the whole nick web thing is really just expanding every day, since it began. by living with karina, avoiding julie, and therefore being caught between julie and karina's interaction, i'm gaining more perspective in this whole situation...i'm seeing from everyone else's eyes, and it's really surprising me ( Read more... )

disney finally did it.

i just picked up a book on bipolar disorder for myself called 'Bipolar Disorder Demystified' (along with a book on borderline for kristen, called 'i hate you-don't leave me!') sometimes i forget how good it makes me feel to learn about my disorder. it really makes me feel more in control, even if it's just an illusion. but i think knowing the facts ( Read more... )

i really appreciate interpol right now, which suggests that later, i may not respect it as much. but i'm like that with everything and everyone. so in the meantime, i'm going to wrap myself in paul bank's voice and sleep the good sleep ( Read more... )

i can't stop thinking about nick, which i think is a step back from where i thought i was actually standing on this issue. i've emailed him a couple times and no reply. i also know he quit at val's. the thing that gets me the most is that he isn't attracted to me, so why am i pursuing this still? i feel like i make myself look like an idiot by ( Read more... )

last night before i went to bed, i lit the candle i acquired in matt's memory, which for some odd reason, is the slowest-burning candle i've ever seen in my life. when i finally blew it out to go to bed, i ended up sitting on the computer for a while, and then i got stuck staring at the candle for 10 minutes. the smoke from the wick was still ( Read more... )

sometimes, to define myself and my physical boundaries, i need to write -- even if i have next to nothing to say. i have trouble putting my thoughts into words anymore. or maybe it's that i'm not trying, which could easily be the case. this summer has mostly been about absolutely nothing so far. i've written absolutely squat, i've read 1 book (oryx ( Read more... )

nam ( Read more... )

and this is how it really looks
5-1-05

that thick tongue tumbles
over all of the love
(or some semblance of the word)
you will not share with me.

some emotion that
has been leaked all over
a lunchbox, made into a
cup of pudding or a

sandwich with the crusts
sliced away, ripped on
a diagonal. a grown boy
still eats mother's kindness.

i set my alarm to wake up for my buddhism class at 11:30, but i forgot to set it for AM. so i'm now here, almost 1pm, i haven't gotten dressed and i have to teach at 2. and i have to type up that goddamn project for solomon's class. i hate it. and serpas and vanspanckeren want me to go to this bullshit award ceremony at 3. even though i'm supposed ( Read more... )