I Love You (But I Love Him, too) [Part Two]
Word Count: 1,763 (this part)
Continued from Part One.
One Month Later
Brendon rested his head against Ryan’s shoulder and smiled. He couldn’t believe this beautiful boy was his.
He didn’t know what time it was, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, most likely. The bed beneath them bounced lightly as the bus speed along closer to the benefit concert Brendon hated Spencer for agreeing to. The week long benefit concert Fueled by Ramen was hosting., which meant that along with every other band on their label, Fall Out Boy would be there… Which meant Pete.
Because the reality was Ryan wasn’t fully his. Sure, it was Brendon Ryan randomly made love to; Brendon that curled up next to him at night; Brendon he smiled at; Brendon he kissed. But everyone once in a while, Brendon would catch Ryan on the phone with Pete, overheard a whispered ‘I love you’. And each and every time, it broke his heart.
Ryan shifted beneath him, twisting to face Brendon. “Morning.”
Brendon smiled and kissed Ryan sweetly. “Morning, baby.”
“What are you doing? How long have you been up?” Ryan asked sleepily.
“Not long… I’ve been thinking.”
“Oh? Did you hurt yourself?”
Brendon mock glared at the guitarist. “No. I didn’t.”
“Amazing.”
Brendon laughed and rolled away from Ryan, standing and stretching. Ryan’s eyes racked up and down Brendon’s boxer-clad body. Brendon smirked as Ryan rose to his knees and pulled Brendon to him for another kiss, longer and deeper than the chaste one before.
For the moment, Brendon tried forgetting about Pete… Because at the moment, Ryan was his and that was all he really wanted.
Ryan feathered his fingers lovingly through Brendon’s hair. Beautiful Brendon. With a heavy sigh, Ryan gently detangled himself from Brendon’s arms and slipped out of the bunk, pulling on a pair of pinstripe lounge pants and a tee shirt. He kissed Brendon’s brow before moving towards the front of the bus, cell phone in hand.
He dialed a memorized number and tried to push away his guilt.
Ring.
Damnit, this wasn’t right. He couldn’t keep doing this.
Ring.
It wasn’t fair; not towards Brendon, not towards Pete, and not towards himself.
Ri -“Hello?”
Ryan smiled faintly. “Hey, babe.”
“Ryan! Hey, what’s going on?”
“Ah, you know. Nothing much. Just on the bus.”
“Yah? I’ll be seeing you soon… I miss you, Ry.”
“I miss you, too, Peter Prince.”
Ryan could almost hear Pete smile. Peter Prince was his nickname for Pete, his alone. Not much different from the usual Peter Pan or Peterpanda, but special all the same.
“Soon, Ry Rose. Soon, you’ll be beneath me, screaming and withering.”
Ryan shivered at the pure lust in Pete’s voice. He cast another guilty look Brendon’s way.
“Soon.” Ryan echoed.
“’M, gotta go, baby. Hemmingway needs a potty break.”
“Okay. See you later, then?”
“Yep. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Ryan answered before hanging up. He sighed and dropped the phone onto his bag before moving into the bathroom to shower.
Ryan stripped off his clothes and stared at his reflection. Bite marks and hickies began at his neck, just beneath each ear, and trailed down randomly across his shoulders, chest, stomach, hips, groin, and thighs. It was going to be hell covering them up.
Ryan shook his head and pulled his clothes back on, deciding to forgo his shower until later. He re-entered the ‘living’ area to find Spencer awake and sprawled on the couch, apparently getting ready to watch a movie.
“Whatcha watching?” Ryan asked, sitting down as well.
“Clerks.”
Ryan settled down to watch as well. After all, it was a decent movie.
Brendon stirred as Ryan’s lips brushed his temple. He opened his eyes, smile fading as he watched Ryan pick up his cell phone.
“Hey, babe.”
Brendon’s heart shattered.
“Ah, you know. Nothing must. Just on the bus… I miss you, too, Peter Prince.”
Brendon squeezed his eyes shut against the hot tears threatening to fall.
“Soon.”
Soon? Soon what? Soon Ryan was going to leave?
“Okay. See you later then?”
Brendon buried his face into his pillow, fingers digging into its softness.
“Love you, too.”
Brendon stopped trying to hold back his tears. He let them fall, seeping into his pillow. When the tears finally stopped, Brendon wiped his eyes and headed towards the shower.
He slipped out of his boxers and stepped into the shower. He sighed under the cascading water, allowing it to wash away the remnants of his tears.
He heard the door open and close. Seconds later, Ryan was joining him. Brendon didn’t turn to accept the awaiting kiss when Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon’s waist.
Ryan sighed and kissed Brendon’s shoulder blade. “What’s wrong, Bren?”
Brendon toyed with the notion of not answering or lying, but he prided himself on being honest.
“I’m scared, Ryan. I’m scared that you’ll see Pete again and realize I’m not worthy of you or something. I’m afraid you’ll leave me for him.”
“I might.” Ryan admitted. “And that’s not fair to you. I might decide Pete will never be able to compare with you and that’s not fair to him. But I’m going to have to decide and I’m going to have to do it soon.”
Ryan gently turned Brendon to face him. “Just remember that I will always love you. Always. And you are worth everything.”
Brendon sighed and leaned into Ryan. He couldn’t do anything else.
The bus had hardly come to a stop before Ryan was out the door. Brendon watched him go and tried not to be hurt by his eagerness, but failed miserably.
A hand fell upon his shoulder and Brendon looked back into Spencer’s worried eyes. Ryan and Brendon had explained to Spencer and Jon as best they could. Jon hadn’t approved and had taken to avoiding the two whenever they were together. Spencer had just nodded, but his eyes often watched both Ryan and Brendon, filled with concern.
“Why does it hurt worse now that I have him?” Brendon asked.
“Because you don’t.”
Brendon looked out of the bus window as Ryan flew into Pete’s arms. He bit his lip hard to keep from crying and looked away. Spencer reached past him and pulled down the shade. Brendon just smiled thankfully at him.
Ryan tried not to think about Brendon as he hugged Pete fiercely, but he turned his head away from Pete’s kiss. He knew Brendon would be watching.
“Not here, Petey, please.”
Pete shrugged and pulled away, never losing his incredibly dorky smile. He led Ryan away towards his own bus.
As usual, Pete’s bus was filled but not really busy. Joe was sprawled out on the couch asleep; Andy was squished in a corner near Joe’s feet, flipping through a comic book and cell phone in hand; Patrick was on the floor playing a video game; Dirty was in the kitchen eating… something.
Pete dragged Ryan past them all, over Patrick who yelped that he couldn’t see and pouted when his character on the screen promptly died, and into the back area. He turned to face Ryan with a mischievous smile.
“Here?” Pete asked innocently, slipping his fingers under the hem of Ryan’s shirt. Ryan whimpered.
”Pete…” Ryan tried, thoughts of Brendon still in his head.
“Please, Ryan?” Pete whispered into Ryan’s oh-so-sensitive ear, “I need you.”
Ryan encircled Pete’s neck with his arms and dragged him into a deep kiss. Pete’s arms came around him, pulling him close and grinding their hips together. Ryan gasped and bit down lightly on Pete’s lip.
Pete shuddered and tore Ryan’s shirt over his head, his nails scraping lightly against Ryan’s skin. Pete’s shirt joined Ryan’s on the floor before Pete’s mouth was once again upon Ryan’s.
Pete’s tongue pushed roughly into Ryan’s mouth. Their teeth clang together as they tried to push even closer together.
This wasn’t like what Ryan had discovered in Brendon. This was wild desperation, passionate need.
Pete’s fingers fumbled with the button of Ryan’s pinstripes. The button finally popped off and Pete shoved them off of Ryan’s hips. He shoved Ryan onto the nearest bunk and slipped out of his own jeans. Pete climbed on top of Ryan, trailing kisses along his neck. Bare skin slid across bare skin, causing both to shudder.
“W-Whose bed is this?” Ryan panted.
Pete groaned and peered at the blankets. “Joe’s.” he finally said.
“Oh, ew, your bed, please.”
“Fuck that.” Pete growled, lowering his mouth to one of Ryan’s nipples and sucking hard. Ryan moaned loudly, fingers entwining in Pete’s hair and all worries of whose bed they were in left his mind.
Pete bit down hard on Ryan’s nipple before trailing kisses along his side, occasionally flicking his tongue against Ryan’s skin. He could taste makeup on Ryan’s skin and could see faint purple bruises beneath the thick layer of cover-up, but he chose not to say anything. Now was not the time.
Pete caught Ryan’s lips again in a fierce kiss before pulling away and half-hanging off of the bed, digging urgently though pockets of his clothes. Ryan watched him with a fond smile until he triumphantly straightened himself out with a jar of lube in hand.
Pete slicked his fingers and inserted one into Ryan. Ryan hissed at the slight burning as a second finger was immediately added. As soon as Pete was sure he wouldn’t hurt Ryan, he removed his fingers and pulled Ryan’s legs over his shoulders, sliding smoothly inside.
Ryan gasped as Pete began to move, beginning to moan as slight pain faded into intense pleasure. Pete pulled almost completely out of Ryan before thrusting back inside. Ryan cried out as his prostate was brushed. Pete’s thrusts came harder and faster, encouraged by the loud, strangled screams coming from Ryan.
“N-not… gonna… last…” Pete panted, reaching between them to stroke Ryan.
Ryan’s head thrashed back and forth, incoherent muttering falling from his lips. “Oh…. Yes… God…. Fuck… Pete…. Oh, God, PETE!” he screamed as he came.
Pete pounded hard into Ryan for a few strokes before he, too, came with a hoarse scream of Ryan’s name.
Pete collapsed tiredly beside Ryan, breathing heavily. His rough, calloused fingers skimmed Ryan’s sides. He planted a soft kiss on one of the bruises on Ryan’s shoulder.
“What are all these bruises from, Ry?”
Ryan stiffened. Pete frowned. Panic whelmed up in Ryan and he rolled off of the bed, scrambling into his clothes.
“Ryan?” Pete asked, sitting up, brow furrowed in confusion.
“I have to go.” Ryan said, voice fast and high, before he bolted from the room.
Continue
Continued from Part One.
One Month Later
Brendon rested his head against Ryan’s shoulder and smiled. He couldn’t believe this beautiful boy was his.
He didn’t know what time it was, sometime in the wee hours of the morning, most likely. The bed beneath them bounced lightly as the bus speed along closer to the benefit concert Brendon hated Spencer for agreeing to. The week long benefit concert Fueled by Ramen was hosting., which meant that along with every other band on their label, Fall Out Boy would be there… Which meant Pete.
Because the reality was Ryan wasn’t fully his. Sure, it was Brendon Ryan randomly made love to; Brendon that curled up next to him at night; Brendon he smiled at; Brendon he kissed. But everyone once in a while, Brendon would catch Ryan on the phone with Pete, overheard a whispered ‘I love you’. And each and every time, it broke his heart.
Ryan shifted beneath him, twisting to face Brendon. “Morning.”
Brendon smiled and kissed Ryan sweetly. “Morning, baby.”
“What are you doing? How long have you been up?” Ryan asked sleepily.
“Not long… I’ve been thinking.”
“Oh? Did you hurt yourself?”
Brendon mock glared at the guitarist. “No. I didn’t.”
“Amazing.”
Brendon laughed and rolled away from Ryan, standing and stretching. Ryan’s eyes racked up and down Brendon’s boxer-clad body. Brendon smirked as Ryan rose to his knees and pulled Brendon to him for another kiss, longer and deeper than the chaste one before.
For the moment, Brendon tried forgetting about Pete… Because at the moment, Ryan was his and that was all he really wanted.
Ryan feathered his fingers lovingly through Brendon’s hair. Beautiful Brendon. With a heavy sigh, Ryan gently detangled himself from Brendon’s arms and slipped out of the bunk, pulling on a pair of pinstripe lounge pants and a tee shirt. He kissed Brendon’s brow before moving towards the front of the bus, cell phone in hand.
He dialed a memorized number and tried to push away his guilt.
Ring.
Damnit, this wasn’t right. He couldn’t keep doing this.
Ring.
It wasn’t fair; not towards Brendon, not towards Pete, and not towards himself.
Ri -“Hello?”
Ryan smiled faintly. “Hey, babe.”
“Ryan! Hey, what’s going on?”
“Ah, you know. Nothing much. Just on the bus.”
“Yah? I’ll be seeing you soon… I miss you, Ry.”
“I miss you, too, Peter Prince.”
Ryan could almost hear Pete smile. Peter Prince was his nickname for Pete, his alone. Not much different from the usual Peter Pan or Peterpanda, but special all the same.
“Soon, Ry Rose. Soon, you’ll be beneath me, screaming and withering.”
Ryan shivered at the pure lust in Pete’s voice. He cast another guilty look Brendon’s way.
“Soon.” Ryan echoed.
“’M, gotta go, baby. Hemmingway needs a potty break.”
“Okay. See you later, then?”
“Yep. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Ryan answered before hanging up. He sighed and dropped the phone onto his bag before moving into the bathroom to shower.
Ryan stripped off his clothes and stared at his reflection. Bite marks and hickies began at his neck, just beneath each ear, and trailed down randomly across his shoulders, chest, stomach, hips, groin, and thighs. It was going to be hell covering them up.
Ryan shook his head and pulled his clothes back on, deciding to forgo his shower until later. He re-entered the ‘living’ area to find Spencer awake and sprawled on the couch, apparently getting ready to watch a movie.
“Whatcha watching?” Ryan asked, sitting down as well.
“Clerks.”
Ryan settled down to watch as well. After all, it was a decent movie.
Brendon stirred as Ryan’s lips brushed his temple. He opened his eyes, smile fading as he watched Ryan pick up his cell phone.
“Hey, babe.”
Brendon’s heart shattered.
“Ah, you know. Nothing must. Just on the bus… I miss you, too, Peter Prince.”
Brendon squeezed his eyes shut against the hot tears threatening to fall.
“Soon.”
Soon? Soon what? Soon Ryan was going to leave?
“Okay. See you later then?”
Brendon buried his face into his pillow, fingers digging into its softness.
“Love you, too.”
Brendon stopped trying to hold back his tears. He let them fall, seeping into his pillow. When the tears finally stopped, Brendon wiped his eyes and headed towards the shower.
He slipped out of his boxers and stepped into the shower. He sighed under the cascading water, allowing it to wash away the remnants of his tears.
He heard the door open and close. Seconds later, Ryan was joining him. Brendon didn’t turn to accept the awaiting kiss when Ryan wrapped his arms around Brendon’s waist.
Ryan sighed and kissed Brendon’s shoulder blade. “What’s wrong, Bren?”
Brendon toyed with the notion of not answering or lying, but he prided himself on being honest.
“I’m scared, Ryan. I’m scared that you’ll see Pete again and realize I’m not worthy of you or something. I’m afraid you’ll leave me for him.”
“I might.” Ryan admitted. “And that’s not fair to you. I might decide Pete will never be able to compare with you and that’s not fair to him. But I’m going to have to decide and I’m going to have to do it soon.”
Ryan gently turned Brendon to face him. “Just remember that I will always love you. Always. And you are worth everything.”
Brendon sighed and leaned into Ryan. He couldn’t do anything else.
The bus had hardly come to a stop before Ryan was out the door. Brendon watched him go and tried not to be hurt by his eagerness, but failed miserably.
A hand fell upon his shoulder and Brendon looked back into Spencer’s worried eyes. Ryan and Brendon had explained to Spencer and Jon as best they could. Jon hadn’t approved and had taken to avoiding the two whenever they were together. Spencer had just nodded, but his eyes often watched both Ryan and Brendon, filled with concern.
“Why does it hurt worse now that I have him?” Brendon asked.
“Because you don’t.”
Brendon looked out of the bus window as Ryan flew into Pete’s arms. He bit his lip hard to keep from crying and looked away. Spencer reached past him and pulled down the shade. Brendon just smiled thankfully at him.
Ryan tried not to think about Brendon as he hugged Pete fiercely, but he turned his head away from Pete’s kiss. He knew Brendon would be watching.
“Not here, Petey, please.”
Pete shrugged and pulled away, never losing his incredibly dorky smile. He led Ryan away towards his own bus.
As usual, Pete’s bus was filled but not really busy. Joe was sprawled out on the couch asleep; Andy was squished in a corner near Joe’s feet, flipping through a comic book and cell phone in hand; Patrick was on the floor playing a video game; Dirty was in the kitchen eating… something.
Pete dragged Ryan past them all, over Patrick who yelped that he couldn’t see and pouted when his character on the screen promptly died, and into the back area. He turned to face Ryan with a mischievous smile.
“Here?” Pete asked innocently, slipping his fingers under the hem of Ryan’s shirt. Ryan whimpered.
”Pete…” Ryan tried, thoughts of Brendon still in his head.
“Please, Ryan?” Pete whispered into Ryan’s oh-so-sensitive ear, “I need you.”
Ryan encircled Pete’s neck with his arms and dragged him into a deep kiss. Pete’s arms came around him, pulling him close and grinding their hips together. Ryan gasped and bit down lightly on Pete’s lip.
Pete shuddered and tore Ryan’s shirt over his head, his nails scraping lightly against Ryan’s skin. Pete’s shirt joined Ryan’s on the floor before Pete’s mouth was once again upon Ryan’s.
Pete’s tongue pushed roughly into Ryan’s mouth. Their teeth clang together as they tried to push even closer together.
This wasn’t like what Ryan had discovered in Brendon. This was wild desperation, passionate need.
Pete’s fingers fumbled with the button of Ryan’s pinstripes. The button finally popped off and Pete shoved them off of Ryan’s hips. He shoved Ryan onto the nearest bunk and slipped out of his own jeans. Pete climbed on top of Ryan, trailing kisses along his neck. Bare skin slid across bare skin, causing both to shudder.
“W-Whose bed is this?” Ryan panted.
Pete groaned and peered at the blankets. “Joe’s.” he finally said.
“Oh, ew, your bed, please.”
“Fuck that.” Pete growled, lowering his mouth to one of Ryan’s nipples and sucking hard. Ryan moaned loudly, fingers entwining in Pete’s hair and all worries of whose bed they were in left his mind.
Pete bit down hard on Ryan’s nipple before trailing kisses along his side, occasionally flicking his tongue against Ryan’s skin. He could taste makeup on Ryan’s skin and could see faint purple bruises beneath the thick layer of cover-up, but he chose not to say anything. Now was not the time.
Pete caught Ryan’s lips again in a fierce kiss before pulling away and half-hanging off of the bed, digging urgently though pockets of his clothes. Ryan watched him with a fond smile until he triumphantly straightened himself out with a jar of lube in hand.
Pete slicked his fingers and inserted one into Ryan. Ryan hissed at the slight burning as a second finger was immediately added. As soon as Pete was sure he wouldn’t hurt Ryan, he removed his fingers and pulled Ryan’s legs over his shoulders, sliding smoothly inside.
Ryan gasped as Pete began to move, beginning to moan as slight pain faded into intense pleasure. Pete pulled almost completely out of Ryan before thrusting back inside. Ryan cried out as his prostate was brushed. Pete’s thrusts came harder and faster, encouraged by the loud, strangled screams coming from Ryan.
“N-not… gonna… last…” Pete panted, reaching between them to stroke Ryan.
Ryan’s head thrashed back and forth, incoherent muttering falling from his lips. “Oh…. Yes… God…. Fuck… Pete…. Oh, God, PETE!” he screamed as he came.
Pete pounded hard into Ryan for a few strokes before he, too, came with a hoarse scream of Ryan’s name.
Pete collapsed tiredly beside Ryan, breathing heavily. His rough, calloused fingers skimmed Ryan’s sides. He planted a soft kiss on one of the bruises on Ryan’s shoulder.
“What are all these bruises from, Ry?”
Ryan stiffened. Pete frowned. Panic whelmed up in Ryan and he rolled off of the bed, scrambling into his clothes.
“Ryan?” Pete asked, sitting up, brow furrowed in confusion.
“I have to go.” Ryan said, voice fast and high, before he bolted from the room.
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