebrows jumped into his hairline. Alfred set his mouth, determined not to back down now that he’d made his move.
A moment later, the man’s surprised face drifted into something else, and his eyes flickered down to Alfred’s crotch for a half second too long. When he looked by up, he was smirking at Alfred, making him gulp for unknown reasons. The man started washing his hands, and Alfred let himself relax a little bit, but was still worried about that smirky face. Really, what the hell?
Alfred had gone back to his urinal and was once again thinking the head-smashing idea was almost a good one. Before he could do anything about it (or even try to finally fucking just pee already, dammit!), the other man sidled up behind him, perpendicular to Alfred’s body and almost-not-quite touching him.
“Whatever you say, love,” the man said in a half sing-song voice, low and breathing hotly on the back of Alfred’s neck. Alfred stiffened up, but didn’t move when what felt like a business card was pushed into the back pocket of his jeans. With that, the man finally left, and Alfred heaved a sigh of relief.
Collecting himself and the ignoring the other man for a moment, Alfred went back to trying to take a piss, now that he was alone again. However, looking down, he realized that wasn’t going to happen for at least a few moments. Somehow, God only knew, he’d managed to get half hard.
Annoyed beyond belief, embarrassed, and really desperately having to go at this point, Alfred glared down at his crotch. “Motherfucking traitor.”
-
A/N: You may be wondering...what brought this on? http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/2262.html?thread=4497878#t4497878 I blame the video. And plextral, but that's a different story.Have some light-hearted moments and I'll see you all by this weekend with an update for Exit Strategy!