Hated You, Loved You, Now I'm Missing You
Title: Hated You, Loved You, Now I'm Missing You
Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Past Pete/Patrick, Patrick/OFC, Pete/OFC
Summary: Pete mourns a loss.
A/N: Written years ago as an experiment.
Word Count: 1,226
I hated you for the longest time. I hated you because at one point in time he was mine. I hated you because I couldn’t make him happy, even though that wasn’t your fault, or my fault, or his fault.
“Pete…”
The quietness in his voice made my laughter die away. I down into his eyes and my gut clenched. His eyes were sad, his expression somber.
“Patrick?”
“T-this isn’t working, Pete.”
“What?”
“This… us… We’re not working.”
My heart sped up, tears whelmed up in my eyes. “Tricky, please, I can change. I can… I love you, we can make this work.”
“I-I know you love me, Pete. And I don’t want you to change. I don’t love you as much as I thought I did. I don’t love you the way you deserve or the way you want me to.”
He walked away from me and my heart broke… I thought it’d never heal.
Leaving me hurt him. I hated myself for that. Nothing should bring pain to those eyes. When he met you, he smiled again… I hated you for being the one to make him smile when I couldn’t.
“Pete… I… She’s special.”
I didn’t face him. I couldn’t look into his eyes when I said it.
“I’m happy for you, Patrick.”
“Y-you’re not mad? Or hurt?”
“Nah… It’s been a while… We both need to move on. And if she makes you happy…”
“She does.”
“Then that’s the important thing, isn’t it?”
As much as I hated you, I loved you, too. I loved you for taking away his pain. I loved you for making him smile. I loved you for being there when he needed someone and couldn’t turn to me. I hated you for all those reasons, but I loved you, too. You loved him and he loved you. He needed you. I loved you for that, I did. But, God, did I hate you for it.
“I… Pete, you’re my best friend, you know that right?”
“Of course I do, Tricky.”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Yah, sure.”
“Would… Would you be my best man?”
My heart broke all over again, but I forced myself to smile and nod. He smiled brightly and hugged me. I closed my eyes, feeling tears prickle at the familiar feel of him pressed against me. He was the same, yet different. He was chubbier, yet his softness was still so familiar. It was the longest and most painful hug in my memory.
The day you married him was the day I hated you most. You were living my dream. It wasn’t fair. I loved him. I needed him. I would give anything for him.
I think that’s why I did. I would give anything for him. That included giving you my dream for him. Letting you live it. Because he loved you more.
God, I hated you so much for that.
I bit down on my lip, standing next to him. He was shaking, pale and nervous.
“Pete?”
“Yah, Tricky?”
“Am I doing the right thing?”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing.”
“Petey?”
“Yah?”
“Will you hold my hand?”
I took his hand, not saying anything else. His hand was soft, slightly clammy in my own. Together we watched you walk towards him. His face light up. He looked so cute in his tux and hat. Always that damn hat.
I wanted to cling to his hand forever, refuse to give it up. But I let him withdraw it to take yours. I watched him run his thumb along your knuckles and tried to ignore how my hand was too cold and how it still tingled.
I was so heartbroken that day. You didn’t seem to notice. You ran up to me, dragging her along. I still hated you, but she made me forget for a while. I loved you for that. For giving me a way to forget him.
“You love him, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You love Patrick.”
I didn’t see a reason to deny it, so I just nodded. She made a sympathetic noise and hugged me.
“I’m Lauren.”
“Pete.”
“Yah… I know.”
Slowly, my hate died away. Slowly, my love for him died away, too. Not completely, but my love for her over shadowed it. It didn’t hurt so much. And what pain I did feel, she could take away. She made me smile. Sometimes I wondered if he hated her like I hated you. But I doubted it. He never loved me. Not really.
I held the baby carefully, just as he showed me. It was strange, looking down at the little boy. I hoped he’d grow up to look like him. With red hair and that shy, cute smile. Cheeks that stained pink so easily.
“We named you god father.”
I laughed. “Why would you do that? I’d be a horrible parent, you know.”
He laughed and left the room to get a bottle. You took my hand and looked me in the eyes. “I named you god father because if we ever died, you would do whatever you could for Patrick’s son… Because you’ll love him like you love Patrick.”
I should have known Patrick didn’t just love you for your looks.
I remember the day I stopped being in love with him and just loved him. Loved him like I loved Andy and Joe.
“Hello?” he said into the phone.
“Patrick…”
“Pete?”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“What?” I could hear the hurt in his voice.
“No, I mean… I still love you. But not like before. I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“Oh… That’s good, Pete.”
I was nodding, though he couldn’t see. “I think I love Lauren.”
“That’s good, too, Pete.”
I loved you the most the day I married Lauren. You were the reason we were together, and I couldn’t hate you. She was my life, along with Fall Out Boy, and you introduced me to her. If it wasn’t for you, he and I might have gotten back together. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have had a reason to stop loving him so much.
“Do you, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, take this woman, Lauren Joann Crain, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”
For one brief moment, I looked over my shoulder at him. My best friend, my best man. He smiled encouragingly at me and I looked back to Lauren. I smiled brightly at her and when I spoke, my answer was clear and sure.
“I do.”
I miss you, you know. I know it’s insignificant compared to how much Patrick misses you. To how much Connor misses you.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”
I blinked back tears and gently placed a hand at the small of Patrick’s back. His eyes were red and puffy, swollen from his tears.
“Petey… Hold me?” he begged. His voice was scratchy from hours spent sobbing out his loss. I couldn’t say no to him and drew him into my arms. Next to me, Lauren held Connor and smoothed back his hair. The boy looked completely devastated, just like his father.
“To mourn the loss of a mother, a wife, and a friend.”
Goodbye.
Love,
Peter
Fandom: Fall Out Boy
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Past Pete/Patrick, Patrick/OFC, Pete/OFC
Summary: Pete mourns a loss.
A/N: Written years ago as an experiment.
Word Count: 1,226
I hated you for the longest time. I hated you because at one point in time he was mine. I hated you because I couldn’t make him happy, even though that wasn’t your fault, or my fault, or his fault.
“Pete…”
The quietness in his voice made my laughter die away. I down into his eyes and my gut clenched. His eyes were sad, his expression somber.
“Patrick?”
“T-this isn’t working, Pete.”
“What?”
“This… us… We’re not working.”
My heart sped up, tears whelmed up in my eyes. “Tricky, please, I can change. I can… I love you, we can make this work.”
“I-I know you love me, Pete. And I don’t want you to change. I don’t love you as much as I thought I did. I don’t love you the way you deserve or the way you want me to.”
He walked away from me and my heart broke… I thought it’d never heal.
Leaving me hurt him. I hated myself for that. Nothing should bring pain to those eyes. When he met you, he smiled again… I hated you for being the one to make him smile when I couldn’t.
“Pete… I… She’s special.”
I didn’t face him. I couldn’t look into his eyes when I said it.
“I’m happy for you, Patrick.”
“Y-you’re not mad? Or hurt?”
“Nah… It’s been a while… We both need to move on. And if she makes you happy…”
“She does.”
“Then that’s the important thing, isn’t it?”
As much as I hated you, I loved you, too. I loved you for taking away his pain. I loved you for making him smile. I loved you for being there when he needed someone and couldn’t turn to me. I hated you for all those reasons, but I loved you, too. You loved him and he loved you. He needed you. I loved you for that, I did. But, God, did I hate you for it.
“I… Pete, you’re my best friend, you know that right?”
“Of course I do, Tricky.”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Yah, sure.”
“Would… Would you be my best man?”
My heart broke all over again, but I forced myself to smile and nod. He smiled brightly and hugged me. I closed my eyes, feeling tears prickle at the familiar feel of him pressed against me. He was the same, yet different. He was chubbier, yet his softness was still so familiar. It was the longest and most painful hug in my memory.
The day you married him was the day I hated you most. You were living my dream. It wasn’t fair. I loved him. I needed him. I would give anything for him.
I think that’s why I did. I would give anything for him. That included giving you my dream for him. Letting you live it. Because he loved you more.
God, I hated you so much for that.
I bit down on my lip, standing next to him. He was shaking, pale and nervous.
“Pete?”
“Yah, Tricky?”
“Am I doing the right thing?”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing.”
“Petey?”
“Yah?”
“Will you hold my hand?”
I took his hand, not saying anything else. His hand was soft, slightly clammy in my own. Together we watched you walk towards him. His face light up. He looked so cute in his tux and hat. Always that damn hat.
I wanted to cling to his hand forever, refuse to give it up. But I let him withdraw it to take yours. I watched him run his thumb along your knuckles and tried to ignore how my hand was too cold and how it still tingled.
I was so heartbroken that day. You didn’t seem to notice. You ran up to me, dragging her along. I still hated you, but she made me forget for a while. I loved you for that. For giving me a way to forget him.
“You love him, don’t you?”
“What?”
“You love Patrick.”
I didn’t see a reason to deny it, so I just nodded. She made a sympathetic noise and hugged me.
“I’m Lauren.”
“Pete.”
“Yah… I know.”
Slowly, my hate died away. Slowly, my love for him died away, too. Not completely, but my love for her over shadowed it. It didn’t hurt so much. And what pain I did feel, she could take away. She made me smile. Sometimes I wondered if he hated her like I hated you. But I doubted it. He never loved me. Not really.
I held the baby carefully, just as he showed me. It was strange, looking down at the little boy. I hoped he’d grow up to look like him. With red hair and that shy, cute smile. Cheeks that stained pink so easily.
“We named you god father.”
I laughed. “Why would you do that? I’d be a horrible parent, you know.”
He laughed and left the room to get a bottle. You took my hand and looked me in the eyes. “I named you god father because if we ever died, you would do whatever you could for Patrick’s son… Because you’ll love him like you love Patrick.”
I should have known Patrick didn’t just love you for your looks.
I remember the day I stopped being in love with him and just loved him. Loved him like I loved Andy and Joe.
“Hello?” he said into the phone.
“Patrick…”
“Pete?”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“What?” I could hear the hurt in his voice.
“No, I mean… I still love you. But not like before. I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“Oh… That’s good, Pete.”
I was nodding, though he couldn’t see. “I think I love Lauren.”
“That’s good, too, Pete.”
I loved you the most the day I married Lauren. You were the reason we were together, and I couldn’t hate you. She was my life, along with Fall Out Boy, and you introduced me to her. If it wasn’t for you, he and I might have gotten back together. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have had a reason to stop loving him so much.
“Do you, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, take this woman, Lauren Joann Crain, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”
For one brief moment, I looked over my shoulder at him. My best friend, my best man. He smiled encouragingly at me and I looked back to Lauren. I smiled brightly at her and when I spoke, my answer was clear and sure.
“I do.”
I miss you, you know. I know it’s insignificant compared to how much Patrick misses you. To how much Connor misses you.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”
I blinked back tears and gently placed a hand at the small of Patrick’s back. His eyes were red and puffy, swollen from his tears.
“Petey… Hold me?” he begged. His voice was scratchy from hours spent sobbing out his loss. I couldn’t say no to him and drew him into my arms. Next to me, Lauren held Connor and smoothed back his hair. The boy looked completely devastated, just like his father.
“To mourn the loss of a mother, a wife, and a friend.”
Goodbye.
Love,
Peter