New Fic: TS

[jadebear07]

Hey all!

Well, here goes, my very first slash. Whoo-hoo! I happily lay the blame at T. Verano's feet for enticing me into writing slash. Though this isn't the one with the chocolate ice cream...but I promise, soon- 'kay? The rest of you lovely writers also inspire the heck out of me and more often than not, are the reason I have to run and stick my

Comments

[janedavitt]

Great first slash fic and I loved Blair's plans; direct, simple, effective. And so many yummy visuals in my head now :-)

I did notice that your tense changes at the end from past to present tense; was it a deliberate stylistic choice to put the reader in the moment?

[jadebear07]

Thank you! I'm thrilled you liked it! I love visuals as well. Your stories always give me such wonderful pictures in my head...always helps to pass the time. *G*

LOL- the tense change. Um, some of it was deliberate...*snicker* I had never written in the present tense until The Good Guys series I'm working on. It just kinda came out when I got to the end of this one. It was an experiment on my part. Wanting to throw everyone in the now, just as Blair was now discovering that he didn't just lust after Jim, but that he also loved him. Not sure if I liked it or not. Guess I'll just have to write more slash to see what position, er I mean, what style I like best....*heartfelt sigh*...ah, what we do for our craft. *snort*

Thank you so much for commenting! Good way to start my morning! :)

[janedavitt]

It's weird; I never used to write in present tense and then suddenly I did one and it's almost like a default for me now, especially on shorter pieces. It's like some stories need to be told that way.

I think mixing the tenses within a story can be effective, too, but it's a lot trickier to handle.

[jadebear07]

"It's like some stories need to be told that way."

Yes! It's amazing how the tense can effect the way a story impacts you. First tense just seems to shove you into the story in a way that past just can't. I can't imaine writing Good Guys any other way. And I have to say, I love your writing style. So very evocative and powerful. I'm so thrilled you're writing Sentinel. And I agree about the shorter pieces. For such a short story, first tense seems to make it more intense, even if it's not an angsty piece, whatever the emotion, it just seems to be more.

"I think mixing the tenses within a story can be effective, too, but it's a lot trickier to handle."

Amen to that! It's hard to stay in the proper tense and
re-reading, "A Matter of Timing", I see where I fubared tenses. *G* Gonna have to play around with this a little more, but I'm really beginning to take a shine to writing in first tense. Like you said, weird. :)

[laurie_ky]

T is a great enabler. I liked this story; I liked Carolyn making a play and getting nowhere and spilling the beans about Jim and Sarris. I'm surprised she didn't want to scratch Blair's eyes out.
Blair had a real movie experience going in his head, then the drawbacks -- sand, oh,yes -- made that one pretty unworkable. He is such a sneaky guy, with the timing, stuff. And Jim was just waiting for him to get it, that it wasn't about sex, it was about love.
Thanks for writing it, and now that you've jumped in the pool, and the alligators didn't bite, you'd like to write more, right? ::tempts::
Laurie

[jadebear07]

Oh yes, T is awsome!

"I'm surprised she didn't want to scratch Blair's eyes out."

I was all ready for a scene like that too, but when I got there, it just wouldn't come. Dernitt.

I had a blast writing this. I'm already planning the next one...

Thank you so much! You've brightened my day!

[snycock]

oh, very nice! I loved Blair putting Jim through all those tests - sneaky boy! - and getting so lost in his fantasies; and then that lovely moment when Jim comes home and they both just know...

[jadebear07]

Thank you so much! I could just see Blair testing Jim, just to be sure.

[math_magician]

Call me shallow but I always love it when Carolyn makes a failed play for Jim. He has so moved on. This was a good story. I could see Blair's mind calculation and planning.
Could I suggest two things? "...Jim was leaving for a steak out in one..." should be stakeout. And the change of tense bothered me to the point of taking me out of the story. I was really with you until then, and then I began worrying that you didn't realized you'd changed tenses.
Please write more slash. You're good!
Joyce

[jadebear07]

haha I'm with you about Carolyn. She was okay, but so stiff, ya know? Kinda like to see her get rebuffed by Jim. And shallow? Nah. I call it setting things right.

And thank you very much for the constructive crit! I always want to know how I can improve my writing. Some folks always tell you, "Oh, that was great!", even if they really didn't like it. I'd rather someone was honest so I can correct it. I'm so sorry the tense change took you out of the story! ::head/desk/thunk:: I hate being shoved out of fic by the writing. I was kind of experimenting and wasn't sure what I thought about it. *BG* Go with my gut feeling next time. ;)

Thank you so much for the feedback and encouragement! You've brightened my day!

P.S. Thrilled to be added as your friend! And I love your icon! :)

[arrow00]

Oh, I adored Blair's flirting and his lovely fantasy plans and then the crash to reality (sand in the pants!) But most of all I love that moment at the end when Jim's uncertainty fades to that slow smile.

guhm.

[jadebear07]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked this!

And the sand getting in impractical places has always been one of those inane things I ponder whenever I come across that scene in a romance novel. Maybe I just think too much. Or maybe if it were Jim, I just wouldn't care...

I'm thrilled you liked the ending!

Thank you again!